Hypothetical texting scenario between 2 married people

[DVCJones]

OP here- X & O 100% do not work together. Same opinions?

There is no acceptable reason for two people who are married to others to have that kind of an exchange.

It does seem like X is the aggressor and O seems to be mildly playing along.

As a married woman, I would NEVER talk/text this way to any man that is not my DH! It is very disrespectful and shows a lack of class.

 

[NHdisneylover]

LOL! I went the total opposite way of everyone here.

Mostly because I know too many weird people I guess. The fact that it is owe you a date makes me think it was something along the lines of an innocent did something & said they would take them to lunch or something to make up for it.

I have no idea though without knowing the context of how each of them know each other. I have learned theatre people are an unusual group and am around them a bit because of DD -- so I could SO see that conversation happening in that group without any hint of anything bad.

I also work with several people that I could so see that conversation happening and again -- nothing more than innocent part.

And frankly, I read "love" with a British accent, although I'm sure it would be spelled Luv. I read it equivelent to Sweetie, Hun.

It really is one of those conversations that you need to know the people involved but by the conversation alone with nothing else with it. I could see it being innocent and I could see it being not so innocent.

My mind went this way too--then again, have spent a good chunk of my time with theatre types--so maybe your explanation of who s like that s spot on

 

[Princess on the Run]

OP here- X & O 100% do not work together. Same opinions?

My opinion doesn't change based on this. Are they in some other activity together? Maybe she was hoping to get his advice on something and offered to buy him lunch in exchange. There are so many possibilities that the immediate assumption that she's trying to destroy 2 marriages is far from the most likely.

Disclaimer: I'm not a jealous person at all and I don't have much patience for snooping and making a mountain out of a molehill, so maybe I'm totally wrong.

Same here.

 

[bellebud]

No kidding right? The husband was going along with it and even agreed to go out on the date. You should be mad at him most of all!!! If he said: NO, I CAN'T, IM MARRIED...then you wouldn't be having this problem now would you?

Doesn't matter how many women hit on your husband, its his job to tell them to back off. If he doesn't, be mad at him, not the other woman.

100% agree. I can't believe people would be more angry at the other person. They owe you nothing, even if they're a friend.

I'd probably try to go into PI mode and snoop, lots and lots. I'd let it go for a while, to see if it goes anywhere, or is innocent. But I think I'd not be able to hold it in, and at some point, explode and demand a good explanation. But I would try to hold off.

And I know that's not the mature, adult thing to do, but I'm being totally honest here.

 

[sam_gordon]

There is no acceptable reason for two people who are married to others to have that kind of an exchange.

It does seem like X is the aggressor and O seems to be mildly playing along.

As a married woman, I would NEVER talk/text this way to any man that is not my DH! It is very disrespectful and shows a lack of class.

I disagree. There's a lot of unknowns here. Do X & O have a professional relationship (even if they don't work together)? Are they working on a project together? Do they "trade off" on buying lunch for each other every month or every week or every three months? Is one of them in sales and sells to the other? Does 'X' use "love" with everyone? Does 'O' simply humor 'X' because he needs her for something?

WAY too many unknowns to say this snippit is unacceptable. Just my .02.

As far as what I'd do? Probably nothing because I wouldn't want to be known as a "snooper". I don't see any justifiable reason for a spouse to read this thread. Even if I was borrowing DW's phone for internet or whatever, I wouldn't go poking through text messages. Even if a text message came in while I was using the phone, I wouldn't read the background. I'd just tell DW what the text was.

 

[DVCJones]

I disagree. There's a lot of unknowns here. Do X & O have a professional relationship (even if they don't work together)? Are they working on a project together? Do they "trade off" on buying lunch for each other every month or every week or every three months? Is one of them in sales and sells to the other? Does 'X' use "love" with everyone? Does 'O' simply humor 'X' because he needs her for something?

WAY too many unknowns to say this snippit is unacceptable. Just my .02.

As far as what I'd do? Probably nothing because I wouldn't want to be known as a "snooper". I don't see any justifiable reason for a spouse to read this thread. Even if I was borrowing DW's phone for internet or whatever, I wouldn't go poking through text messages. Even if a text message came in while I was using the phone, I wouldn't read the background. I'd just tell DW what the text was.

I disagree!

If we are going by what we know...

we know X is calling a married man, Love.
we know X has been trying to track O down
we know X is expecting a "date".

We know the wife found the text and is uncomfortable but doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Hence the reason for the thread. It shouldn't matter if it is innocent or not. If O's wife is uncomfortable, it is not okay.

X is crossing the line and O needs to handle it correctly!!! I'm not saying O is having an affair. I'm saying X needs to be put in her place by O because it is very disrespectful to O's wife.

 

[sam_gordon]

I disagree!

If we are going by what we know...

we know X is calling a married man, Love.And if X calls everyone 'love'?
we know X has been trying to track O downAnd if they have a business relationship, that's not unusual either
we know X is expecting a "date".And the 'date' may just be a monthly lunch.

We know the wife found the text and is uncomfortable but doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Hence the reason for the thread. It shouldn't matter if it is innocent or not. If O's wife is uncomfortable, it is not okay.

See my answers above. I never said O's spouse can't ask for an explanation. I was responding to your comment about the conversation is NEVER acceptable.

The premise of the thread is what we would do under the same circumstances. I answered.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I would ask the husband if the two of you could go "on a date." Keep using the word "date" until he senses something is up.

I guess I wouldn't text people using the word love, but I don't usually use words like hun, love, sweetie, etc. anyway in everyday conversation.

 

[DVCJones]

See my answers above. I never said O's spouse can't ask for an explanation. I was responding to your comment about the conversation is NEVER acceptable.

The premise of the thread is what we would do under the same circumstances. I answered.

If all of these were a single event, then maybe you would have an argument.

BUT, all in the same conversation....ummm, no.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I disagree!

If we are going by what we know...

we know X is calling a married man, Love.
we know X has been trying to track O down
we know X is expecting a "date".

We know the wife found the text and is uncomfortable but doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Hence the reason for the thread. It shouldn't matter if it is innocent or not. If O's wife is uncomfortable, it is not okay.

X is crossing the line and O needs to handle it correctly!!! I'm not saying O is having an affair. I'm saying X needs to be put in her place by O because it is very disrespectful to O's wife.

If O's spouse is uncomfortable, its up to O to deal with it. X has never met O's spouse and has no idea if this would bother the spouse or not.

If I'm remembering right, we don't know the gender of any of these people. Why assume the woman is at fault? Maybe there is no woman involved at all.

 

[crazyme5kids]

If it were me, I would have sent the following reply:

Hey X, this is Z, O's wife. We would love to get together with you and your husband. Let'd try and figure out when. Can't wait to meet you!

Then I'd tell my husband about it with a big smile.

 

[sam_gordon]

If all of these were a single event, then maybe you would have an argument.

BUT, all in the same conversation....ummm, no.

So you say. I disagree.

Like I said, this can all be attributed to the type of relationship X & O have. Without knowing that information, I don't think you can automatically jump to conclusions. You're focusing on two words... "love" and "date". Eliminate "love" and change "date" to "lunch". The meaning of the conversation is the same. So the question is how acceptable is the usage of those two words? Without more information, *I* don't have a problem with them.

 

[DisneyLvr55]

Just a gut reaction, I think its innocent. I would still ask my DH whats up though.

 

[LilyWDW]

I think too many people look for "evil" in too many things...

I have multiple married friends of both genders.

My best friend is a guy who is married. I have called him love the whole time I have known him. We go on "dates" all the time... often with his young child. So yes, our texts would look like that as well.

I have another male friend who is in a committed relationship who calls me "love". Again, he always has.

So, I can say with quite a bit of experience that the terms "love" and "date" can have different meanings.

 

[Becky2005]

I disagree. There's a lot of unknowns here. Do X & O have a professional relationship (even if they don't work together)? Are they working on a project together? Do they "trade off" on buying lunch for each other every month or every week or every three months? Is one of them in sales and sells to the other? Does 'X' use "love" with everyone? Does 'O' simply humor 'X' because he needs her for something?

WAY too many unknowns to say this snippit is unacceptable. Just my .02.

This -- OP said to not ask for more details and just go based solely on the exchange. As I said, based solely on that -- it could go either way.

So, now they don't work together as co-workers but have they known each other for several years? Did they just meet last week? Do they do some sort of collaboration on something? Was it out of the blue? Do they text normally? I mean, if you are looking at one exchange you can look to see if say they texted each other every day or was it they texted each other every couple weeks? There are 1,001 ways based solely on reading the text that it could be interpreted. Heck...we don't even know if the 2 people are RELATED...it doesn't say it isn't a distant cousin of the person or something.

 

[DVCJones]

So you say. I disagree.

Like I said, this can all be attributed to the type of relationship X & O have. Without knowing that information, I don't think you can automatically jump to conclusions. You're focusing on two words... "love" and "date". Eliminate "love" and change "date" to "lunch". The meaning of the conversation is the same. So the question is how acceptable is the usage of those two words? Without more information, *I* don't have a problem with them.

Exactly, but the words "love" and "date" WERE used not "lunch" or some other word...

Silly me for taking the words 'Love' and 'date' as their definition for the context for which it was used.

 

[DebbieB]

Maybe I missed it, I just read through this fast. Is X a man or woman? When I first read it, I pictured a man.

 

[Becky2005]

If it were me, I would have sent the following reply:

Hey X, this is Z, O's wife. We would love to get together with you and your husband. Let'd try and figure out when. Can't wait to meet you!

Then I'd tell my husband about it with a big smile.

As long as you are willing to follow through because X might think it's a great idea!!! I can see people doing that & then when the person response with a "Great idea" would be "oh crud, I don't really want to go meet this person".

 

[DVCJones]

The bottom line. This thread would never have been started if it didn't bother O's spouse. Since it does. She should ask O for an explanation and O should put an end to whatever this is.

Best wishes to O's spouse...

 

[crazyme5kids]

As long as you are willing to follow through because X might think it's a great idea!!! I can see people doing that & then when the person response with a "Great idea" would be "oh crud, I don't really want to go meet this person".

I would follow through because then I would have a better idea what the situation was. No guessing games of is he or isn't he. Maybe I'd find they are a nice couple and would enjoy their company, or I'd find I'd need to discuss my husband's friendship with this woman.