Family refuses to donate.

[tasha99]

Sadly, here, I'm finding that people are buying good 'brand name' stuff at garage sales really cheap and on selling on eBay or whatever for a profit I prefer to donate but each to their own.

Good for them. How in the world does someone working (and selling on ebay does take work) to improve their situation merit a ?? They're buying from a garage sale--what they do with their purchase is their own business, whether it be to clothe their own kids or make some extra cash to cover rent or other expenses.

 

[Pigeon]

Let it go. Once you give the stuff away, it's not yours to control.

Some people donate, some people do not. It's not your decision to make for other people.

 

[maggiew]

So, maybe this is more of a vent. When I don't want clothing anymore, I just donate it. If its something that will fit someone in my family and they want it, its packed up and given to them. Now, I've been noticing once these items no longer fit my younger cousins, its kept in storage. For years....... They have bags and boxes with dozens of jeans, dozens of shirts, coats, some formal dresses, etc.

I guess it just bugs me because the clothing is in good shape and could go to a new family. Especially the formal dresses. Their idea is that since its name brand stuff and expensive they feel bad donating it. UGH come on. Do you have people in your family like this? I know its no longer my stuff. Still I did say to please donate it once you're finished with it. I've started to just not ask if they want something and just donating it. Its the same thing when I donate food to the food bank. If they see the bags hanging around my house waiting for donation time they try to claim it.

OP, once you give someone the clothes, you really can't dictate what they do with it. If it bothers you that they don't donate it after use, then just don't give them the items any more and donate it yourself.

But the way I look at it is that at least you know that your stuff got used by at least one family. If you directly donate it, you have no idea what happens to your stuff. Are you going to monitor the people who buy your things from Goodwill and make sure they donate it again when they are done? I mean, how do you know that one of your donated formal dresses doesn't become a Zombie Homecoming Queen costume and get all ripped up and fake blood added to it????

Maggie

 

[AndreaDM]

Sadly, here, I'm finding that people are buying good 'brand name' stuff at garage sales really cheap and on selling on eBay or whatever for a profit I prefer to donate but each to their own.

So what?? There's no stipulation on what you have to do with garage sale purchases.

 

[mrsklamc]

They do hire disabled workers and give them a very low wage, some make as low as .22. While the CEO makes a little more than half a million.

They don't just hire disabled workers, they educate them so that they can move on to other careers. Not sure where the .22 number is coming from, but $500,000 is not out of line for the CEO of a nonprofit that size.

Plus, Goodwill has to pay to dispose of all the stuff people 'donate' that is really just trash.

 

[Mkaz]

I've tried having a couple of yard sales. They didn't work out so well. Even with stuff marked at .50 or $1.00 just didn't sell. Most of it was name brand and we even had a free pile too. Now I just give all of my son's clothes away. The neighbors son is a couple of years and sizes smaller than our son so it works out perfect.

 

[Elinor Dashwood]

I've been on both ends of the spectrum here. I've shopped thrift stores and the like when we didn't have much money at all. I've also donated really good quality clothing to others in need and local thrift stores. I don't care what people do with the clothes after I donate them. If it helps one family, then I'm happy. I just don't see getting peeved over giving clothes away that may not get passed on again, like the OP stated. The spirit of giving shouldn't require anything in return. OP, I say let it go and if still bothers you, give your clothes away to the local thrift store or Goodwill.

 

[NotUrsula]

By the time the younger kids can fit into this clothing it would have been in storage for up to 15 years. I guess I'm just anti-clutter and couldn't stand to have stuff in storage. Especially with styles changing and how picky kids are.

Well it does depend on the size of the clothing and the styles of the clothing, but younger children, in particular, tend not to care about style -- they only care about comfort. FWIW, I find that a 10-yr old buttondown oxford is relatively indistinguishable from a new one. If you buy basics in classic cuts they can be re-used for a long time, and that also applies to classic formal clothing designs for young children. (Even the crocs and dirty-bucs that DS wore are being re-worn by DD.)

I didn't keep everything -- anything that was uber-boy or trendy at the time went to charity. The majority of the boxes that I have in storage in larger sizes contain school uniforms: they are exactly the same cut now as they were 10 years ago. As my older child is male and the younger one is female and a tomboy, they will get used, because she prefers to wear the boy-style uniform.

As to clutter, I'm frugal by habit and upbringing, and I've been sewing all my life. Clutter tends to come along with a lifestyle that emphasizes saving money via recycling durable goods; I've never lived any other way.

 

[Sparkly]

You can't force anyone to donate if they don't want to. It's really none of your business what they do with their stuff.

 

[timmac]

Sadly, here, I'm finding that people are buying good 'brand name' stuff at garage sales really cheap and on selling on eBay or whatever for a profit I prefer to donate but each to their own.

So what if they are, though?

Some people who choose to donate, can donate. Those who wish to sell on the cheap can do that if they like. Those who want to try to sell all their stuff on eBay or craigslist have that option.

Regardless of which option anyone chooses, once you do what you will, whatever happens after isn't your decision, nor is it your worry.

I do get the OPs frustration that the initial donation to family isn't having the lasting pay-it-forward effect that was originally desired. That said, at this point, the ship has sailed; time to move on.

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

Sadly, here, I'm finding that people are buying good 'brand name' stuff at garage sales really cheap and on selling on eBay or whatever for a profit I prefer to donate but each to their own.

Why does this make you sad? What's wrong with this? I don't get it.

 

[crisi]

The thing that drives me nuts is that eventually, my mother in law will pass on, and cleaning her house out will become my problem. All that stuff she didn't donate will need to be gone through. And my husband will have an emotional attachment to all that stuff because "it was hers" making it that much tougher.

I don't care if she donates it, sells it, or gives it away - but I don't want to be cleaning it out because she didn't want to deal with it.

 

[BeachLove]

I totally understand everyone saying once its given away its not mine to worry about. It was just odd to me that they had kept it around. The clothing was "to nice to just give away" I just asked if anyone else had family who did this, who felt like stuff shouldn't just be given away when its good quality. (I guess bad quality can be donated ) That's all. It's over, I just found it weird. Especially, since its mostly being kept in the shed. Oh well.

The reason I posted was because when I started giving them items it was because they saw what I was going to donate and asked for it.I said that's fine as long as you donate what you don't want and just give it away once you're done with it. Then I just started giving them items thinking they are using it, giving it to someone else or just donating. Come to find out very recently that even the items they didn't care for were just stuffed in boxes and put away. Its all adult/Junior clothing so it'll fit the next kid once she is a teenager/young adult. That's why I said styles change so I'm not sure a teenager in 10 years will even want to put these things on.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

They don't just hire disabled workers, they educate them so that they can move on to other careers. Not sure where the .22 number is coming from, but $500,000 is not out of line for the CEO of a nonprofit that size.

Plus, Goodwill has to pay to dispose of all the stuff people 'donate' that is really just trash.

I have a huge problem with paying some of them 22 cents. Plus, other non-profits CEOs don't make close to a little over a half a million.

Did you know private business, like Publix, also hires disabled workers and pays them a better wage. The Publix near me has a few people with down syndrome and one with a different disability. A local camera shop has a disable person working and teaching a trade for a better wage. I just think Good Will should do a better job then what they are doing and I feel they are taking advantage of the worker.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

While everyone is mentioning that the person buying it might need it at the lower price, I'd like to offer the reverse situation.

We always donate the items we no longer can use or need. However this year, DH was downsized and we were told he wasn't eligible for unemployment. We used all our savings, the credit cards <shudders>, and all of our tax return to survive and pay our bills on time & the $1500+ unexpected car repair. He has gone back to work, but we wiped out everything while he was looking and put ourselves in debt-not something we are happy or proud of, but the alternative of paying late bills and defaulting on a mortgage wasn't an option to us. There was no extra anything and lots of spaghetti dinners.

So instead of donating all of our items, I've been selling them on a local Mom-to Mom site (think of it like an online yard sale). The money I have made has paid for all the Christmas gifts (my kids and the 6 nieces and nephews I had to cover) plus a few extras that haven't been in the budget lately (like Thanksgiving dinner).

Every month around here is tight, the new job was a pay-cut, but we are just thankful he is working again. Unless we can pay cash, we go without and every cent is going to pay off the cc bills we accumulated while DH was looking for a new job. So if selling the clothes my kids have outgrown rather than donating them for the time being is what I have to do to give my kids a nice Christmas after the crummy year they have had, then that is what I'm going to do.

I know so many people that are in your situation. They worked and saved all their lives to lose their job. Then they didn't qualify for any help. They went through their entire savings, retirement accounts and sold everything they could.
I hope next year will be better for your family. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 

[jenlynn0808]

I know so many people that are in your situation. They worked and saved all their lives to lose their job. Then they didn't qualify for any help. They went through their entire savings, retirement accounts and sold everything they could.
I hope next year will be better for your family. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Thank you, that is very sweet of you. May your family also have a wonderful holiday season.

FWIW-I will be happy when this year ends, hopefully next year will be better not only for us, but for everyone.

 

[sarah4770]

I totally understand everyone saying once its given away its not mine to worry about. It was just odd to me that they had kept it around. The clothing was "to nice to just give away" I just asked if anyone else had family who did this, who felt like stuff shouldn't just be given away when its good quality. (I guess bad quality can be donated ) That's all. It's over, I just found it weird. Especially, since its mostly being kept in the shed. Oh well.

The reason I posted was because when I started giving them items it was because they saw what I was going to donate and asked for it.I said that's fine as long as you donate what you don't want and just give it away once you're done with it. Then I just started giving them items thinking they are using it, giving it to someone else or just donating. Come to find out very recently that even the items they didn't care for were just stuffed in boxes and put away. Its all adult/Junior clothing so it'll fit the next kid once she is a teenager/young adult. That's why I said styles change so I'm not sure a teenager in 10 years will even want to put these things on.

I think I would be frustrated if I gave nice things to someone (especially if they asked for it), and they just put it in the shed. Yes, your prom dresses will be hopelessly out of style in 10 years, so that is weird. Just don't let them know what you are getting rid of anymore, and hopefully you can find someone who can actually use your nice things.

 

[Feckless]

While everyone is mentioning that the person buying it might need it at the lower price, I'd like to offer the reverse situation.

We always donate the items we no longer can use or need. However this year, DH was downsized and we were told he wasn't eligible for unemployment. We used all our savings, the credit cards <shudders>, and all of our tax return to survive and pay our bills on time & the $1500+ unexpected car repair. He has gone back to work, but we wiped out everything while he was looking and put ourselves in debt-not something we are happy or proud of, but the alternative of paying late bills and defaulting on a mortgage wasn't an option to us. There was no extra anything and lots of spaghetti dinners.

So instead of donating all of our items, I've been selling them on a local Mom-to Mom site (think of it like an online yard sale). The money I have made has paid for all the Christmas gifts (my kids and the 6 nieces and nephews I had to cover) plus a few extras that haven't been in the budget lately (like Thanksgiving dinner).

Every month around here is tight, the new job was a pay-cut, but we are just thankful he is working again. Unless we can pay cash, we go without and every cent is going to pay off the cc bills we accumulated while DH was looking for a new job. So if selling the clothes my kids have outgrown rather than donating them for the time being is what I have to do to give my kids a nice Christmas after the crummy year they have had, then that is what I'm going to do.

Sounds like you made the best of a bad situation! Good for you, and I hope you have a wonderful Xmas.

I don't think that what you are describing is anything close to what the OP was annoyed about, however. I think they would love for their stuff to keep going on, not be hoarded in an attic. Selling to help the family or donating would mean that the original donation would keep on going. I gave away all of my kids' stuff, including cribs and other baby items. I was so happy to know that it was being used. I got a call from a friend to ask if he could give the crib I gave him to someone else, and I was thrilled that it was being passed on, used and appreciated by someone else.

 

[mrsklamc]

I have a huge problem with paying some of them 22 cents. Plus, other non-profits CEOs don't make close to a little over a half a million.
.

Yes, they do. It's actually not much money when you think of what the CEO would make if goodwill were a similarly sized for profit company, and it's probably on the low end for a nationwide multi-site non-profit of that size. And I still am curious where you are getting the .22 number. There would have to be very specific legal regulations that were allowing them to pay less than minimum wage.

 

[SaraJayne]

The thing that drives me nuts is that eventually, my mother in law will pass on, and cleaning her house out will become my problem. All that stuff she didn't donate will need to be gone through. And my husband will have an emotional attachment to all that stuff because "it was hers" making it that much tougher.

I don't care if she donates it, sells it, or gives it away - but I don't want to be cleaning it out because she didn't want to deal with it.

We will run into the same thing when MIL passes. There are four bedrooms in the farmhouse stuffed full of JUNK, because she can't bear to throw anything away.

The doors to those rooms haven't even been opened in 20 years, let alone anything being used from there.