How to deal with unhappy guests?

[foundmymickey]

Hi everyone! Long-time poster who needs some anonymity (fiance follows my posts, but thankfully doesn't come to this board on his own!)

We're planning on getting married in Disney next year.... We traveled with my fiance's family member recently and it was a disaster. I could give you story after story, but I won't - unless asked. lol.

So, my question is - how do you deal with unhappy guests in Disney? Honestly, after how horrible this trip went, I told my fiance that I don't even want a Disney wedding if this is how it's going to be.


Your comments are most appreciated

 

[Mariep26]

I am curious as to the root cause of the dissatisfaction? Lack of preparation? Education on WDW? Or are their expectations poorly aligned with reality in general. A story may help to illustrate what you are dealing with. It will also help with solutions ((Hugs))

 

[lurkyloo]

I'd be curious to hear the answers to those questions too!

I think, though, at some point you have to step back and figure that you're inviting everyone you want there, but nobody is being forced to come. Beyond being a great and gracious host of the party you're throwing, you are not responsible for their happiness the rest of the time. You can arm your guests with newsletters and guidebooks and koozies and cry packs, but it's ultimately up to them whether they enjoy everything before and after the wedding.

 

[Chilly]

I had a few guest troubles at my wedding which did lead to me crying in the middle of DHS BUT I still had a wonderful wedding and it wouldn't stop me doing it again but I would do some things differently.

Some examples of what went wrong probably would help with advice.

Some general advice would be don't overplan things. Apart from the wedding don't plan too many group events. Don't plan large meet ups either, smaller groups are easier. Let them do what they want and don't force things. Be relaxed about meeting times. Do not expect them to read any info you send. Just concentrate on having a good trip yourself and a wonderful wedding, don't focus on trying to make sure they have a wonderful time.

 

[NoOrdinaryPrincess]

I just wanted to repeat,

You are not responsible for your guests happiness!

This day is for you!

 

[foundmymickey]

More than anything - this family member was lonely. This family member stayed at a time share, which we advised against. This person complained from day one that following the schedule was a pain. We met at Downtown Disney in the evening the first night. If the bus wasn't caught, then the next one wouldn't be for another 4 hours. Another day, this person wanted to go to Epcot, missed the bus, and another wasn't for awhile.

The first meeting down there (at DTD) the first thing this person said was that we looked stupid in our mickey ears and to take them immediately off. Wearing them is not unusual for us - DFi has an album full of us in ears at the parks.

We'd ask what this person wanted to do. "I don't care". Then when we'd suggest something, it was like we were twisting an arm to do it.

Not to mention the whole trip was booked around one event - and the family member knew this when they booked. This family member then booked a F&W non-refundable event at the same time for all of us! When I went to the event that I booked the whole trip around, apparently this family member didn't like it. When DFi finally met up with me, they texted the whole time. It was a complete waste of time because I couldn't enjoy myself while they were texting back and forth.

Apparently, this person felt like a third wheel and was lonely. However, the whole time we were there, they'd walk together - not include me. I'd be a few strangers behind them. The most awkward interaction was when a CM congratulated DFi (wearing just engaged button). Family member thanks them. CM sees me a few people behind, wishes me well wishes - and asks where DFi is. I told the CM he was a few people ahead - that he already congratulated him. He looked confused - and I said "oh his family member thanked you" and was even more confused and asked why we weren't walking together. And this was the whole trip.

This person is not unfamiliar with Disney. It was just... Missing the SO. And unfortunately, the SO probably wouldn't make it for the wedding either. Disney would serve as the honeymoon - which both of our families would make into a vacation. My family was there this time and didn't bother us. But if the wedding trip is anything like this past trip - I want NO PART of it! Being told you look stupid and constantly being left behind isn't how I enjoy my vacation. Toward the end, I told DFi I'd rather just tour by myself but wouldn't have any part of it.



Umm... I guess that's been building up... Whoops.... But truthfully - I don't know what to do. Help!

 

[kamik86]

More than anything - this family member was lonely. This family member stayed at a time share, which we advised against. This person complained from day one that following the schedule was a pain. We met at Downtown Disney in the evening the first night. If the bus wasn't caught, then the next one wouldn't be for another 4 hours. Another day, this person wanted to go to Epcot, missed the bus, and another wasn't for awhile.

The first meeting down there (at DTD) the first thing this person said was that we looked stupid in our mickey ears and to take them immediately off. Wearing them is not unusual for us - DFi has an album full of us in ears at the parks.

We'd ask what this person wanted to do. "I don't care". Then when we'd suggest something, it was like we were twisting an arm to do it.

Not to mention the whole trip was booked around one event - and the family member knew this when they booked. This family member then booked a F&W non-refundable event at the same time for all of us! When I went to the event that I booked the whole trip around, apparently this family member didn't like it. When DFi finally met up with me, they texted the whole time. It was a complete waste of time because I couldn't enjoy myself while they were texting back and forth.

Apparently, this person felt like a third wheel and was lonely. However, the whole time we were there, they'd walk together - not include me. I'd be a few strangers behind them. The most awkward interaction was when a CM congratulated DFi (wearing just engaged button). Family member thanks them. CM sees me a few people behind, wishes me well wishes - and asks where DFi is. I told the CM he was a few people ahead - that he already congratulated him. He looked confused - and I said "oh his family member thanked you" and was even more confused and asked why we weren't walking together. And this was the whole trip.

This person is not unfamiliar with Disney. It was just... Missing the SO. And unfortunately, the SO probably wouldn't make it for the wedding either. Disney would serve as the honeymoon - which both of our families would make into a vacation. My family was there this time and didn't bother us. But if the wedding trip is anything like this past trip - I want NO PART of it! Being told you look stupid and constantly being left behind isn't how I enjoy my vacation. Toward the end, I told DFi I'd rather just tour by myself but wouldn't have any part of it.



Umm... I guess that's been building up... Whoops.... But truthfully - I don't know what to do. Help!

Honestly reading this I think you have a problem with DFi and not the family member. That is who I would be upset with anyway. He is the one that left you behind and put the others needs above yours.

 

[sambycat]

Honestly reading this I think you have a problem with DFi and not the family member. That is who I would be upset with anyway. He is the one that left you behind and put the others needs above yours.

agreed. all you can do is provide info to wedding guests and activities to what ever extent your event involves, but, from what you’ve said, you already know how this person is going to act and how your DF is going to respond?

not sure how to help other then reiterate what others have said - you aren’t responsible for the happiness of guests/friends and although i know sometimes its hard not to take that on in some ways, thats just about all there is to it!

 

[tinkerbell 766]

You seriously need to speak to your DFi. He needs to wise up and start to put you first. I am assuming this family member is very close to DFi, so I realise this could make things difficult.
We had issues with my MIL on our VR trip. She was miserable, unco-operative and a bit of a pain. I would, however, never have allowed her to spoil things for me. Had she told me to take my ears off, she would have been told in no uncertain terms that this was not going to happen!!!!!
Also, is it necessary for your families to accompany you and your new husband on your honeymoon? Could you guys not go on your honeymoon alone. That is how it is supposed to be after all!!!!!

 

[lurkyloo]

I agree! Our family knew that our honeymoon started the day after the wedding and that we would be doing our own thing. We made sure to get together with them a bunch before the wedding, and then it was OK to have our honeymoon to ourselves. We even stayed in a different resort.

 

[Chilly]

My Dad was on his own on our Wedding trip and this did cause a few issues BUT I never left my hubby to spend time with my Dad, we were always together with him. You should def name a day when your honeymoon starts and you no longer see your family and friends. And I think you need to tell your DFi how upset he made you by going off with person X rather than spending time with you. I'd say its ok to arrange one thing where your DFi spends some time with person X and you do something different but this should be pre-arranged like my DH played golf with my step-dad while I went to the spa with my Mum so we were both happy and I had some quality time with my Mum.

 

[BarelyBalancedBelle]

I'm new but I just wanted to send good wishes your way. I'm terribly afraid that something like this will happen with my family. I think my fella's family is a bit more sociable than my own... so I don't worry about their reaction. Mine, however, love to complain and find fault. I just really want everyone to be happy and, in fact, am considering rushing the date due to health issues in the family. After reading your story, I just want to hug you b/c I truly do feel your anxiety.

I hope it all resolves itself before your big day. Sending hugs your way. It seems like there's some great advice here!!

 

[tinkerbell 766]

I'm new but I just wanted to send good wishes your way. I'm terribly afraid that something like this will happen with my family. I think my fella's family is a bit more sociable than my own... so I don't worry about their reaction. Mine, however, love to complain and find fault. I just really want everyone to be happy and, in fact, am considering rushing the date due to health issues in the family. After reading your story, I just want to hug you b/c I truly do feel your anxiety.

I hope it all resolves itself before your big day. Sending hugs your way. It seems like there's some great advice here!!

Welcome to the wedding board sweetie!!!
What a lovely, thoughtful post!!!
I hope things sort out for you!!!!