Help DD14's first date

[Goofy'slady]

My oldest daughter came home from school to inform me that she has an official date to the homecoming dance next Saturday. She also told us who the youngman is and it is a youngman who lives in our neighborhood, rides the school bus with her and attends the same school as well. I've in fact seen this youngman riding his bike or play basketball with the other boys in the neighborhood several times and he's always waved or spoken to my daughter when we've been out and about.

My fiance and I were talking last night and we were wondering if guys still get the girl a corsage, will there be dinner before the dance and so forth? Since this is my daughter's first date and she's never attended a dance that is formal at all she has no clue and is looking to us for insight. I asked her to ask her friends who are going but in her little circle she is the only one with a date.

What can she (we) expect in regards to who buys what and so forth?

We've purchased her ticket, dress, and plan to give her money for whatever.

 

[Southernmiss]

My oldest daughter came home from school to inform me that she has an official date to the homecoming dance next Saturday. She also told us who the youngman is and it is a youngman who lives in our neighborhood, rides the school bus with her and attends the same school as well. I've in fact seen this youngman riding his bike or play basketball with the other boys in the neighborhood several times and he's always waved or spoken to my daughter when we've been out and about.

My fiance and I were talking last night and we were wondering if guys still get the girl a corsage, will there be dinner before the dance and so forth? Since this is my daughter's first date and she's never attended a dance that is formal at all she has no clue and is looking to us for insight. I asked her to ask her friends who are going but in her little circle she is the only one with a date.

What can she (we) expect in regards to who buys what and so forth?

We've purchased her ticket, dress, and plan to give her money for whatever.

Is the boy 14 also? If so, it looks like parents will need to drive to the dance and dinner.

The guy's responsible for a corsage and around here, the girl's give the guys a boutenierre (sp).

She'll need to talk to him to know what the other plans are and you may need to talk to the parents to discuss who is driving, etc.

DS went to homecoming or prom in 9th grade. I don't remember which but they were about that age.

The family was from our church. So the girl's mom and I talked before the event and mom dad and daughter came to our house to pick him up and take pictures before.

 

[sam_gordon]

My oldest daughter came home from school to inform me that she has an official date to the homecoming dance next Saturday. She also told us who the youngman is and it is a youngman who lives in our neighborhood, rides the school bus with her and attends the same school as well. I've in fact seen this youngman riding his bike or play basketball with the other boys in the neighborhood several times and he's always waved or spoken to my daughter when we've been out and about.

My fiance and I were talking last night and we were wondering if guys still get the girl a corsage, will there be dinner before the dance and so forth? Since this is my daughter's first date and she's never attended a dance that is formal at all she has no clue and is looking to us for insight. I asked her to ask her friends who are going but in her little circle she is the only one with a date.

What can she (we) expect in regards to who buys what and so forth?

We've purchased her ticket, dress, and plan to give her money for whatever.

I think the bolded depends on the area/school. I think your DD will need to ask her date if she should eat before he picks her up. Or ask another parent that has a child in your DD's school.

 

[shortbun]

Is it silly to ask? Have you asked her? She could ask a friend or upperclassman.

 

[momof1princess]

around here (NE alabama) there are no corsages or dinners for the more minor dances, such as homecoming or valentine's day. dinner and corsages, limo rides, etc., are strictly for prom. now, most of the girls do wear semi-formal dresses for valentine's day, but i'm not sure about homecoming, as this is DD's first year of HS. in middle school, they didn't even have a homecoming dance. the principal is very strict, and only allowed 2 dances per year-Christmas and valentine's day.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Is the boy 14 also? If so, it looks like parents will need to drive to the dance and dinner.

The guy's responsible for a corsage and around here, the girl's give the guys a boutenierre (sp).

She'll need to talk to him to know what the other plans are and you may need to talk to the parents to discuss who is driving, etc.

DS went to homecoming or prom in 9th grade. I don't remember which but they were about that age.

The family was from our church. So the girl's mom and I talked before the event and mom dad and daughter came to our house to pick him up and take pictures before.

Agree with all of this. Down here, if it is a formal dance, the guy gets the girl a corsage and the girl gets the guy a boutonniere. We also often go to dinner before the big event. Definitely have her talk to him about his plans and who will be driving.

 

[Goofy'slady]

Yes, the youngman is also 14. They're both freshmen in high school. I have already decided to take it upon myself and walk down to his parents home and introduce myself to them. Perhaps we can discuss in details the dance and so forth. I do know from speaking with my daughter that his parents plan to drive them both to the dance. She aslo told me that they have exchanged pictures of the suit he is planning to wear and the dress she is planning to wear. Last night we went out to purchase the said dress and shoes, so outside of a hair appointment and nail appointment she's all set.

Also, make-up wise my daughter is such a pretty girl and is not into much make-up at this point so she doesn't wear any besides lip gloss. However, within the last week or two she has asked about mascara and I've bought her some. I'm thinking that I won't bring up a full on make-over unless she asks and even then I'm planning on taking a less is more approach. I think she will do fine with just a hint of mascara and lip gloss on. What do you all think.

Oh, and this is the dress she chose. http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/jun...711/Lily+Rose+Tiered+Lace+Strapless+Dress.jsp

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Yes, the youngman is also 14. They're both freshmen in high school. I have already decided to take it upon myself and walk down to his parents home and introduce myself to them. Perhaps we can discuss in details the dance and so forth. I do know from speaking with my daughter that his parents plan to drive them both to the dance. She aslo told me that they have exchanged pictures of the suit he is planning to wear and the dress she is planning to wear. Last night we went out to purchase the said dress and shoes, so outside of a hair appointment and nail appointment she's all set.

Also, make-up wise my daughter is such a pretty girl and is not into much make-up at this point so she doesn't wear any besides lip gloss. However, within the last week or two she has asked about mascara and I've bought her some. I'm thinking that I won't bring up a full on make-over unless she asks and even then I'm planning on taking a less is more approach. I think she will do fine with just a hint of mascara and lip gloss on. What do you all think.

Oh, and this is the dress she chose. http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/jun...711/Lily+Rose+Tiered+Lace+Strapless+Dress.jsp

You could always take her to your local Macy's or Dillards to get her make up done. They could give her age-appropriate tips and make sure to find colors that compliment her skin tone and bring out her natural beauty without covering it up.

 

[N&B'smom]

Ulta is a good place to have them do make up as well. IF you choose to go that route.

LOVE the dress, absolutely adorable!!

 

[Swan4Me]

Cute dress

 

[sam_gordon]

I have already decided to take it upon myself and walk down to his parents home and introduce myself to them. Perhaps we can discuss in details the dance and so forth.

I would *NOT* do this. Let the kids figure it out themselves. Now, if you want to suggest to your DD what questions to ask, by all means do so. But if she doesn't get the answers, don't hound her. We've got to let kids make mistakes so they learn. If parents handle everything, what's going to happen when the kids go away to college?

Just my opinion.

ETA: Sorry, let me change... I have no problem meeting the other parents. I just think the kids should handle the details of the date.

 

[disykat]

At 14, I think it's reasonable for you to meet the other parents. I also think it would be good if the moms got to confer, even if it's only under the guise of talking about pictures.
As they get older, they'll get better about communicating expectations to each other.

I have two sons, but here are some of my experiences. I've sure it varies geographically.

Often the kids go as a group. If she can ask him if they are with a group, then she can talk to the other girls and compare notes.

Often the kids that go in groups, especially younger kids who don't drive, do a meal at someone in their group's house. Parents generally confer at that point, offering to the host "what can I bring?" and often being invited over for picture taking at drop off. (then the other parents leave, leaving the host parent to serve the meal to the kids. The parents usually stay in the kitchen while the kids eat formally - sometimes a sibling is enlisted as the "server.") Parents compare notes for transportation.

Older kids that drive themselves and are going to restaurants sometimes go as a group to another location for pictures. We have waterfront, so there are some parks between town and the school that are popular choices. If the weather is good, kids and parents with cameras converge for group shots.

 

[momof1princess]

Yes, the youngman is also 14. They're both freshmen in high school. I have already decided to take it upon myself and walk down to his parents home and introduce myself to them. Perhaps we can discuss in details the dance and so forth. I do know from speaking with my daughter that his parents plan to drive them both to the dance. She aslo told me that they have exchanged pictures of the suit he is planning to wear and the dress she is planning to wear. Last night we went out to purchase the said dress and shoes, so outside of a hair appointment and nail appointment she's all set.

Also, make-up wise my daughter is such a pretty girl and is not into much make-up at this point so she doesn't wear any besides lip gloss. However, within the last week or two she has asked about mascara and I've bought her some. I'm thinking that I won't bring up a full on make-over unless she asks and even then I'm planning on taking a less is more approach. I think she will do fine with just a hint of mascara and lip gloss on. What do you all think.

Oh, and this is the dress she chose. http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/jun...711/Lily+Rose+Tiered+Lace+Strapless+Dress.jsp

what a cute dress! and the price is right!

 

[mjkacmom]

I would *NOT* do this. Let the kids figure it out themselves. Now, if you want to suggest to your DD what questions to ask, by all means do so. But if she doesn't get the answers, don't hound her. We've got to let kids make mistakes so they learn. If parents handle everything, what's going to happen when the kids go away to college?

Just my opinion.

ETA: Sorry, let me change... I have no problem meeting the other parents. I just think the kids should handle the details of the date.

I think meeting the parents for this one organized date to a dance is overkill. Maybe have the boy come by to meet you, but I don't think you need to meet his mom.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Cute dress!!!! (I would do it without the dark belt to cut it off in the middle...)

At 14, I think some minimal parental involvement is great!
However, to the OP... From here on out, this should def. be more like your make-up approach - 'Less is more'.

 

[luvsJack]

At 14, I think it's reasonable for you to meet the other parents. I also think it would be good if the moms got to confer, even if it's only under the guise of talking about pictures.
As they get older, they'll get better about communicating expectations to each other.

I have two sons, but here are some of my experiences. I've sure it varies geographically.

Often the kids go as a group. If she can ask him if they are with a group, then she can talk to the other girls and compare notes.

Often the kids that go in groups, especially younger kids who don't drive, do a meal at someone in their group's house. Parents generally confer at that point, offering to the host "what can I bring?" and often being invited over for picture taking at drop off. (then the other parents leave, leaving the host parent to serve the meal to the kids. The parents usually stay in the kitchen while the kids eat formally - sometimes a sibling is enlisted as the "server.") Parents compare notes for transportation.

Older kids that drive themselves and are going to restaurants sometimes go as a group to another location for pictures. We have waterfront, so there are some parks between town and the school that are popular choices. If the weather is good, kids and parents with cameras converge for group shots.

I don't see an issue with meeting the parents. Any of dd's "dates" have been with one or the other set of parents either driving the group or feeding the group or hosting the group (in which case parents had to drive their kids to the host's house). And in all that, the parents usually make a quick call to each other to make sure we are all on the same page.

We don't have a formal homecoming dance, just a regular dance and very few take dates, so can't really say what to expect. But at 14, I don't think that meeting the parents is too much to do.

I do find it interesting how many posters think 13 is too young to "date" and 14 is too old for the parents to discuss said "date"? hmmm. curious.

 

[MrsPete]

Cute dress. Exactly the type of thing girls wear to school dances here.
Expect the shoes to come off ten minutes into the dance.
Girls don't usually do hair appointments, etc. for casual dances here -- that's just for prom.

Here, dinner is not always a part of a dance date, but our school tends to serve heavy h'orderves -- and I think that's a little unusual. Older teens, who can drive, tend to go out to dinner in groups before school dances. A "just us two" dinner is uncommon unless it's a long-time, established couple.

Few kids have flowers for any dance except prom.

I would not go to meet the parents ahead of time, but since they're driving the kids to the dance, I would invite them over for dinner (or maybe just dessert, depending upon your thoughts) on the evening of the dance. At the very minimum, I would expect the date to come in and speak to you when he picks her up.