I've learned my lesson about boyfriends

[luvmyfam444]

of my dd's. I won't meet them OR their families until she is ready to get married. That way I can't get attached to any of the boys.

dd went on her first "non"date for homecoming. They have been "together" since April - but never on a date til homecoming.
I have become friends with his mom - didn't mean to - we just really hit it off & we had another mutual friend...we are still friends - no issue there.
BUT dd dumped the boy...for no good reason! Just 2 wks after the dance - where they had a blast together.

So...now I've got to go to counseling because I'm feeling sorry for the boy! His mom said he was just fine with it. I was almost in tears when I heard.What's weird is I dreamed they had broken up the night before they broke up.

I guess I'm having such a hard time with it because it was her first dance, & date (but not really a date - since they weren't alone) & they looked so darn cute together!

And NO...I wasn't trying to marry her off or anything...I don't care if she had a couple of other boys - she can share - but keep this one too

Dh & I discussed it - there will be no more boys allowed until she's 32.

 

[allison443]

of my dd's. I won't meet them OR their families until she is ready to get married. That way I can't get attached to any of the boys.

dd went on her first "non"date for homecoming. They have been "together" since April - but never on a date til homecoming.
I have become friends with his mom - didn't mean to - we just really hit it off & we had another mutual friend...we are still friends - no issue there.
BUT dd dumped the boy...for no good reason! Just 2 wks after the dance - where they had a blast together.

So...now I've got to go to counseling because I'm feeling sorry for the boy! His mom said he was just fine with it. I was almost in tears when I heard.What's weird is I dreamed they had broken up the night before they broke up.

I guess I'm having such a hard time with it because it was her first dance, & date (but not really a date - since they weren't alone) & they looked so darn cute together!

And NO...I wasn't trying to marry her off or anything...I don't care if she had a couple of other boys - she can share - but keep this one too

Dh & I discussed it - there will be no more boys allowed until she's 32.

You're kidding about going to counseling, right?

When my kids break up with someone I assume they have a good reason. They are the one in the relationship with the person, not me. I have found it's best for me not to get too over involved in my kids' relationships. Otherwise you will have a very long few years ahead of you...

 

[luvmyfam444]

You're kidding about going to counseling, right?

When my kids break up with someone I assume they have a good reason. They are the one in the relationship with the person, not me. I have found it's best for me not to get too over involved in my kids' relationships. Otherwise you will have a very long few years ahead of you...

Yes I'm kidding about the counseling...but I do find it odd that I got attached.
Yes. I'm afraid it will be a looong road....I have THREE girls too!

 

[allison443]

Yes I'm kidding about the counseling...but I do find it odd that I got attached.
Yes. I'm afraid it will be a looong road....I have THREE girls too!

I hear you!! (I have three also!)

 

[aprilgail2]

I remember one of my cousins boyfriends, the family was crazy about him, even after they broke up he would still be over visiting her parents but only when she was not there LOL- they would have him over for dinner-he was a really nice guy.

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm glad to know you were just kidding about the counseling.

But I do understand how you can like and get attached to your DD's boyfriends.

There is something worse though, having them get married and then later divorced. Our DS is 36 and now married for the 3rd time. We loved both of his ex-wives and it was very difficult for us when they divorced. We still see his first ex-wife occasionally as they have children together and we go to their sporting events, choir, etc. His second wife completely wrote us off when they divorced, we never see her.

That's why I was so fearful of getting attached to his wife now. When they started dating I told myself I wouldn't "get too close" but she's so amazing and sweet and caring and loving that it was impossible not to love her right off the bat. They have been married over a year and seem to be doing okay so I'm keeping my fingers crossed this one will last. I would hate to lose another DIL.

 

[luvsJack]

of my dd's. I won't meet them OR their families until she is ready to get married. That way I can't get attached to any of the boys.

dd went on her first "non"date for homecoming. They have been "together" since April - but never on a date til homecoming.
I have become friends with his mom - didn't mean to - we just really hit it off & we had another mutual friend...we are still friends - no issue there.
BUT dd dumped the boy...for no good reason! Just 2 wks after the dance - where they had a blast together.

So...now I've got to go to counseling because I'm feeling sorry for the boy! His mom said he was just fine with it. I was almost in tears when I heard.What's weird is I dreamed they had broken up the night before they broke up.

I guess I'm having such a hard time with it because it was her first dance, & date (but not really a date - since they weren't alone) & they looked so darn cute together!

And NO...I wasn't trying to marry her off or anything...I don't care if she had a couple of other boys - she can share - but keep this one too

Dh & I discussed it - there will be no more boys allowed until she's 32.

I know just how you feel!

DD is only 14 but she had a bf last year that we just loved. His family invited us all over for supper one night so the kids could go to a haunted house, and we all had a good time. Then we had them over for a cook out and again, had a great time together.

The two kids were just really good friends and had fun together. They were cute together and he was so sweet and attentive to her. We all liked him and his family and he was around a lot so we go used to him.

And then he did something (don't know what) and she dumped him!

We told her the same thing--NO MORE! We were more upset than she was! (not really but it seemed like it)

 

[Rylee]

I "fell" for oldest DD's boyfriend when he used to play with her baby brother and didn't get grossed out when the baby drooled down the side of his face. How can not love a kid like that?

The were together for 4 years... last 2 years of high school, first 2 years of college, (different colleges.) The distance between the colleges put a strain on their relationship, but you can't choose a college based on your current boy/girlfriend. He was a wonderful first boyfriend, very positive experience for her.

 

[Lucky4me]

We don't meet the parents until they're engaged.

My son dated the same girl off and on for eleven years. We never met her parents because they were breaking up and getting back together again all the time.

They got engaged a year ago and we finally met her parents.
I think it's going to stick this time, wedding is in July, deposits have been made.

My other son had a serious girlfriend for a couple of years. He broke up with her recently, I'm so glad we didn't meet her parents. Losing her was bad enough. I really loved her.

 

[clarabelle]

I have a friend who regretted getting so involved with her DD's boyfriend.
Aside from the obvious getting attached issue -in retrospect she also felt like they made it harder for the kids to break up.
They were all so attached -parents and siblings to this young man that she felt like it affected the relationship. That she might have broken if off sooner if her whole family had not been so involved.
She said next one she was not going to start having over regularly until they were engaged

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm glad to know you were just kidding about the counseling.

But I do understand how you can like and get attached to your DD's boyfriends.

There is something worse though, having them get married and then later divorced. Our DS is 36 and now married for the 3rd time. We loved both of his ex-wives and it was very difficult for us when they divorced. We still see his first ex-wife occasionally as they have children together and we go to their sporting events, choir, etc. His second wife completely wrote us off when they divorced, we never see her.

That's why I was so fearful of getting attached to his wife now. When they started dating I told myself I wouldn't "get too close" but she's so amazing and sweet and caring and loving that it was impossible not to love her right off the bat. They have been married over a year and seem to be doing okay so I'm keeping my fingers crossed this one will last. I would hate to lose another DIL.

I give her a lot of credit. I wouldn't be anyone's 3rd wife.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd16 recently broke up with her bf of 1 1/2 years, and I was thrilled. He way okay, but I don't think kids this young need to be in a relationship (and he was WAY to into her, and wanted her to spend all of her free time with him). I knew his mom casually from when they were in elementary school, but only spoke with her before danced (pictures). I'm not forming any relationships with the family until they get engaged (and my kids are told not until they're at least 26).

Same with ds14 - he had a gf for most of last year, and I just stayed out of it (I was always very nice to her when I saw her - she is a very sweet girl, and I felt badly for her when ds broke it off).

 

[goofyintoronto]

Yes I'm kidding about the counseling...but I do find it odd that I got attached.
Yes. I'm afraid it will be a looong road....I have THREE girls too!

Im glad you were joking. that made me laugh thou.


see, i learn something new each day. I never really thought about the issue, but I can see how you can become attached to the guy. I too will learn not to get too attached to any of DS12's future gf's. Luckily i dont have to worry about that stuff for a while, since he's only 12 right now.

 

[scholastica]

This is also why I hate getting to know my brother's girlfriends (I have 3 brothers). The friend me in Facebook and come over to hang out then they are gone. I just try not to bother meeting them unless it has been 6 or more months.

 

[AndreaDM]

I still miss DD's ex-boyfriend and they broke up over 2 years ago! They had been dating almost 3 years and he was at our house ALL the time, even went on vacation with us. It might not be so bad if her current boyfriend wasn't such a loser...sigh...

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I will not miss either of my children's boyfriend/girlfriend or their parents. They both picked people totally different then us/them. It is extremely uncomfortable to be with the parents for pictures etc.

 

[punkin]

hmmm, no. I never get attached to DD19's boyfriends. She's with one now who is very nice. They've been dating about a year. If she dumped him tomorrow, I wouldn't give him a second thought. If she decided to marry him, I guess, he'd be fine (he's a good boy), but attached? Maybe if he gives me grandchildren. I know my mother started regarding DH as somewhat semi-human when I had DD.

 

[luvsJack]

hmmm, no. I never get attached to DD19's boyfriends. She's with one now who is very nice. They've been dating about a year. If she dumped him tomorrow, I wouldn't give him a second thought. If she decided to marry him, I guess, he'd be fine (he's a good boy), but attached? Maybe if he gives me grandchildren. I know my mother started regarding DH as somewhat semi-human when I had DD.

That will most likely be DH's opinion of the bfs that come and go too: "semi-human"

But this little guy was smart. When we took the kids to the fair, dh told the boys "now I am expecting you boys to look out for these girls". The boy said "don't worry, sir, no one is going to mess with her". He won dh's heart as dd rolled her eyes.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Better off liking then then disliking them..

 

[everylastbreath]

I have to preface this with the fact that my kids are much older (30+) but I feel it's words to the wise.... Don't get attached to ANY of them... Even Husbands or Wives, you never know- Only after they have children, should you get attached because even if the relationship doesn't work out, the kids are still (hopefully) going to be in your life, so you need to maintain good relationships with their parents.

As far as the Parents of your childrens BF/GF - they are NOT your friends, our children's dating life should not be YOUR social life, find your own friends. I have gone thru many many BFs/GFs and have treated them really well- taken them on elaborate family vacations, expensive holiday/B-day gifts- NO MORE- I will treat everyone with respect & be nice to everyone, but remembering- They are NOT family, and I will maintain a healthy distance from them!