7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[Handbag Lady]

I don't have any advice other than the OP sounds like a very strong woman. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes right now. So, I guess this is just another post in support of everything you are going through right now.

 

[lizabu]

I'm curious what the reasoning is behind this. They'll have to do whatever a judge says, right?? If the judge says she needs to live near her husband to make joint custody, it won't matter that she returned to Canada.

If the baby is born in Canada a Judge can't force her to live her child's birthplace just to live near his bio-Dad. If she later chooses she wants to come back to the US she has dual citizenship and is free to live in either Canada or the US. The son of a US citizen is eligible to aquire US citizenship.

If the child is born in California a judge may say I forbid you to leave California and that's it...end of story. 18 years is a long time to be stuck.

ETA- even if both parties are awarded joint custody they don't have to live in the same place. They just have to figure out how to make visitation work. My DH has a child from before I met him and when his Ex was living in Saskatchewan she would put the child on a plane and send him to Ontario for visits and we would send him back by plane. Lot's of parents manage to make it work.

 

[LongLiveDisney]

Just wanted to stop by and say that you are still in my thoughts. You're so strong and I hope I can handle things like you are if I'm ever faced with a situation similar to this. I truly, truly wish you the best.

 

[disneydreaming92701]

I'm so sorry. Other than knowing what I'd do, I have no advice, since I'm not you.

But know the person you're married to is a piece of **** and doesn't deserve you or your baby.

Yes. So so sorry.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

I would definitely get a second opinion about flying or driving to Canada. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant when I drove 20 hours to give birth near my family because my DH was called up to deploy. It really wasn't that bad. If you do decide to go while pregnant, have your mom or dad come down and fly/drive to Canada with you.

I would also pay out of pocket if I didn't have insurance. It is a smaller hassle to deal with a bill then a hole of a husband.

 

[ORMom2Four]

I would definitely get a second opinion about flying or driving to Canada. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant when I drove 20 hours to give birth near my family because my DH was called up to deploy. It really wasn't that bad. If you do decide to go while pregnant, have your mom or dad come down and fly/drive to Canada with you.

I would also pay out of pocket if I didn't have insurance. It is a smaller hassle to deal with a bill then a hole of a husband.

Doubt any doctor will give you permission to travel--but ONLY because of liability on their part. They don't want a lawsuit on their hands.

With that being said, if you feel that going to Canada is in your and the baby's best interest, book the flight sooner than later.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I would definitely get a second opinion about flying or driving to Canada. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant when I drove 20 hours to give birth near my family because my DH was called up to deploy. It really wasn't that bad. If you do decide to go while pregnant, have your mom or dad come down and fly/drive to Canada with you.

I would also pay out of pocket if I didn't have insurance. It is a smaller hassle to deal with a bill then a hole of a husband.

So true!! I'd gladly pay out of pocket too. I would not give birth in Cali and risk fighting with an ex over custody for god knows how long, all because your doctor deemed it unsafe to fly. You dont know when your ex will have a change of heart and decide he wants to be a part of the babys life. You really never know when the judge will rule in your ex's favour and order you to remain in Cali. Good luck with whatever you decide. I cant imagine what you must be going thru right now. Youre one strong chick!

 

[Elinor Dashwood]

You poor thing! How awful for you and your unborn baby boy. But honey, this is actually a mixed blessing for you. You NOW know what kind of man your husband is and with a baby coming, he doesn't sound like someone you want around. I'm sorry but I'm just going to say he is a total loser. To cheat on you with a mentally unstable 19 year old, get upset with you for getting pregnant with HIS baby and then say he doesn't want this child or to be with you, well honey, board that plane and go back to the parents who love and will take care of you and your son. Period. Your husband doesn't sound remorseful, he sounds like a selfish pig and you don't deserve that. I'd also stay as far away as possible from his skanky girlfriend. Far far away, she sounds crazy. Take a deep breath and focus on what's best for you and your baby. I agree with the others that leaving now and heading home to Canada is the thing to do. Don't wait for the baby to be born, then you'll have to wait for a passport for him and encounter potential custody issues. A big, big hug to you and your baby hon.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would also be out of there in a NY minute & giving birth in Canada no matter HOW much it costs.

Also OP, OB does not want you to leave not only because of the liability factor but also because the OB will not get paid for services rendered.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I would also be out of there in a NY minute & giving birth in Canada no matter HOW much it costs.

Also OP, OB does not want you to leave not only because of the liability factor but also because the OB will not get paid for services rendered.

That is probably very true!

TC

 

[goofyintoronto]

I would also be out of there in a NY minute & giving birth in Canada no matter HOW much it costs.

Also OP, OB does not want you to leave not only because of the liability factor but also because the OB will not get paid for services rendered.

so true!

 

[palmtreegirl]

I would also be out of there in a NY minute & giving birth in Canada no matter HOW much it costs.

Also OP, OB does not want you to leave not only because of the liability factor but also because the OB will not get paid for services rendered.

 

[karensi]

I would also be out of there in a NY minute & giving birth in Canada no matter HOW much it costs.

Also OP, OB does not want you to leave not only because of the liability factor but also because the OB will not get paid for services rendered.[/QUOTE]

Exactly what I was thinking!

Also wondering if your Mom might be able to give you the phone # of a lawyer where she lives. Maybe she knows someone ( a lawyer that is) or maybe there is a friend of a friend, in Canada, who would speak with you for a few minutes and who could give you some answers to some very important questions about moving back.

Karen

 

[Arielle22]

I would also be out of there in a NY minute & giving birth in Canada no matter HOW much it costs.

Also OP, OB does not want you to leave not only because of the liability factor but also because the OB will not get paid for services rendered.[/QUOTE]

So you are saying the OB is putting money above the well being of a patient? That seems totally unfounded and over the top. I will agree that the OB was probably being cautious due to fear of liability.

The OB would be paid for any services already rendered. I don't know about where you live but here in MA, OBs are very busy. The loss of one patient wouldn't break the practice and probably wouldn't be noticed in the bottom line.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

The OB makes most of his money IN the hospital. I would get a second opinion. I've seen plenty of women in late pregnancy traveling.

 

[MakiraMarlena]

Let's see. The husband is having a year-long affair with a teenage friend of the family. He won't give up the girl and he doesn't want the baby and is in fact blaming his wife for getting pregnant.

However, she's considering staying with him and has a whole lot of reasons. (health insurance, doesn't want to impose on parents, divorce is messy, etc). So she'll have to decide if she'd rather put up with all that or with a guy who doesn't want the kid, is liable to be an emotional risk to the kid's psyche, and intends to keep the relationship with the teenager no matter how abusive she is to him or to his wife. It's quite a choice but needs to be made.

I'd call the parents, and work on getting back to Canada.

 

[mrsklamc]

I don't think she is considering staying with him.

 

[pampam]

Let's see. The husband is having a year-long affair with a teenage friend of the family. He won't give up the girl and he doesn't want the baby and is in fact blaming his wife for getting pregnant.

However, she's considering staying with him and has a whole lot of reasons. (health insurance, doesn't want to impose on parents, divorce is messy, etc). So she'll have to decide if she'd rather put up with all that or with a guy who doesn't want the kid, is liable to be an emotional risk to the kid's psyche, and intends to keep the relationship with the teenager no matter how abusive she is to him or to his wife. It's quite a choice but needs to be made.

I'd call the parents, and work on getting back to Canada.

Give the kid a break will ya!

She has just found out what she has been married to. She's at a low point in her life when and all her dreams and hopes have just been crushed, and she has pregnant horomones to deal with. Sheeesh, talk about kicking someone when they are down! She needs to sort out what she will be doing, making some very important decisions that will effect her and her son for the rest of their lives. No one is saying she is going to stay with him- she herself isn't sure what she should do. That is why she is posting, to get some other perspectives in her plans. From her posts, moving to Canada is a very real possibility, or she wouldn't have mentioned it in the first place. She needs people to bounce ideas off of, and support. I really hope you didn't mean for your post to have the tone I read in it.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Give the kid a break will ya!

She has just found out what she has been married to. She's at a low point in her life when and all her dreams and hopes have just been crushed, and she has pregnant horomones to deal with. Sheeesh, talk about kicking someone when they are down! She needs to sort out what she will be doing, making some very important decisions that will effect her and her son for the rest of their lives. No one is saying she is going to stay with him- she herself isn't sure what she should do. That is why she is posting, to get some other perspectives in her plans. From her posts, moving to Canada is a very real possibility, or she wouldn't have mentioned it in the first place. She needs people to bounce ideas off of, and support. I really hope you didn't mean for your post to have the tone I read in it.

ITA! She also never said she was staying with him, but not sure if she wants to leave her job and the USA. She has a life, even without him here in the states. Also, feelings of love aren't attached to a an on/off switch. Wow, how easy life would be if it were!! All those therapists and shrinks would be outta business! LOL

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I've been reading all the posts and thinking about you. Today I thought of "regrets". I don't know if I'll be able to convey my thoughts so bear with me. I would look at your next step with what you may or may not regret less in the coming years, and what would be an easier regret to fix.

Having a baby in Canada... what might be the regrets and what problems could be easier fixed.

Having a baby in California... Again what might be the regrets and what problems could be easier fixed.

I still say get the heck out of Dodge... Not only could your DH end up with some visitation rights, but that crazy girl could end up near your baby. ughhh, that thought makes my skin crawl.

this is a tough decision and I sure am hoping and praying for you.