7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[Liberty Belle]

For those who are so insistent she drop everything and move to Canada, what about health insurance, as it looks like she'll be uninsured when she moves back. A delivery could set up back thousands -- or tens of thousands -- of dollars.

Also, without a job, how will she support herself and her child?

I think the safety of herself and her child should come first. Her parents are in Canada. She is a Canadian. I'm thinking it shouldn't be too difficult for her to find a job once there and she has her parents to help her until she can.

 

[Tuffcookie]

For those who are so insistent she drop everything and move to Canada, what about health insurance, as it looks like she'll be uninsured when she moves back. A delivery could set up back thousands -- or tens of thousands -- of dollars.

Also, without a job, how will she support herself and her child?

She will be living with her parents, who will undoubtly welcome her & her baby with open arms.

She can work the rest of the details out later.

TC

 

[EMom]

I admit that I only have read through page 11, so I might of missed this, but another reason you need to go to Canada before your baby is born: Passports. Once your baby is born, I believe both parents would need to sign off on getting him a passport. And if he wants to be super obnoxious, he could refuse. Which would make it difficult to return to Canada.

The number one question I would ask the atty on Friday is, "Can you give me a very strong reason that I should NOT return to Canada and have the baby there, because I can think of MANY reasons why it is better for the baby to be born in Canada instead of the US?" Unless the atty has some compelling reason to stay here, I would put the baby above finances, job, insurance, EVERYTHING and go to Canada. Your husband can make it a living hell for you to ever set foot outside the US if you have that baby here. Also, I would want as much mileage as possible between my baby and that psycho of a girlfriend. She is dangerous.

Slightly elevated BP should not keep you from going to Canada UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. There is a threatening woman involved with your husband, a man who has admitted he doesn't want you OR the baby. This has got "bad news" written all over it. I'd put distance between us for the sake of my baby.

 

[EMom]

Once the child is born, I would give him every chance to sign away his rights to the baby. Forego child support and make sure this man never has contact with the child he so clearly does not want. If for no other reason, to keep the baby away from the psycho GF.

 

[punkin]

For those who are so insistent she drop everything and move to Canada, what about health insurance, as it looks like she'll be uninsured when she moves back. A delivery could set up back thousands -- or tens of thousands -- of dollars.

Also, without a job, how will she support herself and her child?

I am not sure she would be uninsured. But even if she is, that is short term. Being stuck in the u.s. for the next 18 years is a bigger problem.

 

[ForAandA]

OP, I have gone through this personally. I am going to PM you. Sending tons of hugs your way.

That being said, please put a pin number or a lock on your cell phone. Your husband WILL try to get your phone and delete those messages. He brought it up in conversation, asking why you were keeping them. They are worrying him, he KNOWS his little wench is going to get into a heap of trouble for them. Do not put it past him. He will try to get that phone and delete evidence.

This is the hardest thing you will ever go through. I am not going to sugar coat it. It WILL get better though, I promise. Keep your head as level as possible, let him leave on his own. If he leaves, he is abandoning his home, and that will work in your favor.

I would also tell everyone under the sun. His parents, her parents, etc. I am spiteful like that

 

[courtneypumpkinroll]

OP, I feel for you... I wish you strength and peace...

I'm not sure if this is the same state to state, but when I was preparing to leave my husband, my attorney advised me to take half of all of our liquid assets and put them into a single name account that he could not touch. He actually told me I could take alll the cash out if I wanted, since they were joint accounts and each of us had equal rights, but that would make me look nasty, so he suggested I just take half, before the ex got a hold of it. Also told me to take anything of any personal, emotional value out the day I leave, so as not to have to battle over it later. Start shipping things you would like to have to your parents. Or have them come visit and take things with them if you acn not leave immediately. I forgot a box of "highschool momentos" and did have to have it included in the divorce proceedings... jerk, like what would he want with my yearbooks, scrapbooks, trophies etc.???

I walked away from our house and everything we owned together, because in the end it was just "things" and my peace of mind was so much more important.

Like someone said, document everything, keep a notebook, with dates, conversations etc. If he wants to come to collect things, I suggest having a friend or neighbor over "for coffee" while he is going to be there so that you are not forced to engage in unpleasantness.

Best of luck to you.

Hey I know this is a really late response. I agree with this ^.
1. You don't deserve anything that is thrown your way right now.
2. Leaving always sucks simply because you think they will change. I have one thing to say, once a cheater, always a cheater. My mom has been cheated on one too many times. My father has done her dirty. It was either leave him and do what was better for her two kids even though it would be tough being a single mother, or make us all miserable and torture herself. She found an amazing man who stepped in and we now call our father and they had a baby together and we are a big happy family.
3. Get out as fast as you can because once he has something to get his way he will make your life a living hell.
4. I believe that something good, believe it or not, will come out of this. You need to get away from the stress. Being in that house will just suffocate you and fill you with stress, depression, and anger. None of which is good for your baby.
5. Don't fall for anything he says to get you back if that ever becomes an issue. Think about how bad this feels if it does. If he does it once, he will do it again.
He is not being a man, he is being a child. I believe that there is someone incredible who will love you and your son out there somewhere. But for now you need to think about what is best for you and your child.

Best of luck!

 

[ForAandA]

Hey I know this is a really late response. I agree with this ^.
1. You don't deserve anything that is thrown your way right now.
2. Leaving always sucks simply because you think they will change. I have one thing to say, once a cheater, always a cheater. My mom has been cheated on one too many times. My father has done her dirty. It was either leave him and do what was better for her two kids even though it would be tough being a single mother, or make us all miserable and torture herself. She found an amazing man who stepped in and we now call our father and they had a baby together and we are a big happy family.
3. Get out as fast as you can because once he has something to get his way he will make your life a living hell.
4. I believe that something good, believe it or not, will come out of this. You need to get away from the stress. Being in that house will just suffocate you and fill you with stress, depression, and anger. None of which is good for your baby.
5. Don't fall for anything he says to get you back if that ever becomes an issue. Think about how bad this feels if it does. If he does it once, he will do it again.
He is not being a man, he is being a child. I believe that there is someone incredible who will love you and your son out there somewhere. But for now you need to think about what is best for you and your child.

Best of luck!

Incredible first post. I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[jodifla]

So it would be better for her to stay with a man who doesn't want her or her baby and who is dating a nutcase?

No, it's best to follow the advice of her doctor (who told her not to fly) and her attorney (who she will see Friday).

If I were OP I'd also ask her folks to check in with a Canadian lawyer, to see what he has to say about having the baby in Canada and her rights.

I'm not sure that it will really help her with the passport situation; I imagine Canada will have similar laws about obtaining a passport for a child.

Her best bet is sole custody and/or for him to terminate all his rights.

 

[SaraJayne]

No, it's best to follow the advice of her doctor (who told her not to fly) and her attorney (who she will see Friday).

If I were OP I'd also ask her folks to check in with a Canadian lawyer, to see what he has to say about having the baby in Canada and her rights.

I'm not sure that it will really help her with the passport situation; I imagine Canada will have similar laws about obtaining a passport for a child.

Her best bet is sole custody and/or for him to terminate all his rights.

Yes, but once she's *in* Canada, passport laws don't matter. That is why she should go now, before the baby is born.

Once that baby is born, she may be forced to stay in the US. Before the birth, she can go where she pleases and her piece o'excrement DH has no legal say in where she goes.

 

[lizabu]

I admit that I only have read through page 11, so I might of missed this, but another reason you need to go to Canada before your baby is born: Passports. Once your baby is born, I believe both parents would need to sign off on getting him a passport. And if he wants to be super obnoxious, he could refuse. Which would make it difficult to return to Canada.

I live in Canada and I got passports for my kids without their Father's signature but I have full custody and I had to show court papers proving it.

I think it's really important this child is born in Canada because if he is born in the US you might lose living in Canada with your child as an option. Or it will at least make things more complicated. If the child is born in Canada you could probably live either here or there. You will have more options. I would never suggest a pregnant woman go against her Doctors advice. You can ship your cats and belongings to your parents and take a train to your parents. They have really nice trains where you can have a cozy room where you can sleep and shower. At 7 months pregnant such a long trip requires some extra thought to comfort.

The insurance has to be sorted out. If you need to be in Canada 3 months that isn't going to work. Maybe your current insurance will cover you or as mentioned before there are companies that sell insurance for gap periods like this one.

 

[bankgirl05]

Still thinking of you...

Will your current insurance cover you if you are just on a "visit" out of the country? If you happen to go to your parents house for a visit, and stay for an extended period of time you may be able to have coverage this way.

I hope you are safe, and taking care of yourself.

 

[jodifla]

Yes, but once she's *in* Canada, passport laws don't matter. That is why she should go now, before the baby is born.

Once that baby is born, she may be forced to stay in the US. Before the birth, she can go where she pleases and her piece o'excrement DH has no legal say in where she goes.

Unless she actually ever wants to go back to the U.S. She is a U.S. Citizen and has a life there. And a good job.

If it were me, I'd just wait for my lawyer to help me sort out the details. I'd also probably have BOTH my parents come stay with me, and hopefully chase him out.

 

[StephMK]

I live in Canada and I got passports for my kids without their Father's signature but I have full custody and I had to show court papers proving it.

I think it's really important this child is born in Canada because if he is born in the US you might lose living in Canada with your child as an option. Or it will at least make things more complicated. If the child is born in Canada you could probably live either here or there. You will have more options. I would never suggest a pregnant woman go against her Doctors advice. You can ship your cats and belongings to your parents and take a train to your parents. They have really nice trains where you can have a cozy room where you can sleep and shower. At 7 months pregnant such a long trip requires some extra thought to comfort.

The insurance has to be sorted out. If you need to be in Canada 3 months that isn't going to work. Maybe your current insurance will cover you or as mentioned before there are companies that sell insurance for gap periods like this one.

I agree and hope your lawyer is able to give you advice. You definitely want to keep your options open and it sounds like having the child in Canada provides you more choices. Even if you don't want to think about down the road, at least protect your child by having him in Canada. Then if you decide you'd rather live in the US, you have that option.

Please be careful about sharing anything with your DH. I think things will go much smoother for you the less he knows. He may even try to be charming to get info out of you but please, please keep your son in mind and your safety. Sharing any of your plans or meetings will give him time and information to make his own plans. You want him in the dark as much as possible about what you might want to do while you figure things out.

Please take care of yourself.

 

[jodifla]

I live in Canada and I got passports for my kids without their Father's signature but I have full custody and I had to show court papers proving it.

I think it's really important this child is born in Canada because if he is born in the US you might lose living in Canada with your child as an option. Or it will at least make things more complicated. If the child is born in Canada you could probably live either here or there. You will have more options. I would never suggest a pregnant woman go against her Doctors advice. You can ship your cats and belongings to your parents and take a train to your parents. They have really nice trains where you can have a cozy room where you can sleep and shower. At 7 months pregnant such a long trip requires some extra thought to comfort.

The insurance has to be sorted out. If you need to be in Canada 3 months that isn't going to work. Maybe your current insurance will cover you or as mentioned before there are companies that sell insurance for gap periods like this one.

I'm curious what the reasoning is behind this. They'll have to do whatever a judge says, right?? If the judge says she needs to live near her husband to make joint custody, it won't matter that she returned to Canada.

 

[punkin]

I'm curious what the reasoning is behind this. They'll have to do whatever a judge says, right?? If the judge says she needs to live near her husband to make joint custody, it won't matter that she returned to Canada.

Let the DuH just try to assert custody over a Canadian citizen across an international border. It would be different if OP has the baby and then takes him to Canada...that's kidnapping, but if she takes her pregnant self, then it is up to DuH to go up to Canada and assert custody there. No Canadian Judge is EVER going to let DuH take the child out of the country.

 

[SaraJayne]

I'm curious what the reasoning is behind this. They'll have to do whatever a judge says, right?? If the judge says she needs to live near her husband to make joint custody, it won't matter that she returned to Canada.

The OP has dual citizenship. And it won't matter what a judge says, she is free to live wherever she pleases.

 

[abdmom]

The OP has dual citizenship. And it won't matter what a judge says, she is free to live wherever she pleases.

She is free to live wherever she pleases. She is NOT free to take a U.S. minor out of the country without the other parent's consent.

 

[sandynd]

Exactly why the baby should be born in Canada, becoming a Canadian citizen. Then a U.S. judge will have no jurisdiction about where the child travels.

 

[SaraJayne]

She is free to live wherever she pleases. She is NOT free to take a U.S. minor out of the country without the other parent's consent.

Which is exactly why so many are urging her to go now, before the baby is born.