7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[padams]

OP, did you explain to your doctor that you would be moving home (1 flight) where you have more support, or did you merely ask if it would be ok to fly to Canada (leaving the doctor to think you are doing a round trip just to go visit)?

 

[crashbb]

Before you come up to Canada to have your birth and healthcare covered, make sure you'd actually be eligible! It isn't like you get it from the moment you get into the country.

Not sure what province your parents are in, but, even assuming you maintained your Canadian citizenship, in Ontario, you'd also need to prove that Ontario is your primary place of residence (and it isn't for you). The rules are:

• you make your primary place of residence in Ontario; and generally speaking,
• you are in Ontario for at least 153 days of the first 183 days immediately following the date you establish residence in Ontario (you cannot be absent for more than 30 days during the first 6 months of residence); and
• you are in Ontario for at least 153 days in any 12-month period.

http://www.health.gov.on.ca/english/public/pub/ohip/eligibility.html

Other provinces may do things differently.

 

[westjones]

I worked for an airline for many years, as long as the pregnancy is stable, flying at 7 months is perfectly fine. I really would love to know she is safely away from this guy...

That would make sense. It would seem like a long bus, train or car ride would be much harder to take then a few hours on a plane, but when I was pregnant I never traveled so I don't know how that would be.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best!

 

[minnie56]

Before you come up to Canada to have your birth and healthcare covered, make sure you'd actually be eligible! It isn't like you get it from the moment you get into the country.

Not sure what province your parents are in, but, even assuming you maintained your Canadian citizenship, in Ontario, you'd also need to prove that Ontario is your primary place of residence (and it isn't for you). The rules are:

• you make your primary place of residence in Ontario; and generally speaking,
• you are in Ontario for at least 153 days of the first 183 days immediately following the date you establish residence in Ontario (you cannot be absent for more than 30 days during the first 6 months of residence); and
• you are in Ontario for at least 153 days in any 12-month period.

http://www.health.gov.on.ca/english/public/pub/ohip/eligibility.html

Other provinces may do things differently.

I think the OP said her parents reside on the East coast? I could be wrong and as for a waiting period, they do make exemptions. She is Canadian born, and as far as I am concerned an abused woman. Emotional abuse counts and this guy has the market cornered on it!

 

[abdmom]

I think the OP said her parents reside on the East coast? I could be wrong and as for a waiting period, they do make exemptions. She is Canadian born, and as far as I am concerned an abused woman. Emotional abuse counts and this guy has the market cornered on it!

I moved back to Canada after being in the States for 14 years. I went in to apply for my health card after being in ON for about 3 weeks. I expected to be told that I would have to wait etc. They gave me my health card and those of the children too immediately.

 

[punkin]

I really remember reading somewhere that there are exceptions for pregnant women (and of course, the child will be covered at birth anyway). I don't know which province OP's parents are in, but surely, they can call some provincial health office and find out the details.

 

[CarolAnnC]

I worked for an airline for many years, as long as the pregnancy is stable, flying at 7 months is perfectly fine. I really would love to know she is safely away from this guy...

I agree totally. She is most vulnerable right now at the point of asking the husband to leave the marital home. The guy is obviously good at masking his true feelings from what she has said, and I would not trust him one bit.

I also believe that the doctor, though he may be a fine ob-gyn, is going to provide warning at even the slightest health flag such as the slightly elevated BP. They need to cover themselves in this day and age of lawsuits.

But, IMHO, the risk of staying there with the husband is far greater than the risk of the flight home to Canada. At the very least, he is uncaring and insensitive to her and her health, and apparently has no paternal instinct towards his unborn child.

As far as the insurance coverage, I would not stay in the U.S. just because she may not be covered in Canada for the birth. You cannot put a price tag on safety, health and well-being. Whether she ends up with a payment plan, or turns to social services, I think she needs to get back home with her family and have the baby there.

I know I have strong feelings on this subject, but I am living in the Midwest in the land of Drew Peterson, Christopher Vaughan, in the neighborhood of Lisa Stebic, and I remember Laci Peterson as well. All beautiful young women, good moms..

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I would get a second opinion about flying. Are there other doctors in the practice?

 

[goofyintoronto]

I agree totally. She is most vulnerable right now at the point of asking the husband to leave the marital home. The guy is obviously good at masking his true feelings from what she has said, and I would not trust him one bit.

I also believe that the doctor, though he may be a fine ob-gyn, is going to provide warning at even the slightest health flag such as the slightly elevated BP. They need to cover themselves in this day and age of lawsuits.

But, IMHO, the risk of staying there with the husband is far greater than the risk of the flight home to Canada. At the very least, he is uncaring and insensitive to her and her health, and apparently has no paternal instinct towards his unborn child.

As far as the insurance coverage, I would not stay in the U.S. just because she may not be covered in Canada for the birth. You cannot put a price tag on safety, health and well-being. Whether she ends up with a payment plan, or turns to social services, I think she needs to get back home with her family and have the baby there.

I know I have strong feelings on this subject, but I am living in the Midwest in the land of Drew Peterson, Christopher Vaughan, in the neighborhood of Lisa Stebic, and I remember Laci Peterson as well. All beautiful young women, good moms..

I couldnt have said it any better myself. I would NOT under any circumstance give birth in the US...plus think of all the hoops you'd have to go thru to make the baby a canadian citizen. Quite honestly, i'd get a second opinion/new doctor. The Dr said your healthy, except for your BP being slightly elevated. Is a plane ride home really going to damage you/the baby? Think of all the stress youre dealing with being near your husband. You need to be around people who love you and want you around. I would not want to be anywhere near my so called husband since he made it clear he doesnt want to have anything to do with the baby. This is a no brainer. The last thing you want is to be stuck in the US with your baby when you know youre better off at home in canada.

Who knows when your hubby will turn around/have a change of heart and prevent you from legally taking the baby to Canada. This chick might dump him the next day for all you know. Guess who he'll be running to then? He'll probably say something like "i came to my senses and realised that youre the one for me, I dumped her, i'll change blah blah blah" when all along she's the one who dumped him. You decide that since you have a baby together, you'll work on your marriage. Then a couple of years down the road he does it again with another woman, and your back at sq.one. You deserve far better. Get out now while you still can. Start a fresh life.

 

[crashbb]

As far as the insurance coverage, I would not stay in the U.S. just because she may not be covered in Canada for the birth. You cannot put a price tag on safety, health and well-being. Whether she ends up with a payment plan, or turns to social services, I think she needs to get back home with her family and have the baby there.

I know I have strong feelings on this subject, but I am living in the Midwest in the land of Drew Peterson, Christopher Vaughan, in the neighborhood of Lisa Stebic, and I remember Laci Peterson as well. All beautiful young women, good moms..

I don't disagree. My comment was more for those saying to hightail it to Canada because of the insurance coverage. My point being that, if insurance coverage is the reason for the move (I agree with you that there are many other reasons that the move is a good idea), the OP has to make sure that she actually gets said coverage. If the coverage is just a "bonus", then, while the OP still needs to find out exactly what she can get and how, it is less imperative.

 

[SaraJayne]

I don't disagree. My comment was more for those saying to hightail it to Canada because of the insurance coverage. My point being that, if insurance coverage is the reason for the move (I agree with you that there are many other reasons that the move is a good idea), the OP has to make sure that she actually gets said coverage. If the coverage is just a "bonus", then, while the OP still needs to find out exactly what she can get and how, it is less imperative.

I encouraged her to move home to Canada because that is where her loved ones are and where she'll find support while she goes through this heartbreaking time. The Canadian health system didn't really factor into my advice (since I know nothing about it).

 

[jujube]

I encouraged her to move home to Canada because that is where her loved ones are and where she'll find support while she goes through this heartbreaking time. The Canadian health system didn't really factor into my advice (since I know nothing about it).

The OP's parents live in Canada.

 

[debbi801]

I admit that I only have read through page 11, so I might of missed this, but another reason you need to go to Canada before your baby is born: Passports. Once your baby is born, I believe both parents would need to sign off on getting him a passport. And if he wants to be super obnoxious, he could refuse. Which would make it difficult to return to Canada.

 

[RadioNate]

I admit that I only have read through page 11, so I might of missed this, but another reason you need to go to Canada before your baby is born: Passports. Once your baby is born, I believe both parents would need to sign off on getting him a passport. And if he wants to be super obnoxious, he could refuse. Which would make it difficult to return to Canada.

This IS true. You do need both parents PRESENT to get a passport. In some circumstances a notarized affidavit can be used if one parent can't be present but they really want both parents there, in person, during the application process.

I had forgot about this. I do whatever you could to have the baby in Canada.

 

[jujube]

I admit that I only have read through page 11, so I might of missed this, but another reason you need to go to Canada before your baby is born: Passports. Once your baby is born, I believe both parents would need to sign off on getting him a passport. And if he wants to be super obnoxious, he could refuse. Which would make it difficult to return to Canada.

Wow, never thought of this-excellent point!

 

[SaraJayne]

This IS true. You do need both parents PRESENT to get a passport. In some circumstances a notarized affidavit can be used if one parent can't be present but they really want both parents there, in person, during the application process.

I had forgot about this. I do whatever you could to have the baby in Canada.

Yes, that is a great point. Both parents do need to be present to get a passport for minor children.

 

[punkin]

I admit that I only have read through page 11, so I might of missed this, but another reason you need to go to Canada before your baby is born: Passports. Once your baby is born, I believe both parents would need to sign off on getting him a passport. And if he wants to be super obnoxious, he could refuse. Which would make it difficult to return to Canada.

I have to quote myself:

If you have the baby in California he will legally be able to keep the child in the US. On the other hand, he has no authority over you and as long as that baby is in your body - you can do whatever you want.

GO HOME TO YOUR PARENTS! NOW!!!!

...and I will repeat...go home to Canada BEFORE there is a baby!

 

[abdmom]

Yes, that is a great point. Both parents do need to be present to get a passport for minor children.

The OP would need the father's permission to take the child out of the country. He could accuse the OP of child abduction if she takes the baby out of the U.S. A lot of parents flee to Canada with their children. Here are the entry requirements for a child into Canada. Whether or not the child is a Canadian or US citizen doesn't matter.

If a minor child is travelling with one parent only:

The child should have a copy of his/her birth certificate as well as a letter of authorization, preferably in English or French, signed by the parent who is not travelling with him. The letter of authorization should give the address and telephone number of the non-accompanying parent. A photocopy of the passport or national identity card of the non-accompanying parent, with the bearer’s signature, should be attached.

In addition:

If the parents are separated or divorced, and they share custody of the child, the parent travelling with the child should carry copies of the legal custody documents. It is also recommended that they have a letter of authorization from the other custodial parent to take the child on a trip out of the country.
If the parents are separated or divorced and one of them has sole custody of the child, the letter of authorization may be signed by that parent only and a copy of the custody decree presented.
If one of the child’s parents is deceased, a copy of the death certificate should be presented.

This is why I wholeheartedly recommend that the OP get on a plane to Canada now. If she doesn't go before the baby is born, her husband can make it difficult for her ever to leave the U.S.

 

[jodifla]

For those who are so insistent she drop everything and move to Canada, what about health insurance, as it looks like she'll be uninsured when she moves back. A delivery could set up back thousands -- or tens of thousands -- of dollars.

Also, without a job, how will she support herself and her child?

 

[jujube]

For those who are so insistent she drop everything and move to Canada, what about health insurance, as it looks like she'll be uninsured when she moves back. A delivery could set up back thousands -- or tens of thousands -- of dollars.

Also, without a job, how will she support herself and her child?

So it would be better for her to stay with a man who doesn't want her or her baby and who is dating a nutcase?