My mom...

[Luv0fDisney]

My mom makes me feel bad. She's constantly always putting me down saying that bigger people have trouble making friends if at all, and those who are over weight only "think" they have friends.

It makes me upset when she says this. "Everyone wears jeans" BS. I know not 100% of the world wears jeans... She's constantly putting me down and I can't take it any more. I'm literally in a cross bind.

I suffer from major depression and can't live on my own, but living here at home is making me crazy when my mom says these stupid things and when I say I can't she goes into her annoying positive attitude "Yes you can" blah de dah. I literally can't. and she wont hear it. "People don't hire over weight people" so i said I got hired for the movie theaters and the telemarketing job, and I was the same size," and she went "oh it was luck."

Anti depressents don't work. Drugs don't work. etc.
I am sooo aggravated with her it's not even funny. I just am at the crying point and I don't care about anything or anybody any more. I really don't want to go to Disney World with her any more because she's always putting me down. But w/ history I can't go because "you need a friend to go with you." I can't go any where by myself other then my aunt's house. I feel trapped and its because of her. I can't go to MA because my BROTHER had an incident. I am NOT my brother. "You need experience" she says. Well how am i going to get experience if she won't let me?

I know I'm 25 but i'm at the boiling point where i'm confused. I'm not sure what is bad or good, appropriate or inappropriate. Argh. I want to scream and hang myself literally. I have no friends and having my parents put me down makes me feel 100x worse.

every day when i wake up , i always am thinking when am i going to go to bed?
i just needed to vent.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

Do you live at home and have to spend every day with your mother? Are you financially capable of moving out - or can you work out a deal with your parents so that you can move out? If so, get out of the house! Don't live with someone who is constantly putting you down... even if it is your own mom. Living on your own will force you to get out there and meet new people and make friends.

If you can't live alone, look for roommates - I know a lot of apartment communities will assign you to a roommate if you request. My friend found roommates... believe it or not... on Craigslist (we joked about them being weirdos, but they're actually really fun people who he's become great friends with)! Search the classifieds for people wanting roommates.

Do you work? Attend school? A good way to make friends is to take a class (art? dancing? welding? There are tons of classes for all interests available!) or volunteer (there are also many volunteer opportunities for a variety of interests). Get out there and meet people! It might be scary at first, but a lot of people are scared - just smile and introduce yourself - there's nothing to lose!

People who are overweight only think they have friends? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I know you don't believe that nonsense. You shouldn't believe that nonsense - because it's not true!

I think I'm missing the backstory on the "everyone wears jeans" scenerio. However, I can assure you that everyone does not wear jeans. I have a friend who hasn't worn jeans for at least the past ten years. He only wears khaki shorts or pants. He doesn't like the way jeans feel.

 

[JVL1018]

Your mom is full of it.
My best friend is very overweight and she is, hands down, the MOST social and has the most friends, out of all of our group. She's never met a stranger, she is the person who gets in an elevator and comes out chatting away with the people on it. Everyone loves her. She is a professional and has never had an issue getting employed.

I am sorry you are having such a hard time with depression and your mom isn't helping. Pease continue trying to get help, talk to someone, something will work, eventually. Please don't do anything to harm yourself!!!

Once you are able to get a job, your social situation should improve-and for now what about meetup.com or something like that? Like match.com for friendships..

 

[Luv0fDisney]

i'm missing the jeans thing too. I like to wear comfortable clothes like skirts.
I went through something in college that made me very wery of people and trusting people. i don't have $$ to move out and don't want to have a roommate. I just am soo confused these days. I get out of the house almost every day but I just don't know what to do.

I just am sick of her saying this and that but I don't know where to go. I'm just 25 yrs old and feel like i'm 25 going on 59. . I don't know whats up or down any more. just tired.

i just don't have the confidence to meet people. I suffer from major depression and ptsd and have trouble with things. I feel like I know people but just don't recognize their faces when I see complete strangers. I know it sounds weird.
i also think about what people think of me all the time. It didnt use to be like this though.

i just am so confused about life in general.

 

[Nancy for Disney]

I assume you are in therapy. I am not sure why your therapist is letting you live in such a toxic environment.

 

[cousinbb]

pshhh your mom. Just because you may be overweight doesn't mean you can't get friends or a job. Those things are based on your attitude towards things.
I personally am not overweight, but I have many friends who are! And they are my BEST friends. And I'm friends with them bc they make me laugh and I can talk to them about anything. I don't care in the least bit what they look like.
Also, they have great jobs. One works in a office, the other a nanny.

Don't let your mom bring you down darlin. Have you talked to her about how she is making you feel? Maybe she doesn't realize it. Maybe something else in her life is bothering her and she is unconsciously taking it out on you?
Heck with drugs. Those things are stupid and arn't going to help you. Try reading encouraging books like the Chicken Soup for the "whatever" Soul. Don't hang or kill yourself. That doesn't help. There are people out there that care for you <3 I don't know if you are part of a religion or not, and I'm not gonna force this on anyone (no flames plz), but I am a Christian and praying and talking to God helps me.
And hey, you are allowed to cry, vent, and scream. Let it all out! It's ok -hugs- I don't know if I helped any or not, but please don't give up on yourself. Look for something positive to think about.

 

[Luv0fDisney]

I try to tell her how i feel but she makes me even more aggravated and aggitated... She just doesn't see what I feel...
So i put flyers up in Stop and Shop and someone keeps taking them down and she just says "Don't deal with strangers?" ***?
everyone is a stranger? How am i supposed to live life if i don't interact with strangers? Since No one will hire me because i'm fat, how am i supposed to get $$ to buy stuff because right now they pay for my credit card but i feel it's like "you don't own anything." they used to not care but i just feel soooo bad about my mom putting me down all the time. I want to kill myself badly....
I don't want to live like this... my mind is blank and i feel numb all the time, nothing makes sense to me.
She doesn't take me serious. Everything is a huge joke to her. I started crying on thursday after grey's anatomy. I was upset with my own life and she just said "its probably because of whats on tv." It wasn't because of the show. It's just a show. I could care less. It's this she doesnt take serious. She wants me to be like my cousins. It's not fair. And when i ask her about it, she denies it.and when i tried to argue it's "Go away." "Get away from me."

I hate my life.

 

[leebee]

Please get some professional help. Your mind is in a dark and dangerous place, and you need a professional to help you get better. Major depression can be treated, but you need a trained counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist to help you get past this. Venting on a message board might make you feel better because it relieves immediate pressure, but it's not going to help you GET better. PLEASE find help... call a hot line, go to the ER, something. You can't do this alone, and the "experts" here really cannot help you, either.

 

[RadioNate]

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

I believe this OP is hurting, no matter what ID she is posting under. However, I will just say, again. GET HELP. Help IS out there. You need professional mental help.

One day at a time but you have to start today. Only you can change your life.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Only YOU can change your life. It seems like your mom might be going through something herself and for what ever reason seems to be taking it out on you. I am sorry for that

Please call and get help. Your life won't change over night but eventually you will realize your life can be what ever you want it to be.

It sounds like your first big step will to be get away from the negativity.

 

[cornflake]

Have you tried looking for a job?

Apply for some jobs online. Go out - WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER - and look for a job. Heck, go out - WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER - and go for a walk in the park.

You say you don't want a roommate - do you want to live like this? A rommate seems like a better deal to me.

Are you in therapy? You need to be in therapy and possibly on medication - these things will make you feel much better and help you move forward in your life to get to a place you're really happy. You CAN do that.

 

[a1tinkfans]

PLEASE
call the hotline today, tonight, RIGHT NOW.

You CAN feel better...and professionals can help you....we are all here to listen, to support you, but we are not professionals, and what makes US feel better (whether that is therapy, or prayers or meds, maybe a combination of things) may not work the same for YOU..
You Matter, You are Beautiful regardless of your size, BELIEVE it, because it is true...You are beautiful because you are UNIQUELY YOU

PLEASE...reach out and get help because you Deserve to feel better...
one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time and then
ALL the time..

Dont give up, FIGHT to feel better, to be understood...
we do care about you......truly!

Call the HOTLINE, make that the starting point!

 

[Help Please!]

OP...

I was there once. Right where you are. Now, I'm 29. I'm married. I have a beautiful 14-month-old son.

AND...

I'm overweight. Obese, actually. Fat doesn't equal bad. Many overweight people have emotional issues that are the cause of their size...it's that way for me. You too, it sounds like. CALL THE HOTLINE TODAY, because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I'm not super religious, but I know that everyone is here for a reason. I also know that you came on to the DISboards to reach out for help...and here we are. CALL THE HOTLINE and GET YOURSELF OUT of the awful environment you are living in. YOU are special. YOU are beautiful. YOU deserve better!!!

Now believe it.

 

[Mariep26]

Please, please reach out and get the help that you need. Your mother is basically bullying and emotionally abusing you. When I married my husband he was overweight and after two children (sympathy eating/weight gain) he topped out at over 350lbs... I love him more than the day that I met him.. I love him more every single day. He had gastric bypass surgery one year ago for him, for his health and to be there to see his children grow up. My point is that you need to focus on you and get what you need both physically and mentally. I know I am a stranger but if there is anything that I can do for you please reach out to me (I don't know where you live but I am in MA). ((hugs))

 

[Buckalew11]

Good advice here.

And I think your mom feels out of control with you and that is why she acts and speaks as she does. She wants a better life for you but has no idea how to help you have one and she is probably scared for you. She is not handling it well, but that is what I think the thing is that she herself is going through.

She says those things because she *thinks* it will make you want to change your body because that is what she wants for you. I do 2 moms' hair who have overweight daughters...I have heard this concern from them but it comes out in a bad, ugly sounding way.

I might be wrong about your mom but I think there is a good chance I'm right.

Get yourself some help. Medicine can and does help. You are worth it and you can be out of this very dark place.

You DO want to live!!! You want to live and be happy and fulfilled! You want to reach out and help others! Fight for your life, fight for yourself, your happiness!

And that weird thing you described? About faces and recognition? I have heard of that! I have no idea where but I have heard that described quite recently...possibly related to the ptsd? So get help because if I've heard of it, others have too--people who can help you with it.

You can do this! I'm going to pray for you right now, sweetie. You are worth so much to so many--do NOT feel alone. Call and talk to someone--call the number that was posted above. God loves you...you are valued.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

Oh, sweetie, my heart is breaking just reading your posts. The other posters are absolutely correct...you are worth it just because you are you! Call the hotline, do what you can to escape you environment, find your empowerment and get moving on your life! Being overweight doesn't prevaricate happiness. Your mom feels unable to control what is happening in your life so she is looking for blame, in other words, things are bad because your are overweight. That's a bunch of crap! Take some steps, you can do it, and you are totally, completely worth it.

 

[Maridw]

Everyone can make friends and get jobs. When I was younger I was the ultra skinny person and people would joke about/with me about my weight. I was also very shy. But I agree with the other posters in that your mother is toxic in her attitude.

If you are not in counseling, you need to get into it. I personally do not wear jeans because I have put on weight since I lost my job 3 years ago. So jeans are not comfortable. I am currently that person in the commercial that wears the yoga pants all the time.

Where I used to work, my co-worker was and still is a very good friend of mine. She was very overweight. She is a very delightful woman. I have other "pooh" sized friends and would never not be their friend because of their weight.

As far as medications, if one isn't working, keep pushing until they get you on one that does work. I was on one for so long that it finally stopped working. They had to change my medication to something different. There is something that will work for you.

Hang in there, don't give up! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[L107ANGEL]

My heart is breaking for you!
First, you are worthy of friendship, a life and self value! The latter being most important.
You are worthy of happiness. You just forgot that or never really understood that.
It's ok!
It will be however you need to make the first of several steps. Take a deep breathe, again it will be fine!
Please talk to a live person you trust if not a professional ( I only say this due to money being a factor in what you are stating) So I guess I am asking do you have anyone outside of the family to talk to?
If no, its no wonder you feel so isolated. Everyone needs a friend!
Talk to us, it is ok. I have leaned on the friends I made here many times throughout the years and I love them with my whole heart!
Best way to do this is break the wall down in steps. Then its not a wall anymore!
What is most important to you, not what we may think, just you.
Lets break it down together
By the way, I am sure there is so much positive about you, you just aren't seeing it at the moment.
Hang in there and keep swimming!

 

[disneymom3]

Don't call the hotline. Go to the emergency room. You need a few days without the stress of your mom and you need immediate help. There is nothing wrong with needing help but there is very much wrong with your mom treating you like this.

 

[Luv0fDisney]

Thanks for everyone's support and concern. I just need a little calming down time.