How would you handle this one????

[Desnik]

My 14yo 9th grade DD texted me from school today to tell me she was offered drugs!

During her art class the girl that sits next to her made a comment that she stunk and needed perfume, so she opens her bag and in it was a bag filled with weed. She asks my DD hey, do you want some? You wanna smoke with me later. My DD replied, "no thanks, I'm good." Then texted me after the class to tell me what had happened. She was a little shaken up and went on to tell me she was scared and it was such a crazy thing she couldn't even believe it happened.

For years I have heard rumors about drugs in the school & some of DD's friends had told me some hair raising stories about the H.S. But, having never had first hand experience I chalked it up to kids spreading rumors and it couldn't have been as bad as they were saying.

When DD started this year in the H.S. she told me that the kids walk into the woods during lunch and smoke pot. She then went on to tell me that the tearchers were aware, joked about it and mentioned smelling it in the school because one of the classes has a window facing the woods. Anyway of course I was dumbstruck but again I let it go and told DD to stay away from the kids doing it.

Then this happens today. I really wasn't sure how to handle it. When I called DH he hung up with me and immediately called the school and spoke to the principal. He told my DH he had just started at the school in Dec and was well aware of the drug problem and said it has actually gotten better since he arrived but admitted more needed to be done. My DH told him he'll give him a week to come up with a plan to end the drugs on school property otherwise he will call the police. He also told him we would help in any way we could. (I'm a SAHM and would totally be willing to monitor the area outside during lunch, I can't believe there isn't even one adult present!) The principal said he'd call my DH next week and apologized and admitted the drug situation was bad. He asked if DD was willing to give names it would help and promised he would never say where he got the info from but DH told him no. He doesn't want her put in that position.

So my question is, how would you handle this? Am I under reacting, did DH over react? Should we, could we do anything else? I just don't know how to proceed.

I will say I am so proud of my DD for saying no and telling me about it!

 

[SaraJayne]

My 14yo 9th grade DD texted me from school today to tell me she was offered drugs!

During her art class the girl that sits next to her made a comment that she stunk and needed perfume, so she opens her bag and in it was a bag filled with weed. She asks my DD hey, do you want some? You wanna smoke with me later. My DD replied, "no thanks, I'm good." Then texted me after the class to tell me what had happened. She was a little shaken up and went on to tell me she was scared and it was such a crazy thing she couldn't even believe it happened.

For years I have heard rumors about drugs in the school & some of DD's friends had told me some hair raising stories about the H.S. But, having never had first hand experience I chalked it up to kids spreading rumors and it couldn't have been as bad as they were saying.

When DD started this year in the H.S. she told me that the kids walk into the woods during lunch and smoke pot. She then went on to tell me that the tearchers were aware, joked about it and mentioned smelling it in the school because one of the classes has a window facing the woods. Anyway of course I was dumbstruck but again I let it go and told DD to stay away from the kids doing it.

Then this happens today. I really wasn't sure how to handle it. When I called DH he hung up with me and immediately called the school and spoke to the principal. He told my DH he had just started at the school in Dec and was well aware of the drug problem and said it has actually gotten better since he arrived but admitted more needed to be done. My DH told him he'll give him a week to come up with a plan to end the drugs on school property otherwise he will call the police. He also told him we would help in any way we could. (I'm a SAHM and would totally be willing to monitor the area outside during lunch, I can't believe there isn't even one adult present!) The principal said he'd call my DH next week and apologized and admitted the drug situation was bad. He asked if DD was willing to give names it would help and promised he would never say where he got the info from but DH told him no. He doesn't want her put in that position.

So my question is, how would you handle this? Am I under reacting, did DH over react? Should we, could we do anything else? I just don't know how to proceed.

I will say I am so proud of my DD for saying no and telling me about it!

Good for your DD for telling you about it.

Do you not have drug-sniffing dogs that come in occasionally and walk the halls?

Even here in po-dunk WI, they do that throughout the year and kids know their lockers can be searched at any time, for any reason.

 

[JKMJ441724]

I'm proud of your daughter too. I have told my children that there are certain things that they simply don't have to bear and should push that burden to someone older.

Drugs, weapons and sexual activity are the 3 highest on the list.

 

[Jennasis]

I understand it's frightening and frustrating but what exactly was your DH hoping to do by "giving the principle one week to come up with a plan or else he'll call the police"? The police will require your DD to give them names otherwise THEY can't do anything either. And I bet they're already painfully aware of the problem.

You can't control what others do. All you can do is talk to your DD about what she can/should do herself and try to avoid the problem kids. Otherwise consider homeschooling or private school.

 

[padams]

Count me as another person proud of your dd!

 

[jrmasm]

Unless my kid was in some kind of danger, I doubt I would have said anything.

 

[jp24]

Good for your daughter. Now I'd go to the principal and let them know as well. Point the girl out. And the teachers out, if possible. This type of behavior is simply unacceptable in any school. If they can't fix it, go to the police.

 

[krcit]

Unless my kid was in some kind of danger, I doubt I would have said anything.

 

[cabanafrau]

The problem is so bad the teachers joke about the smell filtering in from the kids leaving school and smoking in the woods & the police & school admin can't figure out the solution? They can hire me for half the principal's salary & I will fix the problem day one.

Closed campus. It ain't rocket science.

I can then moonlight as Barney Fife(once again 1/2 price fee) & do police surveillance in the woods, armed w/ camera, zip ties to handcuff the little stoners & the paddy wagon waiting to haul them back to the station where they can be ticketed for possession. I'm guessing removing the easy access & convenient cover for their activities might curtail some of it & help keep it away from the school a bit more.

OP, do keep it fresh in your DD's mind that drugs can have very dangerous consequences, even the first time & can seriously damage your health & future.

 

[mjkacmom]

Really, you are giving the principal a week? They've been fighting drugs in the schools for decades here in my upper middle class town! Random drug tests, assemblies, drug sniffing dogs, security, expulsions - and pot is the least of their concerns (big heroin problem).

The first time I was asked if I wanted to smoke pot was when I was in the 7th grade, and I was probably offered drugs dozens of times in HS. This is not a new problem - it's been going on forever, and it's very hard to combat (especially since no one wants to be the narc - like your dd).

 

[jp24]

Unless my kid was in some kind of danger, I doubt I would have said anything.

Pretty sure if drugs are being offered and peddled around the school, your kid is in danger. Those drugs have to come from somewhere and those people usually aren't wholesome and pure. If more than one supplier is represented in school, there's potential for some sort of turf war breaking out.

Make no mistake about it, if it's not kept out of your child's school, your kid is in danger.

 

[DVCLiz]

I think you and your DH both overreacted wildly. This is high school, not second grade. Kids smoke and sell each other pot. Unless you are willing to have your daughter's name made public, you should all stay out of it. A frank talk with your daughter was all that was necessary.

How the school chooses to handle its drug problem is a different matter, but having your husband threaten to call the police or installing yourself as the outdoor monitor is totally unrealistic.

Tell your daughter to keep turning it down and move on.

 

[Coconut36]

My 14yo 9th grade DD texted me from school today to tell me she was offered drugs!

During her art class the girl that sits next to her made a comment that she stunk and needed perfume, so she opens her bag and in it was a bag filled with weed. She asks my DD hey, do you want some? You wanna smoke with me later. My DD replied, "no thanks, I'm good." Then texted me after the class to tell me what had happened. She was a little shaken up and went on to tell me she was scared and it was such a crazy thing she couldn't even believe it happened.

For years I have heard rumors about drugs in the school & some of DD's friends had told me some hair raising stories about the H.S. But, having never had first hand experience I chalked it up to kids spreading rumors and it couldn't have been as bad as they were saying.

When DD started this year in the H.S. she told me that the kids walk into the woods during lunch and smoke pot. She then went on to tell me that the tearchers were aware, joked about it and mentioned smelling it in the school because one of the classes has a window facing the woods. Anyway of course I was dumbstruck but again I let it go and told DD to stay away from the kids doing it.

Then this happens today. I really wasn't sure how to handle it. When I called DH he hung up with me and immediately called the school and spoke to the principal. He told my DH he had just started at the school in Dec and was well aware of the drug problem and said it has actually gotten better since he arrived but admitted more needed to be done. My DH told him he'll give him a week to come up with a plan to end the drugs on school property otherwise he will call the police. He also told him we would help in any way we could. (I'm a SAHM and would totally be willing to monitor the area outside during lunch, I can't believe there isn't even one adult present!) The principal said he'd call my DH next week and apologized and admitted the drug situation was bad. He asked if DD was willing to give names it would help and promised he would never say where he got the info from but DH told him no. He doesn't want her put in that position.

So my question is, how would you handle this? Am I under reacting, did DH over react? Should we, could we do anything else? I just don't know how to proceed.

I will say I am so proud of my DD for saying no and telling me about it!

OK the bold is ridiculous. I think letting the Principal know is enough. You think they aren't aware? Does your DH think the police aren't aware? Your DD will likely be called in and told to name names and they will proceed from there. They don't owe you or your DH a plan of action based on his phone call or 1 incident being report by him and a week? Come on now!

Drugs in high school are hardly anything new..the important thing and what I would focus on is your DD knows how to say no and walk away. You have given her a foundation to make the right choice and she made it. She knows what to do if it comes up again as well.

 

[happygirl]

I'm shocked so many people are saying they would just ignore it. This is illegal activity.

If nothing else call the school anyonmously sp? and say you know so and so has drugs on her. Her parents need to know that she doing drugs.

 

[jp24]

Hmmmm, I think the "keep your head down and mouth shut" mentality here is what has perpetuated this problem to begin with. The keep quiet approach hasn't worked for 40 years. Why would it start now? Zero tolerance should mean just that - ZERO TOLERANCE. You bring drugs to school, you go to jail. You forfeit your right to come back to school. I wonder if the reaction would have been the same if OP's daughter would have seen a loaded gun in her classmate's backpack.

 

[jrmasm]

Pretty sure if drugs are being offered and peddled around the school, your kid is in danger. Those drugs have to come from somewhere and those people usually aren't wholesome and pure. If more than one supplier is represented in school, there's potential for some sort of turf war breaking out.

Make no mistake about it, if it's not kept out of your child's school, your kid is in danger.

I disagree.

 

[luvmy3]

OK the bold is ridiculous. I think letting the Principal know is enough. You think they aren't aware? Does your DH think the police aren't aware? Your DD will likely be called in and told to name names and they will proceed from there. They don't owe you or your DH a plan of action based on his phone call or 1 incident being report by him and a week? Come on now!

Drugs in high school are hardly anything new..the important thing and what I would focus on is your DD knows how to say no and walk away. You have given her a foundation to make the right choice and she made it. She knows what to do if it comes up again as well.

I'm shocked so many people are saying they would just ignore it. This is illegal activity.

If nothing else call the school anyonmously sp? and say you know so and so has drugs on her. Her parents need to know that she doing drugs.

Quite frankly I'd worry about my dd more if she was labeled as a narc more than I'd worry about her doing drugs that were offered her.

 

[Coconut36]

Hmmmm, I think the "keep your head down and mouth shut" mentality here is what has perpetuated this problem to begin with. The keep quiet approach hasn't worked for 40 years. Why would it start now? Zero tolerance should mean just that - ZERO TOLERANCE. You bring drugs to school, you go to jail. You forfeit your right to come back to school. I wonder if the reaction would have been the same if OP's daughter would have seen a loaded gun in her classmate's backpack.

Since when has it been a "keep quiet" approach for 40 years?

A loaded gun and pot are not remotely comparable to each other. Who said there wasn't zero tolerance or that the school will not act on it? They will get the name from the DD and go from there..of course they obviously will need to find pot on the student as they can't arrest or expel them based on the word of another student.

 

[kamik86]

Honestly I don't understand the big overreaction. Kids had drugs when I was in school. My friends were high half the time. My friends knew I didn't do drugs and they didn't pressure me too (and it sounds like this girl didn't pressure your DD either, she just said "Hey do you want some") I got asked that quite a bit freshman year. By sophmore year it became "I'd offer but you would just say no anyway"

Heck one day we had kids smoking weed on the bus. I still don't understand how they didn't get in trouble for that one. I was in the front of the bus and I could smell it so the only thing I can think of is the bus driver just didn't care.

As for what I would do. I would take your DD out for ice cream or some other small treat and tell her how happy you are that she not only didn't do drugs but even told you she was offered.

Your kids will be offered drugs... Heck my 18 year old niece was offered drugs by my Brother in Law in front of my neice's father!! Now if students were pressuring others to do drugs, acting dangerously, bringing in weapons yeah... but my school barely even had bad fist fights by all accounts it was a VERY safe school.

Really to me its not that different then last week on travel where my co-workers offered me alcohol. When I said no they seemed surprised that I don't drink at all and then we went on with the conversation.

 

[Desnik]

My DH was totally blowing smoke by saying he'll give the principal one week. It was more of a way to let the principal know that DH was seriously upset & didn't want his info blown off. Like I said this principal is new & he wasn't sure how serious he would take the info. Also he didn't give himself time to think before he called he just reacted.

To answer some other things brought up, no we do not have drug sniffing dogs or random locker searches. We are in a small upper middle class suburb & everyone knows everyone. It's the kind of town where the cops will not even break up parties of under age drinkers they just tell the kids to keep quiet because there're friends of the parents. I got that info from my cousin who found out about a party her DD attended & when she made a big stink about it all the other parents told her "kids will be kids".

Maybe I am over reacting, but my father, sister & uncle are all addicts. I started drinking at 12 and at 14 I was doing major drugs. I do not do anything anymore, and there isn't even alcohol in our house & DH has never had a drink or drug in his life. We have always talked to our kids about the dangers of drugs & alcohol & unfortunately they have seen first hand what they do to people.

I am we'll aware of the way things are in the world & of course knew my DD would be offered drugs at some point. But in school, during class? Absolutely not! A party yeah but in the classroom?