Bareacuda
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2006
I know exactly how that feels. I just have to sit down and cry and that seems to help.
I know exactly how that feels. I just have to sit down and cry and that seems to help.
This has been an encouraging thread. It helps to hear from others who really understand how I feel. I lost my Mama on Monday Jan 30th 2012 after a very brave two year battle with cancer. She went way too soon and way to young. She had just turned 62 in September. I know that time will help but I am really struggling with the fact that she will not be around to watch my beautiful children grow up. I feel cheated that my baby boy wont remember her. Thanks for making this thread. Its nice to have a place to vent.
Lydia, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. I lost my mom in Oct 2011. It has been unbelievably difficult for me. I miss her so much!
I lost her first to what everyone but me, thought was Alzheimers. She was not following the normal course of deterioration so I kept saying that she had dementia from strokes. After my father died in March 2011, my brothers took her away from me, her home and everything she knew and confined her in an institution. I lost her again because of this. They would not tell me where they put her. I was told that within a week she had stopped walking. She walked almost a mile every day with me. I just got her death certificate and she died of starvation. She refused to eat for them. I also just got her brain report back and she did not have Alzheimers she had vascular dementia.
I wish being right made me feel better. If only I could have found out where they took her and rescued her. I know she would still be alive if she was with me! It is all so unbelievable!
Two nights ago, I dreamed of her for the first time. She was smiling with tears in her eyes. She was walking behind me and saying goodbye to things. At one point she was walking under the train station at Disney World and saying her goodbyes to her beloved mouse! She was with my dad and he was doing the same thing. I got a strange peace from the dream.
I'm sure we can all say that one thing is for sure about it - it sucks!
Just found this thread...actually just rejoined. When it started my mom was still alive. I lost her one month ago but I survived my first mother's day without her and now my first birthday. I am happy she is out of pain but oh I miss her.
Maybe Tinkerbell will go up to Heaven and give her a hug for me too.
This is my first Memorial Day without my Mom. I expected to be sad on Mothers Day, I thank God I have the husband & kids I do, they did EVERYTHING they could to make it simply soothing for me. I however, didn't expect for this weekend to hit me so hard. I have always gone to the cemetarys (grandparents and brother) planting flowers and such, but have really thought of it more of an "american veterans remembrance day". Today we went to the cemetary (flowers were already planted for Easter/Mothers Day. Although, I know it "was her time" I miss her so much. As DH & I plan a vow renewal, and trip to WDW, it just doesn't seem right without her.
A side note.. we also went to the grave of a dear friend who took his own life in March, so I know that is hitting me too. It's a long sad story, but his name has not been added to the tomb stone yet, and that upset me as well. I do take comfort in believing in the forgiveness of sins & that he & my Mom are in heaven playing Yahtzee together. They loved each other very much.
Sorry, this has been wordy. But thanks to all who started & kept this going so I & others have some where to type as the tears drip down. Peace to all.
I guess we all know that the natural order of things is bury our parents but somehow that doesn't make losing them any easier. It is so hard to have all family celebrations without people that we love, there is always that ache in your heart.
Best wishes to you and your husband for your vow renewal I am sure your mother will 'be there' (if that makes sense).
to you and your family
Quasar
I didn't know this thread was here. I lost my mom on Feb 28, 2008 to complications from COPD. Time has helped, I no longer get those bouts of horrible, helpless, empty feelings of pain like I did. Now I just live with guilt & regrets.
My mother had a history of mental illness & would not let us help her. She would complain excessively of being lonely, but would never move in with any of her five kids or allow us to move in with her. (this is after my dad died in 2002 of pancreatic cancer) I became very frustrated with her, to the point I would ignore her phone calls sometimes just to keep my sanity. My brother moved her out of her house & into a assisted living facility in January 2008. After several hospital visits, I knew she was very unhealthy, but she continued to smoke even with full oxygen. I got a phone call at 3am that she was being taken again to the hospital. So of course I got up & went. This time it was different...when the Dr finally came out he took my sister & I to a room & informed us that she was incubated because she could not breathe on her on. When we were finally able to see her she could not speak. We asked her to write down what she wanted, she said a coke, we all laughed, never realizing that was the last time we would ever communicate with her again.
Then.....we killed her. After a week of the Dr's trying for her to breathe on her own, we were left with the decision of taking her off the ventilator & let nature take it's course or having a permanent one put in her throat & her be in such a bad state that she would be bedridden for the rest of her life. There was no recovery. I feel sometimes that we should have let her live, that maybe she would have gotten better enough to function. I know her family Dr told the hospital that she was not even a candidate for a ventilator, but I still can't get past the guilt that we killed her. She would have never gave up on any of us like that. After her death, some of my siblings pushed for her apartment & house to be cleaned out as quick as possible, another regret. It was too fast. We threw away things I want back. I didn't get time to say goodbye to the house I grew up in. I can't get anything back & it hurts.
A couple of things that have helped me (or maybe not) is that the morning she died, I had went home for a few hours of sleep. I had a dream that I was in a room & two nurses (old fashioned ones with the big hats) where sitting down when I walked in & said something like "she is fine, we will take care of her now". The phone woke me up from that dream...it was my sister in law calling to tell me my mom just died. I & my brother had dreams after that, which really made me believe that there is a process to dying. I also have recently realized that maybe she wasn't so crazy....looking back I now understand alot of why she was the way she was, I just wish I could let her know.
Sorry this got so long, I just have kept it in for a long time. Thank you for having this thread.
Kim
Kimmyann- I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, and for the regret. You did not kill her, the COPD killed her, and you were able to make the decision to let nature take its course, and to allow her to go with dignity and comfort. It is such a hard decision and I hope you can find peace with it, and know you did what you felt was best for her, and what the doctors also thought was best too.
I lost my mom almost 3 years ago, and she had copd, diabetes, and multiple health issues, and being a nurse I feared the day me and my siblings might have to make that decision, but then she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and passed a month later. I think no matter what happens we always have regrets, and wonder if we could have done more to help the ones we've lost.
It is so hard with copd, and I have watched many people struggle with that disease, and I think you did the right thing, and your mom is at peace now. I would like to think she is out there, and knows what you are feeling. I agree the dream you had right as she died seems like a sign she is ok, and would not want you to be feeling badly. Hang in there. I hope talking about the guilt can help you find peace with it too.
I ventured off of the Community Board and found this...and I am so glad that I did. I lost my mother unexpectedly this past February.
In the past 18 months we had decided it was time to put mom into an assisted living facility as she was having dificulty taking care of herself and none of my siblings and I had the space to take her in. It was an emotional decision and trying at best especially for my sister and I who handled most everything. She seeme dto like where she was, took part in the activities and made friends.
We noticed last fall that mom seemed to forget things and get confused more, but that was fine. My DD (16) was especially close with her as mom had taken care of her when she was a couple of months old when I went back to work until the time she was old enought to stay by herself.
ZMy DD and I went to see her the week before my DD's 16th birthday. The next week we received a call that mom had the flu. the next day they called to say they were taking her to the hospital to give her fluids that she was dehydrated. When she arrived at the hospital they called us to say that we should get there as soon as possible that it wouldn't be long.
I am thankful that we were there with her at the end, but my daughter will always rememeber her 16th birthday as the day "gramma Shirley" died.
We all love and miss her everyday, but try to keep her memory alive.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your DD will always remember that. BUT, she will have many many happy birthdays in future years that she will remember too. I was extremely close to my Gramps. He died 35 days before my 16th bday, just weeks before Christmas. I had many happy birthdays over the years, but that one, was lonely there was someone missing. I hope your daughter celebrates every birthday from this point on with everyone she loves. Bless you both.