My In-laws are worse than your In-laws!

[Claudia1]

FIL (not DFIL) passed years ago but he was a nasty, nasty man. When DH was accepted to Medical School, he said to him, "What the #$@$% do you think you are doing? You're not smart enough to be a doctor." When DH graduated from college a few months later, summa cum laude, with a 3.998 (out of 4.0) average, he thought the tassels were gaudy.

Fast forward 20 years when our DS was almost 3 years old. (Yes, we had him late in life.) FIL had only 2 grandchildren..... ours. Only one grandson to carry on the family name...... ours. The only family who cooked for them every holiday ....... ours. The only ones who remembered their birthdays and visited them (just 30 minutes away) ...... ours. He was married to step-mom at the time and they were both sharp as tacks, so senility was not an issue.

He called DH one day to ask, "What is your son's name?" DH asked if he meant his middle name. No, he meant his first name. After being together often for almost 3 years and sending cards with all of our names on them, he didn't know his name and he didn't care!

He also gave DH a baby picture, saying is was DH. His brother has a very characteristic mark and it was clearly visible. He insisted it was DH but everybody else knew it was his brother.

Lots & lots of other things... too many to mention and all are water under the bridge now.

He died a very lonely, very bitter man. At his funeral, the pastor didn't know him very well. DD was a teenager and knew that the kind words being said was not appropriate. DH and I couldn't make eye contact without stifling a snicker. After it was over, DH said to me, "Who was that guy who died? I thought we were at Dad's funeral!" DD and I cracked up and had to pretend we were crying to cover up!

He only did two good things his entire life. He fathered my DH and he gave us DH's mother's wedding rings, which our new DDIL now wears. DH's mother died of cancer on DH's 18th birthday but he remembers her as a great lady. The rings were passed on in her honor, not FIL's.

 

[lovindisney4ever]

Last year I separated from my husband and felt it was best to leave Florida and move back to Michigan to get away from my crazy MIL and husband. (saddest day of my life that I had to leave Florida and Disney behind ) We lived in a home owned by my MIL but we paid for everything so basically it was our house. Alot of the furniture in the house and TV's, etc. were either gifts from my inlaws or items that we had purchased using Best Buy rewards that we shared with my MIL or they were payment for work that my husband had done for it.

So when I was packing the moving truck to leave Florida she showed up and said she wanted to see what all I was taking because it was her house and that she was protecting the interests of her son. The woman had the audascity (sp?) to tell me that I was not allowed to take any of the items that she had given us or bought with the Best Buy rewards. I got into it several times with her and even got the police involved but because the house was in her name I was not allowed to take anything but my daughter's stuff and my personal belongings. The woman even insisted on my vacuum! Can you believe that? That is low when you have to take a vacuum from someone just because you are mad at them for leaving. It's not like I ended the marriage, my husband had multiple affairs and 2 children while with me and I was the one being punished! So needless to say, not having to deal with her anymore is one of the rewards of this divorce!!!

 

[chellewashere]

Ohh reading these made me think of another two..first my wedding my videographer actually stopped me during my reception to show me what my MIL had said when asked to give wishes to the newlyweds and asked me if I wanted it to be deleted...Heck No I want some proof to support us not seeing them anymore (knew it was bound to happen)

2nd me and DH had bought our first house and had invited the family up on Saturday to see it. We were actually moving in on Friday but figured it would be too hectic and for everyone to show up the next day. Well his mom and dad figure they would show up Friday w/o telling us. We were 2 hours away at the time. So they BREAK into our new home go thru all the drawers and cabinets to see what we have then MIL decides she has to go potty and goes into the basement and uses a toilet that is sitting in the middle of the floor. Obviously not attached to any plumbing of any sort and does her UHMM business. I found out and made her clean it out.

Ooh one more on the Aunt. We tried for 5 years to have our DD. My only request was noone show up the day she was born (she was C-section so we all knew the day she would be born). Well his crazy, whacky, stoned all the time, sees aliens and ghosts Aunt shows up at 7AM and goes into my room. Ok so now Im livid and my DH is trying to be nice and tell her to leave but she doesnt take his hints. Then she announces at the top of her lungs (just keep in my mind I chose to have my daughter in a Catholic hospital) that abortions were created by nuns because they were getting pregnant by priests. I was so mortified. Especially when not even 5 mins. later a nun came in to offer me communion. I know she had to have heard her ramble.

Ok onto other horror stories. Just to let you know I feel your pain and I hope that when my DD gets married I am a great MIL to her future DH!!

 

[ready123go]

So sorry to hear all of these stories, but it is refreshing to know I am not alone in having crazy, mean, manipulative ILs!!

 

[DAISY DUCK FAN!]

Here's a copy of some posts that I made in the past.

Thanksgiving this year was at my BIL and SIL's house. They decided not to do anything fancy and served the food buffet style and everyone had to find a place to eat. There were about 20-25 of us all together. They only have 2 tables in the house that each sat about 6 so that left the rest to eat with their plates on their lap.

My youngest DD is disabled and uses a wheelchair. She isn't able to feed herself so I (or DH) have to do it for her. That's really difficult to do with a plate on your lap so I took her upstairs to eat at the dining room table as the other table was already full with teenage kids (not mine but from the other side of the family). I don't really know them well enough to ask them to move so that we could eat there.

My BIL and SIL are at the table with us. About 1/2 way through, BIL comes over behind DD and gets down on his hands and knees. He's looking at her wheelchair but doesn't say anything to me. He goes upstairs and comes down a few minutes later with a rug. He tells me that DD's wheelchair scratches their wood floor and if we have her chair in the living room or dining room, there has to be a rug under it. He said that last time we were there, they noticed all kinds of scratches in the floor from her chair.

I look at him completely shocked. First of all, I can't believe that her chair scratched the floor. There are two bicycle type wheels with two other rubber wheels up front. We've been to several other homes that have wood floors so I called all of them and asked them to be honest and tell me if they've seen any scratches. They all said no and asked me why I thought that the rubber wheels would cause scratches.

The second thing that made me mad is if he didn't want us in there, why didn't he (or his wife) go ask the kids at the other table to move upstairs so that we could sit there?

My DH is very angry! We're supposed to go there for Christmas but he's thinking about not going. If DD's chair is not wanted in their house, to us it's the same as saying that DD is not welcome there as the chair is and always will be part of her.

Keep in mind that DD is rarely, if at all, acknowledged by these cousins, aunt and uncle. They will greet DH or I with a hug and not even look at DD even though she is right in front of us because one of us is pushing her chair.

This post was made one month later.


I posted last month about a problem that we had at Thanksgiving. Because of that, we decided to have Christmas at our house. In the end, we invited all of our family (both sides) and had a very nice dinner.

When it came time to open presents, my older DD helped my younger DD open her gifts. Because she's disabled, she isn't able to do it on her own. When all of the gifts were opened, we cleaned up the paper. After several families had left, I asked my older DD who the gifts were from. All of the gifts were accounted for but we still didn't see anything from my BIL and SIL. We brought the bag of paper garbage back into the house and dumped it on the floor going through it piece by piece but only found paper and tags with her name on them from the gifts that were accounted for.

DH called over to their house and found out that sure enough, they hadn't brought anything for DD.

What mean-spirited, pathetic people. I would eliminate contact with them and not feel bad about it in anyway.

 

[136368]

My in-laws gave me a coat hanger for my birthday <_<

 

[hereyago]

My ex in laws are great, it's actually my mom who well has always been off the rails on the crazy train. Now, she actually liked my ex and still does, why? because he is a suck up and will enable her behavior unless it has to do with our DD and mom wanting to make another generation of her own personal slave like I was brought up to be, then he steps in.

It's always been "her" world and we are just living in it and wish I could go back in time and smack everyone who allowed her to be this way. and before we go to the oh it's because she is old, think again, it's only amped up now that she is old.

When I was a teenager i bought my first "newish" car, it was 2 years old and I kept it really nice: my DF the sucker that he was would buy her a new car every 2 years-it was a running joke that he would buy her a new car and you wouldn't see her for 2 years until it was time to get another one-she was also a SAHM who didn't stay at home, cook,,clean, etc and I'm quite sure tv show married with children modeled Peg Bundy after her.

Anyway, so I get this car, a month later, it's time to buy the Queen a new one. she has him buy a sister model of my car but with all the bells and whistels, t tops digital read out on the console. she gets it and says: you know you wish you had this car and she wasn't trying to be funny.


When I became pregnant with DD, I was married, etc. I told my parents, DF was thrilled and he was such a great grandfather. Mom was like don't expect me to babysit um, let's see, let me think: would I trust her to watch my kid when she knew someone molest me, not tell my dad, and keep going over there? hmmm,think not. She has never babysat my dd, even after DF passed away, no way.


Fast forward: while exdh and i were still married, we had an arguement, he took my car-different car but this was special ordered and bought right before I met him-so mom is at the house, he comes back. crazy train tells him to leave and take my car WTH?! and it wasn't just the ex who told me, my mom admitted to saying it. I was like you crazy blank, that car was special ordered that I BOUGHT, by this time, my df had stopped buying her new cars and heaven forbid I should have anything "better' then the QUEEN. I got the car back with the windshield busted, but he paid for that too.


DF was diagnosed with lung cancer, I knew I had to take care of him, she flat out refused and would get mad that he couldn't wait on her hand and foot anymore. The last week he was alive, in the hospital, I went to see him and she called demanding i go back home, she"needed" me more, she asked him who would take care of her after he died and this wasn't an "oh, I just don't want you to die I don't want to go on without you thing, it was a " i have been lazy all these years and don't want to stop. I heard the whole thing. The last day of his life, he had me promise to take care of the "queen" and I have been for the past 7 years.

I"ve had my phone line taken out? why? 911 what is your emergency on a holiday? um, my DD doens't tell me she loves me, come make her and the only reason she called on a holiday, well the only friends she has left and who didn't block the number were with their family and they were too busy to listen to her throw me under the bus like she had done with DF while he was alive. Her nickname is Twister because she likes to twist stuff so people will go oh poor you.

So not to metion I can't stand cops, sorry but they are a joke around here and have never done anything to protect me. of course she knows i dont like cops, so she called 911. this happened a coupel times and they wold go oh she is old um yes she is old, but sharp as a freakin tack. new year's eve, she called the cops. Of course she is sneaky i am in the shower: my dog is barking outside, i don't like for him to disturb neighbors, i hear my DD say oh it's ok,he is outside. i walk down the hall in a towel soaking wet almost literally run into an officer thank god i realzied he was or he would hav e gotten a beat down.

he is like did u call, no i was in the shower hence wet. well mom is lying in her room like an invalid, but she can get up at 3 am and fix her food. Ma'mm what is wrong, queen: she won't tell me she loves me, well ma'mm we can't make her. Queen: ok, well she just punched me in the face OH HECK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said look at her, if I punched her she would be on the moon. he looks nothing no marks bruises,etc then he starts to give her a lecture, she tells him to get out.

She claims her 1st husband beat her, but no one in family saw any bruises and she would use the old my 1st husband made me cook and clean and if I didn't he would beat me tell my df and he would feel sorry for her and she didj't do anything around the house, he would dress me take me to school,etc.


What is funny: she has more rights as an "elder" then I do being my age, it is "acceptable" for her to say the things she does peopel think because "she is old, she doensn't know better? really? not every old person was sugar and spice when they were younger and now they are crazy.

So, she has my aunt and 1 friend left that will talk to her, so she wants to call, I dial the number of my cellphone and I am right there, and she has "thrown me under the bus in front of me, but if I am there I can set the story straight. Then when she did have "friends", say she called them they aren't home, she would call 3 or more times that day, then if they didn't call her back soon enough, their number gets scratched out. How dare they be out living their lives when they should be home waiting for her call. can you say Narcissitic personality disorder? i think you can.



And I am not a big I love you person to her because to her love =I will be your beck and call girl and I am not a child who has to do that anymore and if you say it then don't wait on her then you don't love me, guess not.

But yet, and the fact that neither my df and i thought she would live this long,no flames but she was always thought the first to go, I take "care"of her. cook, cause she doesn't and won't. clean, she pays my dd to clean her room for her. I have been there through pneumonia and surgery on her lung, broken hip, uti fall, all in all 3 rehabs in the past 7 years. I make sure she has her medicine, goes to the doctor. To do it all again, hmm nope I wouldn't.

And I hate when people go, oh you will have good kharma for it , um this is like pergorartory for me so anything after i think would be good. and I am having the house blessed after she passes away, because holy crap i could see her restless soul still callng my name through a door.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

My MIL and SFIL live about 15 minutes away. We have never been invited to their home. My kids can actually say they have never been to their grandparents' house. I just find this so odd.

When I had my son, MIL came to the hospital to meet him. She did not bring a gift. I named my son after my husband so you would think I wouldn't get comments about the baby's name but she said "oh I never liked that name (her only child's name). His father named him. I picked his middle name." Now I did not give my son the same middle name as husband so I guess this didn't make her happy. She then left the hospital right away because she was having a Super Bowl party at her house.

I know my son made a cute little face when he cried, but she would let out and evil cackling laugh every time he cried because she thought it was so funny. She would never pick him up and comfort him just laugh at him.

This Saturday we had family over to celebrate DD's birthday. She came over and was telling my aunt about how great the engagement party was. We didn't have an engagement party so my aunt asked what she was talking about. She was talking about my husband's ex fiance and their engagement party. Totally inappropriate.

 

[bas71873]

So sorry to hear all of these stories, but it is refreshing to know I am not alone in having crazy, mean, manipulative ILs!!

Same here. My MIL, which is actually DH's step mother (his bio mom is a whole other story, but we haven't seen or heard from here in over 8 years and she hasn't seen DD since she was 6 months old), is a very manipulative, controling woman and after 14 years, I've just started calling her out on her crappola. Although, it all goes over her head and she never thinks she says or does anything wrong. Our DD is an after-thought to MIL and FIL, if even that, and my DH's step sisters son is the center of the world. They take him on all kinds of vacations, have him over all the time, post pics of it all over FB and emails the family about all they do and they NEVER call to see if DD would like to go along or do anything with them. The favoritism is disgusting.

On Thanksgiving we were all at their house and DH's step-aunt (MIL's sister) was digging through drawers to find a bib for her new grandson and all the ones "mimi" had were pink (since her beloved grandson is now a tween) and Aunt says to MIL..."what's with all the pink bibs, I though you had a grandson". I was standing right there and said, "No, she has a granddaughter too, but you'd never know it". UGH! And the woman wonders why we make no effort to see or do anything with them.

 

[Lorix2]

14 years ago, Christmas Day, my IL's dog attacked my DD then 5 y/o. He bit her in the head. Never followed us to the ER or came to the house to see her afterwards. She called us 4 days later to see how she was. 30 days later, MIL called and said "hope your happy, the dog is dead". She had it put down at her own choosing, I had nothing to do with that but threatened to never come to their house again.

Five years ago she had a heart attack and barely survived. She has apologized for all the things she did and didn't do. Our relationship began, on that day. On the 19th, she gets results that we pray are not cancer

I have forgiven her and hope you all will find it in your soul to do the same with yours before it's too late.

 

[roscoepc1]

My oldest, ds, was born with severe Cerebral Palsy....he was unable to walk, talk, sit up independantly etc. He choked every time he tried to drink, it took me approximately 22 hours per day to get enough formula into him...I basically did everything with him and a bottle in my arms.

My dh drives long-haul truck and is rarely home.

She used to phone on a weekly basis to inform me that there was really nothing wrong with my son, and if I were a better mother, he'd be fine.

When he was 18 months old, lying on the floor at Christmas, and my 12 month old niece was entertaining herself (and him, lol) by running around him in circles, she finally admitted he was "a tad awkward" but again, if I were a better mother, he'd be just fine.

She almost ruined our marriage b/c dh was her baby, and he never heard her say it, so obviously I was "misunderstanding her".....until one day she phoned, he was home, and I put her on speaker phone, not telling her he was there...he was in tears apologizing to me by the time she hung up.

Fast forward a few years, she and fil were watching our girls while we went to a wedding on my side of the family...I think they were about 2 and 6. We deliberately left our car with her, WITH THEIR CAR SEATS in, b/c she always claimed they were too hard to install in her car. When we came to pick them up, we discovered she had been driving them all over the countryside, in HER CAR, with NO CARSEATS, b/c "she'd been driving children around with no carseats for 40 years and no one had ever been hurt!", while our car with the carseats sat unused in her driveway.

When I finally lost it, and told her off, she then phoned everyone she could think of, crying and sobbing, b/c I was so mean to her.... Dh had to apologize, just to get her to shut up....(small town, every one knows every one, and she made me sound like the biggest witch on the planet...leaving out the no carseats detail....)

4 years ago, my son has a bizarre illness that the Drs can't figure out, and he is literally dying. Thankfully, a Dr who had been on vacation came back to work, and realized what it was (very rare), treated it, and he was fine. Mil and fil came to the hospital to visit then, and when I told them we had been afraid we'd lose him, she informed me that "Yes, we thought he might die, that's why we didn't visit." Great. So your SON needs the support of his PARENTS b/c his SON is dying, and you choose not to visit.....

Family reunion this year? The first thing she said to my girls was a huge complaint about how they (12 and 8) never make any effort to come and see her. Yes, my girls can drive half an hour each way to visit, all by themselves. I informed her the road runs both ways, and the phone works both ways too, and she said "Well, you're never home when I drop in!" Wow, really? That might be b/c I am running 4 lives, working 2 jobs, and playing chauffeur to two socially active girls! AND you never phone first!

She's the reason I have call display. If she calls, I simply let the answering machine take it, then call dh and tell him to call his mother if it's something I can ignore.....

I have a million more stories..even dh prefers to spend time with my side of the family....

 

[hereyago]

Five years ago she had a heart attack and barely survived. She has apologized for all the things she did and didn't do. Our relationship began, on that day. On the 19th, she gets results that we pray are not cancer

I have forgiven her and hope you all will find it in your soul to do the same with yours before it's too late.

I hope the results are not cancer for your MIL.


I have forgiven my mom for alot of the stuff, not forgotten. And you know, some people like your MIL have stuff happen that gives them a wake up call, but sadly that isn't always the case.


It is what it is. You can tell someone you are"sorry" but if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, then you are not. I have resigned this is how it is, I will continue to "have her back" I promised my DF i would take care of her, and in the end I know I did a dang good job when most people even my relatives would have just left her, I have to pay my aunt to stay here with her if I go on vacation.

 

[Lorix2]

I hope the results are not cancer for your MIL.


I have forgiven my mom for alot of the stuff, not forgotten. And you know, some people like your MIL have stuff happen that gives them a wake up call, but sadly that isn't always the case.


It is what it is. You can tell someone you are"sorry" but if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, then you are not. I have resigned this is how it is, I will continue to "have her back" I promised my DF i would take care of her, and in the end I know I did a dang good job when most people even my relatives would have just left her, I have to pay my aunt to stay here with her if I go on vacation.

Thank you so much. Boy, there are some doozies on here. Like you, I have forgiven, but not forgotten. Sometimes, we just have to do what we have to do, because we know they have nobody else. I know what you mean especially when it comes to our mothers. So your mom is part of your vacation expense, if it gets you there, it's priceless.

 

[mpls_mm]

I changed my avatar so I am safe.
My first meeting with my MIL set the tone.
14 years ago when DH and I started dating, he was 22 and lived with his mom because she needed help with yard work etc. He paid bills and rent. I went home with him late one night and we were shaking hands as they say and I felt someone in the room. She had come in and was silently watching. He freaked and said what are you doing? She said she wanted to make sure he fed the dog, he said my dog, the one I feed every morning, yes. Then she walked out and didn't say a word to me. I asked if he forgot to feed the dog a lot, he said she had never asked him before. Later after a night of drinking, she brought it up to him.
To this day we don't get frisky when she comes to visit, I am petrified. We finally moved away, she was constantly asking for favors, for him to take her to the movies, take her to dinner, do her yardwork. After we moved, he had a breakthrough that she has replaced her mate with him, we all saw it, he didn't. He is her mental head of household, he confirmed with his dad and stepdad, she is divorced from both now. They agreed she started acting like this when he was 10. So she is less than pleasant to me and acts like each new child is a personal betrayal.

Try that Oedipus mess at the holidays!

 

[krcit]

And that would have been just fine with me if FIL had made his intentions known from the beginning. Instead, he invited us both down, told us both to bring nice clothes, saw me all dressed up and ready for the picture, and then waited until we arrived at the session to let me know I wasn't going to be in the pictures. It was like he wanted to go out of his way to let me know he didn't consider me a part of the family. Had we taken a bunch of shots all together, and then he asked me to step out so they could take a few pictures of his immediate family, I would have totally understood. But, he had no intention of including me at all, and if my DH hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have been.

Oh, that's terrible. I just don't get people sometimes.

 

[weswife]

WOW! to the stories! I can see myself in a few of them.

I too have a disabled DD, which is ignored by times. MIL and FIL are fakes, meaning when out in public they "act" like grandparents! They never visit. They stoped buying a b-day present for oldest DD when she turned 18. DD#2 just turned 18. The only other present they purchase is it Christmas. So in terms of visits they drop off Christmas presents and the 2 b-day presents! This is the ONLY time they are in our home! Don't miss understand my kids do not need presents. DH sister's kids get gifts for all occasions and they make a point of telling my DS. I have explained many times its far easier to visit us in our home then trying to get the wheelchair in your home!

Over the yrs. my MIL has made nasty comments! We had a major disagreement in 2000 and have been stand offish ever since! I encourage my DH to speak with his parents. I enjoy keeping my distance. My DD was very ill in 07 ( on life support) they may have visited 3 times in 2 months she was in hospital. I could go on and on. Distance works great for me!

 

[hereyago]

So your mom is part of your vacation expense, if it gets you there, it's priceless.

Oh yes, but so worth it. Last year it was a 2 day trip to WDW, but my aunt was here knew where I would be staying and not to call unless it was a dire emergency, it was the quietest vacation in years, every other one in the past 7 years I would get "emergency" calls one was when I went to hawaii and got off the plane and she had put 911 on the message so i could get it first. no big emergency just drama.

This is a funny one, it will make you laugh: One year I took DD to a 3 day weekend to D.C. which is about 3 hours from us. I let her know what hotel and the number and she had my cell. she called on my cell screaming You aren't at such and such hotel, i i just called and they have no record. um, for all things travel I use my actual real name since my driver license, passport,etc credit cards have it on there.

so I said, let me call you back , i called her from the hotel so she could see caller id. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger or totally loony tunes.

 

[bdcp]

Wow. This makes me love my IL's even more. They can be irritating, but that's just because they are DH's parents and are older and it's the normal day to day stuff. They treat us all so well. DBIL on the other hand (DH's brother) has cut us out of his life because we dare stand up to him and his controlling decisions. He thinks his way or the highway. We gave up on him finally. We can forgive (don't have to forget) but he can't. It's entirely his choice but he doesn't see that. He thinks we have to grovel and beg his forgiveness and then maybe he would let us back in.

They do have the "blood is thicker than water" mentality, but not an issue for us because DH always puts me first.

I can't believe the way MIL's talk to their DIL's. My MIL loves me, but we don't always see eye to eye. She loves the fact that her DS and I love each other and have been happily married for 30 years.

DH and I are truly blessed. My mom adores all 3 of her SIL's. And she expects us to put our DH's first.

 

[deegack]

When I was pregnant with DD I was placed on strict bedrest for pre-eclampsia. My days were very long and boring as well as stressful because I had to take my bp every couple hours and if it went over a certain level I was to head to the hospital and call my doctor on the way. Anyway, I looked forward to spending time with DH because had someone to talk to, you know. One weekend he had to run to his parents house and hour away, drop something off, and run back. Should be 2 1/2 - 3 hours at the most. Six hours later I call him asking what the deal is. He ended up helping FIL with something or the other, fine but call!. The next day I get a phone call from MIL lecturing me about family and how its DH's responsibility to help his parents, they come before anyone else. Um no, his responsibility is his sick pregnant wife and child.

When DD was born, a month early because my pre-e got really bad really quick, FIL was heading out to a campout thing in Wisconsin the next day. He drove by the entrance to the hospital and did not stop in to see his granddaughter or dil who almost died giving birth. He also has not come to either birthday party because he doesn't want to change his plans.

 

[pigletgirl]

My DH is one of 4 boys, and he's the first one to marry so my MIL definitely sees me as the daughter-in-law to to point she's completely overbearing. She wants to be all in our business, and tells me daily how I need to run my home. I can't imagine what it'll be like when we have children. Nothing is EVER good enough for her son. Its like she has an adversity to other girls/women.

She wanted to help with the wedding planning, and we let her to a degree, but since we were paying, we had the say! I think we will all never win with the MIL.