How Do You Get an Adult Child out of your house??

[Chris2597]

How the heck do people get an adult child, mid 20's out of the house. He has not worked in months and pretty much has never worked more than a few weeks at a time. He has pretty much scoffed at most of the house rules. The parents have gotten to the point of having him legally thrown out of the house and he improves and makes promises to do better...things get better for a few weeks only to return to status quo within a few weeks. Now small electronics in the house are starting to disappear, he has sold most of his own belongings.There is probable drug use. The poor parents have called the police and they said they can do nothing. The state/city law says they have to go through an eviction process that can take weeks. I dont know what is going to happen but they are at their wits end. Anyone have any suggestions?

 

[shirleyb]

Change the locks?

 

[hereyago]

Pay him to leave and then when he is out of the house, change the locks. if he is into drugs, he will be more enticed with the money.

 

[Tantor]

I'd change the locks and call the police anytime he tries to get in...breaking and entering

 

[SandrA9810]

I'd suggest by taking their belongings worth keeping and placing them in a storage unit, it would be a small price to pay in comparison to replacing the items.

All electronics and such should be placed in the storage unit too... fewer desires for staying at home. And take the door off his room so there's no privacy. Maybe that will curb the drug use and keep it out of the house.

 

[Chris2597]

Oh and I need to mention that he told his parents last weekend that he would leave peacefully if they gave him 2000 and 3 months rent somewhere. These parents have tried everything. he had moved out when he was 18 but came back begging their help 3 yrs ago...they have other children that are wonderful and responsible adults. They have already spent $$$$$ trying to help him but they have come to the conclusion that this is a merry go round and it is time for them to get off as much as they are distraught about that option. They feel they are being blackmailed. The father told him that he will give him a few hundred to get out right now and nothing if he is forced to go with the eviction process....

 

[momof1princess]

my idea is the same as the PP....give him some money to lure him out of the house, then while he is gone, put the belongings he has left in the front yard, and change the locks. i fail to see why he needs to be evicted, as he's not a renter, nor does he have a legal claim to the property, being only a child of the owners. in this situation, especially considering the parents suspect he's doing drugs, this is what i would do. tough love, sure, but hey, sounds like this kid's been given several chances to straighten up.

 

[Chris2597]

I'd suggest by taking their belongings worth keeping and placing them in a storage unit, it would be a small price to pay in comparison to replacing the items.

All electronics and such should be placed in the storage unit too... fewer desires for staying at home. And take the door off his room so there's no privacy. Maybe that will curb the drug use and keep it out of the house.

I dont think he is using in the house but comes home looking out off it, which could possibly be from alcohol use. I am just speculating on the drug use since it has been a problem in the past.

I also fear taking the door off would just escalate tension in an already bad situation. The police officers that came out said that they most likely would not do anything since this is considered the offending AC residence. The officer even said if there was domestic violence he would take all adults in and let the courts figure it out....geesh, where is the protection for the parents. They are very nice people and this is so sad.

 

[hereyago]

Because sometimes laws are crazy. A neighbor moved her "friend in" after she got pregnant 2months into dating him, he didn't pay any bills, everything is in her name. SHe wanted him out as he would't contribute, she had to have him served with an eviction notice while they both were livng there. He moved out for a short time, but stupid girl took him back.

 

[Chris2597]

my idea is the same as the PP....give him some money to lure him out of the house, then while he is gone, put the belongings he has left in the front yard, and change the locks. i fail to see why he needs to be evicted, as he's not a renter, nor does he have a legal claim to the property, being only a child of the owners. in this situation, especially considering the parents suspect he's doing drugs, this is what i would do. tough love, sure, but hey, sounds like this kid's been given several chances to straighten up.

They have thought of this and called the police dept to see what they would do if he came back and wouldnt leave the property....broke window, doors to get in ....the officer said nothing as they would consider this his residence. Believe me....they would have already done what you suggested.

 

[Chris2597]

I'd change the locks and call the police anytime he tries to get in...breaking and entering

wish it were that easy.

 

[dawn1620]

Stuff boxed up and placed on lawn.
Locks changed.
Alarm system.

Enough said.

Seriously though, it legally they have to evict him I would start the process, pronto.

 

[hereyago]

Oh and I need to mention that he told his parents last weekend that he would leave peacefully if they gave him 2000 and 3 months rent somewhere. These parents have tried everything. he had moved out when he was 18 but came back begging their help 3 yrs ago...they have other children that are wonderful and responsible adults. They have already spent $$$$$ trying to help him but they have come to the conclusion that this is a merry go round and it is time for them to get off as much as they are distraught about that option. They feel they are being blackmailed. The father told him that he will give him a few hundred to get out right now and nothing if he is forced to go with the eviction process....

Ding DING we have a winner. His parents enabled that behavoir, so that is on them as well. They could possibly call and say he is threating to commit suicide and the trip to the hospital would lead to tests for drugs, but not sure what would happen after that.

 

[clutter]

Oh and I need to mention that he told his parents last weekend that he would leave peacefully if they gave him 2000 and 3 months rent somewhere.

How about 500 and 2 months rent. Take him to get his address legally changed. Then if he tries to break in, it's no longer considered his residence.

 

[Chris2597]

Pay him to leave and then when he is out of the house, change the locks. if he is into drugs, he will be more enticed with the money.

They are hoping that he will take the money they offered, but are also aware that it will most likely be blown on drugs or alcohol and he will be back looking for more. They want to make sure that they can keep him out and that the law will be on their side, once they get him out of his own accord. This is a horrible siituation.

Sadly, to look at this young adult...he is clean cut, good looking and no one would suspect he could act this way. The parents and family are heartbroken but it has gone on too long and something has to be done.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

OP- I am sorry you are going through this. I know that you didn't specifically say it was you but from the amount of detail that you have in your respones and the hurt in your tone, I can make that conclusion. It sounds like you have done everything you can and then some. You did not fail as a parent. I guess the only solution now is to get tough. I mean really tough. Put his stuff to the road when he is out and change all the locks. Consider getting a security system. He has to know that you are done. That he needs to figure things out on his own now.

Don't give in, it wont help him in the long run.

 

[Chris2597]

Ding DING we have a winner. His parents enabled that behavoir, so that is on them as well. They could possibly call and say he is threating to commit suicide and the trip to the hospital would lead to tests for drugs, but not sure what would happen after that.

You are totally correct....He has learned through yrs of manipulating his entire family. However, they are all sick of it and ready to do Tough Love as it is not getting any better. The parents are also going to counseling which I believe has helped them realize that their attempts to help and rescue have done nothing.

 

[Pumbaa_]

either pay him to leave (and get it in writing) or evict him.

You want him to step up and be a man and be responsible. Never going to happen!

 

[Chris2597]

OP- I am sorry you are going through this. I know that you didn't specifically say it was you but from the amount of detail that you have in your respones and the hurt in your tone, I can make that conclusion. It sounds like you have done everything you can and then some. You did not fail as a parent. I guess the only solution now is to get tough. I mean really tough. Put his stuff to the road when he is out and change all the locks. Consider getting a security system. He has to know that you are done. That he needs to figure things out on his own now.

Don't give in, it wont help him in the long run.

I am very close to the situation and it breaks my heart that this is all happening. Thank you for your thoughtful response. They would do just as you suggested, but have been told that if he starts beating on the door, breaks in that they can do nothing. It would actually be worse if the parents put him and his belonging out on the curb and then were forced by the law to let him back in even if it would only be for a few more weeks, until they could get him legally evicted.

They have also contacted their attorney who advised them to make a $$ offer of about $500 and to get a letter relinquishing rights to the residence notarized. I think they are going to have up the anty to get him out but cash might talk. The hard work will come afterward when he runs out of $$ and the manipulation starts again. It might just be that getting him out was the easy part.

 

[hereyago]

I would find the going rate for apartments,then pay him the lowest amount. If he is desperate enough he will take it. I like the pp advice about going down with him to change his address officially. And possibly ask the police if someone could come out as he is moving his stuff out.

No matter what his "drug of choice is", sadly, he will have to hit his "bottom" before things get better on his side.