(Sad update pg2) My MIL went to Hospice today

[Hillbeans]

It's just been the most awful few weeks (ok, few months) that I can remember for a very long time. MIL came to live with DH and our family earlier this year so we could get her Inflammatory Breast Cancer treated by a more specialized team than was available where she was living. She had a good few months over the summer where she was doing so much better but she went downhill fast in September and has been hospitalized/Nursing home rehabbing since October 23rd. Her cancer spread to her brain and tests done last week found there was nothing else that can be done. She is only 61.

She was removed from all IV's and medications last week and has not eaten since then as well. Her only request for "food" has been an occasional sip from a Sweet Tea from McDonalds.

I said goodbye to her last night and it was heartbreaking. DH has been such a wonderful son to her these past few days but he is walking around like a zombie. She went to the in-patient Hospice this morning and she is not expected to make it through the week. These holidays are going to be awful, we put up our tree on Saturday night but I am soooooo not into it this year. Thank goodness my boys 8 and 4 are so sweet and give DH and I a much needed distraction.

I lost my mom 6 years ago to Cancer and going through this again is just so tough. Please keep MIL in your good thoughts.

 

[safetymom]

Sending hugs. It is tough watching a loved one struggle with health issues. Please try to take comfort in your memories.

Holidays are tough.

 

[torismom]

Your family and MIL are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I could have written much of your post.

My father passed away 11/24/09. He was at home and Hospice was wonderful. The nurses, CNA's ,the chaplins were angels. I cannot say enough.

I understand your Dh walking around like a zombie. I did that. I went home and was able to spend the last 6 days with my father before he passed. During that time it was like a zombie an out of body experience.I was by his side when he left us and the zombie period lasted another week or so.

I will be thinking of your family. My heart goes out to you. I hope my expereience will help you some. Death doesnt come easy and paired with holidays is very hard.

Have strength and God is with your MIL.

 

[accarson]

In my thoughts and prayers

 

[dogodisney]

I can so relate. In Feb. 2002 I lost my mom (she was 63) , in Oct. of that same year we lost my FIL and 6 days after him, we lost my MIL. All three of them passed away within weeks of being diagnosed with cancer.

May God Bless you all and give you strength to get through this.

 

[karen l]

I'm so sorry your MIL & family has to go through this nightmare. We can all sympathize - it's just so unfair. Prayers and best wishes to you & your family.

 

[Elfstar]

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Hospice is wonderful, DH was only there for four days before he passed but it brought us both peace because of their caring and comforting of us both. Sounds like you both did everything you could to help your DMIL. Take comfort in that and the fact that she surely appreciated you both.

 

[312.Duck]

My father passed away 11/24/09. He was at home and Hospice was wonderful. The nurses, CNA's ,the chaplins were angels. I cannot say enough.

+ 1

at home hospice is incredible. I couldn't think of a nicer way to go than at home, surrounded by family.

Hillbeans, I do not envy your position at this time. When the Decision comes for Hospice it is quite possibly the toughest pill in life to swallow - harder than the final breath in many respects. Stay strong for your DH.

 

[Hillbeans]

Thanks for all of the kind words everyone. They help so much.

We really couldn't consider Hospice at our home because I wouldn't have wanted our 8 and 4 yo's to be around MIL dying in our home. I think it's a great option though and could see why most people would prefer this over going to an in-patient Hospice.

The one she is at is nice, it's near New Hope PA. I just never imagined this would be how this would all end up.

 

[arminnie]

The one she is at is nice, it's near New Hope PA. I just never imagined this would be how this would all end up.

I used to live in New Hope. It's a beautiful area.

I lost my mother to breast cancer 11 1/2 years ago. I am 2 years older than your MIL.

I am so sorry.

 

[cbmstephanie]

I'm so sorry! It's so hard to know how you're going to feel, act, survive until you are put in this type of situation. Just remember to take care of yourself, grieve however you need to, do what you need to for your kids, your DH, and yourself. It won't be easy, but that's because you love her. I lost my dad this summer from cancer and I still cry just about every night. I tell myself it's OK...it's how I'm dealing with it. You'll find you're way...whatever that is. I will be praying for you all!

 

[dee47]

You and yours are in my heart and thoughts.

 

[arminnie]

Sometime between when I posted last night and this am my dad had a massive stroke and is not expected to live. I am with him now at the hospital.

 

[safetymom]

Sometime between when I posted last night and this am my dad had a massive stroke and is not expected to live. I am with him now at the hospital.

I am so sorry.

 

[f86sabjf]

we will keep your family in our thoughts and prayers. We just went through this last christmas .

 

[Hillbeans]

Sometime between when I posted last night and this am my dad had a massive stroke and is not expected to live. I am with him now at the hospital.

Oh my gosh, I am so very sorry.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

So sorry to hear this. Sending prayers for peace and comfort during these most difficult of times.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Sending hugs and prayers to all of you. I know how hard it can be to deal with a family illness and the holidays. As hard as it might be do try to enjoy the holiday with your little ones.

 

[minniebeth]

Hillbeans and Arminnie,
You and your families will be in my prayers

 

[Hillbeans]

Update - unfortunately MIL passed away yesterday on Christmas at around noon. Luckilly DH just got there a few minutes before she passed and he said it was peaceful, that she just took one last breath and then was gone.

I am sad that this happened on Christmas Day but in many ways I am relieved that she is not suffering anymore. We didn't tell our kids yesterday but we'll tell them later today, we didn't want their memories of Christmas to be this.

Thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts and sharing your own family stories, unfortunately many of us have or are dealing with loss during the holidays.