GCSE answers

[paulh]

I know a few on here are teachers so they can say if they have come accros any of these


> >
> > The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in
> Swindon , Wiltshire (U.K.) - this part is probably to be taken with a
> pinch of salt!
> >
> > These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
> >
> > Q. Name the four seasons
> > A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
> >
> > Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
> drink
> > A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
> pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
> >
> > Q. How is dew formed
> > A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
> >
> > Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
> > A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water
> tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
> and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
> >
> > Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
> > A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well
> endowed
> >
> > Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
> > A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
> >
> > Q. What are steroids
> > A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now
> , there is little hope)
> >
> > Q. What happens to your body as you age
> > A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
> >
> > Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
> > A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
> (So true)
> >
> > Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
> > A. Premature death
> >
> > Q. What is artificial insemination
> > A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
> >
> > Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
> > A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
> >
> > Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The
> abdomen)
> > A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and
> the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
> contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five
> bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)
> >
> > Q. What is the fibula?
> > A. A small lie
> >
> > Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
> > A. Nearby
> >
> > Q. What is the most common form of birth control
> > A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That
> would work)
> >
> > Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
> > A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
> >
> > Q. What is a seizure?
> > A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
> >
> > Q. What is a terminal illness
> > A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
> >
> > Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
> > A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
> umbrellas
> >
> > Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
> meaning
> > A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
> >
> > Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
> > A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
> >
> > Q. What is a turbine?
> > A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
> >

Paul

 

[jen_uk]

I can believe them, I have seen students really really daft things on exam papers

 

[joolz1910]

I can believe them too. I have seen some brilliant gaffs on exam papers.

 

[Pinky166]

 

[Mrs Hobbes]

I only teach primary so not quite GCSE level but on a year 2 maths sat paper in response to be asked to show their working one of my pupils drew a picture of themselves sat at the table writing

 

[joolz1910]

I only teach primary so not quite GCSE level but on a year 2 maths sat paper in response to be asked to show their working one of my pupils drew a picture of themselves sat at the table writing

 

[Chilly]

I only teach primary so not quite GCSE level but on a year 2 maths sat paper in response to be asked to show their working one of my pupils drew a picture of themselves sat at the table writing

 

[jjk]

 

[Lizzy Lemon]

I only teach primary so not quite GCSE level but on a year 2 maths sat paper in response to be asked to show their working one of my pupils drew a picture of themselves sat at the table writing

That could possibly describe my DS as he takes things so literally!!!!

Had to stop half way down the list as I was laughing so much. At least they were answers, I work with someone whose son wouldn't even pick up the pen during his GCSE and wonders why he now can't get a job.

 

[strawberry blonde]

So funny. Absolutely brightened my day.

 

[Danauk]

Very funny.

I teach 8 year olds. In a maths test there was a question where the children had to name and draw shapes. They had to draw a trapezium so a child drew a ladder with a person climbing it, a tightrope and a trapize with a person hanging upside down from it with an animal on a stool below it!

I remember in my GCSE geography exam we had a question which asked what a conservative margin was (it is the area between two tectonic plates in the earth.) My friend put the margin of votes for John Major and his party!

 

[joolz1910]

My friend thought that 'baking blind' was putting a cake in the oven with your eyes closed.
We had one student who wrote about doing his work experience in a cart (court). His whole piece was about sitting in the back of the cart and enjoying his time in the cart...

 

[mickeyforpresident]

These are great!! Thanks for posting.