Dealing with another mother...:( Updated. Again!

[joolz1910]

My daughter came home today very distressed. Another girl's mother had accosted her in the playground, saying, 'Now Olivia, what have you been doing to R? She is upset and I don't want her coming home like this for the weekend.' My DD said the mum was very stern. She was distraught as she maintains that she did NOTHING to this girl. When the mother asked R what Olivia had done, the girl shrugged and said she couldn't remember.

The mother was very apologetic but by then the damage had been done and my DD (age 9) was in floods of tears. My mother-in law was with her but she is so placid (annoyingly)that she said nothing to this woman.

I am really unhappy about this as the other mother is a school governor and is involved with my DD's class quite a lot, so consequently, my DD treats her like a teacher. I think she has abused her position and that she shouldn't have spoken to my DD directly. I believe she should have gone through the class teacher. I feel sorry for my DD because she is adamant that she had done nothing. I know girls fall out all of the time and if I got involved with every little row my kids had with other children...

Anyway, what would you do?

 

[rpbert1]

I would be in monday morning for a meeting with the headteacher, she is abusing her position in the school irrelevant wether she is on the BOG.
We had a similar incident in our school a while back, and the parent was spoke to, and was warned about her future conduct, and that what she done would not be tolerated.

 

[Danauk]

We have that exact situation at our school more and more often these days. I would speak to the head, they should speak to the parent about their conduct and give them a warning. That is what we do.

 

[joolz1910]

Thanks. I think I will do exactly that. I wanted to know that I was not overreacting to the whole situation. She definitely adopts the role as a member of 'staff'. She is top dog in the playground mafia too.

I think I will point out to the Head that because of her position at school, she is seen differently by the children. I wonder how she would have felt if I'd challenged her daughter!

 

[mandymouse]

Hugs to you and your DD. I agree with everyone else, have a word with the Headteacher, and let them talk to her

 

[Verity Chambers]

I also work in a school and this seems to be happening alot. Whether she is a governor or not this is completely unacceptable behaviour on her part, please see your head on Monday.

 

[joolz1910]

Apparently she went over to my DD who was sitting in the passenger seat of my MIL's car and opened the passenger door to speak to my DD! She didn't even acknowledge my MIL, but just challenged my DD.

I really wish I'd been there. She would have regretted that move.

 

[Pinky166]

Thats awful. Big hugs to you and your dd.

 

[Verity Chambers]

Apparently she went over to my DD who was sitting in the passenger seat of my MIL's car and opened the passenger door to speak to my DD! She didn't even acknowledge my MIL, but just challenged my DD.

I really wish I'd been there. She would have regretted that move.

My goodness, that is shocking!! I would have been furious. How would she feel if someone did that to her daughter, some people just DO NOT think!

 

[Cyrano]

Apparently she went over to my DD who was sitting in the passenger seat of my MIL's car and opened the passenger door to speak to my DD! She didn't even acknowledge my MIL, but just challenged my DD.

I really wish I'd been there. She would have regretted that move.

I could not imagine it getting worse after your original post...but it has.
Good advice from others to ask that the Head Teacher addresses this immediately.

 

[joolz1910]

I quizzed my MIL later when DD was out of earshot - that is how I found out about the car door 'approach'. My MIL is so laid back and non-confrontational that she was appeased by the other mother's apology. She said that the other mother was making excuses once she saw that my DD was crying, saying 'perhaps I shouldn't have said anything'. Too true.

I'm going to ring up first thing on Monday morning and ask to see the Head. I am sure that the school will have a policy on how to deal with this sort of behaviour, and you can be sure I will ask her to implement it.

 

[natalielongstaff]

hopefully the head will resolve this properly on monday, this is not acceptable behaviour

 

[Lisa_C]

That's disgusting behaviour from any woman, let alone a mother! To open the door is rude and I would find that abusive. I agree with the others that the Head Teacher should be made aware of this as she has so obviously over stepped the mark and frightened your little girl!

 

[Joseph Carter]

Some people need to know there place. Confronting a young girl isnt the way to go about sorting a problem.

 

[Ware Bears]

It would have been bad enough if she was 'just' a mother but the fact that she is a governor too

Good luck for Monday and for your DD.

 

[Tinks1984]

Terrible behaviour from the parent of the other child! How dare she approach your MIL's car in the first place, let alone open the passenger door and confront your DD! I bet the poor little thing was terrified - I would have been and I'm 25!

I'd most certainly speak to the Head of the school on Monday, BOG or not, that behaviour should not have to be tolerated!

Goodness, I'm annoyed - and it's not even my daughter!

 

[joolz1910]

Terrible behaviour from the parent of the other child! How dare she approach your MIL's car in the first place, let alone open the passenger door and confront your DD! I bet the poor little thing was terrified - I would have been and I'm 25!

I'd most certainly speak to the Head of the school on Monday, BOG or not, that behaviour should not have to be tolerated!

Goodness, I'm annoyed - and it's not even my daughter!

My friend said the same!

I'm not one of these mothers who think their child is never in the wrong. If Olivia had upset another child, I would want to know about it. This woman had seen her daughter crying and had decided to take her frustration out on my child. The other girl actually admitted that Olivia hadn't done anything to her! I think it is because there was no-one else around to blame. My MIL is disabled and so is allowed to park on the school site, but she has to wait until the site has cleared before she can drive out. Basically she was a sitting duck at the end of the day.

 

[CustardTart]

Some great advice, Juliette!!! I've only just read your post, hun and I am so mad on your behalf!!! Hugs to you and Olivia - I hope she's recovered from her ordeal... Governor or not, that kind of behaviour is unbelievable and totally unacceptable!!! Let us know how you get on Monday...

 

[saratogagirl]

totally unacceptable, hugs to you and Olivia, hope you get things sorted on Monday

 

[joolz1910]

Well, I went to see the Head this morning. Didn't come away feeling at all reassured. While she didn't condone the other mother's behaviour, she wouldn't openly condemn it either. She reluctantly agreed to speak to her but pointed out that she couldn't 'guarantee that she would be remorseful'. I asked if the school had a policy for dealing with these incidents, and she replied that they didn't but that they hoped parents would behave appropriately. She sort of treated the situation as if I had had a row with another parent - sort of bemused that I would expect her to be involved.

She asked if she could pass my details on to the other parent, so that she could phone me. I won't hold my breath as she probably wouldn't see me as important enough to bother with. I pointed out that a lack of policy or guidelines would make parents take matters into their own hands. She did accept that governors are advocates of the school and should not act outside of their role.

Not really sure where to go from here.