ScrapperBelle
Mouse Fan Since Birth
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2008
Ohhh...this is a touchy one...I don't have any answers for you, just wanted to let you know that between DH and I we have had many times in the past year and half just like what you are going through now.
I want to say that I completely understand how you feel and I also understand your DH. There have been many "firsts" we have had to conquer without our son. It always helps more if we talk honestly and openly about how we feel. Sometimes we fight, but I find it's far less frequent than it used to be. There have been moments when I have felt like I was on the verge of divorce, but we have been lucky enough to move through most of our issues.
Notice I said "move through". Neither one of us will ever "get over it", so we just try our best to move through each issue as it comes along as a FAMILY...not as separate people dealing with separate issues. It's hard and I have shed enough tears to drown the entire family, but I try to stay open to ideas of my DH's and he to mine.
Our son died in Dec. of '07. We had a trip to WDW planned for Feb. of '08. DS had just moved out on his own, started a new job, and was enjoying his new freedoms. He wasn't going with us on our trip, but just a few days after he passed, I had to call and cancel that trip. The last trip we had been on, he was with us (and he dearly loved our trips to WDW!). There was just no way I could face going back so soon.
Well, a few months passed and DH thought that if we went it might help us. At first I didn't want to, but we talked through it and kind of convinced each other that it was the right thing to do. We went in early May and had an awesome time. We were there for my bday and Mother's Day. Of course we had our moments. On our 1st night, we went to the P&P party and I stood right in the middle of Main St. looking at the castle during the fireworks and cried like a baby. DH managed to go to DHS for a few hours one morning, but he seemed "antsy" and was ready to go after only a little while. He later told me that just seeing the ToT (one of DS's faves) made him feel like his heart was coming out of his chest.
Our youngest DS was unable to go to DQ. He and his brother loved to go there together. When he got next to the bldg., he suddenly became short of breath and had to rush to a bathroom to throw up. He still says he will NEVER go there again.
I don't mean to depress you and I definitely don't want to "hijack" your thread, just wanted to let you know that I understand not wanting to do something and feeling like everyone else is "pushing" you to do it. But, I do want to caution you to remain open and understanding where others are concerned also. As bad as you may not want to go, it may be just what your DH needs. Our grief can cloud our judgement and sometimes the things other people do just seem cold and heartless to us, but just remember that your DH is probably having just as hard a time as you are and he is dealing with things in his own way.
I sincerely hope you all reach the conclusion that brings you both peace.
I want to say that I completely understand how you feel and I also understand your DH. There have been many "firsts" we have had to conquer without our son. It always helps more if we talk honestly and openly about how we feel. Sometimes we fight, but I find it's far less frequent than it used to be. There have been moments when I have felt like I was on the verge of divorce, but we have been lucky enough to move through most of our issues.
Notice I said "move through". Neither one of us will ever "get over it", so we just try our best to move through each issue as it comes along as a FAMILY...not as separate people dealing with separate issues. It's hard and I have shed enough tears to drown the entire family, but I try to stay open to ideas of my DH's and he to mine.
Our son died in Dec. of '07. We had a trip to WDW planned for Feb. of '08. DS had just moved out on his own, started a new job, and was enjoying his new freedoms. He wasn't going with us on our trip, but just a few days after he passed, I had to call and cancel that trip. The last trip we had been on, he was with us (and he dearly loved our trips to WDW!). There was just no way I could face going back so soon.
Well, a few months passed and DH thought that if we went it might help us. At first I didn't want to, but we talked through it and kind of convinced each other that it was the right thing to do. We went in early May and had an awesome time. We were there for my bday and Mother's Day. Of course we had our moments. On our 1st night, we went to the P&P party and I stood right in the middle of Main St. looking at the castle during the fireworks and cried like a baby. DH managed to go to DHS for a few hours one morning, but he seemed "antsy" and was ready to go after only a little while. He later told me that just seeing the ToT (one of DS's faves) made him feel like his heart was coming out of his chest.
Our youngest DS was unable to go to DQ. He and his brother loved to go there together. When he got next to the bldg., he suddenly became short of breath and had to rush to a bathroom to throw up. He still says he will NEVER go there again.
I don't mean to depress you and I definitely don't want to "hijack" your thread, just wanted to let you know that I understand not wanting to do something and feeling like everyone else is "pushing" you to do it. But, I do want to caution you to remain open and understanding where others are concerned also. As bad as you may not want to go, it may be just what your DH needs. Our grief can cloud our judgement and sometimes the things other people do just seem cold and heartless to us, but just remember that your DH is probably having just as hard a time as you are and he is dealing with things in his own way.
I sincerely hope you all reach the conclusion that brings you both peace.
I am sorry for your loss. I just wanted to sent you a hug...
