Sons new girlfriend - what do you think..quite worried- Update 24th April - SAD!

[peanut1967]

So 4 weeks ago my son meets a girl.

My son gives his heart so easily, he is almost 19 and is a joiner.

she as told us that she as lung cancer and that she as approx 18 months to live, she also as crohens desease.......

She works 32 hours a week, takes care of 6 horses, ice skates 3/4 times a week, no problems with breathing. When I have asked my son how her parents cope he has said that she doesnt talk to her parents about it because they dont like to talk about it.
She as told me that the doctors are not treating the cancer but are more worried about her crohens....BTW this is the second time she as had lung cancer.
Last night she told my son that she is now in full remission...this is without treatment....

This doesnt sit well with me...
what do you think

 

[HerdOHuds]

Without meeting the girl and hearing the way she is telling these major things, my gut reaction would be that perhaps she is seeking attention. Isn't that Munchhausen (sp?) syndrome? It certainly does sound fishy.

 

[HolidayRoad]

So 4 weeks ago my son meets a girl.

My son gives his heart so easily, he is almost 19 and is a joiner.

she as told us that she as lung cancer and that she as approx 18 months to live, she also as crohens desease.......

She works 32 hours a week, takes care of 6 horses, ice skates 3/4 times a week, no problems with breathing. When I have asked my son how her parents cope he has said that she doesnt talk to her parents about it because they dont like to talk about it.
She as told me that the doctors are not treating the cancer but are more worried about her crohens....BTW this is the second time she as had lung cancer.
Last night she told my son that she is now in full remission...this is without treatment....

This doesnt sit well with me...
what do you think

I think you know what everyone thinks, she sounds like a whack job. Run, run fast, run long but most assuredly run away. Remember you wanted opinions. Nothing good can come from this.

 

[DVCsince02]

If it sounds too good to be true.... it probably is.

 

[KayLuvsMickey]

I could be wrong, but if she had "cancer" or even just with the other ailments, she would be fatigued I'm sure. When my uncle had cancer he was really tired a lot! He definately couldn't work and care for horses when he got bad.

 

[HolidayRoad]

Without meeting the girl and hearing the way she is telling these major things, my gut reaction would be that perhaps she is seeking attention. Isn't that Munchhausen (sp?) syndrome? It certainly does sound fishy.

Yes it is and here is a link.

http://www.med-help.net/Munchhausen.html

 

[AKBAFB]

From the information provided, it doesn't sound like her story adds up IMO. I would press for more details (without accusing anyone of anything) and then follow your instincts based on what you know. Hopefully you can do this in a way that doesn't offend your son and drive him further toward her defensively and then gently guide him out of this relationship if needed. (Easier said than done, right!) Good luck!

 

[Kaler131]

Good luck with that! Sounds kinda fishy....

 

[thegrimdwarf]

Well, from what I know about lung cancer, I'd say that's she's probably not being honest. Most people don't conquer lung cancer once and go on to get it again. Let alone conquer it, get a job, work horses and ice skate.

I'd say she has some issues, and you're right to be worried. I'd be very blunt if it were my child wrapped up with someone like that - you can sugar-coat as much as you think he needs, but be very clear that you believe this girl isn't presenting herself in an honest way.

And I have to add - if it is all true, my heart goes out to her and your son.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Your son may flip if you do this, but have you concidered calling the girls parents? Prefence it as if you are calling with concern for the girls health, but really just try to get all the info on her as you can. I don't want to be rude, but it sounds like you got a Britney on your hands here - maybe shes Bi-Polar or something like that... whatever it is, something just isn't adding up at all. Do the girl and your son have any mutual friends that may know a bit more about her? Good luck with this one....

 

[mom2girlsn1boy]

sounds really fishy to me and I would really bring this to your sons attention

 

[Disney Brat]

It does sound a bit fishy to me as well. I just lost my Aunt to lung cancer at the end of Jan. She was in constant pain, tired, and spent most of her time in bed. She was short of breath, and it seemed to take a lot of effort to have a conversation. She was diagnosed and given 6-9 months to live. She lived 8 months.

 

[peanut1967]

Your son may flip if you do this, but have you concidered calling the girls parents? Prefence it as if you are calling with concern for the girls health, but really just try to get all the info on her as you can. I don't want to be rude, but it sounds like you got a Britney on your hands here - maybe shes Bi-Polar or something like that... whatever it is, something just isn't adding up at all. Do the girl and your son have any mutual friends that may know a bit more about her? Good luck with this one....

Firstly thanks to everyone, like someone else said if it is true...well I will feel just awful that I have felt this way.

Shes come to our house to night with a massive tattoo on her back that she has had done today.......she reckons that she bleeds a lot, now I know my uncle has had cancer and he does find it hard to stop bleeding....so if this is the case you wouldnt have a tatoo done!!

Dont know where she lives as yet...but trying to find a way of contacting her parents.

guys I am so worried about this situation, my son needs to find out for himself...but I need to help this one along a bit...I will keep you all posted...thankyou

 

[Disney Brat]

Firstly thanks to everyone, like someone else said if it is true...well I will feel just awful that I have felt this way.

Shes come to our house to night with a massive tattoo on her back that she has had done today.......she reckons that she bleeds a lot, now I know my uncle has had cancer and he does find it hard to stop bleeding....so if this is the case you wouldnt have a tatoo done!!

Dont know where she lives as yet...but trying to find a way of contacting her parents.

guys I am so worried about this situation, my son needs to find out for himself...but I need to help this one along a bit...I will keep you all posted...thankyou

I am sorry that you are in such a tough position!!

 

[AuroraBeauty]

Wow, what an interesting young lady.

From Medicinenet.com:
The overall prognosis for lung cancer is poor when compared with some other cancers. Survival rates for lung cancer are generally lower than those for most cancers, with an overall five-year survival rate for lung cancer of about 16% compared to 65% for colon cancer, 89% for breast cancer, and over 99% for prostate cancer.


That speaks volumes to me. Without treatment I doubt her lung cancer would just go into remission.

Maybe you can do a short internet search and get just enough info to make yourself dangerous. Ask her a few questions, not in a nosey way but in a more inquisitive way -- make up some story about a friend who has/had LC. As the girl if it was small cell or non-small cell or what stage. (or even make up a 3rd type and see if she picks that one) You can ask her if she'd recommend her doctor b/c you have a colleague on the DIS in your area who needs a second opinion.

I don't normally advocate any sort of lying or surreptitiousness but I think you need to bring out the big guns.

A complete remission is when the tumor disappears so that it cannot be seen on X-rays. However, unfortunately even if a lung cancer goes into a complete remission, it usually eventually starts to grow again.

Here is an interesting website about teens and cancer.
http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/diseases_conditions/cancer/types_of_cancer.html

You're in an awkward position -- but then what parent of a teen isn't. Yours just is a bit more unique. If you can gather more information your son might be more willing to see your side of the story.

To me, it seems odd that a parent of a child (even a teen) with cancer wouldn't want to be around. I know it's hard to see a child ill, but cancer? I know she's a teen, but to be so nonchalant about having cancer -- twice! -- doesn't seem 'developmentally appropriate'.

As for the Crohns, she may very well have that. Crohns is an autoimmune disorder of the gastrointestinal tract. The symptoms can be episodic (come and go) w/o explanation. You can ask the girl over for dinner and in doing so ask her if there are certain foods she must avoid due to her Crohns -- many have to avoid dairy or spicy foods.

Good for you for being concerned! Some might see it as nosy but it's one thing to see your son's heart broken, it's another to see him being manipulated.

Best Wishes!

 

[Not so Dumbo]

I have a 2nd cousin by marriage that has Crohn's. She has a 5 yo son that she has a hardtime taking care of because the disease makes her very fatigued. So I don't know how someone would have enough energy to do all of the thing you say she does.

 

[cheerforchelsea]

Sounds really fishy to me......my husband is one of the RARE survivors of lung cancer (20 years now) But it did not go away by itself.....he had part of one of his lungs removed and chemo for 9 months...he was in his 20s and one of the very very fortunate ones that have survived lung cancer. I remember he was extremely tired and short of breath. Sounds like you son's girlfriend has some major problems but I think they are not in her lungs.....I believe that God answers prayers so I will keep you in mine.....

 

[TDISFAMILY]

guys I am so worried about this situation, my son needs to find out for himself...but I need to help this one along a bit...I will keep you all posted...thankyou

Good luck I hope all turns out well

 

[design_mom]

I have a 2nd cousin by marriage that has Crohn's. She has a 5 yo son that she has a hardtime taking care of because the disease makes her very fatigued. So I don't know how someone would have enough energy to do all of the thing you say she does.

I have Crohn's. There was a time (before I was officially diagnosed) where I was in very bad shape -- very fatigued, could barely take care of myself or our son. (My DH was wonderful.) Once I got the official diagnosis and started meds, I got much better... and now I've been "weaned off the meds" and do pretty well without any.

Crohn's definitely has it's ups and downs. Flare ups can be *baaaaddd* but you can live a normal life between flare-ups. When you're free of symptoms, they call that "remission," too.

Still...something about this girl's story doesn't add up.

 

[Aliceacc]

While I'm pretty sure that she's a little.... shall we say "confused??"-- you didn't ask about her. You asked about your son.

While my kids are WAY younger than yours, I do teach High School. So I'm confident in saying that the moment you use the phrase "whack job" in reference to his new girl, his first inclination will probably be to profess his undying love and propose marriage.

I would tread very carefully. Let him know that she, like all his friends, is always welcome in your home. Show concern for her health, but don't sound skeptical-- the moment it sounds like the third degree, your son will get his hackles up and you'll be out of the loop. Remember: he's 19-- legally an adult. You can't exert any influence once you're shut out.

At some point, your son will return to the rational being you raised and see the real picture. Don't risk driving him away before that happens.