Need Advice - Learning Disability

[TupperMom7]

Hello. My son is 17 and has had an IEP since preschool. He didn't learn to talk until he was almost 3, but then sort of caught up. His school had us take him for tests because they thought he had epilepsy because he would daydream, an eye specialist because he got more answers wrong on one side of the page than the other, and a psychologist because they thought he had ADD (no hyperactivity, just distractability). All the tests showed he did not have any of those things. Researching on my own, I came across CAPD as it was called then - Central Auditory Processing Disorder - for those unfamiliiar with this, it means that he hears just fine, it's just that he doesn't process what he hears correctly. He might hear it differently than everybody else. Outside noises pay a big part in his processing difficulties as he might hear some of them with what he is supposed to be hearing and jumble it all together. Then in 7th grade, the school asked us if they could change his IEP to list him as Learning Disabled. They wanted to get him the services that he needed and the lable of CAPD wasn't doing it because evidently the school doesn't take that as seriously! So we changed it.

My son is immature for his age. He is 17, but emotionally more like 12. He enjoys the typical video games, TV shows, and computer games that most teenagers enjoy. He is working on his social skills as he doesn't always know what is appropriate behaviour.

My question (finally, right!) is this: His dad, whom I am still married to and he still lives here, etc., never has gotten along with him. Ever since he was a small child. I don't know if it's because he has a disability or what, but he has no patience with him at all. He never talks to him except to bark out orders at him and he always yells, never in a normal tone of voice. He does this with our other children as well. He really should take a parenting class, but I don't think he thinks there is anything wrong with the way he talks to our son or the other kids. He doesn't swear at them (well, unless he is really pissed, lol) but it's just his tone of voice, and he starts right in on him the minute he sees him. Example: Any Saturday, first thing he sees him "I want that room cleaned today, it's a mess"....the kid just got up and hasn't even eaten breakfast yet. A little later "is your room cleaned up yet?" and on and on it goes until finally he cleans it. Do they have support groups for parents of learning disabled kids? A class or something to teach them to cope better and to communicate with them better? Whenever I correct my husband he says "I'm always wrong no matter what I do", blah, blah, blah, but I can't just stand by and have him yelling all day long, can I?

Thanks to anyone who read through this horribly long post

 

[tw1nsmom]

Here's a link for Paren to Parent. http://www.parenttoparentnys.org/

I've received a lot of help and training from the capital region office. I don't know which office is closest to you, but they may be able to point you in the right direction.

Your biggest challenge won't be finding a class. It will be convincing your husband he needs to and is capable of changing his parenting style. If he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, he'll have no reason to change.

 

[SueM in MN]

Your biggest challenge won't be finding a class. It will be convincing your husband he needs to and is capable of changing his parenting style. If he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, he'll have no reason to change.

I agree with that.
Someone is not going to change unless they see a reason for changing.

I'm going to move this thread to our disABILITIES Community Board for more responses.

 

[mcco5543]

Can you secretly tape record him and then play him the results? Your DH and I'm sure he truly is a dear, may not realize how he sounds. (oh the Irony of auditory processing!) but maybe if he heard himself he might want to change. Good luck!

 

[lunabkat]

Three programs that will help your child immensely : Linda Mood Bell LiPS phonemic program, Fast ForWord and Metronome, its like they become comfortable in their own skins. Its amazing. But still alot of hard work for them, worth it tho.

 

[Forevryoung]

Three programs that will help your child immensely : Linda Mood Bell LiPS phonemic program, Fast ForWord and Metronome, its like they become comfortable in their own skins. Its amazing. But still alot of hard work for them, worth it tho.

From a soon to be SLP- those programs have NO significant research backing that they actually make any difference

Be careful what you advocate for and be conscious consumers.

 

[WildGrits]

This is a total guess on my part but:

I think all of us parents have certain expectations as to who are children will be. When they don't meet what we envisioned sometimes it's hard to have a close relationship.

We have two girls. Oldest is a very kind, straight A student and a real BIG talker. My DH comes from quite non-communitive people. He finds it very difficult to relate to her because they are so different. So the gist of his conversations sound much like the OP husband. IT's not out of dislike. IT's purely a lack of connection.

Now my youngest has high functioning Autism. Her speach is straight and to the point. My husband has a better connection with her. One reason is their sameness.

I'm not trying to justify poor behavior but this is what I have come to understand from my observations at home.

Big Talker, wonder where that came from

 

[Piper]

My daughter has CAPD (she will be 40 in August.) One thing that helped her a lot in her classes was to have a small tape recorder that sat on the teacher's desk or lecture stand. That way she could go back and replay any lectures, directions, explanations etc. It was written into her IEP and she now has a 2 college degrees. It can be done, but what a struggle!

Tape recording your husband is a good idea. Also, there is a book called Love and Logic that helps a lot with disciplining.(and just talking to kids in general) Our school uses this approach and with 1301 kids, we have the fewest overall office referrals (and the other schools in our district are much smaller.)

 

[KPeveler]

Sometimes people do not realize how they sound, and sometimes hearing yourself on a tape can be very eye-opening.

 

[lunabkat]

From a soon to be SLP- those programs have NO significant research backing that they actually make any difference

Be careful what you advocate for and be conscious consumers.

I find significant research in the fact that they helped my daughter immensely and that there are school systems in NJ who use these particular programs with great effect. As a matter of fact, there was a study done in Colorado and right here in Rockaway NJ which showed improvement in children who used the programs. So, thank you very much, but i DO advocate these programs and AM a conscious consumer - these programs aren't cheap and no one wants to pay for it for you. And, as a matter of fact, my dsil- who has been and is a Speech Pathologist (20 years and going for her PHD, regarding/including these programs) - not only utilizes these programs on a daily basis but has actual working knowledge of the children these programs have helped, including the Linda Mood Bell programs.

I have, carefully, looked into these programs and have found them to work well for my child and do and will advocate the use of them for other people as, frankly, there really isn't much else around that works for them. Of course, the schools don't want to offer these programs because they are expensive, its much more important to have 27" TV's in every class, at least around here.

 

[Forevryoung]

lunabkat, I am glad that they helped your child but by significant research I mean that I have not seen a large scale study done that proves efficacy. If you have one, I would be very interested in seeing it- I have gone to two huge research universities and both have told us that advocating the use of them is a huge no-no because there is no scientific proof that they work.

Yes, they are expensive but speech-language therapy for children diagnosed with APD is an even larger expense. Think about it- schools have to provide something. They don't have to provide the best... and they are usually looking out for their bottom line.

I KNOW that there is anecdotal evidence (and case studies) but I would appreciate seeing the significant research on the efficacy of computer training for APD that you discuss (peer reviewed research published in a major journal). Then, and only then will I have a basis to change my opinion.

I'm glad you have seen improvement in your daughter and yes, to you, that is what matters most.

Please PM me the authors or at least title of the Colorado study and where it was published as well as the NJ information. Thanks and Happy Mother's Day!