Are you "out" at work?

[LJC1861]

I am, and I couldn't imaging not being so. I have been lucky though to work at very gay friendly places both at my primary job and my part time jobs. The agency I work for now has more gay and lesbian employees than straight ones and it feels totally natural for me to have Lisa's picture out on my desk. I like not having to hide who I am or who my partner is. I like being able to bring Lisa to work functions and have it be accepted. Lisa is also out at work and the same thing goes there....I am always invited and accepted for who I am.

How about you??? Any experiences to share?

Linda

[Tony-NJ]

yup - I have nothing to hide. Although I don't go around announcing that I'm gay - I've been here over 10 years and everyone just knows. Most also know Chris. I also have a Holiday Party every year where about 20 or so folks from work come. I do consider myself lucky to have the co-workers I have. I even brought Chris this year to the owners beach hoouse while entertaining clients. There were other spouses / SO's there that he knew.

[SeattleRedBear]

Librarian here! HELLO! You do the math.

(Actually, there are straight male librarians, but we like to keep them our little secret!)

[MickeyDee]

I've always been out at work...until now. I'm teaching elementary school in Texas....so, I'm not terribly keen on coming out. In fact, I haven't come out to anyone that is tied to work...at all! Very unlike me. I taught at a daycare in Massachusetts until about a year ago and I was even out there...but not now, sadly. And it totally sucks.

[LJC1861]

MIckeyDee,

I can only imagine how hard that must be for you. You have to follow your gut however and if it feels like that is what you must do for your job....so be it. Hopefully a time will come when you can come out, if not to everyone at first at least to a few trusted co-workers. Hang in there......


Linda

[micknpluto]

I was out at my last job, i was there for four and half years. It took a little while but after a while it was no big deal. I only had a few co-workers (like 2!) who were "family". Ya know, its funny.. I almost wanna say they liked me more cause I was a lesbian? Like the young straight girls seemed to be facinated by it.. so funny :rotfl2:

[StormTigger]

I'm not exactly out at work, but I've been there over 7 yrs (been w/ my partner 9) so if they don't know by now, they'll never figure it out.

My supervisor and co-workers "know" and only one of them has any problems with it, but even he's cool w/ it as long as it's never address directly. I have to admit I still refer to him as my roommate just to make life easier, but a lot of that is still hold over from being in the military. I experimented w/ introducing him as my partner at my last work function, but I never knew exactly what was going to come out of my mouth until I said it... most of the time it still was "roommate" though.

[icebrat001]

My bosses and co-workers do, others don't. I have 2 jobs, I teach pre-school, and I work at a hotel. I doubt the parents would want to know that they have a lesbian teacher, they'd probably freak out. The hotel, we have new guest all the time, no reason to.

My SO teaches PE, she works for a non-profit organization, more than 60% of the employees are gay. It's really cool because I get health benefits through her job. :banana:

[icebrat001]

. I have to admit I still refer to him as my roommate just to make life easier, .

I refer to SO as my fiance to the parents of my preschoolers, they've never met her but they ask about the rings on my finger, it's an easy answer. Although, an idiot coworker almost blew it for me once, she was going to say, hey that's not your fiance that's your partner, but someone else shut her up. ::yes::

[RickinNYC]

Yep, I'm out. In all the companies I've worked, I've been so as well. I don't do so with guns blazing, feather boa flapping in the wind. Ever seen a guy with a feather boa standing 6'4" and a deep voice? Not pretty. Waitaminute, of course a lot you have! :rotfl:

Actually, I simply speak about my self and my other half as a matter of course. Much like anyone else who would say something like, "My wife Mishell" or "My husband Chris." I say, "My partner Joe.." I've never experienced any difficulties or anything, although I have gotten the multiple eye blink or the open mouth look. Never fails to amuse!

[micknpluto]

Like I said before,,, I was out at work, now Im just "OUT of work" :sad1: I'm jobless. I lost my job back in September after being w/the company almost 5 years. Boy that sux.. but hey,, thats a whole other thread to start. :rolleyes:

[SeattleRedBear]

Yep, I'm out. In all the companies I've worked, I've been so as well. I don't do so with guns blazing, feather boa flapping in the wind. Ever seen a guy with a feather boa standing 6'4" and a deep voice? Not pretty. Waitaminute, of course a lot you have! :rotfl:

Actually, I simply speak about my self and my other half as a matter of course. Much like anyone else who would say something like, "My wife Mishell" or "My husband Chris." I say, "My partner Joe.." I've never experienced any difficulties or anything, although I have gotten the multiple eye blink or the open mouth look. Never fails to amuse!
Pretty much the same with me. On first meeting, if it comes up I'll mention "My partner Rick" but I don't go out of my way to mention it. I talk more about our 3-year-old grandson than about Rick anyway so I think once there was some confusion when the person I was talking to knew about the grandson before the partner. But I am very blessed to work in an intellectually, culturally diverse environment where it's not unsurprising that there are gays and lesbians.

[rcostello1]

We are both out. Most of the people I work with I've known for many years so it just isn't an issue. Of course I am satan in the state of Virginia anyway so it wouldn't matter! There are many people who aren't out especially if they are in the classroom or a principal, etc. (I work in education.) That's just the way it goes especially in this state.

[anut4disney]

We are both out. Most of the people I work with I've known for many years so it just isn't an issue. Of course I am satan in the state of Virginia anyway so it wouldn't matter! There are many people who aren't out especially if they are in the classroom or a principal, etc. (I work in education.) That's just the way it goes especially in this state.


Hey, I'm from Virginia and I don't think you are Satan. :rotfl2: I'm not gay either, but my mother's best friends brother was and from the time I was 4 years old he and his boyfriend (we called them boyfriends at my house) was in our life. Sweetest two people you would ever want to meet. My mom taught me that it didn't make in difference as long as people treated each other well. Now here is the kicker, the was in the early 50's when being gay was not cool or talked about unless you were very brave.

[RickinNYC]

Pretty much the same with me. On first meeting, if it comes up I'll mention "My partner Rick" but I don't go out of my way to mention it. I talk more about our 3-year-old grandson than about Rick anyway so I think once there was some confusion when the person I was talking to knew about the grandson before the partner. But I am very blessed to work in an intellectually, culturally diverse environment where it's not unsurprising that there are gays and lesbians.

Hey, waitaminute. When did you and I become an item??!!

[SeattleRedBear]

Hey, waitaminute. When did you and I become an item??!!
Ooops! Now everyone knows! :chat:

[Empare]

I am nothing but "a good little girl" when it comes to my co workers. I am married to a wonderful husband who loves me and understands I am bi. I have always felt you fall in love with the soul not the gender. I have not told ANYBODY at work about my preferences and I have been there for 3 years! I just don't feel like explaining....I would get the usual "But you are married" and "Why can't you decide?" Grrr. I wish I could just be myself sometimes!

[rainbowboy74]

I have always been out at work. I have never been one to keep things quiet, well what I mean is, I never broadcasted it, but when it came down to it, when the topic came up, I was always true to myself and to others. I have always worked with supportive and decent people, so it's all good. I have never been none as the "gay" guy at work, but more in fact the "crazy" one with the sense of humour, so I like that.

I have worked in the public eye and customer service for so many years, I guess I have always been out there and quite to the point, and at the same time I have never really cared what others have thought anyhow.

[vegasnw]

My better half and I have been together for 20 years now and he has always been out at work. He's a dealer on the Las Vegas Strip. I on the other hand wasn't out for almost 10 years when I worked in the casinos because I was a boss and was told by my supervisor to keep it to myself if I wanted to remain a boss but that was a long time ago. I only work part time now in the casinos but I am out and MUCH MUCH happier...

[Ronda93]

Yes. I've been at my job a long time. There was never a coming out, but if conversations turned to home and family it was clear. I've gotten to the point that if you know me, you know. You know?

[Mykelogan]

Thanks to everyone for sharing in this thread. It is definitely very interesting to read everyone's experiences in the workplace. I work in Higher Education (I am a Residence Hall Director at a college) and have been out in every job I have had. Mostly it was easy because at first much of my work and experience in college that i was putting on my resume was in LGBT related leadership roles. I also do workshops on homophobia/heterosexism on my campus and for others so that definitely puts me out there. My co-workers/supervisors are great and if any haven't been I usually end up opening their minds eventually. hehe My students are funny in that most are usually blown away when they find out I am gay because I guess I do not "seem" gay to them, whatever that means! lol

Have a great day all!
Mike :goodvibes

[airhead]

My job situation is that I'm an airbrush artist who works from home. When I'm not airbrushing,I'm training dogs either at a doggy daycare or privately. Dogs don't care. Go to a dog show sometime,you'll find MANY who play on our team!! I've been with my partner for 30 years. WAY too long to refer to her as my "roommate"!!

[iankh]

I don't know if I'm out or not. My boss knows that I'm gay, but I've worked for her for 4 years (3 years at a previous company and 1 at this one). She and I have talked about many things and very open about my relationship. Many colleagues know that I'm gay. I just sort of treat it as a very matter of factual thing. Although some poor souls are stumped as to why a middle aged man, who's unmarried and with out kids would own points in DVC. Yeah, and I have a roommate I've lived with for 19 years.

[bubie2.5]

I am, but that’s just because I’m my own boss now. At my last job the CEO was family, one day we were out on a business dinner and while waiting for the others she told me: “have kids, that’s the only thing I’ve ever regret not doing”… so I’m assuming she knew. I told one co-worker, I don’t know about the rest, it was never brought up.

[nordkin]

My partner and I are both out at work. We both work for Fortune 500 companies, she is on their executive GLBT task force and I am on our diversity council. The thing I am most proud of is writing the business case that got domestic partner benefits for employees in 2005. By the way my company is a major utility and this is a major step in the utility industry. Neither of us has any problems at work and both of us have been promoted into upper management after coming out.

[SurfnStitch]

I'm out at work. I've never really came out and said it, but in a way I think I'm kinda obvious! When I first started I constantly talked about my "roommate" (and of course I still do) so I think the people here just put 2 and 2 together. They're all really cool with it and always ask how she's doing since she's temporarily working out of state now. :sad1:

My SO has been out in her jobs as well, with the exception of the one she has now. She never "came out", but just like me after talking about the roommate people just clicked on. In fact when I had surgery last year her co-workers were sending me Get Well cards! ;)

I guess that's one of the great things about living in such a liberal area such as the Bay Area, it's very nice and relaxed!

Hey Icebrat, we're not too far away from each other. I'm in Marin! :wave:

[polarboi]

In my previous job, I didn't say much about my personal life because I wasn't that close to my coworkers. I wasn't in a relationship and none of us talked much about what we did outside of work, so there wasn't any need for it to come up. I wasn't "in the closet," but I didn't bring up my sexuality either... until the one day that one of my male co-workers asked if I thought a certain girl was hot, and I just smiled and said, "Dude... you're totally asking the wrong guy."

He looked at me for a moment, then his eyes got wide and he said, "Oh! Oh!.... Oh I didn't know! I'm really sorry!" It took me several minutes to convince him that it was just fine and he had nothing to apologize for. It made me laugh. After that, it seemed like everyone suddenly knew. ;)

Now I work for a gay Christian organization. So yeah... I'm out. :teeth:

-p.b.

[OKW Lover]

My partner and I are both out at work. We both work for Fortune 500 companies, she is on their executive GLBT task force and I am on our diversity council. The thing I am most proud of is writing the business case that got domestic partner benefits for employees in 2005. By the way my company is a major utility and this is a major step in the utility industry. Neither of us has any problems at work and both of us have been promoted into upper management after coming out.
I work for a major utility in New England and we've also got parter benefits. Had them even before MA legalized same-sex marriages.

[momto3gr8boys]

My bosses and co-workers do, others don't. I have 2 jobs, I teach pre-school, and I work at a hotel. I doubt the parents would want to know that they have a lesbian teacher, they'd probably freak out.

i teach pre-school also, at an independent N-8 private school. i'm not out to the parents, but i am to most of the faculty and administration, and no one seems to care.

[DisneyRainbow]

I am out at work and actually have come out during interviews. I refuse to work for homophobes. Happy to say I work for Wells Fargo and they are extremely gay-friendly. During my interview I talked about reaching out to the GLBT community and I believe that gave me a leg up. I'm in Florida now (from Massachusetts originally) and so far I've had no problems with homophobes. Also, Wells Fargo has partnership (same and opposite sex) benefits so I signed my partner up and saved quite a bit of money. See you at Gay Days! :sunny:

[Ilovestitch]

I'm straight but up until a month ago I was a manager of an Abercrombie & Fitch and we had more gay guys than straight working there! I thought it was awesome! I am not very good w/putting together outfits for myself so I would rely on my gay coworker to "dress me"- they loved it. I would say Abercrombie & Fitch is a very gay friendly work environment.

-Stephanie

[David R]

I don't go around announcing that I'm gay but after 7+ years here they all know I am. Everyone loves my partner and he is always a part of any social functions we may have outside of office hours. I consider myself lucky.

Having said that, I begin a new job in 3 weeks but I get the feeling that it is also a fairly welcoming place of work. My gaydar went off immediately during the interview with one of my future coworkers and a quick google search afterwards confirmed it. He seemed very well liked so I'm sure that it won't be an issue at all when I start.

And sooner or later they'll see the rainbow mickey sticker on my car (okay, so that's about as much annoucing as I do.)

[yensiD naF]

I was a store manager for a major retail chain in the San Francisco Bay Area. I finally felt comfortable enough in a job to come out to my employees and eventually my boss. I was one of only a few gay managers with this chain, at least one who was "out". I knew many "out" assistant managers who had been with the company for a long time, but never got promoted and wondered why, but they never talked about it.

My employees were very supportive and a couple were proud that I had the courage to come out. I never bragged or anything. I just realized that it was easier to be honest and not to hide such an important part of my life. When I used the word "partner" with my boss, things changed dramatically. She had treated me with a fair amount of respect and dignity until she found out that I was gay. Her attitude changed in such a way that it was painfully obvious that she was homophobic. Something I had never expected before.

My boss was a district manager with the company. She began harrassing me, creating situations to write me up, threatening to fire me and worse. This happened in an instant after she found out who I was. The funny thing was only a month before this happened, she had given me a glowing annual review and said how proud she was to have me on her team. Needless to say I felt exremely cofortable with her.

When her behavior changed, I began asking some of my fellow managers about it. Some of them told me how she felt about gay people and that she had prevented some employees from being promoted because of it. My district manager got her way and fired me a few months later for another trumped up charge. I took my case to Human Resources and of course they, and she denied everything. California is an "at will" employment state, which means that I could be fired for anything, without reason. Although when I had real problems with an employee who was stealing from the company, my boss wouldn't let me do anything about it.

I share this story because it changed my life. Being fired from this company was the best thing that ever happened to me. I decided that I would never hide my sexuality again, at the workplace or anywhere. Sure it proved that there are evil, sick people out there. But it also paved the way for me to work for much better companies.

You might think that the Walt Disney Company would be a great employer. But in my case, being a store manager for The Disney Store who happened to be gay marked the end of a career, but the beginning of many great new chapters in my life.

[LJC1861]

Yensid naf-

We had almost the same experience working for Disney! I was a lead at the 5th Ave. store and later on at the ABC Studio store. At the 5th Ave store my sexuality and the frequent mention of my partner was a total non-issue. Most of my DS castmates had met Lisa and she was part of any gathering that we had. When I moved to the ABC store, again it was a non-issue with my Store Manager. Then she left and was replaced by someone I had known and worked with at 5th. Ave. Now Jeanette knew about Lisa and knew that I was gay. My performance had not changed one bit, but suddenly I went from being a great lead to one being written up if I breathed the wrong way. After about 6 months of this torture I made the difficult decision to leave TDS and go to work for the NBA store. It turned out to be a good decision on my part because shortly after that all the NYC stores were closed to make way for the 5th Ave. store to turn into WOD.

Linda

[MassJester]

There are some parts of the country in whcih employment dsicrimination based on sexual orientation (or perceived sexual orientation for that matter) is legal. New York City and San Francisco do not happen to fall on that list.

Both have government agencies through which on non-represented party (you without a lawyer) can pursue a complaint.

As tough as the complaining process is, when at all practical is should be pursued.

I've been "out" at work since joining the company, and was partially responsible for having the company add sexual orientation to the non-discrimination statement (lot's of right-leaning folk of narrow experience on the executive committee, so it took some educating).

[tmorse65]

I live in Salt Lake City with my partner of 25 years and I'm out at work. In fact, my employer offers benefits to same sex couples and the people are great.
Actually, I don't know how one could hide it after a few years or so anyway. People sort of just catch on anyhow.

[T&KHayes]

At my work (very SMALL) it is just The owners (husband & wife) myself & a part time high school girl. I am totally out and my bosses are wonderful! We also have quite a few regular customers who are gay, including our accountants. My bosses are definately CSP. They just took us to a crab feed on friday night and we had a blast! Remember we are small town USA Pop. 60,000ish including the small outer lining towns. :teeth:

[Boston5602]

I've been at my job for years , when I started the company was owned by Rupert Murdoch . He's real Gay Friendly :rotfl2: Anyways I'd been there less than a year when I told my union rep that there was a gay pride type sticker on my locker . He looked at me shocked ( not for reasons I thought ) He went on and on about how he would " GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS " and find out WHO would do such a thing to me being the nice guy I was . I couldn't help but laugh when I told him it was me. OH , He said ok if you have any roblems let me know . That was it . Now all of the employees in the department report to me and we're not owned by News Corp any more either.

[TwitterMouse]

I'm out at work and at school (I'm a high school senior). My moms didn't come out at work, but people sort of found out and it got around.
I don't have any problems being out at work one of my co-workers is out as well). At school I've run into problems during previous years (last year I couldn't go to gym class, I kept getting harrassed and called a **** in the locker room), but this year seems to be going okay. Everyone at school seems to know I'm a lesbian or assume it, I guess short hair is a dead give away ;)

[majortom]

hehe My students are funny in that most are usually blown away when they find out I am gay because I guess I do not "seem" gay to them, whatever that means! lol

Have a great day all!
Mike :goodvibes

Your post reminds me of a funny story.

While I have always been out at work even within the Navy (I was Direct Commissioned, in a very technical area), I have had two boyfriends that were not out and so I did not introduce them to others at work as such. Because of that, not everyone knew (if we never had a conversation where relationships or similar were a topic it did not get discussed). I had worked at Argonne National Lab and one of my close friends from there was getting married.

He invited me and my (now-ex) boyfriend Pete to the wedding. One of my former ANL coworkers was there, and I introduced him to Pete saying that he was my boyfriend. John (former coworker) responded: No, really who is he? It took me quite a bit of time to convince John that I was really gay and not just playing with him. It was not that it bothered him, just that he never realized that I was gay and it really surprised him.

One other funny story that involves Nick (the friend who was getting married). I first started going to Disney on my own in the late 80's. When I was at Argonne, I would often organize trips that would include many of my Argonne friends. On returning from one of these trips, Nick's dad met us at the airport and drove us home. His dad was a retired blue collar worker, from a very traditional Greek (and Greek Orthodox) family.

I do not remember how it arose, but we started discussing a situation that had happened at Disneyland in the early 80's where a gay couple had be kicked out of the park for holding hands (nothing more).

Nick's dad started to speak and Nick looked back at me clearly nervous about what his dad was going to say. His dad started with "That is really wrong! I can't believe they did that!"

Nick was about to jump in to defend the couple, when his dad finished: "What harm were they doing? Why should anyone care if they were gay? Did they stop straight couples from holding hands?"

Nick broke out into a huge smile. It is always one of my stories that shows that you never know how people are going to react.

/carmi

[TN Traveler]

This is a great thread w/alot of good conversation. I'm straight but in the travel industry which is known to have alot of gay people in it. Actually I assume more are gay than straight. I have a friend that works for one of my vendors and we have talked many times about his partner. We get along fne and have no problems. On the other hand, some other agents in my office say they don't like him, he's moody, can be a SA etc. They'll say "Hey, Karen, call *** and see what he tells you about ....." whatever the situation is. Because they know he and I get along just fine. Do you think it might be b/c I don't judge him or condem him?! Well DAH?!?! :lmao:

I agree w/one poster that stated different areas of the country are more acceptable to gay couples than others. Here in the south (TN) there are alot of folks that are anti-gay--especially in small towns. On the other hand I think in the northern cities and larger cities, most people are more accepting of the gay lifestyle. Would ya'll agree or disagree w/that statement?

Keep the comments coming. It's a good conversation.

Karen

[SurfnStitch]

Hi yensid, I'm from the Bay Area as well.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your job, but yes, it can open doors to something much better. It confuses me, because from what I understand there is a lot of "family" that works on the Disney Cruise ships. :confused3

[micknpluto]

Well, I start a new job next week. It's always uncomfortable at first. I will be in training for six weeks, basically sitting in a big room with about 30 people or so. I WISH I would have at least 1 other "gay" coworker with me :) No big deal..

I know one thing that made me smile... After they offered me the position they gave me a "welcome" packet to go through before I start. They offer :"domestic partner" shared benefits!! This is a good thing!! :thumbsup2
At least I know the company is cool!

[SteeleTig]

This is my first post... yippee, lol :cheer2:
I am out at work now, I am a nanny and was fired from a job after being with the family (and living in their house) for 5 years after they found out I am gay. After that I decided to always be out from day one, that way if they are homophobic I'll know.

Back story, they found out I am gay after I gave notice (because I was moving in with my then giirlfriend, now domestic partner) and they went through my things and read a journal I had kept. I was fired, by phone, that same day. Their 13 year old daughter told me it was because they read about my partner, Ava, in my journal. My ex bosses deny that was the reason.

[micknpluto]

This is my first post... yippee, lol :cheer2:
I am out at work now, I am a nanny and was fired from a job after being with the family (and living in their house) for 5 years after they found out I am gay. After that I decided to always be out from day one, that way if they are homophobic I'll know.

Back story, they found out I am gay after I gave notice (because I was moving in with my then giirlfriend, now domestic partner) and they went through my things and read a journal I had kept. I was fired, by phone, that same day. Their 13 year old daughter told me it was because they read about my partner, Ava, in my journal. My ex bosses deny that was the reason.


OH WOW..that sux!! Im sorry..Why are people so ignorant?

Today was my first day at my new job. I will be in training for the first 6 weeks. Of course, Im the ONLY female (as usual) it seems this always happens to me. there are about 19 guys and me in my class. Once I start actually working and not training I will have other females around just not in the training class. Its a little nerve racking being with all guys, who I think are all straight. We had to do this thing today where we had to interview another person and introduce them to the rest of the room. The guy who interviewed me asks , "are you married? I was like NO, well, does a "significant other count?? LOL

[Eeyoresfriend]

I'm self employed so I guess I'm out to myself...LOL

Actually my business partner doesn't know, but I intend to tell him. He's open minded. I was in a situation where when I started I couldn't say anything b/c of some close minded peeps I was sharing an office with, but that has since changed and Sam and I are pretty good friends. I just need to figure out the best time and how to preface it.

[ILuvDVC2]

I'm out at work, and work for a company where GLBT people are treated with respect. We have domestic partnership benefits, and our non-discrimination policies are inclusive of sexual orientation.

Now for my soapbox...

It makes me sad to read some of the stories on this thread, because as an HR manager, I know that a lot of companies today don't tolerate discrimination of any kind, whether or not sexual orientation is specifically protected in their company's policies. If a company does business in a state where laws are in place to protect sexual orientation discrimination, they could be held accountable if an employees claim of discrimination can be substantiated.

I agree with another poster who suggested that if you feel you were or are a target of discrimination in your employment, you should explore your options and find out what rights you have. The best thing to do, in my experience, is to utilize your company's HR/employee relations department and ask for a meeting. Present HR/ER with any documentation you may have about how you've been discriminated against, and if possible, provide the names of any witnesses to the discriminatory behavior that was enacted against you. If witnesses can substantiate your claims, you are in a much better place than if no one else can help you prove your claim. I know this is a very sensitive issue, but substantiated facts are usually what companies need to take action against those who discriminate.

Just my humble opinion...