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View Full Version : Horrible news today!


beautybelle
03-29-2005, 11:03 PM
Well boy arent I the downer lately. This doesnt have anything to do with Disney but I had to get your advice/opinions. My husband and I have an 8 year old little boy and we were thinking about having another baby. Well Ive been on depression meds now for a year and to be perfectly honest about it I AM a nervous type person (but not all the time). Well I went to the doctor today and told her about our plans and she knows my problem. She advised me AGAINST getting pregnant because I would have to go off my meds and if I stayed on them there was a risk of birth defects. I am soooo upset I feel like my window is closing and I see my son growing up, my health is not the greatest right now and Im sure will be worse in years to come and I just want to hold on the the best things for as long as I can. I cant see myself in the years when Dylan grows up (which is passing too quickly) not having someone to take care of and love on. Oh help me know what do here. Should I take a chance anyway or try to find a way to realize it not going to happen for me twice?

Disneymomofsix
03-29-2005, 11:08 PM
Was this your regular doctor, psychiatrist, or an OB/GYN? I would want a second opinion because there may be another med that you could take safely, or there may be other options available. If you really want this, I think you should explore your options. Good luck! :flower:

Forevryoung
03-29-2005, 11:58 PM
Explore your options, never just get one. I've been taking psych meds for over four years and I will never survive without them but I have already decided (and been told) that I can take certain meds while I am pregnant. Some are better than others and there are very few which have been actually known to hurt the baby. Just remember that you need to take care of yourself first (as difficult as it is)- i forget all the time.
Best of luck :grouphug:

lilsonicfan
03-30-2005, 03:10 AM
I cant see myself in the years when Dylan grows up (which is passing too quickly) not having someone to take care of and love on. Oh help me know what do here. Should I take a chance anyway or try to find a way to realize it not going to happen for me twice?

This part of your post kinda disturbs me. I am not trying to flame you at all... but it seems worrisome. It seems (and I hope I am wrong) that you want a second child b/c you are worried you won't have someone to take care of or "love on". It seems like an odd reason to want a second child, is all.

DAWGPOUNDAJ
03-30-2005, 04:14 AM
Firstly, you are a charming person and even when your son is older he will still need the love that only a mother can provide. :) I'm 23 and I'm still the type who smothers my parents in hugs as often as possible. You'll never run out of having people to love regardless of whether you have another child or not. :sunny:

Secondly, I'm sorry to hear that the news about the medication was upsetting. Obviously in your situation it would be. The only advice that I can offer is that I am a student studying biology and chemistry and I take a large amount of courses in human health and effects of drugs. Honestly it all depends on what medication your on. But if your doctor has told you that
about the one you are on then he is right. If you seek a second opinion and find a doctor who tells you that there is only a slim chance of birth defects from having a child, while staying on your medication, then that is the opinion to not trust. The only way to be 100% safe is to go off your current more risky drug during your pregnancy, or to find a safer alternative medication.

Do people have children safely while remaining on risky medications? Yes. Do people have children with birth defects as a result of staying on the same medications? Yes. My mother works in the OR of labor and delivery and sees birth defects quite often. The most common causes she sees for them are drug (both prescription and the illegal kind) related ones. Alcoholism is also a big one.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if even one doctor tells you that your current drug is too risky, then you need to go off it before having a child. You can switch medications and find a safer alternative or go off them completely. Will it be a rocky few months? You bet, but thats better than pre-disposing your future child to the risk of permanent problems for their entire life.

I wish you the best of luck in this decision.

Msslaydbug
03-30-2005, 04:19 AM
As others have stated it is always a good idea to get a second opinion.

aka-mad4themouse
03-30-2005, 07:56 AM
I have no medical advise to offer, just a <<HUG>>. It must be very hard news to hear. Please try to explore your options, including the possibility of adoption, if you want to expand your family. I hope that you can find an answer that you can be at pece with.

minmate
03-30-2005, 08:18 AM
Please consider carefully WHY you want a second child. It's such a tough question and the answers (like shown here) can leave a person open to other's judgments and opinions. Just know that you will always be a parent and always have someone to take care of and love -- YOURSELF!!! And lucky you, you have a dh and a son already... plus friends and family I am sure. Aside from that, I do not think your option to have a child is closed. Definitely get more professional opinions. Even if there are no safe meds to be on, couldn't you amp up a counseling session if need be to help temporarily until you can return to your meds? I don't know the seriousness of your depression when you are off the meds so this may not be an option... it is certainly btw you and your drs. But I do think that where there's a will, there's a way and you just have to keep searching to find the way! Good luck to you!

marcyinPA
03-30-2005, 09:59 AM
Please get a second opinion. My friend was on Zoloft through her entire second pregnancy and she is still on it. Her daughter is a beautiful, happy, smart 5 year old.

I was on Paxil AFTER the birth of my second son, and nursed him while on it. I had no problems and neither did he. He is a WHIP...very outgoing and smart and almost 6.

There ARE safe anti-depressants out there for pregnant women.

God bless!

andromedaslove
03-30-2005, 10:07 AM
I have to second what some of the other posters have said. First off, you will always have children and others to love, and who love you. Secondly, if you truly want to have another child there are safe anti-depressants that you can take. While pregnant with my first son my doctor put me on Paxil because I was having serious depression problems. He is now 3 years old and smart as can be. With my third (and LAST) pregnancy I was put on Wellbutrin by my OBGYN for reasons other than depression. It didn't harm the baby but I don't think he seriously considered my past depression problems before prescribing it. Wellbutrin now has to carry a black label stating that in some people it can cause depression to become worse. Which is what it did for me. I became so unhappy I couldn't hardly function so I quit taking it. Regardless of that it was safe for the baby he is now 5 months old and doing VERY well.

Take Care,
Dana

ceecee
03-30-2005, 10:20 AM
Thank God for your one blessing that you have and continue to take care of yourself! Your son will always need you, not just when he's little. We were only able to have one child due to infertility issues, but are very thankful for her! Especially since there are many couples unable to have any kids at all. Your priority now should be raising your son and taking care of YOU! Maybe you could get a pet. Don't shrug it off as stupid advice. We just got a dog that was a rescue pet and have had the greatest time with her! We're even considering a second dog now.

minkydog
03-30-2005, 10:22 AM
Get a second opinion. Depression is serious business and not to be taken lightly. I wouldn't even consider going off meds to get pregnant. A year with out my meds? I'd probably kill someone(or myself!)

You may also want to explore this with a psychologist who can help you sort out your feelings. I think you need to be clear about why you want a second child.

beautybelle
03-30-2005, 12:39 PM
Thank you all for your posts. Yesterday I was just really upset by what my doctor said. I was glad to hear some of you did it sucessfully, that gives me some hope.
I am confused however by some posters asking WHY is wanted another child. Well, why does anybody want a second child? Different reasons. I love my son more than anything this world has to offer and I love being a mother to him and I would very much like to share that with another baby. That is ONE of my reasons.
Again, thank you all for giving me hope. I will be getting another opinion. Like I said I was just upset yesterday after hearing that and I guess I might have overreacted before researching all my options. Thank goodness for the Dis for letting those of us who need it to release some pent up emotions. LOL :love:

elf
03-30-2005, 12:47 PM
I was unable to become pregnant for different reasons but really wanted to have a 2nd child. I had lots of advise to be happy with what we already were blessed with. Well now we are blessed again, we adopted a beautiful 2 1/2 year. old girl from Russia, she's now 5 and happy and wonderful. The two sisters get along great and love each other very much. My 7 year old adores her younger sister they stick up for each other, help each other if one is hurt or crying it's a beautiful thing.
Just so you know there are other options. And I would recommend getting other opinions.

EsmeraldaX
03-30-2005, 01:09 PM
I think you should get a second opinion.

People go off of medication all the time and have children and do just fine. :hug:

SlightlyGoofy
03-30-2005, 01:30 PM
Beautybelle, I hear your pain. I wanted a houseful of children myself and, for many reasons, could not accomplish that. I felt down about that for awhile but then I started looking around and I am sad to report I have not found a dearth of people who need to be loved upon. Wow wonderful that you have a big heart with lots of love to give.

I was a 4-H leader for many years and many of my children's friends were welcome here when they might not have been at home. I have many older friends who need someone to watch out for them,drive them places and such. I volunteer, have for many years, to teach the 'love' of reading to children. When the kids finish one of my books they are allowed to write their name in the book. Many of my books have the name of the parent above the name of the child. I love it!! I also have a long list of email friends, who are housebound and such, who I correspond with. A word is a big thing to them and to me.

Look around you and I promise that God will send many your way to be blessed, as so shall you, by your loving heart.

BTW, do not give up hope on more children. I had another after I was told I could not have any. You just never know. Take care of yourself and hang in there, one never knows where their life is headed until they get there and even then you do not know what is ahead.

Slightly Goofy

Tiger926
03-30-2005, 02:30 PM
This is a difficult decision to make, but as someone with lots of experience in this area (I am a Special Education teacher, therapist for a sister & lots of family members withe depression & on meds), you need to make sure that you are dealing with a psychiatrist when discussing antidepressants or any other psychiatric medication. Family doctors are not qualified to accurately monitor and manage these types of meds (we have a shortage of psychiatrists in my city, and most of my students are on the wrong meds = violent behaviour, more depression, etc...) so you really need to discuss this with a psychiatrist in terms of your physical health, stability in having another child, going off meds, etc...

All of the other posters are right, in that there are several types of meds that are more safe than others, but the only truly safe answer is not to be on meds while you are pregnant and nursing (most of our literature in Canada states this). It sounds as if your doctor is worried about postpartum depression or psychosis if you go off the meds, which could happen as the pregnancy alone could cause you to take a turn for the worst. A family member grappled with this same decision, and the decision was made with the psychiatrist & family doctor that going off of the meds would be more harmful, so no other pregnancy is permitted.

It sounds like you have a difficult decision to make, but your mental health is more important than having another child for the simple fact that if you are not healthy, you can't take care of a new baby, an older child and a husband, let alone yourself.

Healing hugs to you, Tiger

2d_star_to_the_right
03-30-2005, 05:49 PM
It is always wisest to speak directly to an OB/GYN- particularly one is very familiar with antidepressants. Antidepressants are safer during certain trimesters than others. While obviously no one can every gurantee you a risk free outcome -- many women do have successful pregnancies on medication.

However- there are other options to consider- especially if your health is not the best and the stress of pregnancy may negatively impact. Adoption is a fantastic option. We have 3 children from Russia and could not be happier.

So- if you truly want to parent again- there are options available to you!
:grouphug:

beautybelle
03-30-2005, 08:55 PM
I noticed that some of you adopted a child from another country. If Im not being too nosey, what is the procedure for this? I wouldnt care at all to adopt me another little bundle of joy to spoil silly. :love:

liveforthemagic
04-04-2005, 04:50 PM
Don't despair! I know how it feels when you decide that you want to have another--and its so frustrating even for those of us who just take FOREVER to get pregnant the second time. I can't imagine being told it is out of the question!

Please get a second opinion and be honest with your ob and the dr that prescribes your anti-dep meds. You need to find two docs that are willing to work together with you.

My baby sis struggled for years with manic depression. She went off her meds (sorry--don't know what she was taking) to get pregnant with her first. She did struggle with some post partum after he was born--but caught herself very quickly, got back on the meds and balanced out. Her pregnancy was pretty uneventful. In fact, she turned around got pregnant with her second with her first was only 6 months. She just had him (MY godson, by the by) about 6 weeks ago. No struggle with post partum at all this time, and the whole family is healthy and complete.

Don't give up. Take charge of your life and your physical care and make sure this is something that is not possible for you. If not, I have another sister who tried for 11 years to get pregnant, and has now adopted girls from China. Either way--we love them all, and I couldn't tell you which of my sisters is happier!

MrsPete
04-04-2005, 05:42 PM
Perhaps you could look into adoption. I have a friend who refers to her children (one biological and one adopted) as one "homegrown child" and one "gourmet special child".

Foster care might be another option.