Tracy's Journal

[tlgoblue]

November 11, 2004

Look at me back on the Journal Board! :bounce:

It has been a long time and I have really gotten myself into a mess. But today is a new day and I can deal with a day. Yesterday was my day to get back into a healthy routine, and I did fairly well until a prosective real estate agent visited and gave me pretty bad news. Then I had 2 margs and leftover frenchfries and hooters. All in all I really wasn't that bad, but it was emotionally discouraging. So here is today and I can start again.

I still need to take my meds, and I need to get back on my vitamines as well. I mean I really have slacked off.

I need to get moving on the water.

I did have gruel for breakfast and I will have a yummy salad for lunch.

Not sure what dinner will be as Hubby will be out with the boys for one last hurrah befor he heads out west. Any suggestions?

I need to get to the gym, but as is always the way lately, I have caught some nastey virus and am in bed, trying to take it easy so I can get some work done this weekend, before DH leaves. Always something, but I will get there.

Off to take meds and drink water, then back to bed maybe with a good book. DS is home sick as well and between the two of us coughing, we can hardly hold a conversation, so we are just staying apart. :(

[sharoncity]

Welcome back to the journals Tracy!

I'm sorry things are so rough on you lately. :( Maybe getting back to healthy living will help to put some of the other stresses into control as well. At least you DO have control over this aspect of your life. So grab hold with both hands and don't let go!:teeth: I know you can get back down to where you were. :Pinkbounc And I am sure you will feel so much better when you do.

Take it one day at a time, small baby steps! :smooth:

Here's a :hug: for you and some big doses of healing :wizard: :wizard: :wizard: for both you and DS! Hope you are both feeling better in no time!

TTFN-
Sharon :sunny:

[geetey]

Hi Tracy! :wave2:

Welcome back to the Journal board! Boy, do I feel your pain when I read your post on WISH and the Journal boards. We recently located from TN to MO -- just a couple of states and my weight did a big upslide (can't say backslide, but I think much of it is on my back side! :p ). Relocating is SO stressful. Running two households is crazy. Trying to sell a home, buy a home, find schools, doctors, vet, ortho, grocery, bank, etc, etc, etc... adds up to a not so fun time.

Looking back, I would have considered it a huge success simply to maintain my weight. Remember the little things, like drinking your water, getting 30 minutes of exercise - even if it is just a walk, pick those veggies over the fries. Find joy in the little successes in this big journey you are embarking on.

Drink your water and get better soon!! At least you are headed towards warmer temps! :sunny:

[Princess Michelle]

Welcome back, Tracy! I hope you get to feeling better soon. I know you're going to do great because you have the determination and we're all here to help you along the way! :)

[tlgoblue]

First of all, thanks to all of you for you kind words and support. I look forward to starting my day with a little help from my friends!

Well, yesterday went as well as it could. I stuck to a pretty good meal plan, drank loads of water and slept for four hours! Dinner was kind of a bust. I made Jambalaya, and of course that is loaded with salt, but not too bad in the way of calories. I used shrimp and andoulli sausage, but the sausage could have been left out as it was not real andoulli, but some cheap imitation. Anyway, I feel the bloat from the salt, but I'm not really concerned. It will go away.

So far today, I have taken my meds, and am well on my way to a very liquid day.

Breakfast was gruel. I may go to lunch with DH, as I only have 3 more days until he begins this crazy travel/moving schedule. So I will probably pack a lunch, salad most likely.

For dinnier, I am planning "Longi's Ahi", which is a macadamia crusted tuna steak, with some sort of veggie.

As far as my health is concerned, I am feeling a bit better, as I did get lots of rest yesterday, but I can tell this is that kind of virus that you feel fine and start doing something and it comes back to kick yo butt, so I'm still going to take it easy. (kids are home today, so that may be easier said than done.)

Good luck to all today! It is one day you can handle!

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

[geetey]

Hello Moving Buddy! :wave2:

I am glad you hear you are feeling on the mend! Take care and don't overdo. You don't want to end up back in bed. That simply stinks. :( I understand the lunch thing. You try to squeeze as many family meals in as possible. Do it, because it does help, especially if the kids can come along.

Going to LA, huh? There is quite a bit more distance between your home now and your new home. Will you have many house hunting visits? I know that helped us a great deal. That and the kids got to see Daddy.

Let me know if you want to talk about any of the moving 'stuff'. Everyone thinks it is so easy to just 'pack up' and go - especially if you are getting any kind of buyout, but it simply isn't true. Moving is hard and hard work.

How old are your kids? Mine - turned 9 and 11 in the middle of the move - still struggle at times. I am so glad we made time for the "let's do this one more time before we go" stuff (even if it made my days more hectic) because that has helped them transition better.

I'll be here each step of the way! Just let me know how I can help!

[tlgoblue]

I'm really really bored! I'm too tired to do anything. Just put in a load of clothes and it about kicked my butt! Then I have that thing going on when you're wiped out and u feel like you need to eat but you're really just tired. So I'm journaing my situation and having a tangerine. Hopefully this will pull me through. I may make myself a cup of tea and lie down and watch a movie, though that sounds pretty boring too. Maybe I'll watch the end of Saving Private Ryan. That should keep me alert. EEEW! A seed! Blech!

The little boy I gave my Piccolo to just stopped by. I'm kind of disappointed he didn't bring Pico with him but I understand he needs to bond with his new family. But I dreamt about him and my Nanook and Neil all night last night. I really miss my doggies. I know that it would not be fair to have a puppy right now with all that is going on, and I'm not ready to try to find a place in LA only to have no pets allowed and have to part from him then. Still, it is hard. I just want to go over there every day and hold him and tell him I love him and miss him. I know he is in a good home but it is hard having him right down the street. Thank goodness they keep him inside, as seeing him outside all dirty and grungy would break my heart. I'll get over it. At least I didn't have to give him over to the Shelter, like I had to with my Nookie. Doggy tragedy!

So, still feeling yucky. I see all these things that need doing and I'm just not up to it. I keep telling myself that I will feel much better tomorrow and if I do too much today, I'll be down for the count again. But tomorrow there is a game and I'm sure I will be watching it. There goes 3 hours down the tubes!

I was reading through my old journal. OMG! How quickly things change. I went from being on top of the world in June to having my world rocked 6 weeks later! And it's still rocking! 10 pounds heavier (15 as I had lost another 5 before I went to Vegas!) and not willpower to do much about it.

I think I was pretty bad for lunch today. I took my leftover jambalaya and put it in some home made turkey stock with some carrots and celery and onion and diced tomato and DD, inspired as always, threw in a dried jalapeno. (She grows them herself and there is no comparison with store bought. One benefit to living in LA is we can grow them year round! :tongue: ) It was still a bit too salty so we threw in a chopped potato. Perfection! I mean it was so good, but I'm not sure if it was good for us. Maybe it wasn't so bad. Hardly low carb as it was full of rice and potato, but hey, there will be very few carbs at dinner tonight.

DD has to go the Y for a field trip tonight. It is a great program paid for by the state, designed to keep kids busy and off drugs. Not that I have any reason to worry other than she is getting to that age, but it is an educational program, not just fun and games, though it is that, too. Tonight they are going out for dinner, then to a Komets game. That is our local hockey team. AA I think, but what do I know, (or care). It's a lot of fun for them and she loves it. Plus it gives DH and I some time alone with DS.

It is fun to have just one kid at a time sometimes. He'll probably ignore us though. He hates me right now because I won't allow him to play games over the Internet. He thinks I'm old fashioned and don't know "how it works." What I do know is that he won't do his homework and will stay up all night if I allow him to play these games. He's been out of school for 5 days sick and has a proportionate amount of homework to complete by Monday, and has yet to crack a book! Yeah, go ahead and play games!:rolleyes: He actually asked me today who I was to tell him how to live his life!?!? (He's 14. A real overachiever! I never talked like that to my parents until I was certain I could do it without them. Even then, I wasn't sure and hoped they wouldn't call me on it! :p ) Yes, his head is still attached to his shoulders, but I think my banshee scream woke the dead! :p
I told him that he is still alive after comments like that proves just how much I love him. :crazy: I told him I'm the parent. It goes from God to me to him. He said "Maybe I don't believe in God." I told him we'd save that discussion for another day, and if he truely doesn't believe in God, then it all comes directly from ME! He's playing with his sister and Piccolo's new boy right now. sounds like they are having fun, you know, screaming abnoxiously, and making noisy teenage grunts groans and whatever they try to pass of as laughter. It is all very funny. I love teenagers. They are so funny trying on all their new personas, testing and pushing and then comming over like a puppy and out of nowhere asking for a hug. I could really use one myself right now.

Well I think I got past my weak moment, thoughI am going to make some tea and throw in another load of wash, then I will take DD to the Y. By the time I get back, DH should be home. It's his last Friday with his old company. Hopefully he won't want to celebrate, as I just am not up to it. :(

Later!

[tlgoblue]

Good Morning everybody!

Hey Terry, My kids are 11 and 14, so kind of similar to yours, but with more attitude. :rolleyes:

Well, I'm up early because I had one of those nights where you just want it to end because it was so miserable. I'm waiting on my coffee to help losen things up.

Yesterday turned out ok except when I went to the market for the tuna for dinner, it was not really good, and I don't pay $12/lb for something I wouldn't feed my dog, so I had the rest of my jambalaya soup. It was ok and I am happy to report that my Jammies are fitting me better, so somethig good is happening!

Today is going to be a busy lazy day. I intend to spend the morning in bed, get up to watch the game and then get ready to go out tonight to see my traditional holiday Kickoff show, Trans Siberian Orchestra. I'm really excited. Hopefully, I won't get too excited during the game and wreck myself. Unlikely though, since we're playing Northwestern.

I have no meal plan for today which is usually trouble for me, but all I can do is try to make good choices, drink lots of water and try to get well so I can get going on an exercise program. Maybe I'll go right now and take something out for dinner, but it needs to be simple, as I won't have much time between the game and the show, which begins at 7:30. Maybe just a simple pasta dish and some home made bread. Yummy.

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

[geetey]

Eek. With my 11 year old, I have just a taste of the attitude you are facing. Please tell me it gets better! :p

What a great day you have planned. I love planned lazy time! It's the perfect way to get well. ::yes:: I hope you enjoyed your day. I have heard about the TSO before - that it's wonderful! I hope your show tonight is fantastic!

BTW, that jambalaya soup sounds deliciously healthy!!! ENJOY!!

[Princess Michelle]

You're doing great so far, Tracy! I hope you have a great time at the concert tonight! :)

[sharoncity]

Hey Tracy!

I hope you enjoyed the concert!!:hyper:

I think your idea of drinking lots of water, making good choices and taking care of yourself is perfect!!::yes::

Here is more healing :wizard: so you get better soon!

TTFN-
Sharon :sunny:

[tlgoblue]

:wave:

Hi everyone!

I did kind of have a good time at the concert, but the band was a bit lethargic. I thought it was because Fort Wayne is lethargic, and they were just playing to the audience. Then Chris dropped the bomb on us...Daryl Pediford died 2 weeks ago. The rest o f the concert was kicked into high gear, but without Daryl there, and knowing he would never be there again, except for in spirit, the rest of the show was somewhat pointless. But still....

So it has taken me some time to sit down and read through the board. Terry, I wish I could tell you it gets better, it doesn't. But, it doesn't get much worse either.:p The most important thing is to keep a sense of humor, and be firm. Not harsh, but realize they need boundaries, (to give them something to rail against! :crazy: ) and don't look the other way if you sense something is not quite right. The minute they realize you aren't going to call them on their misbehavior, they will kick it up a notch. Think 2 year olds on steroids!

So for my past few days.
Not good. Had leftover chicken soup for breakfast. Ate out yesteday for luch and had lunch leftovers for dinner. :rolleyes: Popcorn after dinner and watched POTC with the kids and when Captain Jack started in on the rum, so did I. Funny thing is, I didn't even catch a buzz. Here is the part about sensing something is not right. I wondered secretly if DS has been into it and adding water? I'm not a big hard liquor drinker, and one usually does it for me to unwind, two sends me to bed. I had 4! :confused: Maybe they were all ice, or I was just pouring them light. Who knows, but I threw out the rest, so no more temptation there! (For me or DS)

Sunday, I over did. Made a humongus batch of Bolognese Sauce and froze it for quick meals, and made Canadian Cheddar Cheese soup for dinner. It was very good, but I also had chicken noodle soup for lunch, so I'm kind of souped out.
I did not eat breakfast, as I over slept form being up late the night before. I did go for a 2 mile walk, but probably shouldn't have as I am still beat.

The night before was the TSO concert. I had hooters for dinner (It's right next to the arena) But I only had a large garden salad and 2 hot wings and iced tea, so not too bad.

Today has been awful. Last of the chicken soup for breakfast, still tastey, but as I said before, I'm souped out. Lunch was a great salad of spring greens, onion, tomato and a yummy chicken breast sauteed inolive oil with slivered garlic, fresh basil and deglazed with balsamic vinagar. So now I'm full but still very tired. Did not sleep at all last night. DH left for Denver yesterday, and it takes me a while to get used to sleeping alone. By the time he gets back I'll be used to it and he will keep me up all night.:crazy:

It is awfully dark and gloomy today. That and my sheer exhaustion has me wiped. I think I'll make a cup of tea and see if that helps bring me around. I have to have a "talk" with DS tonight about "places" he's been on the web. Places that have things that would make a truck driver blush. You know how it is... links to links to links, next thing you know, unnatural things are taking place right in my house! I know he's been spending hours upon hours after bedtime on his computer. I suspected he was doing the cyber version of dirty magazines under his matress, but this is unconsionable. Remember what I said about something not seeming quite right? So far I have physically disabled his computer between the hours of 9 pm and 2:30 pm. I was at a loss to discuss this in any fair minded manner yesterday, (hence the rum :crazy: ), so I've had a whole day to consider it and we will talk tonight. Wish me luck.

Keep the Faith
Tracy

[DoeWDW]

:wave2: Hi Tracy!! Welcome back to the Journal board!! :hyper2:

Sounds like you have your hands full! Relocating - I can't imagine how tough that must be! I've only moved from an apartment to a house and we moved a whole block! :teeth: Guess we're not very adventurous! I admire you for being willing to move!

Best wishes for a good talk with your son. Wish I had some words of advice but I'm sure you'll do just fine. He is young and curious. Please remind him that those pictures are not reality - well, at least for most of us.

Hang in there! :sunny:

[sharoncity]

Gosh Tracy, we never believed anyone when they said how tough this parenting thing was, did we???? Good luck with DS. I don't envy the topic of conversation, but I am very happy to see that you are going to confront it and deal with it. Far too many parents just look the other way and say it is normal curiosity. NOT! :mad: At least not in MY household! We keep the only internet connection in the playroom. The way our house is set up, I can pass by, behind DD when she is online. I check who she is chatting with, what she is doing....... Her account is set up so she only has 3 hours a day available, plus it sends us a report of every web site she has visited each day. And we are very honest with her and tell her that we are checking all theses things.

I hope you are feeling a bit better. I can understand how hard it is to sleep when DH is not there. I hope you get used to it quickly and can get back to your regular routine. ::yes:: Take good care of yourself. I know you can get back OP if you put your mind to it!::yes:: Me too!!:teeth:

TTFN-
Sharon :sunny:

[tlgoblue]

Please remind him that those pictures are not reality - well, at least for most of us.
LOL! I just had the "talk" and that was the gist of it. Told him it is not the thing I want him basing his future ideas of "normal" on. I do feel for him, as we are a pretty smut free house. (How's a boy to cope without the family Playboys? :p Maybe I'll have to subscribe to keep him off the web. Kidding!)
Anyway, we had a nice talk. He and I really can discuss anything. In fact he actually had a few questions about some of the sites he visited. OYE! I wasn't really prepared for that, but I kept it short and did not answer unless asked. It is so fun to have teenagers. I really mean that. What a joy, watching someone you love more than air grow.


edited to add
Sharon, we are going to install filtering software. Was hoping we didn't need to, but duh! I suspect when we get to LA we may be forced into a family computer situation, but not sure if that is going to be doable. It certainly is not here, as the school requires students to have computers with internet access. (if one can't afford, it will be provided by the school.) The kids have very busy schedules and I need some time with them, so they have homework/computer time between 3 and 6. After that, all bets are off. If you can't finish your homework in 3 hours, there is some other problem. They each have their computer in their rooms, a no no I know, and they do have internet access, but my home network is easily disabled. So I tend to give my kids enough rope to hang themselves with, then it's off to boot camp if they stretch it too far.

Anyway, thanks for the words of encouragement!

Later!
Tracy

[tlgoblue]

Up early again this morning. DS sets his alarm to go off at 5 a.m., though he never gets up until 6:20! :rolleyes: So, I can't get back to sleep, may as well get up and get going.

I slept like a brick last night!!!!:bounce: :bounce: :teeth:
I am feeling a bit better, and have decided to put away all my Halloween stuff. Throwing lots away, as I just don't think I want to carry it all the way across the country. If it's not too rainy, Iwill try to spruce up the yard a bit. Not really too much to do except rake up the few remaining leaves that have gathered around the bushes, and maybe cut a nice edge around the beds. I should probably mulch, but my budget is only going to allow for a few improvements, and I think with winter comming up, the $$ would be better spent inside, instead of on the (hopefully) snow covered ground. (The beds really just need top dressing, there is sufficient cover for the winter)

I'm concerned about a mouse in my storage space above the garage. Before I went to FL, I was putting up some seasonal things and there was a mouse in the umbrella which scampered away in the strorage space. I put a trap in right away and left. This is the first chance I've had to check it....no dead mouse! :eek: Now I'm worried it will hop out at me from a box, I'll fall down the stairs and be maimed for life!

Back to gruel for breakfast today. Salad for lunch and hopefully spaghetti for dinner. Took my meds and hope to approach the day with a bit more energy and positive outlook. It has been pretty gloomy around here lately.

Good luck to all of you today. Wednesdays can be tough.

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

[geetey]

Ahhh, the struggles of daily life. Isn't funny how these new modern machines make our lives easier and more difficult at the same time?

I am glad you were able to have a good heart to heart with your son. You are making him into a better man, by being such a strong woman.

I hope Mr Mouse found a new home (WDW, perhaps? :p ) and that you get no surprises next time you need an item from the storage place. Evidently having mice is very common around here ( it is :eek: for me). We had a pest company come out and put bait traps in our attic. ::MickeyMo is the only kind of mouse I like! ::yes::

I have to ask... exactly what is gruel?

[tlgoblue]

I have to ask... exactly what is gruel?

LOL! It is my affectionate word for hot oatbran cereal. It's like paste. I sweeten it with splenda and cinnamon. It is really filling and only about 145 calories and tons of fiber. Whenever I don't eat it, I become, um, irregular. It is more medicinal than anything and I do get tired of it.

So, DH is home for a few days. UGH! Didn't sleep much last night. Hopefully tonight will be better.

Haven't been on the scale yet, but I feel fatter than ever! TOM is imminent, so hoping I'm just hanging on to water. I'm pretty sure, as I can't get my ring off.

So far today, I have taken my meds, but I'm still in my Jammies. Need to get going. I'm still feeling sub par, and have no energy. I did manage to get the Halloween stuff down and now I need to start painting and cleaning and throwing away. Also need to run errands and have linch with DH. Today is his last day with his old company. Tomorrow he cleans out his desk and has his exit interview. Then he leaves for his new job on Sunday.

Anyway, best WISHes to all for a successful day!

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

[geetey]

Thank you for the explanation, Tracy. I am not big on paste for breakfast though. Good for you for eating something so healthy for yourself! My breakfast is typically Raisin Bran or Mini Wheats. :rolleyes:

Good luck with this transition period. I know how difficult it is to start changing your home into a house.

Wow - your DH is leaving soon! My dh took 2 weeks off between old and new (not sure if that was a good thing or bad thing though :rolleyes: We suddenly had LOTS of new projects to do!) before starting here in STL. I hope you have a relo buyout option. That helps take some of the pressure off from selling the house.

I am thinking about you! :flower3:

[Princess Michelle]

Tracy, one good thing about your breakfast, it sounds like if there is anything around the house that needs to be spackled or any wallpaper that needs to be hung you already have what you need to get the job done. ;) :p :teeth:

Enjoy your time with DH, I hope you continue to feel better! :hug:

[tlgoblue]

UGH! Today is my darling sister's birthday. I really miss her. I haven't seen her since MY birthday in early June. And there is no guarantee I will see here before I move. :( Her DH is in Cinncinatti for the day, so she is at home alone with her 3 little ones, all under 7. :eek: Wish I could be there with her today. I am sooo premenstral, I have half a mind to just chuck it all and head up ther for a few hours. Problem is, it would take me 6 hours just for the trip there and back. It sucks being so far away from family, and I'm going even farther. :confused:

DH leaves For LA first thing Sunday morning (5:50!),so that give us a whole day and a few hours together, and being that I am so crazy nutzy kookoo, I doubt it will be any kind of quality time. Whe I get like this his primary function is damage control. He manages mu day for me so I don't take on too much and become frustrated and um, violent. Violent is maybe too strong a word, but definately confrontational. He's thankful he's here though, as (I think he fears for the safety of our children LOL!) he says it's one of the few times he knows I really need him for something and that makes him feel good. :confused:

Of course I'm avoiding any discussion about my progress, as it has been anything but, unless going up is progress. Hit 156 this morning! Now, I know I didn't gain 3 pound of fat, but I am just miserable! I knew I should have stayed off that darned scale, but I just had to know. I could feel it in my clothes and see it in my face. I have been good for the most part, and should be amintaining, but I think my old metablism has settled back in and I really need to jump start it again. I have just not been feeling up to much this past two weeks. Laundry wipes me out. I even have to lay down after a shower!

I think my plan for today should be to draw the blinds, leave the phone off the hook and lock the doors and go back to bed! Wake me up tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. (MICHIGAN vs.OSU)

But, I will try to be good.
Had breakfast, oatbran ceral mixed with muslix, and skim milk. Have had 20 oz of water so far.
Will have a salad for lunch.
Spaghetti for dinner.

I think I may make some bread today to keep my mind occupied, and in the kitchen. I will not go into DD's bedroom (upon instruction from DH) today as that would put me over the edge. :crazy:

So that is my short term plan. It may all unravel, and I'm sure tomorrow's game will be a deal buster too, but it is the last game of the year, so ....

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

[toystoryduo]

Hi Tracy.... it's Tracy:teeth:

I haven't had a chance to read through your entire journal yet, but I wanted to send you a :hug: and some :wizard: for your day today. I hope you and DH can get some quality time in before he has to leave tomorrow.::yes::

Take good care of you and nap if you need it.:o :hug:

Tracy:wave2:

[tlgoblue]

Thanks Tracy!:wave2:

Actually, I'm still in my Jammies! Pathetic eh! Oh well. Tomorrow is another day and, so far, I have been good today, but there is some cold beer in the fridge....no no no no! Mustn't drink beer whilst in my PJ's! Hold on! I have to go change! Be right back.
Kidding. Was a funny thought though!

Feeling a bit better, but must go get dressed for real, as I need to go to the market for a few things, and since there are only 2 cold beers in the frdge, I had better get more, after all there is a football game tomorrow! (but the beer won't be cold, and I won't put it in the fridge until tomorrow am. (Warm beer is how it is supposed to be, but it's not for me. Ice cold. I usually never finish a whole bottle, as it gets too warm.)

See YA!
Tracy

[geetey]

Tracy,
You are cracking me up!! Jaba the Butt.... :rotfl: Are you sure you want me in charge of 'inspiring' you? I can be a pain in the rump! If the answer is yes, then my question is... did you do your Pilates today? Get down there and stretch! Stretch! (Oh - and just for the record - you *can* do Pilates in your jammies! I love an all jammies day! :lovestruc )

Sorry you are missing your sister. It sucks being away from family on days when you really want to be with them. :hug: I hope you called her and had a nice chat. Sometimes those can be just as fun.

I will be checking in on you! Have a good weekend. Enjoy your football game!

[geetey]

Just checking in on you, Tracy! These new boards are making my navigation a little difficult but I still found you. :) How was your Thanksgiving? I hope you were able to enjoy your holiday. It can be a rough time of year - especially if your family is apart. I am off to walk in the rain. Please join if you like, otherwise... I hope you are drinking your water and moving your body!

Happy Tuesday!

[tlgoblue]

UGH!
So hi everybody. Terry, I hope your trip was awesome. Thanks for checking in on me. I sort of crawled into a hole after meeting with real estate people and trying to "stage" my house and plan for the holidays and the trip to LA. Sorry for not staying in touch.

Today is my second day of my re-committment to healthy eating. I did fairly well yesterday until I went to Joanne Fabrics, which is right next to Cebolla's! Yup, I was starving and I caved. DD and I shared steak fajitas and a basket of chips and salsa. I try not to get oo down on myself, as up until that point, I had only consumed 600 calories. My 2 fajitas were largely cebollas, chilis and tomato, with 1-2 small strips of beef thrown in and some pico and guac. Not entirely awful, but I'm sure the chips were no nos and the marg was definately a no no.

Today, I have been cheat free so far. All Bran (LC) for breakfast, salad for lunch and the same for dinner with a glass of carmenere.

It took me a week to get up the courage to weigh myself after I got back from LA (Just in time for the ice storm! :rolleyes: ). TOM was upon me and I did gain 5 pounds! So, I am officially right back where I started from this time last year! UGH! DD is in worse shape and she and I are trying to support each other. She asked me to take her to the Y tonight, but I am just not up to all that yet. She is doing some dance video thing and I am reading a book, and may start my beginners Pilates again. I guess I could go to the Y and walk the track, but I do have a headache and just can't seem to adjust ot the time difference. I was fully integrated into West coast time. I don't want to eat until noonish and can't drift off to sleep until well after midnight. This sucks. Getting the kiddies to school this am was a herculean task.
anyway, I am miserable, fat and lonely again. DH comes home for a long weekend on Friday. Hopefully I can stay true to my plan, but if I don't, I can always start again.
Keep the Faith!

[tlgoblue]

Yesterday was a success. An entire day cheat free! I was hungry when I went to bed, but so what. When I woke this morning I wasn't hungry in the least, though I did have breakfast, got dressed and am ready to head to the gym. I think I may just do the TM as I still have som lingering back pain and a slight headache. DD wants to go to the gym tonight and maybe I'll check out the elliptical then. It's been a while and my body shape is uglier than it has ever been. I am always conscious about how my clothes fit and even how my coat fits.

I'm not in a particularly good mood today. It is sinking in again that I no longer have DH in my life except for a good morning call, (which is awkward because he is just waking up and I am in the middle of my morning routine)
and a good night call, which is equally weird because he has his life and I have mine and we really don't have much to talk about, so there it goes.
We are often irritated with eachother, both hoping for the other to be able to eek some humor out of the situation, or even muster some semblance of normalcy, but it usually falls short and leaves us both feeling disappointed if not slightly rejucted. I'm being hit with a brrage of questions from the kids about when we will be moving, should they sign up for jazz band, marching band honors mathe, and the list goes on. I don't really know what to tell them, and that limbo is stressfull for all of us. I tell them to keep on as if nothing has changed, and we'll cross those bridges as they present themselves. Everyone is tense about moving, as we have just watched out beloved new community to be, get washed out by 20 inches of rain over the last 2 weeks. I just keep thinking that Mother Nature is washing the place up before we arrive. DH says no, it's more like an enema. What have we gotten ourselves into?

OK. Off to grab a big glass of water, then to the gym for a bit of a mental vacation. Good luck to all today. On a good note, I have noticed a lessening in the tightness of my jeans. I think I may put my scale away entirely (Like in the trash) and rely on the one at the gym. That way, if I start obsessing about the scale, I will have to go to the gym to weigh in, and then, there I'll be.

Keep the Faith!

[sharoncity]

Hey Tracy! Glad to see you back! :cool1: You've been under some major stress! Try to look at the exercise as an escape or stress reliever. Maybe that will help to keep you on track with your program.

Good Luck and I pray things will settle down for you soon!! :flower:

TTFN- Sharon

[tlgoblue]

Hi Sharon! Thanks for stopping by.

Well, yesterday was a mixed bag. I didn't cheat until the very end. I had cereal for brekky, sushi for lunch and spaghetti, salad and bread with a glass of wine for dinner. Then I went to fitday to chart my day and I was up to 1450 calories. 50 more than I allow. Turns out the sushi, of all things really put me over the top. almost 500 calories! Anyway, I got so angry, then DD started on me about how I'm making her life miserable, so I had a cocktail! Sat down and red my book and then, inspired by monkeyboy's thread on the CB, watched amimal house. My mom called me in the middle of all this to tell me she can just tell there is something wrong with me and that I've been keeping it form her. I have no Idea what she is talking about. When she found out I was having a cocktail, she went into orbit! "I never drank in front of you kids when you were young! What kind of example do you think you are setting?" Blah blah blah!
Of course she's right, at least about the part of the example setting. She has a faulty memory though. When she was my age, she was drinking lots, and though I was 18, my sister was 15. We all remember her wild parties, and nights out at the bars from the time she divorced my dad, when I was 10. Before then, she's right. I rarely saw her drink. Maybe thats because she was sleeping with prince Vallium! Oh yea. Then there were her pep pills she had to take to keep her going during the day. Blah Blah Blah. HMMM...Guess I have issues. Anyway, It was just about enough to send me right back to the liquor cabinet, but I did not.

I hope this doesn't turn into a nightly thing. I can't bear the thought of having to have a cocktail to bring me back on even keel. It was mostly DD that sent me over the edge. I think she is going through some hormonal changes in preparation for you know what. I have noticed she has montly mood swings, which unfortunately, coincide with mine! I was thinking maybe I was sending her over the edge with my PMS, but this month was exceptionally good for me, (the kids know when TOM is for me based on my behavior, and were stunned when I told them I couldn't do certain things as TOM was here. I got a huge attagirl, for being so incredibly even tempered.) but she really came unhinged this week. DS says he can't bear the thoughts of living with the two of us if this is going to be the way it is when she eventually starts with TOM. :earseek:

Anyway, today is another day, and even with my coktail, I was only at, I'm guessing 1600 calories, so still a net loss. I think I'll stop answering the phone when mom's name pops up on CID, at least for a while.

Better go and have brekky, then get going on paint touch-up, kitchen scrubbing and dusting. Man, I hate dusting. I'd rather chew glass!

Keep the Faith!

[toystoryduo]

Hi Tracy,

Wow sweetie! It sounds like you have been though a lot lately. We will keep you and your family in our prayers. :grouphug:

Hang in there Tracy and know that we are here for you! :grouphug:

[geetey]

Tracy! :hug:
I am so happy to see you posting again! Welcome back to the drudgery of being the stay-behind spouse. What a crappy job, eh?

It's a new year and hopefully your weather will clear quickly, and the housing market will start popping for you. Your family can be reunited more quickly then. Sending prayers and pixie dust :wizard: for just that to happen!