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View Full Version : I'm in trouble! *** updated at the bottom of page 1, sorry it is long!*****


PRINCESS VIJA
11-02-2004, 12:44 PM
It has been a long time since I have been back here. Sort of avoiding WISH because I know I wasn't doing anything healthy. I felt too guilty.

I had made the decision to get going again and thought I would get my cholesterol test done and then cut out fast food and see how much better my numbers were 2 months later (sort of a reverse on the movie supersize me). I had my lab appt yesterday. The cholesterol wasn't so bad, thyroid and blood chemistry panel are fine, it is my blood pressure that is awfull!) It was 140/102!!!!!!! It had been high 2 years ago when I saw her, but like I said I really haven't been consistent or putting a lot of effort into getting healthy and now I am paying for it. She wanted to start me off on BP meds right away. I told them that I wanted to wait at least 2 weeks and check my BP throughout that time. Then if it wasn't better I would start.

I feel so stupid right now. Why on God's Green Earth did I do this to myself? I am a nurse and work with heart surgeons. Every weekend we do bypass surgeries. I see with my own eyes what this does, but why haven't I done anything about it????

I am terrified to tell my DH. He has been trying unsuccessfully to motivate me for years. He has been a strong support for me, but lately he was just getting frustrated and disgusted with what I was eating. CHips and dip daily, Mcdonalds daily, sometimes 2-3X a day.:( I know he is just going to say "I told you so". We have so many other issues going on at home right now. Financially we are getting better, our debt is getting paid off, but we still don't own our own home and it is very depressing for both of us. So, I hate to add something else for him to worry about. I am in tears right now.

Yesterday was the first day that I didn't eat fast food. I have to admit I struggled all day, but I didn't go. Today it is easier, but I still haven't eaten as healthy as I should. Why is it so hard? The resolve is stronger, I don't want to die, or have a stroke.

HELP!

nativetxn
11-02-2004, 01:54 PM
{{{HUGS}}} my friend. Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone here has had a similar struggle.

Sweetie, you know you can do this and you know we all plan to help you.

Try not to berate yourself. You are already headed in the right direction. Just take it one day at a time. Come here to WISH and we will share our motivation with you.

I've been where you are. In fact, I haven't lost any weight since September. I haven't gotten off plan, just ate too many almonds and other "legal" calories so I haven't gained but I haven't lost either.

I started induction again yesterday. I need to start working my way toward goal again.

Since you are back on plan and avoiding fast food etc perhaps your blood pressure will get back to a more acceptable level. I think I would take the presecription for blood pressure meds, though. As a nurse, you know how important that is.

More {{{HUGS}}} sweetie. Welcome back, we missed you.

Katholyn

ZerasPride
11-02-2004, 01:56 PM
I am so sorry to hear about blood pressure level. I can totally relate to so many of the things you have posted about. First off, don't avoid this board. I find it so instrumental in staying focused. Even if I don't have a chance to post, I read.

DH and I don't own our own home yet and sometimes it really bothers us and at other times I'm glad we don't because I want to move somewhere warmer but still I can understand what you are talking about. All my sisters and their husbands own their own homes and I'm the oldest so it's a sore spot.

Back to the weight issue, for me, finding a program or way of eating that I could live with was instrumental in my sticking to it this long. If someone would have told me that I would be low carbing for 11 months, I wouldn't have believe them. But here I am cheat free for almost 1 whole year. I'm not saying lc will work for you (I don't know what program, if any, you were following) but finding a program you believe in and will work with your lifestyle is key.

I wish there was a magic pill we could all take or some easy way to take the weight off but I don't think there is. However, there is hope! Look at all the successful people on this board! Whether WISHers are doing it their own way, low carbing, WW, Jenny Craig, weight loss surgery or some other program, WISHers are losing the weight. You can do it too! You really can. I never thought I could give up the fast food but I did. At one point I was eating McD's or other fast food 2x a day and eating a pint of ice cream every night. I never felt satisfied and I was killing myself, I knew it. I decided to give a diet program "one last try" and fortunately for me South Beach has proved to be the answer.

I encourage you to continue to try to stay away from the fast food and start investigating different weight loss programs and figure out which one you think will work for you. Many people that have lost weight on another board (lowcarbfriends) I frequent have been able to get off their bp meds completely after losing weight.

I hope something I have said is helpful to you. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

disneygoof
11-03-2004, 08:46 AM
When I first started, I used to count little successes as major victories. For example, if I was craving french fries and spied a Burger King up ahead, I would coach myself that all I needed to do was drive by the BK, and it would pass, and it would. So my little victories included driving by BK, not grabbing a candy bar in the supermarket checkout, maneuvering my way through the chip aisle without putting any in my cart, going through the donut drive-through and only ordering a coffee.

You only have to be strong for a moment if you think that way. I wasn't about to get to the window and say "can I have a muffin, now, too?" and I never turned the supermarket cart or car around for the chips or fries. I could actually feel the power after the moment passed and the desire for the junk food was diminished by the feeling of having control.

I don't know if this will help, but I thought I'd pass my well wishes along. Good luck!

MelanieC
11-03-2004, 12:58 PM
Please don't be so hard on yourself. I agree with Katholyn that you must take this 1 day at a time. Don't look at the big picture. Look at today and getting through it. Then look at tomorrow when it comes. Before you know it will be a week and you will be back on track. The hardest part is the first few days to a week. Then it gets easier to do and doesn't feel like it's impossible.

I know what you mean about avoiding WISH. I did too. I was doing so well. I made lifetime, I was exercising regularly and feeling on top of the world. Then one day I stopped exercising for a few weeks because I was researching something and it sort of took up alot of my time. Then I had a hard time getting back into it. Then I went away for a long weekend and splurged on eating. I maintained for a while and slowly the weight started creeping back. I think I wasn't taking my my moto (under my signature) to heart. It says It's not a destination, it's a journey. I think I didn't realize that, hit my goal and thought Wooh hooh I can go back to eating the way I did. It doesn't work. It's something we have to do for life. So like Lisa (Zera'sPride) said, finding a program you can stick to for life is key. Then addopting the attitude that it's not a diet it's a lifestyle will help.

The key is that you, me, Katholyn and all the other's who have fallen off the "WISH" wagon lately are back. We realize that having WISH and our WISH friends in our life makes a difference and gives us the strength and will to continue on our journey.

At least your doing something about your high blood pressure. So many people don't. I commend you on returning to WISH and returning to a healthier lifestyle. Keep up the great work!

ohMom
11-04-2004, 06:03 AM
((VIJA)) -- you have taken a hard first step by posting here, i'm very proud of you! you can do this Vija you are worth it!

I will NEVER stop telling her that - though i'm starting to think she's snubbing me and not listening;)

you MUST MUST take good care of yourself, you have important jobs here in this world to do -- mother; wife; teacher; friend. lots of people love you and need you!!

ok -- dust off your Dr. Phil UWS audiobook CDs and start with disc 1. listen everyday in your car when you are tempted to swing through those drive-thrus. Postive thinking -- key 1 -- you CAN do this. can you join me in the one day at a time thread???

we all have our struggles, some bigger than others; but our internal dialouge needs to be positive to survive!

SnackyStacky
11-05-2004, 08:13 AM
Originally posted by PRINCESS VIJA
It has been a long time since I have been back here. Sort of avoiding WISH because I know I wasn't doing anything healthy. I felt too guilty.

I had made the decision to get going again and thought I would get my cholesterol test done and then cut out fast food and see how much better my numbers were 2 months later (sort of a reverse on the movie supersize me). I had my lab appt yesterday. The cholesterol wasn't so bad, thyroid and blood chemistry panel are fine, it is my blood pressure that is awfull!) It was 140/102!!!!!!! It had been high 2 years ago when I saw her, but like I said I really haven't been consistent or putting a lot of effort into getting healthy and now I am paying for it. She wanted to start me off on BP meds right away. I told them that I wanted to wait at least 2 weeks and check my BP throughout that time. Then if it wasn't better I would start.

I feel so stupid right now. Why on God's Green Earth did I do this to myself? I am a nurse and work with heart surgeons. Every weekend we do bypass surgeries. I see with my own eyes what this does, but why haven't I done anything about it????

I am terrified to tell my DH. He has been trying unsuccessfully to motivate me for years. He has been a strong support for me, but lately he was just getting frustrated and disgusted with what I was eating. CHips and dip daily, Mcdonalds daily, sometimes 2-3X a day.:( I know he is just going to say "I told you so". We have so many other issues going on at home right now. Financially we are getting better, our debt is getting paid off, but we still don't own our own home and it is very depressing for both of us. So, I hate to add something else for him to worry about. I am in tears right now.

Yesterday was the first day that I didn't eat fast food. I have to admit I struggled all day, but I didn't go. Today it is easier, but I still haven't eaten as healthy as I should. Why is it so hard? The resolve is stronger, I don't want to die, or have a stroke.

HELP!

The first thing you need to do is to forgive yourself and move on. If you spend too much time dwelling on what you DID (or didn't do), you won't have the ability to get together a plan, and set new goals for yourself.

What's done is done, and there's not a damn thing you can change about the past. So learn from what you did, and start over again.

And - give your husband credit. I don't know your dynamic, but my wife usually associates her OWN feelings with my voice, and tells me what I'm thinking, but it's just not true. Would HE say "I told you so", or is that you telling yourself "He told me so!"?

So before you can get back on any kind of program, forgive yourself.

Then make small goals - and stick to them.

The VERY first change I made before I lost 168 pounds was to drink diet soda instead of regular. NOTHING at all monumental.

You can do it.

You really can.

I know.

Everyone who has responded on this thread knows it.

Now YOU need to know it.

And you need to TELL yourself you know it.

AND that you can do it.

And when that first goal comes, you come RIGHT here and post about it. Because others need to hear about that - and be motivated by it.

And when that first slip-up happens, you come RIGHT here and post about it. Because others will have success that will inspire and motivate you.

We ALL can do it, together!!!!! :grouphug:

MelanieC
11-05-2004, 08:44 AM
WOW Dan!!

Awesome post!


Vija- Hope your doing ok today. Post and let us know how your doing. I know you can overcome this and get back on track. We are all here for you!

lulu201
11-05-2004, 01:41 PM
:hug: to you, Princess Vija. We're all pulling for you here--but you know that, don't you?:D Everyone has had such supportive, wonderful comments and suggestions, but one thing in particular that Dan said struck me as key. . .he mentioned that the FIRST thing he did was to make the decision to drink diet soda instead of regular. It didn't seem monumental to him at the time, but maybe it really was.

And maybe what you need, Vija, is to plan on doing just ONE thing to lead you toward that brand new healthy life that is calling your name. It kinda seems like you've already chosen it: giving up fast food. Maybe you want to make it a little broader though, like saying you'll give up fries and burgers but allow yourself healthier fast food salads or Subway sandwiches (after all, we do live in a fast food world, don't we?). Whatever you choose to do, do that ONE thing for a week. At the end of the week, evaluate how you did and then keep trying at that and/or add another positive behavior--like walking once or twice around the block 5 times a week or drinking 6 glasses of cool, refreshing water each day.

Years ago I read an article in Prevention magazine about doing ONE good thing for yourself, and it made quite an impression on me. I decided I would walk on a regular basis, and that one decision changed my life in so many positive ways! EVENTUALLY I created a vision for a healthier lifestyle that I could be comfortable with. But let me tell you, if I'd had to think of overhauling my ENTIRE life overnight, I'd have been too overwhelmed and too scared.

One thing.
One day at a time.

Just something to thing about, Princess. . .

:D ,
Erin

nativetxn
11-05-2004, 03:13 PM
Where are you Vija? We're here to help you and we believe in you. Believe in <b>yourself</b>!

Katholyn

WDWHound
11-05-2004, 03:40 PM
6 months ago, my blood preasure was 150 over 110. My doctor worked with me and found medication to control it. Its now \back in the normal range again. Since then I have lost over 40 pounds, but my blood preasure shoots right back up if I dont take my meds.

My point here is that your high blood preasure may not be weight related. Either way, it is a treatable condition. Don't let it get you down.

Please beleive everyone on this board when we say that you can get past this. You can treat your blood preasure and you can loose the weight. God has given you 2 gifts. The first gift is that your BP was diagnosed before it caused a problem. The second gift is yours to unwrap, and that is the tremendous feeling of success and accomplishment you are soon going to feel when you start making progress towards your weight loss goals.

Please come back and post again. Let us take this journey with you.

lmhall2000
11-05-2004, 05:51 PM
It's time to CELEBRATE, it's time to PARTY (meaning shaking that extra jiggly off our hinies), it's time to say YAHOOOOO Princess VIJA has come back!!! :)

:Pinkbounc :bounce: :Pinkbounc :bounce: :bounce: :Pinkbounc :bounce:

It's just sooo great to see some old buddies! You just can't fail with 1. Your desire to make a change (as exhibited by coming back) and 2. By these AWESOME WISH buddies!!!

And don't knock yourself for what you did in the yesterday..it's all about what you do from here on...I have haunting memories of chocolate chip cookie dough, bad bad french fries, bad bad chips and dip, and they were only 2 weeks ago! But I got to the point where I just said...THAT'S IT...I NEED WISH, I NEED TO DO THIS FOR MY HEALTH, AND THERE WILL BE NO EXCUSES....a pound lost is better than a pound gained anyday...I probably gained 15 pounds (or more...ugh) in the past 6 months because I had all the excuses...

You've got us to wash those excuses away....give it time....years from now you'll wonder why you stressed about owning your own home....you'll be sooo proud of paying off the debt and relaxing in your very owned tub! :)

Take it a day at a time...it'll come!

Tara

yasuern
11-06-2004, 12:13 PM
Hey Nurse to Nurse - Don't mess with your health! If your Doctor feels you need BP meds then take it! as you lose weight and increase your activity level and begin to eat better you will probably find you will not need this medication - but until then PLEASE DON'T RISK YOUR HEALTH!!!


We are all here to help you in any way we can - please post and let us be here for you!:grouphug:
Sue

PRINCESS VIJA
11-06-2004, 09:43 PM
Hi guys, I am here! Thank you to ALL OF YOU!!!! You guys have made me cry, and be happy at the same time! I know you all care for me, and I can't tell you how much that means to me. As an update, I started on the BP meds on Thursday. It is a mild diuretic, but I have to say I honestly don't feel like I am going to the bathroom all that much more than usual. But I do feel slightly "better" hard to describe. I have a check next week, so we will see how things go.

I have done well with the fast food. We had some pizza yesterday, but otherwise starting with Monday morning, I haven't had any other fast food, which is quite a change for me. And surprisingly I am doing fine!:p I did really struggle on Monday not going to McDonalds, but I have made it past the struggle. Yes, I do still want some of their fries, but I have made the choice to eat healthier.

nativetxn, I am glad to hear that you are back too! We can support each other. Your caring words really make a difference! You are right, one day at a time....

ZerasPride, thanks for letting me know you have the same house struggle. It isn't easy is it? The embarassment is hard to describe, but I know you understand what I am saying. Thanks for sharing your story with me. And you are right I am starting to really look at what I can do for life.

disneygoof, I completely understand the fast food struggle. I have made it so far, and I am proud of those success's. I hope to follow your lead and create many more victories.

MelanieC, thanks for the kind words welcoming me back to WISH. You are so right that it is key to success. I told my DH that the people on WISH truly are amazing, and they have a special kinship with each other. I appreciate your words of encouragement, and I am glad you are back too! :wave2:

ohMom, boy you know me too well!:earseek: sometimes it is hard to feel like I deserve this special attention, It comes from years of putting myself down. Funny though, somethings really bring me alot of pride and confidence. I think I need to incorporate those things into different areas of my life. I love being creative, so I think I am going to create a scrapbook journey of the changes I am making. thanks for also reminding me of the important jobs I have! I want to be a good role model for my kids, and I want them to have a mom for a long time!!! I also know my confidence will grow in my future teaching career.

SnackyStacky, thanks for telling me "like it is". I appreciate your comment about DH. I did eventually tell him, and partly his urging got me to go in this week and take care of the situation. He is scared that I might leave too soon, and I understand that. He did actually say "I told you", but it was in a good way. He didn't coddle me, but rather kicked me into high gear, and I needed that. You have a way with words, and I appreciate each statement. Your WW members are so lucky to have you as a leader. Sometimes as I sit in our meetings, I imagine what it would be like to be a leader and motivate people, someday that is one of my goals. And funnily enough in the last class I was thinking what I would do to engage the members... input... ouput... putting all the teaching techniques I am learning at school into play. Someday....::yes::

lulu201, your message did strike a chord with me too. Right now I am working on the fast food issue this week. Next week I am going to work on not adding salt to my foods and then I will plan something each week. I like that. As long as I am making healthy changes, and they are challenging enough to make a difference and not make it an "easy" change, then I think I am on the right track, even if it takes me a while.... I know I will get there.

WDWHound, your post was one of the posts that brought me to tears....One of my love languages is gifts (it is from a GREAT book called the 5 love languages) anyway when you said this....

The second gift is yours to unwrap

I teared up. You are right, the second gift is mine to unwrap and enjoy. I appreciate that analogy very much. Thanks also for sharing your high BP story with me. It is good to hear that it will be conquered and if it still is there after the weight is lost, well so be it, but at least my heart will still not have to work as hard as it does now. I also appreciate these words of yours...."Let us take this journey with you" You honor me.


lmhall2000, thanks for the cheerful welcome back! It is good to see some of the "old buddies". There is a long history of inspiration here, and I am proud to be part of it. I am trying to wash away the past and the excuses, because it is time to get myself in order! thanks for also understanding about the house. It will feel great when all the debt is paid! I have kept a check off sheet with the payments on our debt, and we are getting so close to number 0! it will be a great day. We do have a separate CC to pay off, but we will then be able to put $ from the first pay off toward that, and I will be thrilled!!!

yasuern, sometimes nurses can be so stubborn about their own health. But, I did go and get the meds and I feel at peace with it. I feel slightly better, and not stressed about the decision. I am working on healthy one step at a time. Thanks for the group hug!!!

nativetxn
11-06-2004, 10:05 PM
{{{HUGS}}} Vija. You are back and you are on track and you are going to get healthier. We're all going to help and you will help us. Just like in the "old days". Okay?

More {{{HUGS}}} sweetie. We'll help each other.

Katholyn

Zoesmama03
11-09-2004, 02:23 AM
I too get borderline everytime weight creeps up but still when I was pregnant it surpised me when mine shot up to 170/120 at one reading. YIKES I was put on BP meds and was on them until several weeks after my dd was born. Thankfully they have come down but I think they are still in that range perhaps i should go back on them until I can control with weight loss, diet and exercise.

Scary stuff though I know.

What scares me most is that my mom has diabetes and I've been getting days and times where I get dizzy and woozzy and know my blood sugars have dropped and what not.