View Full Version : Feeling a bit low

07-30-2003, 06:24 PM
Sorry I haven't been posting for a while - I have been lurking occasionally though - but I have had a bit of a bad time of it recently. My mum was ill recently so I have been driving up and down the M1 like an idiot to 'be there'. Unfortunately she was diagnosed with terminal cancer on would you believe it Friday 13th June and she died 6 days later. She had brain tumours as well as cancer of the lung, liver, bones, breast and lymph nodes. She was only 65. :( :( :( Obviously this was a BIG shock to us all, especially me as I am the youngest daughter.

I'm not looking for sympathy but if someone could just reassure me that time will heal, it would be gratefully received. I've just been on the phone to my dad in floods of tears and he has been a rock, as have DH and my dear sons who are only 8 and 5. I am finding it hard to deal with sometimes and I know some of you out there have sadly been through a similar thing so if anyone has any thoughts that will help me get through it, I would appreciate it.


07-31-2003, 02:48 AM
It does get better Fi.

We lost my Mam to cancer while she was still undergoing tests (though by then I'd just figured what they thought she had). Any loss is devestating, more so one that seems to come at you out of the blue.

Your family will be a great comfort to you and you'll find the innocent things about Gran your Sons will say will fill you with tears and joy all at the same time.

3 years on, and I've only just got to go through Mam's photo's and keepsakes.

Time will heal your broken heart.

Your Mum's gone but has left you all her memories and she'll live in your mind for ever.


07-31-2003, 03:04 AM
Fi ~

I know that you said you were not looking for sympathy but how about a {{{{Hug}}}}

To lose a parent is one of the most tragic things that can happen to a person and it will take time to get through it. You can never totally accept that a parent is gone but in time you will learn to live with it and move on with your life.

Take comfort from the fact that your mum did not suffer too long and that her passing was quick and dignified.

We are here if you need us.

07-31-2003, 04:31 AM
My mum passed away when she was 56 as a result of cancer. In a way it was a relief for me and my siblings to see her suffering come to an end (she had cancer for approx. 16 years).

It is true time is a great healer, however for each individual the grieving process differs, so some people will heal more quickly than others. Even though my mum died 15 years ago there are still moments that I need her and wish that she was here and I still shed more than a few tears.

My heart goes out to you. Do know that it does get better. Do what you have to do to go through the grieving process, it is better than trying to bottle it up.

It is true what safcdl16 said "Your mum's gone but has left you all her memories and she'll live in your mind forever".

Take care of yourself,


07-31-2003, 05:03 AM
You have my deepest sympathies. My dad passed away 9 years ago next week under very similar circumstances, he was only 53. For those of us who have been there all we can say is it does get easier with the passage of time. It can be a long, long tunnel but there will be a light at the end of it. Right now you have to go through your grieving process, just let it all out and let those around you help when you need it and know that you are not alone, you have your family, your friends and us on here.

Again, my deepest sympathies to you and your family for your loss.


07-31-2003, 05:28 AM
Hi Fi
It's a dreadfull time for you. Time does help. My mum died 8 years ago. We new she wasn't very well, but had no idea that she was going to die. The pain does ease, but You will always miss her.
I'm the youngest of four.
I have to 2 DS. My oldest DS was only 4 when mum died. Although we talked to him about my mum he didn't say much about it. If he thought no one was listening though he would talk to his grandma (looking up to the sky). He wouldn't do this in front of anyone. It's strange though after a while he really started to talk about her, things they used to do and what she was like.
We all grieve in different ways, but it does get better.
I agree with Catherine try not to bottle up your feelings
Look after yourself

07-31-2003, 05:28 AM
Oh Fi :(

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, like Dave says - it's always difficult to lose someone, but when it comes all of a sudden like that, it's even harder.

I hope that time will dull the pain soon, and you'll be left with all the treasured memories that'll be with you always - in that respect, your mum will be with you.

All the best and my condolences - we are all here if you need us.


07-31-2003, 07:21 AM
Hi Fi,

You have my deepest sympathies :(

I lost my father many years ago - but the memories still linger on.

Time is a great healer - I know this from experience, but that probably doesn't help much at this time.


07-31-2003, 07:48 AM
Hi Fi

Please accept my sincere condolences - I am so sorry.

My Dad passed away 2 years ago - I cant believe how that time has flown by, and a day doesnt go by when I dont miss him, or think about him - but, I am beginning to get that picture out of my mind of him looking so ill and it is gradually being replaced by my memories of him in happier healthier times so I can say that yes, it does get better and easier with time. You need to grieve - and I believe this is all part of the process.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}} for you all Fi - we're here when you need us.

07-31-2003, 08:10 AM


07-31-2003, 08:10 AM


07-31-2003, 08:56 AM

Sending you a big {hug}.
I lost my father to heartattack when i was 9years old,he was only 43, it is very heartbreaking losing a parent.
Time does heal,at this moment you wont think that but it does.

I agree with safcdl16: "Your Mum's gone but has left you all her memories and she'll live in your mind for ever."

Sending my deepest sympathies,and love,

Beth,&Family. x

07-31-2003, 09:35 AM
Fiona I'm so sorry.

Give yourself loads of time - there's no time limit to getting over your grief, and as Jan says, you need to grieve so just go with it. It will recede and you will start to enjoy happy memories. There will be times when you are feeling fine and it washes over you again, but in time good memories and a pleasure in remembering takes over.

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} Fiona.

07-31-2003, 02:40 PM

So sorry to hear how sad things are for you at the moment.

It will be hard for you to believe right now but it does get easier.The pain will gradually fade to a dull ache and you will survive it.

Your family will be the support you need.Sending you all my love.

Karenn xxx

07-31-2003, 04:37 PM

08-01-2003, 03:08 AM
so sorry to hear that Fi.

Take comfort from your family, your dad and sons and everyone.

I can't do better than the things Dave has said, but we're sending a hug your way.

Mrs Dazzle
08-01-2003, 05:16 AM
Fi - my heart's breaking for you, you must feel so lost. I lost my mum from a major heart attack (she was with me) 8 years ago, and then 5 Xmas's ago we lost my dad to cancer. This Xmas was our last with MIL, she died end Jan from cancer, which we helped nurse her for the last 2 weeks of her life.

No words can tell you how you can deal with your loss - just believe that your mum is not suffering any more, that in itself is such a relief. She'll be looking down on your now, trust me:cool:
I had terrible guilt feelings about both my parents when they died - no reason to, just did because at some point in our adult lifes the tables seem to get turned and we feel responsible for them, usually unconsciously, and it's a pleasure to be able to repay all the work they put into bringing us up and you've done that already, be proud and feel special that you could help.

Time WILL help - I didn't (couldn't) believe that it would - but it does and now there are special times of the year when I remember all sorts of things - good and bad.

You are fortunate - as I was - to have your family supporting you. Many people are afraid to deal with a loved one when they lose family, but your family sounds terrific, as Darryl and Katie were for me.

Keep remembering the good times

08-02-2003, 08:10 AM
Thank you for all your kind words - they really do mean a lot to me. Sometimes you just feel as though you are the only one who has had to go through it. I'm trying to be as positive as I can and I am thankful that Mum didn't suffer for too long. She is at peace now and I feel she is looking over us.

We as a family decided to donate Mums corneas and we had a letter last week to say that they had been successfully harvested and that we should soon hear if they have been used to help two people see again. This is something Mum would have wished for as she was such a kind and giving person. Also, quite a large sum of money was raised for Cancer Research UK by family and friends.

Many, many thanks to you all again,