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View Full Version : How NOT to Win Friends and Influence People


inkkognito
06-04-2003, 11:43 AM
I'm planning to include this in my trip report, but I decided that I should share it on its own as a cautionary tale of how NOT to win friends and influence people.
We went to the Royal Palms beach on Grand Cayman, and on the way back, we had to wait a bit in the cab while it filled. There were two other families waiting with us, including a man, his wife, and two children. The man was giving the cab driver a very hard time because he had charged the $3 per person fare for both kids, including what Dad referred to as an "infant," even though the kid was a walking/talking toddler taking up a whole seat. He thought he was hilarious, saying things like, "She's so adorable that I should make you pay me to look at her." Then he asked the driver if he could take a photo of him. The driver, a little confused, said, "Okay," and Dad said, "Good, because I want to keep it as a momento of the person who charged me for my infant." He had no clue that we all thought he was a jerk. Then he said, "You don't get a tip because that $3 was going to be your tip." That doesn't even make sense...if it's true, then the driver gets the same amount either way. But he kept repeating it: "You lost you tip, man. You're charging me your tip for my infant."
The really sad thing is that I'm sure he treated his stateroom host and dining room servers the same way. I would bet the farm that he stiffed them, even though the suggested tips include children of any age. A kid still takes up space and causes work, and service personnel should be compenstated accordingly. I just hope he is the exception rather than the rule.
Barb
Visit the Platinum Castaway Club at www.******************* or www.*****************

FantasticDisFamily
06-04-2003, 11:45 AM
Oh my, the truest definition of "ugly American" I could think of. Too bad he had to be one of "us". :(

Deb

Dads Dream
06-04-2003, 11:56 AM
Hi Barb,

I guess it takes all kinds! What did you think of the taxi drivers, we had a really bad experience 2yrs ago so stayed away from them this time around.

Just wondering where you post trip reports? Would love to check it out.

Thanks:p

Cruise
06-04-2003, 12:13 PM
Him - all that BS

Me - "Buddy, I'll pay the $3 for your kid if you'll just shut up."

:teeth:

ohiominnie
06-04-2003, 12:22 PM
Gee, I had no idea my brother in law was on your cruise! I'd apologize for him, but I've done that quite enough and I'm through.

Some ppl don't know when to shut up. I just feel sorry for his wife and kids. YOU had to put up with him for a short time. THEY get to live with that!

dclwdwlover
06-04-2003, 12:55 PM
Not that we're all not guilty of being slightly rude - knowingly or not - SOMETIMES - but, as a rule, mannerless, rude people DISGUST me.
My kids get embarassed when I say things, but usually if someone is being very rude & obnoxious to others - whether it includes me or not - I let them know it. Usually by saying something like, "Wow. How rude" or "Yikes, no manners!" Haven't been punched out yet. I'd say at least 1/2 the time it stops them because if they don't have an audience they usually don't see the point in performing.
This guy was waiting for a reaction from 'the crowd' - and I would have given him one - just not the one he thought he was going to get!:eek:

dianthus
06-04-2003, 12:58 PM
I commend you for "biting your tongue" and writing him off as a jerk. If you had said something , it probably would have gotten worse... Sound's like the cab driver did the right thing & ignored him too...

Just be glad you didn't have them as tablemates!!!

:cool:

inkkognito
06-04-2003, 01:07 PM
Dianthus, I think you're right. Mr. Ugly American was definitely trying to draw people in. He asked the guy in front of him, "Don't you think she's too cute to pay?" The guy just mumbled something like, "Well, she's cute." Of course, if it was me, I would have been very tempted to respond, "Yes, she IS very cute. Obviously your wife was having a fling with the milkman."
Dads Dream, the cab drivers we encountered were all fine...no bad experiences with them in either Grand Cayman or Cozumel. I know a bit of Spanish, so in Cozumel I was joking en espanol with our driver about the American tourist weaving his scooter in and out of traffic with no helmet on his head but with a helmet dangling from each of his feet!
My trip report will be on my website. I'll post a note when it's our there.
Barb
Visit the Platinum Castaway Club at: www.******************* or www.*****************

bnickle3
06-04-2003, 02:08 PM
Dear World.....

It is unfortunate you find me (offensive, rude, belligerent, nasty). You simply mistake my attempt to make the world right for humanity. I am reasonable and intelligent, and many could benefit from my vast superiority. I find that if only others would follow my example as a (driver, restaurant patron, movie critic, political genius, parent extrordinaire) the world would be a much more congenial place.

My child, the (star athlete, brainiac, dance star, future president) is such a wonder that he/she should be allowed to skip a few grades, but the high school won't take 3 year olds. Idiots.

My important job provides us with many opportunites for travel, and I have learned many many things that I insist on sharing. If the line for Pluto's is long, I should be able to cut in. I am, after all, me. Those signs by the pool about saving seats are meant for the lesser people, not my family. So those 12 poolside seats over there are ours for the duration of the cruise, and will be saved from now on in case we decide to cruise again some time in the future. My daughter would like to spend 10 minutes, minimum with each Princess. My children are naturally inquisitive (as are most geniuses) so we feel we do them a disservice by using the words "no" or "rules."

One of my greatest pleasures, while traveling, is to take the opportunity to correct those of foreign extraction upon the right way to do things. They don't know any better, having grown up in some place where English isn't spoken, and it is a joy to show them the way.

I understand that all do not find this advice helpful, and some have even suggested that I am a (jerk, putz, loser, know-it-all, heinous lump of wasted human flesh.) What they do not understand is that it is not my fault. I was (abused as a child, high most of my formative years, neglected, envied, dropped on my head several times), so it is not my fault.

I just shake my head and smile gently before opening my mouth to speak even louder.

Sincerely,

The person you get stuck with at dinner.

ennazus
06-04-2003, 02:14 PM
Originally posted by Cruise
Him - all that BS

Me - "Buddy, I'll pay the $3 for your kid if you'll just shut up."

:teeth:

Classic!! I wish I could think of things like that when I'm put on the spot!

alexandrew
06-04-2003, 02:33 PM
I am a firm believer in Kharma - treat people the way you expect to be treated....

words to live by

jgalecpa
06-04-2003, 03:19 PM
UGLY American Story:

DW and I are on a Med. Cruise one year. I ALWAYS make it a point to know some words in the native tounge before arrival

(PLEASE and THANK YOU, at the very least. The First person I use them on are the Immigration People and it usually evokes a smile even from them).

We had left Greece (Epharisto = please; Parakalo = Thank you, BTW) and were on the way to Italy.

Italian lesson were held in the Salon. After the standard Phrases were learned (Prego Grazie, etc), Paolo asked if there were any phrases we would like to learn.

One young lady, about 25 asked "How do you say 'Please Hurry" in Italian. Everyone else cringed.

Paolo replied without batting an eye [insert a lilting Italian accent now]:

"Madam, You Dont."

We all howled and I still smile .

While she was a quite attractive young lady, she was a Ugly American in training.


Buono Serra (sp).

jlawall
06-04-2003, 03:45 PM
Just wait until the cute, little toddler goes to school and doesn't do her homework. Do you think Daddy will come up with some obnoxious excuse?

I wonder!!!

trishy
06-04-2003, 03:47 PM
"Yes, she IS very cute. Obviously your wife was having a fling with the milkman."

Do they still have "milkmen"?

Too funny some of these responses. Yep, there are rude people everywhere. Sad but true. Too bad the DCL toilet from hell didn't suck him in http://ourworld.cs.com/larjac2002/toilet.gif

DisneyCruiseluvr
06-04-2003, 03:59 PM
<b>trishy</b>

Your "smiley" animations are a crack-up! Very unique to say the least.:p

LAMPSKIES
06-04-2003, 04:37 PM
Dear person I get stuck with at dinner,

How 'bout you meet this Chicago south-sider on the top deck and I show you how warm the Carribean water is!!!! LOL

In my buisness we get a lot of blow holes who want to make a point of either telling people how important they are how much money they have and how great their lives are (but really aren't). If you must think you have to make people notice you musn't have. I have a saying that my DD's 13 and 11 repeat whenever we end up around one of those idiots "Dad is that the guy who wears a thousand dollar suit but can't afford underwear???".


Happy Sailing

dclwdwlover
06-04-2003, 04:37 PM
Yes, where are they coming from? I checked the 'smilies' link on the tech board but I don't see this toilet one or the kissing or hugging one, either. Help??!!!

>>^..^<<
06-04-2003, 04:50 PM
Originally posted by inkkognito
" Of course, if it was me, I would have been very tempted to respond,

"Yes, she IS very cute. Obviously your wife was having a fling with the milkman."


ROFL!

:p

>>^..^<<

LG123
06-04-2003, 05:12 PM
If it weren't for the rude and obnoxious we wouldn't have anything to laugh about or at. Have you ever noticed that when confronted with rude people that there are many around us just rolling their eyes? Guess it goes to show that most of us know what is rude and what is not. I have been tempted to be rude right back to some of these people I encounter but that is just not me. Instead, my DH has to hear about it for days!

inkkognito
06-04-2003, 05:27 PM
Actually I guess you can paraphrase Simba's dad Mufasa to explain it. I remember that he explained the Circle of Life by saying that the antelopes eat the grass, the lions eat the antelopes, then the lions die and become the grass.
The non-rude listen to the rude and then share the rantings of the rude with other non-rudes. Thus the rude provide fodder to be consumed for the amusement of the non-rude.
We all take our place in the great Circle of Life.
Barb
Visit the Platinum Castaway Club at: www.*****************

wendym
06-04-2003, 05:43 PM
Barb
That puts it so well - I think I will use it with my class tomorrow.
Thanks
Wendy

Dads Dream
06-04-2003, 06:49 PM
Barb,

I am in awe of your wisdom.:eek: Now I know what I can talk about at the water cooler tomorrow.

Thanks;)

bnickle3
06-04-2003, 07:50 PM
Originally posted by LG123
If it weren't for the rude and obnoxious we wouldn't have anything to laugh about or at. Have you ever noticed that when confronted with rude people that there are many around us just rolling their eyes? Guess it goes to show that most of us know what is rude and what is not. I have been tempted to be rude right back to some of these people I encounter but that is just not me. Instead, my DH has to hear about it for days!


I know what you mean. I'm kind of with the "just try to ignore it" group, mainly because most of the time I have my three children in tow, and I want to model (or attempt to, at least) better behavior than whatever it is that "The person you're stuck with at dinner" is displaying. I try to be very conscious of the fact that my children will learn more by what I do than what I say. Not to say that massive eye-rolling does not occur.

Brenda

rae519
06-04-2003, 07:58 PM
Originally posted by FantasticDisFamily
Oh my, the truest definition of "ugly American" I could think of. Too bad he had to be one of "us". :(

Deb

Absolutely on the mark, Deb!

Some of "us" aren't really "us", they are just disguised! Or maybe should stay under their rock.

Rae

rae519
06-04-2003, 07:59 PM
Originally posted by LG123
If it weren't for the rude and obnoxious we wouldn't have anything to laugh about or at. Have you ever noticed that when confronted with rude people that there are many around us just rolling their eyes? Guess it goes to show that most of us know what is rude and what is not. I have been tempted to be rude right back to some of these people I encounter but that is just not me. Instead, my DH has to hear about it for days!


Are we related, Lori?!!

Rae

LG123
06-04-2003, 08:19 PM
I think we must be, Rae. Maybe I can compain to you about the rude people! My DH would probably appreciate that!

eye R.N.
06-04-2003, 08:49 PM
I'll bet they had their hands full cleaning up when the cute toddler threw her food all over the floor. I used to tip more when the kids were small, the servers certainly had just as much if not more work with the little ones.

I just hope the kids doesn't grow up thinking she's too cute to have pay for life.

87Disneyfan
06-05-2003, 07:27 AM
Eye RN-
You beat me to it! I was going to say the same thing-when my kids were smaller-and were getting out of hand, or messier than usual, we would tip more.
Even on the plane, I would apologize, if it was a tough flight. But usually they were very good(we brought alot of stuff to keep them busy).
Anyway, the sad thing about that rude guy is that he unfortunatley is teaching his child(ren) that that is how people should act!

Rae
leaving tomorrow for the Magic!!:Pinkbounc

snelsonbrown
06-05-2003, 07:58 AM
Barb if I didn't know what I do on the2 missing baskets - I would have said this is the guy that kept them - only one thing - wrong sailing date - sometimes we have to ask ourselves what makes this type of person - greed or just plain mean - both add up to losers in the end.
So glad we had time to spend chatting. luv ya guys mucho.
Til next time
Always
Shirley

FOJMO
06-05-2003, 08:03 AM
Originally posted by inkkognito
in Cozumel I was joking en espanol with our driver about the American tourist weaving his scooter in and out of traffic with no helmet on his head but with a helmet dangling from each of his feet!

Barb, That reminds me of the same day last week when we were in Cozumel also (in a cab coming abck from Mr. Sanchos), we saw a Mexican family on a scooter. I really mean a whole family. Mother, Father, Toddler in between them and the Mother on the back "carrying/dangling" a BABY from her left arm. We nervously laughed and I made a comment something like "kind of like Michael Jackson". The cab driver laughed and then so did we all.

It was really a sight to see!

Sorry about that jerk you had to share a cab with! I think I would have made a comment that we would wait for the next cab, as I wouldn't want to share a cab with this idiot!;)

VAL

jfis1020
06-05-2003, 08:24 AM
Just wait until the cute, little toddler goes to school and doesn't do her homework. Do you think Daddy will come up with some obnoxious excuse?

Well spoken..................I knew before I looked at your profile that you too are a teacher. I kept thinking this guy's kids (hopefully not) are going to grow up thinking the world owes them a favor as well! We see this a lot in our profession. Fortunately the good kids outweigh the "obnoxious" ones, but one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch!

CRSNDSNY
06-05-2003, 08:37 AM
Originally posted by dianthus
Just be glad you didn't have them as tablemates!!!:cool:

I have nightmares about having tablemates like this!

rae519
06-05-2003, 09:37 AM
Originally posted by 87Disneyfan

Rae
leaving tomorrow for the Magic!!:Pinkbounc


Are you a "Rae" also?!

Rae519

gassmandy
06-05-2003, 10:54 AM
Imagine being in the hospitality industry (my husband and I both are) and then having a grandfather and his wife who are NIGHTMARES to servers. My husband haseen a GM for a steakhouse for 5 years and we both have been servers/bartenders. I am now an asst. food & beverage mgr. for a golf course. So we've encountered these types often. Having said that--I know what the job entails and I always treat people who are waiting on me w/ respect. So imagine the horror I felt when we had Thanksgiving dinner 2 1/2 years ago at the Vero Beach Disney resort and my grandfather asked the server (keep in mind she's working on a holiday) what kind of merlot they had. When she responded they just had a cab. sav., he raked HER over the coals, along with the help of his disgusting wife. We had 3 large tables as it was my sisters wedding weekend and all the family was there. Everyone heard and the poor server had to feel scared. Well--being in that same industry I told him to leave her alone, etc. The 2 morons proceeded to go through to lovely buffet line (probably pushing past people) and I sat at the table a nervous wreck crying and apologizing to the server for their actions. They do this kind of stuff everywhere and it disgusts me. Let me say a few things to people who think that their server/bartender/room attendant/mgr. etc. (anyone in a service position) is beneath them:
1) These are PEOPLE. We work hard too. And can make just as good money as other jobs. (hubbie & I made well over $100,000 last year--think we're low lifes now??)
2) We REMEMBER customers who have treated us well AND those who have not. Can you guess which group will get their meal comp'd from time to time by my husband?? Sure, my grandfather gets free stuff too--but everyone hates him in the process. I like it when my server is happy to see me at our regular restaurant. Why do you think everyone loves Barb & Tony??? They're regulars who treat people awesome!
3) Like someone else wrote--what goes around, comes around. Please, please, please--treat your server/bartender/room steward, taxi driver,etc. like you would your family (that is--if you like your family). You never know when your son or daughter might pick up a job like this--even if it is just to get through college. You wouldn't want to think of someone treating them bad, would you???
4) Lastly--the customer isn't ALWAYS right. As soon as someone curses at me, uses foul language while talking to me, or insults me, one of my employees, or the establishment-- I have the right to kick you out AND ban you from the place. And if you refuse to leave--one quick call to the police dept. and you're hating life!

In conclusion--that man in the taxi, thank goodness, is the exception. Let's all learn a lesson from Barb's story and think before we treat someone who is trying to make a living like they're an idiot. Also--if someone tells you your child will cost $3.00 that means----YOUR CHILD COSTS $3.00!!!!!!!!!

FantasticDisFamily
06-05-2003, 12:09 PM
I was telling DH about this thread and the one about the missing "baskets" last night at dinner. After shaking his head over the troubles poor Shirley had to endure and wondering if it was 4Nana's family that had the problem, then commenting on Barb & Tony's class in holding their tongues (I think he was hinting at me :rolleyes: ) he said - well dear, be thankful there are so many people like this in the world. I call it job security. They stay on that track eventually my collegeus or I see them...OR their "darling" children.

(FYI - he is a law enforcement officer!)

Deb

disny4ever
06-05-2003, 03:23 PM
walking back with his family, so those of you who could afford the $3.00 could be on your way. It's a shame that someone so short sighted has to cause so much grief for everyone else.

jlawall
06-05-2003, 04:05 PM
Well, I have to jump back in on this. As I inferred, I am a teacher and in our school we are seeing more and more of this sort of illogical behavior. We have been saying to ourselves, that one day these children will get arrested and then "Mommy won't be able to manipulate the system." (In this case Daddy.) Oftentimes, I feel as though the child could be saved but since we aren't getting cooperation from the parents the child gets worse and worse.

Basic manners are not difficult. I remember when my children were young and the travel bills got higher and higher as they aged. However, I feel that the memories I have shared with my kids are a wonderful investment in our time together. Obviously, this man doesn't "get it."

Have a nice day everyone!:jester:

Chris C
06-05-2003, 08:14 PM
bnickle3 aka Brenda...

As no one else had commented, I just had to say that your story had me laughing... a sad but true rendition of how some people really see themselves and their place in the world.

I also have to agree with Cruise about paying to get the guy to shut up... but I would have paid $50 ;)

(Thanks to you too Barb, for sharing the experience.)