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View Full Version : How do you see yourself?New great article on pg 2


glo
03-02-2003, 10:43 AM
Be honest...How do you see yourself?

I am having a very hard time lately seeing myself. In my mind I do not see a huge weight loss, I see a difference, but I feel it should be more, that for 60 pounds I should see a bigger difference. I am still so self concious about how I look. I will wear a bathing suit and put a t-shirt over it. I wore shorts for the first time in years, last summer only because I felt people would think I was weird in pants in the heat. I felt so self councious the entire time. I will not wear shirts or dresses that are sleeveless, bought a sleeveles dress and after posting the picture and looking at it, put it away :( If I go look at my BMI scores I am still in the overweight category at 27 and I won't event do the body fat thing...I did it once and at 37.5 fat I do not think I will ever get that down :(


So when does one start feeling better about their body? When do you start NOT feeling fat...when do you stop covering up? Or does that ever happen :( :( :(

tiggerlover
03-02-2003, 10:55 AM
Glo, that is a hard question to answer. I think you have to retrain the way you look at yourself. I once loss 50 pounds and I felt exactly how you are describing your own feelings of your body image. It wasn't until I regained all the weight and then some that and saw fat pictures of myself again that I really grasped how good I actually looked. It is all about image and perception and I have read that it is very hard for a heavy person to see themselves thin when they achieve a significant weight loss. I don't have a clear cut answer for you, but I do understand what you are saying. All I can say is I saw your before and after pictures and I think you look awesome! Like I said on the other thread, you look like a totally different person.

Perhaps another WISH buddy can answer this for you.

:bounce::wave::bounce:

bicker
03-02-2003, 12:36 PM
I still have to catch myself, sometimes, when I find myself thinking of myself as an obese person. You see yourself for so long a certain way, and it isn't easy to begin seeing yourself in a new way -- even after you are unequivocally different. Clearly, seeing yourself the way you will be (or, in the case of those already in maintenace, as you now are) is essential to achieving and maintaining, but it is nothing more than human to have trouble in that regard.

I suppose the key point that, in light of my own experience, is that it has little to do with the actual accomplishment, but rather has more to do with the decision and discipline to see yourself in that new way.

SnackyStacky
03-02-2003, 04:27 PM
So when does one start feeling better about their body? When do you start NOT feeling fat...when do you stop covering up? Or does that ever happen

You won't be happy with yourself until you're just that: happy with yourself, no matter what you look like.

It's such an easy thing to say, and I know it's a very difficult thing to do. I've lost a lot of weight, and still see myself as fat. But on my fridge I keep a picture of myself at my heaviest, and that's really a sobering picture.

If you start to feel self-concious, pull out the pictures. Try on a pair of clothes that you wore 60 pounds ago. Or come to the DIS for a shot of self-confidence. ;)

nativetxn
03-02-2003, 04:49 PM
I don't know the answer to this one glo. For some reason, even when I weighed 108 pounds, I still thought of myself as fat. I probably always will :rolleyes:

I have a terrible self image, I need to work on that.

You are such a cutie, glo. One of these days you will believe that and when you do, perhaps you can convince me that I'm a cutie too ;)

glo
03-02-2003, 04:54 PM
Kath you are not only a cutie, but someone with a big heart. A real sweetheart ! :)

I do not know if I will ever see myself as anything but fat. This really and truely bothers me. It scares me, because I don't want this to be a problem. I have a good friend who told me that I have had 3 kids and have had quite a life, and that I should be proud of what I look at. I trust this person a lot, and value their judgement, but I can't believe it. I feel in my heart that my friend is just trying to be nice to me.

I grew up being told I was fat. Even now, my weight is an issue, constantly asked if I have gained weight...I just want to be happy with what I look like, and not be embarrassed of myself. Just wondering if that will ever happen, or will I never see myself as skinny no matter what?

perfectmatch300
03-02-2003, 05:29 PM
Believe it or not, I do not see myself weighing as much as I do!
What's that, you say - DE NILE is not just a river in Egypt! I think one of the hardest things for me has been getting real with myself about how much weight I've gained and how badly it's hurting me. I think I may have finally broken through that denial as I started this diet. I really do want to look & feel better.

Glo, I have a picture of you from the first time I met you at the Dis meet at the Palisades Mall a couple of years ago. All I can say is -If you don't see the difference in yourself - I sure do! I'll email you the picture if you want to see how far you've come!

Thanks for a great topic!

TigH
03-02-2003, 06:34 PM
Today I see myself as a container full of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. D'OH!!!

I'll come back and read this tomorrow after a power walk and post how I see myself then (and read what you guys said about yourselves...)

nativetxn
03-02-2003, 06:47 PM
Glo, I've seen a photo of you when you were not only larger but older ;) Don't make me post it here!

You are just precious and you look great these days.

Ever since I was about 12 I've believed I was fat. I only wish I was that fat now. We need to work on our psyche's glo.

<b>We can all work on our self images together</b>! Sounds like a plan to me. What do y'all think?

Lisa L from MI
03-02-2003, 08:49 PM
I feel the same way. I have been low carbing since April (along with going to Contours Express-similiar to Curves) and have lost about 50 lbs.
I too, still feel "fat" and although I do notice a difference...I just don't notice that "big" of a difference. My friends and family are really on me...telling me that "I have lost enough"....According to the "good ole scale".....I am not quite there. I would like to lose another 15-20 lbs. I feel that my friends and family are used to me being heavy and therefore, of course, think I look skinny now.

I actually have some before and after pics.....but dont' have a site to post them to. My before is actually from March 2002.....at the Poly pool......in my bathing suit:eek: And when I look at it...I can't believe I was out in public like that.

Anyway.....I wish I could just eventually be happy with the way I look.....

Jenzebelle
03-02-2003, 09:57 PM
To be perfectly honest, I will probably always see myself as fat.
My whole life I was told I was fat, even though looking back at pictures I really wasn't fat at all.

When you live your entire life believing something about yourself, you just can't change it :(

nativetxn
03-02-2003, 10:00 PM
We can try, Jenz :)

Tiggerkeeper
03-03-2003, 06:52 AM
That's a good question and something every person with a weight issue has to deal with sooner or later. I lost 45 pounds 7 years ago and felt fabulous! I was able to go into stores and buy clothes off the rack and the clerks actually talked to me! I wore sleeveless shirts for the first time in 13 years. I did so many things I hadn't done since the birth of DS(19) when I put on sooooo much weight and started the roller coaster ride. Then life got crazy and out of control and I put the weight back on. Now starting over to get that weight off I think of myself at the bottom of a mountain and man, what a climb it'll be. Will I ever be able to be thin again? For the past few years I have avoided going to family functions etc. I have let this image of myself, which is much larger than I really am, cripple me. BUT not anymore! There are going to have to be several long talks with myself I am sure but dang it, I am going to do it! I think you have to find within yourself what makes you happy....not what society deems desirable.

You are a beautiful person inside and it will reflect outside!

believe
03-03-2003, 07:25 AM
Growing up I never seen myself as fat, even though I was. I think it helped that my family never called me fat. My Dad really stressed being happy with yourself rather than what the outside appears.
I now realize that I was fat and that is how I do see myself today, even though I am no longer fat and within 'the range'. It definitely is something within me that needs to change.
Glo, you look wonderful. I haven't met you in person, but the pictures speak for themself. As for the fat percentage, it will come down with exercise. I was floored when I did my fat percentage. I am now 1% away from the maximum limit.

tlgoblue
03-03-2003, 07:48 AM
Just my two cents, but I have always seen myself as not thin enough. That is partly because there is always someone who has better abs or legs or whatever. I have also grown up with a mother who was never happy with herself. "If I could just be thin." Then she starved herself thin and then, "If I only had a true love." (This cycle has continued for 3 marriages.) She is at her heaviest now and is quite miserable with herself, despite the fact that she has a doting DH, and is living the life she always thought she wanted. (I also have a sister who is bulimic, also a result of my mother's constant harping about her weight, and my sister not wanting to be fat like Mom.) So, I never seem to be able to go far enough (with anything).

But, I do not see myself as being fat. There is a difference. Even though I know that I am overweight, I do feel beautiful. I look around me and see all the positive things. I love gardening. It brings beauty to my world and others, and it is through me. Same with my family, friends, whatever. Leave each thing you touch better than it was before. That is true beauty. When I look in the mirror, I really don't see fat. I CAN see it, but I choose not to. (I do feel it when I put on my clothes, or try doing things that my thinner self had no trouble with in the past. ;)) I'm not living in DE-NILE (LOL), I just won't let body shape be another issue. There are other factors that make us who we are, and body shape is not a measure of anyone's worth.

Glo, I couldn't believe the picture of you on the picture thread! The way you talked, I thought you had 100+ lbs to lose! I do hope you can get past this image thing. You are very pretty and look fantastic, and not just because of what you USED to look like. I don't even know what that was since I'm pretty new here.

To all of us, we are wonderful people, with beauty all around us, in us, and of us. What we are doing with our weight is a matter of keeping ourselves HEALTHY (we're inspired to stay HEALTHY, right?), so we can spread beauty for a long time.

OK! Maybe it was more like my $2.00 worth!
Keep the Faith!
Tracy

Lesley
03-04-2003, 09:08 PM
I'm with the minority....I think the only reason I got to the size I am is that I don't really see my size in the mirror. Or at least not unless I'm actually looking to see the size, iykwim.

I think I've taken a step past where I was years ago....I always thought I was too fat. I can remember being happy with my body once...just once...when I was 115 lbs and looked great in my bikini (and I was like 15yo) . I don't know that 115 was even a reasonable weight for me back then, nevermind now. I don't think it was a "healthy thin" even then. And I obsessed about my weight. It was a constant struggle.

But honestly, I didn't see myself getting big because I didn't look, I got tired of the endless struggle to be thin...mirrors have become for brushing teeth and hair and making sure my clothes aren't stained....not for judging myself. That's a great step in some ways....but in others I think I've been hiding from being aware of what I was doing to my body, trying to avoid dealing with all the underlying issues.

Our value is not in our size...its in our hearts. As much as we want to be healthy we need to be looking inside, not outside, for our self knowledge and worth.

So anyway...how do I see myself? As a person with strengths and weaknesses, some great attributes and some funny quirks, and as someone who can make things happen when I want them to. That's just me, regardless of my body size.

glo
03-05-2003, 05:42 PM
an article published in lowcarbluxury ezine....
I think it describes how we feel :(

What is Body Image?

How you see or picture yourself. How you feel others perceive you. What you believe about your physical appearance. How you feel about your body. And even how you feel in your body.

The 'reality' of how you see yourself is an illusive thing, and often reality has little to do with it. It involves our imagination, our emotions, and our physical sensations. And it can change on a day-to-day basis, at least to some degree. There are days when we feel attractive, and days we feel the need to hide under the covers. Days we're confident, and days we have no self esteem. It's apparent there's a clear relationship between the development of personal boundaries and our personal body image.

For those of us who are struggling to lose weight, we fight society's obsession with utter slenderness. At some point, many of us stop fighting, and simply join them in their opinions, leading us to self-deprecation. In truth, it's much more influenced by self-esteem than by actual physical attractiveness as judged by others. It is not inborn, but learned. This learning occurs in the family and among peers, but these only reinforce what is learned and expected culturally.

For those of us who have lost a significant amount of weight, we often continue to carry the old body image around with us. Sometimes we're not even aware of it.

To explain, let me relate a personal story. It's just a tiny bit embarrassing, but what the heck... we're family, right?

Long after there was no longer any need to shop 'specialty' stores for larger sizes (Catherines, Lane Bryant, Avenue, etc), I realized I was still going to these merchants when I browsed for clothes. I was having a hard time finding clothes small enough to fit me at these stores, but for awhile, it simply did not occur to me that it was time to move on.

One day in a Catherine's, a saleswoman took me aside (I'd been shopping there for years) and told me that they were kicking me out. She said in her sweetest voice that I was too small to be shopping there. I was being tossed out of the nest... out of the comfortable world I'd known and into the unknown.

A few weeks later, shopping at a JC Penney, I walked directly through the doors and into the Women's department. (For guys that don't know, "Women's Department" does not mean the opposite of "Men's Department"... it means "large" women's department. Further down you'll find "Misses" (that's mostly "average" women's sizes); then "Juniors" (usually smaller still, with a younger slant); and finally "Petites".

After spending a few moments in the Women's Department (and finding nothing), I mentally chastised myself for shopping where I had no hope of finding clothes to fit again. I darted over to the Misses Department, found a few items, but realized many of these were still wrong because I'm only 5'2". Oh my... I was going to have to brave the "Petites." I looked around to see if there was anyone watching me, and when the coast was clear, I made for Petites. As I stood there looking through the racks, I kept nervously looking around. But why? I wasn't stealing anything. I didn't have a huge stain on my shirt, or gum in my hair. Why was I trying so hard to be invisible?

Then it hit me... it's the body image. I was a "fat girl" who had the audacity to look for clothes in the 'thin girl" department. I was sure I'd be laughed at. Worse yet, I realized I'd been expecting a tap on the shoulder from the well-meaning, kind-but-firm "skinny lady police" telling me that perhaps I was lost, and that this was the "petites" department.

Finding a few outfits that seemed appropriate in fit, yet unfathomable in label size, I began looking for a fitting room. And as I searched, a thought hit me... "Wouldn't I be more comfortable if I just brought these clothes back to the Women's Department and used THAT fitting room?" It was at that moment that the total absurdity of it all hit me. What the hell was I doing? Why did I still feel 60 or 80 pounds heavier than I was? Why?

Body image... it's psychological in nature, with less to do with physical dimensions or attributes than with our own ingrained perceptions. Like the person who fears flying, and therefore forces themselves on airplanes to conquer that fear, I needed to face the fact that fear of the unknown... and the fear of ridicule, were stronger in me than my ability to rejoice in my success. There's a comfort that comes with what we're used to. It's easier to stay in a bad marriage than to face an uncertain future, hence many women continue to live with abuse.

So now, I head straight for Misses/Petites. And yes, I still shake when I shop. But as Mark Twain said, Courage is resistance to fear; mastery of fear not absence of fear.

nativetxn
03-05-2003, 06:20 PM
That was a great essay, glo. Very apt.

glo
03-05-2003, 06:25 PM
I just wish I could convincwe me :(

nativetxn
03-05-2003, 06:30 PM
If you manage to convince yourself, I wish you would convince me ;)