I am kinda miffed at my family and people "in the know"

[preshi]

Last Saturday was the day "my daughter" was born. The one I gave up for adoption. Not one person, my mom, best friend, babys dad, husband, no one said one word to me! Not a how are you today... are you ok? nothing. Ok I forgive my best friend because I know she cares and she had to work overtime that day and had a migrane... no one else had any excuse. I must have talked to my Mom three times that day. Lily turned 5. Every year on her birthday I take the day off... :mad: I am just so upset that no one thought enough to maybe think I was in pain... in mourning a little. :( Grrrr....

[tc]

I am so sorry that her birthday passed without support. I know, with a tough anniversary coming up for me, I would not be able to get through without the support of those who love me.

{{{{HUGS}}}} from a friend who can, kind of, feel your pain.

(Did you know we're Dis con II buddies of a sort? Emma is representing both of us! How fun!)

[preshi]

Thanks tc :) Yeah we are DisCon buddies :) We have a great representer :) Whaooooo :)

[JerseyJanice]

Maybe they felt bad about reminding you. :(

{{{hugs}}}

[tiggerlover]

{{{HUGS}}}

I am sorry no one ackowledged your DD's birthdate. Some people just aren't sesitive to things like this, I don't think they do it to hurt people, they just don't think. Some people may not want to mention something to someone because they think it may be too painful for that person and they just don't realize the person just wants an acknowledgement or validation. I felt this way after I had a miscarriage and all I wanted was someone to validate my feelings.

{{{MORE HUGS}}}

:bounce::wave::bounce:

[Piglet]

Hugs to you Preshi. I am sure it is really tough to go through. Some people don't realize how much some things really hurt.


Melinda

[Serena]

Meagan, I'm sorry.

My family would be the same way. They want support, but find it hard to give it. They just don't know what to say or do, or how to be sensitive enough to remember.

You might want to try and mention it to them. Tell them you what you want. And make sure they remember it next year.

[danacara]

Maybe they thought that mentioning it would make it more painful for you than it already is. Just a thought.

[A kid at heart]

Maybe you need some counseling since it seems to still bother you a lot.

[snoopy]

I'm so sorry, Preshi. This must have been a difficult day for you, I'm sorry your friends and family were not more supportive. :(

[Leota]

Aww Megs - I'm sorry - It must be very tough on you - I can't imagine because I haven't walked in your shoes... I'm sure I would be having a rough time with it too.
I agree that maybe folks are worried about bringing it up for fear of re-opening the wounds - Maybe they don't realize how open they still are & that you would like them to talk with you about it.
Maybe you could let them know you need them...

[debster812]

I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine either what you are feeling, having never experienced it, but I am so sorry that you did not get the support and care that you deserve and need.

[honeywolf7]

I'm sorry, Preshi.

[UncleKyle]

So sorry preshi :(

[Baboo]

{{{HUGS}}} Preshi. I'm sorry.

[pollyanna]

They may have forgotten......I have to check my calender just to remember all my relatives birthdays.

[helenabear]

I am so sorry to hear that Meg. I just hope that as others have suggested that they were afraid to bring it up in fear that they would cause you more pain. {{hugs}}

[Disneycrazymom]

Preshi,
I hope you are feeling better today. I am an adoptive mom, and I always think of our wonderful birth mom on our DD's birthday. Words can not express how much I love and respect her. Let me assure you that even if your family didn't remember your courage and the love that you have for your baby girl, her adoptive mom was thinking of you all day. I always say extra prayers for her asking that she is at peace and is blessed as much as we have been. You gave a wonderful gift to a very lucky family. :)

[preshi]

Originally posted by A kid at heart
Maybe you need some counseling since it seems to still bother you a lot.

i've had plenty of counseling thank you very much. I think it's quite normal when you lose someone to think about them and be sad...:rolleyes:

[A kid at heart]

Which means you probably still need counseling or at the very least a support group. :rolleyes:

[JohnTBap]

You did a wonderful thing. I am sorry that you weren't supported on the anniversary of your giving the best gift a family will ever have.

{{{HUGS}}}

[Gail T AGAIN]

preshi, i am so sorry for your pain. Can I tell you my thoughts on this, if I was the one with you I dont think i would of said anything so I wouldn't hope bring on even more pain and hurt that you are feeling. I never walked in your shoes so i can't feel the pain, again I am so sorry. :D

[Kitty 34]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} to you, Preshi.

[C.Ann]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you - and no one recognizes your pain..

I was adopted as an infant myself and as difficult as it must have been, I always admired my birth mother for making such an unselfish decision.. Through an odd set of circumstances I eventually learned who she was and admired her even more because she was closely connected to my adoptive parents and had to sit back quietly and actually WATCH someone else raise me without saying a word.. I don't know if I could have been as courageous as she was..

You're a special person, preshi and I'm truly sorry that you have to feel this pain..

Hugs,
C.Ann

[Buckalew]

Preshi,
I am so sorry that they either "forgot" about it or that they maybe didn't know what to say for fear of you being upset. Of course, I think, you will always grieve on that day. I wouldn't expect to get over such a thing as giving up a child. Even though you knew she was better off etc. etc. it still must be painful. Like others said, it was the most selfless act you could have ever done--the greatest gift you could have ever given a couple who wanted to nuture her. I doubt all the couseling in this world could make you feel differently about your Lily.
Many {{{hugs}}} my friend.

[Kermit]

{{{Hugs}}} I'm so sorry. I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I imagine that it must be very painful. It is hard for people to know exactly how to help when they haven't been through the experience, but they should know that most people do like to talk about it when they've experienced any kind of loss.

I agree that you were probably very much in the minds of the people who adopted your sweet little girl. I'm sure that they think of you all the time, but especially on her birthday. You did a wonderful thing.

[GIGGLES266]

My heart goes out to you. It is always hard when an anniversary of this type rolls around. It truly was the ultimate act of love for your child. Have you considered starting a tradition for that day that would include your family and/or friends? Don't be afraid to let those close to you know what you need on that day. Hugs to you.

[janette]

{{{HUGS}}} to you. I agree with other's that the family your DD is in was thinking of you today. I can think of no other gift so wonderful than you have given them.

[ellyn2000]

It's often easier for people to say nothing when they're not sure just what words to use to comfort someone. A simple "I'm thinking of you today" would have probably helped you. I hope it's not too late. I will be thinking of you in the following days and hope your pain lessens with each anniversary. You are very brave and unselfish.

[smiley]

" I think it's quite normal when you lose someone to think about them and be sad..."


__________________

Preshi,

I definitely agree with you regarding it being quite normal to be sad about this situation, although I don't think it's fair of you to be "miffed" at them. Perhaps they forgot or more likely, they know it's a rough day for you they do not bring it up thinking it may cause you even more sorrow.

My mother gave a daughter up for adoption before I was born. I believe it was a selfless loving act. I know when my sister's birthdate is, although I have never said anything to my mother on that date. I have the utmost respect for my mother, and because of that I only choose to talk to her about her daughter when she brings the subject up (which, by the way, is only 3 times since I have been an adult).

"I am just so upset that no one thought enough to maybe think I was in pain..."

My personal opinion is that it's not fair for you to be upset with your loved ones for not mentioning it, especially if you haven't told them why you are feeling so bad.

I know my message may sound harsh, but I wouldn't feel right not being honest, since I'm in their shoes. Like I stated earlier, out of respect for my mother, I do not bring the subject up. I wait for her. Perhaps, out of respect, your loved ones are waiting for you too...:(

[shortbun]

I'm an Mom thru adoption too. I want you to know
that Lily's mom is thinking of you and loving
you for choosing not to parent Lily. All we adoptive
Moms know how brave and wonderful you
birthmoms are...it's a most courageous and
incredible thing you have done. I agree with
some of the posters who suggest you quietly
mention this day to your loved ones and ask
for their love and support especially on Lily's
birthday. Then next year-remind them that
the day is upon you and you'll need them a lot
that day. Sorry you experienced grief and
dissapointment on the same day this year-
just a suggestion but you might plan something
upbeat for next year and try to celebrate Lily's
birthday and her life a little
instead of centering so
much on the loss of her. I realize this might
not be possible for you. I don't mean to offend.
I wish you well and peace.
mimi

[Briar Rose 7457]

Originally posted by A kid at heart
Which means you probably still need counseling or at the very least a support group. :rolleyes:

perhaps you should not be so judgmental, Beverly.

even if you've dealt with the loss, Meagan, I'm sure the anniversary was a bittersweet occasion.

[A kid at heart]

I'm not Robin, but she obviously has a problem in dealing with this or she wouldn't have posted it!(they already know its me)

[Beauty]

Judgemental? Hello! I don't see telling some one they need a support group is judgemental. Support Groups of people who have been there and know what you are going through can help more than anything because they have been there.

Preshi,
I'm so sorry that no one remembered or said anything when you obviously needed them. We are always here if you need to talk though. {{{HUGS}}}

[Briar Rose 7457]

you don't think it's normal to grieve on such an occasion, Beverly? Meagan came here for support and comfort, not advice.

please don't hijack her thread.

[nuke]

I don't think Kid is doing the hijacking here. :rolleyes: And why are you judging her posts?

[Briar Rose 7457]

and Beauty, Meagan did n't say she was having trouble dealing with this -- only that she was sad on the anniversary of the child's birth. the first time Beverly brought up counselling, Meagan said she's been through counselling. there was no legit reason for Beverly to bring it up again.

{{{hugs}}} Meagan. don't let them start with you.

[A kid at heart]

She posted and I responded with my opinion. Sorry if you don't agree with me. Don't you have some Godiva waiting for you?

There is nothing wrong with going to more counseling or therapy or a support group. IF it didn't bother her then she wouldn't have had to vent about it.

[Beauty]

Why Songbird if I didn't know better I would think you were accusing some of us as being a "posse"


And if you don't want the thread hijacked why did you feel the need to post bait to begin with? Obviously the thread will end up being locked which doesn't help Meagan a bit now does it.

[A kid at heart]

Which means you probably still need counseling or at the very least a support group.

How is this so bad? it obviously bothers her, so then if she went to a SUPPORT group it might help her to deal with how she feels.
Thats what a support group does, it helps you.

[Briar Rose 7457]

why don't the two of you just grow up already?

sorry this went astray Meagan. :rolleyes:

[aahmom1]

Which means you probably still need counseling or at the very least a support group. :rolleyes:




It might be the little rolly eyes that did it BL. You're just a ball of sunshine today huh?

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. Sorry this was a tough day and that the people you love weren't there to help you through it :(

[aahmom1]

I can totally understand this being a hard day for you. Maybe the reason nobody said anything is because they didn't want to bring up a sore subject, I'm sure they know how hard it is for you. I'm sure it's probably a hard thing for your parents to remember too.

Don't listen to SOME people's rudeness, it really just shows the world what they're really like.

[A kid at heart]

I just did the roll eyes back. Not everyone will like what everyone else has to say. Thats what makes us each individuals. Everyone has that option of hitting that back button or the ignore feature.

I am just so upset that no one thought enough to maybe think I was in pain... ok she is upset by it, a support group would be there for her and help her to deal with it. What is so wrong with that?

[Briar Rose 7457]

:shakes head: sigh.

[Jenzebelle]

Meagan,
I'm sorry you felt forgotten today. Sometimes, even the people closest to you are a bit clueless when someone they love is needing extra support. I hope you had a better day after you posted this

Have you tried to talk to them about it? Hopefully next year will be easier :)

[A kid at heart]

Yes Mom whatever you say. :rolleyes:

[aahmom1]

Good, you got the idea.

[SuiteDisney]

Meagan, I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed. Do you think maybe people weren't sure what to do so they just did nothing? Maybe if you approach the people you depend on for support and bring up your daughter and how much you miss her then they'll share their feelings, too. It could be that they wanted to say something, but weren't sure how you would respond, so if you set the example they can follow your lead.

And you can always come here for (((hugs)))

[Briar Rose 7457]

I think that may be right, Laura.

[bumcat]

Preshi - I have a friend that had to give up her son over 30plus yrs ago. Every yr. she makes a small cake and sings happy birthday to him in private. It's her way of dealing with it.
It's good that you have been thru counseling that always helps but it doesn't stop the pain and sadness. I was in counseling for 4 yrs and I still grieve over things that happened 30 yrs ago. Grieving becomes a problem if it paralyzes you.
Only you know your family. If they are the type that never says anything (every yr.) then you will need to try and understand that that is just the way that they are. If they usually do say something then I too would not understand why they wouldn't say anything this year? Maybe some of them did pick up on the fact that you were grieving and thought it would make it worse if they said something?

[JasonLyons]

sorry, you deserve better consideration

[WillyJ]

Meagan my friend, I have said this to you before, but I'll say it again. . I admire you, and any woman who has made such a heart wrenching decision and selfless act for the good of their baby. . .

{{{{{hugs}}}} sweetie. . I think if you take the day off every year then those close to you should realize how tough it is and offer some comfort and support, but maybe they really don't know how too. . :(

I also think that anyone with a heart would feel some sadness and yearning on an anniversary like this. .

I don't think you need counseling my friend; I think some people need a lesson in compassion and manners; what in the world is the purpose of making such a cold remark to someone who is obviously hurting??? un-freaking-believeable. . . . :mad:

[GAIL HAYDEN]

preshi
This is the one time I can truly say I know how you feel. I have been there, done that and I know how much it hurts.
My family never mentioned it either, it was like it was just an event that if not mentioned would go away.
Later, when I had a family they knew the time was getting near and my emotions would take over, even when I was not aware.
They really never said much but went out of their way to be kind and considerate to me.
I am sorry for your loss and very sorry no one said anything to you on this day.
It is my sincere hope that one day you will see your child again, if that is what you want. I did and I have reunited with my daughter and it is a true joy.
I do hope the support you recieve here today helps.

[CookieGVB]

Sounds like you've gotten some good advice here. Don't sit there hurting that nobody's talking to you about it - tell them how you're feeling. I'm sure it wasn't intentional on your family's behalf - and that they were waiting for you to bring up the subject.

{{Hugs}} I know where you're coming from...in a way.

[Sharon A.]

My guess is they didn't realize what day it was or just didn't know whether or not to say anything. Did you try to say anything to them? Still, regardless of the reason, I'm sure it hurt to have to deal with the pain without their support.

Anyhow, I'd just like to add my opinion that what you're feeling and going through are very normal. Only someone without a heart wouldn't feel sad on such a day. Heck, I'm a little sad just thinking about how I'd feel if I were in your shoes. ;)

[Blondie]

Preshi, if you're still reading this, I'll tell you what my favorite sister-in-law does. She gave up a baby son when she was 17 years old. I was going out with her brother (now my DH) at the time. I felt that baby moving inside her belly, I watched as her tummy got bigger and bigger.

And when my mother (a nurse) called from the hospital to tell me that she had delivered, I cried and cried, because she was giving up that baby, and I could only imagine the pain she was going through.

Every year, on her son's birthday she writes a letter. It goes into the file that is open for him to track her down if he so desires.

She is hoping that one day there will be a knock at the door, and she'll look into his eyes and know who he is.

It hasn't happened yet, but one day, he just might look her up and come to say thank you for giving me a better life. He is 24 years old now.

And there are 24 years of letters waiting for him to read.

[Pam]

Meg,
Well, I'm going to give Lily a great big "Happy Birthday!" And I'm giving you a great big, industrial sized {{{{{{HUG}}}}}!!!!

Blondie,
What your SIL does is just so beautiful. Between Meg and your posts, I am sitting here with tears running down my face.

Pam

[preshi]

Ok I thought I responded to this thread but I had other things open as well so if someone gets a weird PM... uhhh that was me confused.

Blondie... that made me cry! Thank you for sharing it.

And thank you mostly everyone for your support it means alot to me :)

[minniepumpernickel]

Hugs to you! Take care!:D

[mamajoan]

my dear Meagan, Hon- you know how I feel about this.. {{HUGS}}

I just wanted to publicly say that I am finding most of this thread heartwarming. It is wonderful to know that many of you find a birthmother's act of giving a child TO adoption a selfless act.

I know this to be true. VERY TRUE.

Blondie, I found your sisters way of dealing with her son's birthday a fabulous way of dealing with her son's adoption.
I hope her dreams of a reunion with her son come true.

My dreams came true this summer. I have never been happier in my life.

[TennVolTony]

Hi Meg....you feel anyway you won't to feel. That's your right....I'm sorry you are having a tough time with this.....I agree with ya WillyJ........wrong thing to say.... :rolleyes:


Talk to ya soon Meg.....

[Beauty]

Meagan

I just wanted to apologize for my involvement in what happened earlier. I will be the first person to admit I was very wrong for replying the way I did, it did not belong on this thread. I am very sorry for your loss. Although not the same thing I have had 3 miscarriages, 1 at almost 5 months and it is still very very hard for me to think about. What you did was a very very selfless thing! {{{HUGS}}}

Blondie,

I think that was one of the most beautiful sentiments that I have ever heard.