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View Full Version : DBF NOT a fan, how do you handle it?


Mickeyflower
06-28-2011, 03:45 PM
Hello all: I recently discovered my DBF of 2 years, is not even willing to go to Disneyland or WDW. I can't seem to convince him that they are so much more than "Amusement Parks" I totally cringed :headache: when he said that too. He said "Convince me to spend the money to go there instead of Alaska or Greece" and as I tried to, he was rolling his eyes. So, to avoid an ugly fight, I dropped it.

It's clear to me that I am alone in my desire to revisit my favorite places on earth. My question is: How did any of you handle it when you found out that not only was your significant other NOT a fan, but had NO DESIRE to go there EVER. I knew he wasn't a fan when we started dating, but had no idea he would be so close minded about going.

I have a couple friends who would be willing to go with me, but I am very disappointed that he doesn't want to go with me.

roomthreeseventeen
06-28-2011, 04:29 PM
My husband is not a huge fan. He likes the Grand Floridian well enough, and some of the parades, but he is never in a rush to go down to Orlando.

The reason he does it is that it's important to me. We go lots of other places, too. We just went to Cooperstown, we're going to the Poconos, Canada, Europe next summer, etc. It's a trade off.

The one thing I can tell you is that you definitely do not want to go if he's going to be miserable about it. Far better to go with your friends and have a great time.

*NikkiBell*
06-28-2011, 04:32 PM
It has taken me awhile to come to the realization that some people were just not born with the "Disney gene" and that is okay. If your partner does not want to go, what is stopping you? :) Go alone or with friends. I strongly believe that WDW should be experienced with a multitude of people, not just one.

Speaking personally, I am SO incredibly glad that I made sure to experience WDW without my ex (we did go together as well). If I didn't, I would have a very difficult time going back there now that we are no longer together. I am not saying that this will happen to you, but its my experience and just drives home the fact that it's okay for you to go without him. :)

NancyIL
06-28-2011, 04:33 PM
I think it's great that he is willing to go to Alaska and Greece!

My husband isn't a big Disney fan, so I usually go to WDW (and Disneyland) SOLO. If your bf won't agree to go with you - go with your friends. When he sees that it's important enough to you that you'd go without him, maybe he will be willing to give it a try some day.

OKW Lover
06-28-2011, 04:34 PM
How about striking a compromise? One year you vacation where he wants, the next year you vacation where you want.

Mickeyflower
06-28-2011, 04:51 PM
Didn't think about alternating vacations, that's a good idea. I am hoping that he will give in and go someday with me. I guess I was just surprised that he wasn't even the least bit willing. I pointed out to him that I have tried things (camping, watching Duke basketball) that I wasn't thrilled about either, but I did because I love him. He got a very guilty look on his face LOL. But I told him I didn't want him to go because I think he'd be a sour puss the entire time. His response, "You're probably right"

NancyIL
06-28-2011, 04:54 PM
But I told him I didn't want him to go because I think he'd be a sour puss the entire time. His response, "You're probably right"
There's your answer: Leave him home!

SamSam
06-28-2011, 05:46 PM
I like the idea of alternating years. Who knows, he may actually find he likes going. If he doesn't and is no fun when you're there, then start going without him.

Mickeyflower
06-28-2011, 05:51 PM
I will definitely be going without him. It is still pretty disappointing though.

Allison
06-28-2011, 05:53 PM
DH has no desire to go anymore.

I've gone with friends several times, took one of my kids before and I'll probably go solo at some point.

Alztybrn
06-28-2011, 05:56 PM
~edited :)

There's your answer: Leave him!

NancyIL
06-28-2011, 06:01 PM
~edited :)

I hope others notice that you left out the word "home"! :lmao:

djblu883
06-28-2011, 06:02 PM
How about mentioning GOLF, Fishing, all kinds of water sports???? Braves baseball practice, racecar driving....just a food for thought...and thinking of food: Food and Wine Festival!!!!:flower3:



Hello all: I recently discovered my DBF of 2 years, is not even willing to go to Disneyland or WDW. I can't seem to convince him that they are so much more than "Amusement Parks" I totally cringed :headache: when he said that too. He said "Convince me to spend the money to go there instead of Alaska or Greece" and as I tried to, he was rolling his eyes. So, to avoid an ugly fight, I dropped it.

It's clear to me that I am alone in my desire to revisit my favorite places on earth. My question is: How did any of you handle it when you found out that not only was your significant other NOT a fan, but had NO DESIRE to go there EVER. I knew he wasn't a fan when we started dating, but had no idea he would be so close minded about going.

I have a couple friends who would be willing to go with me, but I am very disappointed that he doesn't want to go with me.

dansyr2514
06-28-2011, 06:35 PM
I know what your feeling. DBF is not a fan either. He does go but he is not a parks fan. I compromise and do every other day a park day. We eat at the nicer places and he lives with it and might even have fun..although he will never admit it.
However, if he said he would never go...it might be a dealbreaker for me.

poohbearwithme
06-28-2011, 07:36 PM
My DH refuses to go also...so I go without him and go with friends or family that does. Do you really want to go to Disney with someone who really doesn't want to be there? You know it's more than a Theme Park but can't convince otherwise, trust me been there done that!!! I tried the videos, books, the vacation DVD Disney sends and even websites to convince him otherwise...no luck. Finally after going twice without him my family is planning a trip next year and he wants (or should I say willing) to talk about going along. He may not go to the Parks but he will be on Disney Property...that's a huge step trust me. So my advice back-off and go without him, and maybe one day after seeing how important it is to you, that maybe enough to get him to tag-along.

Cin
06-28-2011, 08:11 PM
I have the same problem. My DH knew from the first date I was a Disneyholic, and he even gave me a stuffed Tigger on our first date. Sooo fast forward 10 years and I insisted that for our 10 year anniversary from our first date that he take me to meet the real Tigger. He did and he grumbled pretty much the whole trip and we had a marital moment day 3 and I ended up at the parks alone for rope drop, while he stayed behind sleeping in or whatever. We finally worked it out so that I got up went to the parks for rope drop and did my thing and then we would meet up for lunch go to the resort and do what he wanted and return to the park in the evening and he would join me in the parks for a couple of hours to ride whatever FP's I had picked up and then leave. He did enjoy DHS very much and we ended up staying there all day!!! That was the only park he stayed more than 3 hours in. So now fast forward to us getting home and him telling me he was never going to Disney again, I better find someone else to accompany me. Then out of the blue he tells me, "That Disney man was a genius", and he wants to go back and stay at the AKL and he wants to golf and he wants to do the Richard Petty nascar experience and lay at the pool and fish and just rest and relax. I think he secretly enjoyed being pampered by the Disney resorts and it was his first "real" vacation ever in his life. He admits now he just didn't know how to not be in charge and he is used to taking control and not letting someone else do things for him. Now he says he wants to go back as long as he doesn't have to do the parks. He thinks they are for little kids. Especially MK, which is my favorite! But, (and don't tell anyone) but he was practically hopping skipping and jumping and grinning ear to ear when we got on the Pirates of the Caribbean. I got him to ride it twice! And Splash mountain he enjoyed with me too. I was really scared to ride on Splash Mountain as I have bad motion sensitivity issues, so he rode the first time with me to "protect and take care of me" and the second time because he liked it. He even pulled out his phone and took video of the ride the 2nd time! I don't expect him to really go back to the parks much again, but he surprised me the other day and played a Disneyworld show he found on Netflix and while we were watching he saw the Electrical Parade and Wishes and a few other things and he said, "Hey why didn't we do that?!!!" :headache:ummm... I bit my tongue and smiled smugly. :rolleyes1Next time honey.
I kind of kept my sweetie supplied with Margaritas during the trip and tried to find guy things for him to enjoy and not so many girlie things so I kept out of the shops for the most part and led him to all the thrill rides. He loved Rock n Rollercoaster and rode it over and over and over. He enjoyed Downtown Disney and the musicians and artists performing live there. We stayed on property at ASM but it sort of screams Disney too much for him so our next trip will be a split at AKL (his pick) and WL or Fort Wilderness cabins. Good luck with your non Disney lover. I got lucky that Disney magic and pixie dust landed on mine so he at least is willing to return. Even though he was so grumpy the entire trip and I couldn't tell he was having fun. :cool2:

FireDancer
06-28-2011, 09:30 PM
While I get that Disney isn't for everyone I do find the inability of people to compromise a bit odd. I like active travel. My idea of vacation is to bike Tuscany or Provance and stuff like that. I even try to incorporate races into trips I take to different cities and to Disney. I have no desire to go anywhere and sit on a beach for a week. A day or two maybe but not a week. If I dated someone who wanted to do that I'd suck it up and take a couple of beach vacations and I'm sure she would suck it up and take some active vacations.

When you care about people you do things you don't want to do sometimes and try to be supportive. I think someone dating or marrying a Disney fan would be the same and hopefully that Disney fan is just as willing to compromise and go other places. I think we all have deal breakers in a relationship but I would be concerned with the lack of compromising (and the underlying communication issues most likely involved) then their lack of a Disney gene.

Mickeyflower
06-29-2011, 12:59 AM
First of all, it is NOT absolutely NOT a deal breaker that he does not have the love or like even for Disney that I do. In my opinion, it is very shallow to dump someone because they don't want to go to Disney with me. He definitely respects my love for Disney, he shakes is head a little but that's okay with me. I do the same with his love for Duke basketball, wrestling, and other boy things he loves. If he turned intolerant of it, then we'd have a problem.

We have amazing communication. This was just a very tiny bump in our road. By no means is it insurmountable. I think by doing what several of you have suggested and leave him home and go and have a good time with others, is the way to go. Maybe I will eventually slip a little pixie dust on his head :cutie: and he'll join me. As long as he doesn't forbid me to go, we are okay.:love:

lisaisanurse
06-29-2011, 01:32 AM
DH does NOT like Disney either, to be honest, we both don't feel it's a vacation, rather it's a trip but we do go every other year to assist my family (brothe in a w/c). We do have fun, none the less but we don't spend a lot of time in the parks, we do DXDP, we do a lot on the boardwalk area...we are NEVER in the park in the afternoon past 12N (unless we are finishing up lunch). DH stocks up on his cigars, his favorite wines and enjoys the pool for several hours in the afternoons...DH is going on 2 days of bass fishing, 6 hours each day! We are going 12 days so we take our TIME and we DO NOT RUSH, we don't do any rope drops, we see the things we didnt see the last time............it works out quite well. We always eat together as a family, we meet up for meals (most of the times). So, it's a compromise.........................(although it appears DH is getting the better deal, lol.. not really, he is the best thing that ever happened to me and he does for me in return NO DOUBT!

P.S. We are staying at the Fort Wilderness Cabins, on the DXDP...he likes that idea!

DisneyKevin
06-29-2011, 06:37 AM
Hello all: I recently discovered my DBF of 2 years, is not even willing to go to Disneyland or WDW. I can't seem to convince him that they are so much more than "Amusement Parks" I totally cringed :headache: when he said that too. He said "Convince me to spend the money to go there instead of Alaska or Greece" and as I tried to, he was rolling his eyes. So, to avoid an ugly fight, I dropped it.

It's clear to me that I am alone in my desire to revisit my favorite places on earth. My question is: How did any of you handle it when you found out that not only was your significant other NOT a fan, but had NO DESIRE to go there EVER. I knew he wasn't a fan when we started dating, but had no idea he would be so close minded about going.

I have a couple friends who would be willing to go with me, but I am very disappointed that he doesn't want to go with me.

While I get that Disney isn't for everyone I do find the inability of people to compromise a bit odd. I like active travel. My idea of vacation is to bike Tuscany or Provance and stuff like that. I even try to incorporate races into trips I take to different cities and to Disney. I have no desire to go anywhere and it on a beach for a week. A day or two maybe but not a week. If I dated someone who wanted to do that I'd suck it up and take a couple of beach vacations and I'm sure she would suck it up and take some active vacations.

When you care about people you do things you don't want to do sometimes and try to be supportive. I think someone dating or marrying a Disney fan would be the same and hopefully that Disney fan is just as willing to compromise and go other places. I think we all have deal breakers in a relationship but I would be concerned with the lack of compromising (and the underlying communication issues most likely involved) then their lack of a Disney gene.

First of all, it is NOT absolutely NOT a deal breaker that he does not have the love or like even for Disney that I do. In my opinion, it is very shallow to dump someone because they don't want to go to Disney with me. He definitely respects my love for Disney, he shakes is head a little but that's okay with me. I do the same with his love for Duke basketball, wrestling, and other boy things he loves. If he turned intolerant of it, then we'd have a problem.

We have amazing communication. This was just a very tiny bump in our road. By no means is it insurmountable. I think by doing what several of you have suggested and leave him home and go and have a good time with others, is the way to go. Maybe I will eventually slip a little pixie dust on his head :cutie: and he'll join me. As long as he doesn't forbid me to go, we are okay.:love:

I dont see where anyone suggested that you dump anyone.

I see a relationship issue when you tell us that he refuses to discuss it or rolls his eyes when you talk to him about it.

For a relationship to survive, you have to be willing to compromise. If he wont compromise or even consider this....what will be the next thing that he roll his eyes about?

No one is required to love and / or visit Disney, but when their significant other suggests that it's something important to him / her...it should be at least important enough to discuss.

Again....I'm not suggesting that you dump him, but I'd definitely see this as a red flag.

OKW Lover
06-29-2011, 07:03 AM
If it turns out that you plan future vacations to WDW without him, try to time them to coincide with one of the various DIS events. That way you'll be with a lot of similarly minded folks that you can have fun with.

The next big one is December.

Cherinva
06-29-2011, 07:30 AM
I'd just go with friends or family and leave him at home...maybe someday he will change his mind and go with you.

Mary Jo
06-29-2011, 05:47 PM
If it turns out that you plan future vacations to WDW without him, try to time them to coincide with one of the various DIS events. That way you'll be with a lot of similarly minded folks that you can have fun with.

The next big one is December.

::yes:: This is a great suggestion. :)

Mickeyflower
06-29-2011, 07:00 PM
Man oh man there is nothing I'd love more than to go to a Dis meet in December. Sadly though, I've been unemployed for a year and a half so it will have to wait. Someday I'll get to go! :goodvibes

It is a good suggestion too!

JenniBugInPink
06-30-2011, 10:01 AM
Didn't think about alternating vacations, that's a good idea. I am hoping that he will give in and go someday with me. I guess I was just surprised that he wasn't even the least bit willing. I pointed out to him that I have tried things (camping, watching Duke basketball) that I wasn't thrilled about either, but I did because I love him. He got a very guilty look on his face LOL. But I told him I didn't want him to go because I think he'd be a sour puss the entire time. His response, "You're probably right"
It's not the fact that he doesn't like Disney that would concern me. It's the fact that he doesn't seem the least bit interested in YOUR happiness that sends up a HUGE RED FLAG for me. I'm an old lady, and I've been around a whole lot of blocks. You've been willing to do things because you loved him. You understand the concept. He doesn't even want to contemplate the idea of doing something that means a great deal to you - not even once - not under any circumstances. He doesn't even want to discuss it. Period. This is not a good thing, and does not bode well for the future.

While I get that Disney isn't for everyone I do find the inability of people to compromise a bit odd. I like active travel. My idea of vacation is to bike Tuscany or Provance and stuff like that. I even try to incorporate races into trips I take to different cities and to Disney. I have no desire to go anywhere and sit on a beach for a week. A day or two maybe but not a week. If I dated someone who wanted to do that I'd suck it up and take a couple of beach vacations and I'm sure she would suck it up and take some active vacations.

When you care about people you do things you don't want to do sometimes and try to be supportive. I think someone dating or marrying a Disney fan would be the same and hopefully that Disney fan is just as willing to compromise and go other places. I think we all have deal breakers in a relationship but I would be concerned with the lack of compromising (and the underlying communication issues most likely involved) then their lack of a Disney gene.
Yeah, what FireDancer said in red especially.

First of all, it is NOT absolutely NOT a deal breaker that he does not have the love or like even for Disney that I do. In my opinion, it is very shallow to dump someone because they don't want to go to Disney with me. It's not that he doesn't love Disney. That's not what we're worried about. It's that he's being mighty firm about not compromising about something that you care very much about. Hey, it's a few days in Florida at a hotel - nobody ever died from it, and this early in a relationship he's not even gonna' consider it? Worrisome. He definitely respects my love for Disney, he shakes is head a little but that's okay with me. I do the same with his love for Duke basketball, wrestling, and other boy things he loves. If he turned intolerant of it, then we'd have a problem. Intolerance of anything is cause for more than a problem. "Tolerance" and "Permission" are words that should never, ever come up in a relationship.

We have amazing communication. He seems very able to tell you what he will and won't do. Now, let's think forward to the future...imagine you've taken a trip down the aisle. There could be kids. What other things that he doesn't love might he not be willing to do? No Disney trip with the kiddos? Diaper distasteful - no on those too. Maybe he doesn't even like kids? Playing might not be all that interesting either unless they're boys who can do sports. Rigidity can be difficult to deal with. This was just a very tiny bump in our road. By no means is it insurmountable. I'm sorry, but I don't think it's tiny, nor do I think it's a bump. I think by doing what several of you have suggested and leave him home and go and have a good time with others, is the way to go. Maybe I will eventually slip a little pixie dust on his head :cutie: and he'll join me. As long as he doesn't forbid me to go, we are okay.:love: No one has forbidden me to do anything in the last 35 years or so. I hope you don't think that is even a remote possibility. I am sure you will think that I'm being overly dramatic. I'm sure that you think that this isn't that big of a deal. But really, please think about it. Maybe he compromises on a lot of other issues and those of us that are concerned just don't know that. If that's the case, great! But if it's not, at least you will have been warned. We just don't want you to get into a situation where you'll be hurt even worse in the long run. :hug:

I dont see where anyone suggested that you dump anyone.

I see a relationship issue when you tell us that he refuses to discuss it or rolls his eyes when you talk to him about it.

For a relationship to survive, you have to be willing to compromise. If he wont compromise or even consider this....what will be the next thing that he roll his eyes about?

No one is required to love and / or visit Disney, but when their significant other suggests that it's something important to him / her...it should be at least important enough to discuss.

Again....I'm not suggesting that you dump him, but I'd definitely see this as a red flag.
Yeah, and what Kevin said, too. He's been around several blocks as well, I bet.

tjevans
06-30-2011, 12:34 PM
It's not his disinterest in Disney that should concern you. . .

It's his love for Duke! :scared1: :rotfl2:

Mickeyflower
06-30-2011, 02:29 PM
It's not his disinterest in Disney that should concern you. . .

It's his love for Duke! :scared1: :rotfl2:


Oh LAWDY you have no idea! :rotfl2: He has an ENTIRE ROOM dedicated to Duke!

I don't have a Disney room, I do in my head though:rotfl:. Disney stuff is a snich more expensive than his Duke stuff though.

Stacy's a freak
06-30-2011, 02:42 PM
Honey, if you went CAMPING (yikes!) he can at least go to WDW or DL!!

But in all seriousness, if your partner isn't even willing to think about the idea of it - especially as you noted, you are in not in a position for a trip right now due to financial concerns - then you need to have a bit of a sit-down with him to discuss the need for compromise in a relationship :thumbsup2

Mickeyflower
06-30-2011, 02:50 PM
I don't know how to do partial quotes, so I will sum as best as I can.

The warnings and concern from everyone is extremely touching :love: and, rather surprising. I know it's difficult to try and figure out things from a few words on a screen, but to put everyone's mind at ease, I will do my best to explain.

DBF is very loving and both of us are adjusting to being in a long term relationship for, really the first time. (I'm 39, he's 44). We both have dated in our lives, but until we met each other, had ZERO INTEREST in keeping anything long term around (There are of course, deeper more private issues to that, which I will not go into). Neither one of us have, or want children. He come from a small family, just his mother and brother. I come from a very large, involved, always having large family dinners on EVERY HOLIDAY type of situation. He has been coming to family functions with me, when I tell him it's important to me, and he is EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE doing so, because he's not use to it. He does it because I ask him to.

We've been together for almost 2 years, and are taking things in our relationship at a pace that is comfortable for both of us. We have no immediate plans to live together just yet. Some people think we are moving at a snails pace, but it's a pace that works for us.

He knew I was a Disney fan from the start, but I don't think he realized the depth until recently. :scared1: It can be a lot to swallow. He not uncompromising in the least. I tell him when things are very important to me, and he does it. He (and I am the same way) does not like being told he HAS to do something. Yes, I would love to go to Disneyland with him, I could show him how amazing it is through my eyes. I'm sure eventually he will join me.

I hope this gives you all a little insight into DBF. I don't want him coming across as a rigid, stiff, does only what he wants type of person. I guess I could have explained it better in my opening post, but I was trying to keep it short.

ashleighbass06
06-30-2011, 07:48 PM
My fiancee is a Disney resister so I know how you're feeling. Unfortunately, I have not converted him yet, so I don't have any tips for you. Just make friends who enjoy Disney as much as you do and go have fun with them...and send him the pictures of you enjoying yourself!

When I got DF in the parks he said he loved seeing how happy it made me, so if you can ever get DBF in the parks, maybe he'll realize how important it is to you! Good luck! :goodvibes

skinnietink
07-02-2011, 01:18 PM
This question made me think back. When I was in my early 20's I had a boyfriend that I had asked to go to Disney World with me. He declined because he had no interest in going. I was nowhere near the Disney Freak I am now, but I must have sensed something, because I decided that I could not spend my life with someone who had no interest in Disney World and dumped him before I left for my trip. I went with my sister and some other girlfriends, we had a blast, especially because Pleasure Island was hopping at that time. I am now in my early 40's married to a Disney lover.

wishspirit
07-02-2011, 03:59 PM
He knew I was a Disney fan from the start, but I don't think he realized the depth until recently. :scared1: It can be a lot to swallow.

I agree with this. I was very gentle with my boyfriend at first about how much I like Disney, but soon it all came tumbling out! He did think it was odd for a while (especially since he had never been himself at that point) and wasn't quite sure how to take it.

However after our first trip (that wasn't quite hiccup-less! I am so used to touring with my mom who just 'gets it', I had forgotten I needed to change my plans for a newbie. :headache: He was still extremely accommodating, and even turned up to a Dis-meet!) he now at least gets why I like it, and is willing to go back. I've agreed that it won't be every year, because I want to try lots of different things too.

We've been together for 6 1/2 years now (we still aren't living together either, but that's because life and education keep getting in the way) and I do think it takes time for the idea of living with a Disney obsessive to sink in a bit!

Mickeyflower
07-02-2011, 05:08 PM
I do bring up going to WDW and he seems a tid more open to going the more I talk about what else is there and why you need 7 days. He said he'd be open to going if we can do other things while in FL. I said ABSOLUTLY, there is Kennedy Space Center to go to, I'd LOVE to go there, and GatorLand. Plus I said we would not be in parks all day everyday. I think he is getting a little more open to going. Of course, this won't be happening for a few years, which is okay with me. I live in CA and still have resources to go to DL, like my nice and grand-niece who would LOVE to go. Of course, grand-niece is only 1 1/2 :rotfl: but I gotta get that Disney-gene planted early!!!:banana::rotfl2:

simmons_m
07-02-2011, 08:21 PM
How 'bout this approach.
Where else can you enjoy a drink in 11 different countries in one night?
Where else can you eat in a tropical environment one nite and next to a savanna the next?
Where else can you camp on one shore and stay at a resort that resembles the hotel del coronado a day later?
Where else can you ride back seat in an Indy car one day, and ride a hot sir balloon the next?
There is something for almost everyone, and I bet march madness at or around the espn club might be pretty cool.
Good luck. One of our favorite things to do is tour the hotels and eat great food.
Best,
Mike

miralys
07-05-2011, 07:54 AM
First, I think it shows poor judgement on his part to not even go with you at least once. That's what a relationship is about, is compromise. If it's important to you, it really won't kill him to go at least once.

I despise fishing (SO BORING) but DBF loves it, so I suck it up once in a while and accompany him. It makes him happy and allows us to spend time together.

In return, he attends a convention or sci-fi event with me a few times a year, even though the massive crowds and geek-fest atmosphere make him uncomfortable.

The rest of the year, we each do our own things on our own. Separate time is important as well, and we never feel forced to participate in activities we don't enjoy. Maybe it's not as ideal as being with someone who shares all the same interests, but it works.

15isto2
07-05-2011, 09:30 AM
There's your answer: Leave him home!

Or just leave him :confused3

Mickeyflower
07-05-2011, 10:02 PM
Or just leave him :confused3

Uuuhhhh No. Not an option