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View Full Version : OT: Facing a tough decision


Bunch24
06-25-2011, 04:03 PM
Hello fellow DisDads. I'm coming to you today because I'm facing a really tough decision, one that will impact my life and more importantly, my family, greatly.

Without putting you guys to sleep with boring details, basically I'm being offered an opportunity to move to a new job. The move would be somewhat of a lateral move, but to a bigger paper. I'd be in a bigger city, with greater opportunities.

Sounds good, right? Well, the problem is that I've never left home. I've lived in this general area my entire life. This move would take us only 5-6 hours away, but it would take us to a completely different culture with completely new people. My kids are 7 and 4, so it would also take them away from their grandparents, one set in which they're very close and spend just about every weekend there.

Truth be told, I'm scared as hell. I feel like a fresh start in a new place may be what we need. Things have gotten pretty stale here and certain family relationships are starting to become strained.

So many concerns litter my head that I sometimes have to just stop thinking about it for fear of a migraine. Just the idea of moving, having to try to sell our house (which is an issue all together), finding a new place there, finding a job for my wife, finding a place for our kids to go to school/pre-K.

The job will be different also, but I feel like I'll be able to handle that change the easiest. I don't know anybody there, so cultivating sources will be difficult at first, but I've been doing this long enough to make a quick transition.

There are pluses to the move, though. I know I'm probably making it sound like it's a horrible move. It's a nice place to live, it's a beach community and the schools there are all very nice, for the most part. And the best part? We'd be Florida residents and only 5-6 hours from Disney World. :banana:

Anyway, what say you DisDads? Have any of you faced the scenario of uprooting your entire family to a completely new place? How did you handle it? What did you learn from the experience? Did you regret it?

I have so many questions, so many concerns and I just felt the need to put them out there. If you're not comfortable responding here, feel free to send me a PM.

Thanks in advance. :goodvibes

Cinderella's Fella
06-25-2011, 04:47 PM
Brady, been there done that. Did it again.

We moved from California to Southern Illinois when our DD's were 13 and 10. Then 4 years later we moved to Maryland. Quite a culture shock. Boy can I tell you stories. But what I leaned was by moving away from our extended families gave us four, a stronger family bond. For the most part is was just the four of us for birthdays, holidays ect. And we found that we like it, none of those dreaded family events where someone ends up crying. I also found that we had to rely on ourselves to do things. Before if something broke, I would call my Pop and over he would come to help/fix it. 2000 miles was a little to far to come and help, so I figured out how to do it ourselves. Yes, We missed being with family for the holidays, but you know, we enjoyed just being with us.

And now, well if we hadn't move my girls would not have met their Prince Charming's and we would not have the beautiful grandchildren that we love.

Brady, is your relationship with your wife strong? That is all you really need. Together, you two can do anything!

Mrmrezg
06-25-2011, 05:02 PM
As a boat captain, a can pretty much live any where that I'd like. I am able to avoid having my work dictate where I live. However, back in 2000, when the Mrs. Enlisted in the Army we moved to D.C. For a few years. Until that time I'd alway lived in Louisiana and did not have a problem moving out of state. When we first got to D.C. I had a tough time fitting in and hated it. After we were there about nine months or so I started hanging around at a local dive shop and made a few friends. This made living there more enjoyable. When the Mrs. ETSed (finished her time in the army) we moved back home. That time away made me realize how much I loved living in Louisiana and the Cajun culture. They don't have crawfish boils up there. that's not to say I will never leave again.
In reading your post, I get the impression that you are in favor of the move. I would say that you should go for it you can always move back after trying it out.

On a side note, I too have been thinking about moving to Florida.

theduck619
06-25-2011, 07:19 PM
First of all I think you are doing it right by thinking of your family first. We moved 3 1/2 hours away from my wife's family and it helped us grow stronger. It also keeps us out of all the petty gossip and grievances that seem to always be happening. I know we don't shove our beliefs on others but trust in God and if this is right, then He will take care of you and your family.

plutoplanet
06-25-2011, 08:00 PM
I wouldn't do it. It might be goodnfor you're job but you are leaving your home and family and everything you know and have behind, and I just don't think a better job or more money is worth it. Your taking your wife and kids from home too, the only home your kids know. And they will lose heir grandparents because 5-6 hours can make a big difference in the length and amount of visits..you can say we won't let tha happen but you cannot garuntee that it won't. The kids might be switching school and also leaving friends. They probably will make new friends but that's not garunteed either; and they won't be the friends they have now. Also when they switch schools the new school might be in a different place in terms of how far they've gone in reading,!math etc and at those early ages it seems like a disruption in the flownof the curriculum could really mess them up long term.
I am saying this because I have a best friend who's a girl who was moved around that age, same distance away from the grandparents too. I mean she is fine, but she will still say today how that move changed her world and her life and her family and not in a good way.
I can't be objective about moving- I think it is almost never a good idea..sorry

plutoplanet
06-25-2011, 10:03 PM
I read my post and was worried I sound mean in it. What I should realize is everyone experiences are different. You could move and it could end up being even better than where you live now. You never know. I guess what I wrote is just some reasons why it might not be good, but that doesn't mean it CAN'T be good. Good luck

Bunch24
06-26-2011, 12:23 AM
Thanks for all the responses. As I've said, I'm really conflicted on this. It's not a super-huge promotion, as far as stepping up the ladder. It's the same company and if I make more, it'll only be a couple thousand more a year. The perks of living near the beach and being closer to Disney, honestly, are bigger than the the job move.

My wife is my rock and I guess I'm her rockhead. She keeps me centered and balanced, so I know that together, we will definitely be able to make it work. And I've been told the same thing about moving away makes the bond that much stronger.

And what pluto says makes perfect sense and that's one of my biggest concerns. I hate taking the kids away from what they know, but I think kids are more resilient than we give them credit. I'd be willing to bet I'll miss home longer than they do. :rotfl:

Mrmrezg, we're in the heart of Cajun country, so as you know, that's a big part of our life. I'd have to bring my Community Coffee and my Tony's and Tabasco sauce. Good thing is it's Florida, so I think they at least know what a gumbo is supposed to look like. :stir:

BigTex71
06-26-2011, 12:26 AM
You had me at "only 5-6 hours from Disney World". :rotfl2:

Seriously, moving can be a very good thing. I was an Air Force brat growing up and I look back at the different places we lived as being a huge part of making me the man I am today. To be traveled (not necessarily world traveled) is to get a taste of other 'cultures'. Though you will not be traveling a great distance for the move, you will be able to show your family something other than the same thing that they have gotten so used to. I found living in other places helped me learn more about others and learn about diversity.

It is a big decision, and many other factors must be weighed. Hopefully you will get at least some type of compensation for selling your house and buying a new one in your new area. The fees and deposits for moving really add up, so be sure to incorporate and expect those in your decision making. You could stand to lose a lot of money if it is a lateral move with no relocation 'bonus'.

So, as you know, there are good points and bad points. You have to set up your own scale for weighing each factor. If the pros outweigh the cons, I would do the move. And being a Florida resident (no state taxes, Disney discounts) and being a relatively quick drive to The World would be heavy pros for me. :thumbsup2 :lmao:

Mrmrezg
06-26-2011, 05:52 AM
If you move, do it after we have a Cajun Disdad meet? Aye-EEE!! where's the ice chest babe?

Cinderella's Fella
06-26-2011, 07:39 AM
If you move, do it after we have a Cajun Disdad meet? Aye-EEE!! where's the ice chest babe?

You have ice chests in LA? We had them in CA, but here in MD they're just coolers.

Bunch24
06-26-2011, 01:10 PM
You have ice chests in LA? We had them in CA, but here in MD they're just coolers.

Of course we have ice chests, where else would we put the crawfish after we finish boiling them? :confused3 :rotfl:

AirGoofy
06-26-2011, 05:33 PM
My kids are 7 and 4, so it would also take them away from their grandparents, one set in which they're very close and spend just about every weekend there. Truth be told, I'm scared as hell.

Personally, I want to move to Florida, preferably just to live in the castle at MK. Fear can be a great motivator or paralyzer. Only you can decide which it is here.

As to the other points, I have no family in my area, but DW has all her family, which is why we live here. I can't stand some of them, but do my best as it makes them happy. As for the money, I had picked up a second job making around $3500 extra a year. It was nice income, but I lost most of my free time with my children. So, I quit. I like that you are considering your children. While children are resilient and people move out of necessity, I think it is easier on them to move them at certain points in time. Thus, moving a 7 year old after 1st/ 2nd grade much better than moving children before their freshman year of high school.

I wish you the best of luck in your decision. My advice - pray about it with your wife (and I will say prayers as well).

DisneyFed
06-26-2011, 10:43 PM
I did it to step up to this job...

I did not do it when it involved a job with a well known 3 letter agency but required a significant pay cut, pay grade reduction, and loss of professional control...

If the price you have to pay is more than you're willing to pay (figuratively), then pass...

tutter99
06-27-2011, 03:08 PM
Mrmrezg, we're in the heart of Cajun country, so as you know, that's a big part of our life. I'd have to bring my Community Coffee and my Tony's and Tabasco sauce. Good thing is it's Florida, so I think they at least know what a gumbo is supposed to look like. :stir:

By Tony's are you referring to Chachere?

theduck619
06-27-2011, 03:15 PM
I did it to step up to this job...

I did not do it when it involved a job with a well known 3 letter agency but required a significant pay cut, pay grade reduction, and loss of professional control...

If the price you have to pay is more than you're willing to pay (figuratively), then pass...

Hence, how you can pay for the spinning rims on your boat :lmao:

Andrew78
06-27-2011, 03:30 PM
I would ask by moving are you at least being offered more more money? You said it was a lateral move, so the best advice I would give is that if it is a significantly higher salary, or at least an excellent oppurtunity for one, I would do it.

I am with you in that the thought of trying to move, sell a house, find a new one, find school, can just make you not want to deal with the extra headaches. But in the end I would move my family to wherever the best oppurtunity for me was and assuming it was a place I could see us all living happily in.

As for the family they will still them but of course not as much , but in the end it will be up to both sides to do their best to make the effort.

Mrmrezg
06-28-2011, 05:06 AM
By Tony's are you referring to Chachere?

Yes, that's what he means, down here everyone calls it "tony's" and we put it on everything. I've even had it on ice cream.

tutter99
06-28-2011, 07:52 AM
Yes, that's what he means, down here everyone calls it "tony's" and we put it on everything. I've even had it on ice cream.

I work with Tony's grandson, DW and I were in New Orleans before Katrina on vacation and we headed down to Avery Island and Opelousas. We got the behind the scenes tour of the Chachere factory, it was kind of funny, everyone else in the factory was wearing respirators with full face shields and they gave us those little white hospital masks.

DisneyFed
06-28-2011, 09:23 AM
Hence, how you can pay for the spinning rims on your boat :lmao:

Those were already paid for...:rotfl2:

Bunch24
06-29-2011, 01:04 AM
I work with Tony's grandson, DW and I were in New Orleans before Katrina on vacation and we headed down to Avery Island and Opelousas. We got the behind the scenes tour of the Chachere factory, it was kind of funny, everyone else in the factory was wearing respirators with full face shields and they gave us those little white hospital masks.

Chances are, I know him. I'm originally from that area and knew a lot of Chachere's growing up. My friend lived literally in the factory's back yard.

As for a little update on the original subject of the thread, I've gone forward with the process and we're taking it slow. My wife has applied for jobs there and we've begun looking at apartments/rentals. And on Thursday, we'll meet with a realtor to see if we can sell our house.

That, right there, I believe will be the biggest hurdle. My wife is a teacher, a very good teacher, and I think she'll have no problem getting a job. She's sold on the move now, also. She's looked at the pros and cons and believes the move will be best for our family.

It's all going to come down to if we can sell this house. It's a manufactured home, which they say are like boats, so I'm worried about that. It needs a few minor repairs that I've put off because I'm always working. The lot is nice (two mature Oaks and a pretty big yard). The question is, can it sell in the timetable we're faced with now? I know for a fact we can't afford two house notes at one time. So, if this house doesn't sell, we can't move.

Has anybody ever used or heard of someone who used one of those "quick buy" services that purchase your homes quickly? That would be last resort type stuff, but it's something we're considering if we feel like this move is going to be better in the long run.

AJRitz
06-29-2011, 01:14 AM
Chances are, I know him. I'm originally from that area and knew a lot of Chachere's growing up. My friend lived literally in the factory's back yard.

As for a little update on the original subject of the thread, I've gone forward with the process and we're taking it slow. My wife has applied for jobs there and we've begun looking at apartments/rentals. And on Thursday, we'll meet with a realtor to see if we can sell our house.

That, right there, I believe will be the biggest hurdle. My wife is a teacher, a very good teacher, and I think she'll have no problem getting a job. She's sold on the move now, also. She's looked at the pros and cons and believes the move will be best for our family.

It's all going to come down to if we can sell this house. It's a manufactured home, which they say are like boats, so I'm worried about that. It needs a few minor repairs that I've put off because I'm always working. The lot is nice (two mature Oaks and a pretty big yard). The question is, can it sell in the timetable we're faced with now? I know for a fact we can't afford two house notes at one time. So, if this house doesn't sell, we can't move.

Has anybody ever used or heard of someone who used one of those "quick buy" services that purchase your homes quickly? That would be last resort type stuff, but it's something we're considering if we feel like this move is going to be better in the long run.

The problem isn't the "quick buy" folks per se, but rather that they're not necessarily going to offer you a quick buy that covers the outstanding balance on your note. That means you're in a short-sale situation with the lender, and can hurt your credit significantly going forward.

Cin
06-29-2011, 01:32 AM
I did the same thing when I moved here almost 7 years ago and we love it here. I have a much better job and making more than ever before and it is nice to be far enough away that we aren't caught up in family drama. It is hard though when holidays roll around and we are a 12 hr drive away so we don't get to attend many events as a result. That is a downside. And airfare is just too costly to justify flying much like we used to for visits. But I do love living here and it was a culture shock at first and I have had to learn a lot of Spanish here to do my job as a lot of our guests speak only Spanish. I am loving it though and I like being called "mamacita" or the shortened form "mama" or "mija" (meaning daughter) or "flacki" (slim, slender, skinny) and I had to get used to a lot of cultural differences from what I was used to. I am still learning new foods here and new phrases and new customs. It's been fun and educational. I uprooted the family and we moved here when my DS started 8th grade so he went to 1 year of middle school and then all of HS with the same kids. It's been great only having 3 seasons (I hate winter and cold) and we love the beach and being outdoors year 'round. Our weather here is the same as Florida's. Snow here is considered a "miracle". I do wish though in afterthought that I had chosen FL and a place much much closer to WDW. I'm jealous you might get to live a few short hours away! Just kidding. But wow that would be wonderful living near the Mouse. Best wishes!

wdwmom0f3
06-29-2011, 01:47 AM
I'm not a dad, but I can tell you a little about moving. My DH and I met and married in a small town where my parents still live. We lived there for a few years until it was time for him to be promoted. We then transferred 10 hours away from everything that we ever knew, with two young children in tow. I got bored and had another baby, he excelled at work.

It was exciting and new but we missed our family and after two years we transferred again a little closer to only 5 or 6 hours away. Again, exciting and new. I loved our home and our friends there, but we were spending every holiday and vacation to try to get home to our family.

Two years later we transferred back to Alabama, about an hour & 1/2 from my family and it has been great. This was a lateral move (same Co.) for DH this last time and we have been very happy.

Just this week, DH said that he could put in for a promotion. It would only be about 8K a year more but we would have to move to a larger city (b"ham) and he would have to drive in to Down town everyday. The kids would have to uproot from all of their friends, but we were all behind him if that's that he wanted. Seriously, I left it up to him. I have always supported him 100% and he has never let me down.

I asked him about it and he said he couldn't do it to the kids. Lauren is just starting college (free) here in town. Lindsey is a cheerleader and very involved at school. Our son has friends here and is playing football. He didn't want for them to have to start over for 8K a year more. You just have to stop and think about how much a big move will effect you and your family and decide if it's worth it or not. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it's really not.

Even with all of that said, moving for us that very first time when the kids were small did wonders for our marriage. We became closer than we had ever been because we had to lean on each other in stead of friends or parents. even years later I feel like all of that made our marriage stronger.

I know if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I would move while they are young and see how it goes. Once they get to the 7th & 8th grade it becomes a little harder for kids because of childhood friends, and activities or sports. Once they are in HS, I wouldn't do it unless I HAD to.

All in all, this is something that you and your wife will have to discuss and lay it all out there. It's a BIG change, but change can be a good thing.

Good luck!

jason4024
06-29-2011, 09:00 AM
Not much advice to give. When we decided to have children, we figured the best place to do it, would be at home. So we moved from Philadelphia back to the area we grew up in. I think it was the best decision for my kids. They have great relationships with all their grandparents, something they probably wouldnt have 2 hours away. I can imagine it would be hard moving them away from their granparents, but only and your wife can truly make the best decision for your family.

Good luck!

stopher1
06-29-2011, 01:20 PM
I've done the pick and move far, far away thing multiple times... ok, well - we've moved pretty much far, far away three times... but one of those 3 took us BACK to where we left in the first place. We left California for Michigan. Spent 2 years there. Then was laid off from that fabulous job that called us in the first place... only to go back to California. Then I got in with my current employer, who after about a year and a half asked us to move to Indiana. We're approaching 10 years in Indy (August) and are very happy we made the move. Sure times like the past few months have been difficult with ailing family members... but what was really important to my wife and I was building OUR family unit and providing them with the best possible life situation we could. Moving to the midwest has provided that. There certainly are times that the kids have felt deprived by not being able to see their grandmas or grandpas every weekend... but you know what? It's okay. All of us learned more about independence and interdependence through the years of being 2200+ miles away from them. The visits are much sweeter and much more meaningful than they ever would have been if we were still just 20 minutes away. (When we were, grandpa would just "drop by" unannounced throughout the week, and even at their young age at the time... kind of got put off by it. And twice... well, let's just say DW and I were inapropriately interrupted during our son's afternoon nap thanks to my FIL's devil may care dropping-by philosophy. THAT certainly isn't possible when they live in another state! We KNOW whenever anyone is coming to visit :lmao: since we have to pick them up at the airport!).

I know it's a difficult time and difficult decision - but weigh the pros and cons - and figure out what will be best for your family. Jobs come and go... but the bonding, traditions and strength you can gain from being separated can be good for you... just know that there will come a time that you won't be able to just be right there when illness creeps in. That was a "far off in the future" thing for us when we first left CA, that is in the here an now 14 years later.

Bunch24
06-29-2011, 06:31 PM
The problem isn't the "quick buy" folks per se, but rather that they're not necessarily going to offer you a quick buy that covers the outstanding balance on your note. That means you're in a short-sale situation with the lender, and can hurt your credit significantly going forward.

Yeah, I'm worried about the short-sale situation more than anything. I'm not real confident that we're going to be able to get what we still owe on the house. I'm trying to do some research that short-sale stuff, because I'm fearing the worst. Our credit was terrible when we first got married (two sets of college debt meshing together does that), but we've finally gotten back on track in that regard. I wouldn't want to take a big step back after all the work we've done the last 4-5 years.

We'll meet with a realtor tomorrow and she'll pretty much determine whether this move is viable or not. I wish I could go back in time and kick myself in the rear for taking what I knew at the time was a bad deal. But being young and dumb tends to trump gut feelings.

Bunch24
07-11-2011, 07:54 PM
A little update for those of you who may be interested. I went down to Florida last week for the official interview process and came away feeling pretty good about things.

Today, they sent me some papers I need to fill out and they're going to submit a written offer to me after receiving those papers. Everything I've been told points to it being a decent pay raise, and I saw firsthand when I was there that it would be a better work environment for me and living situation for my family.

Our house has been up for sale almost two weeks now and we've gotten some nibbles, so that's positive. It's still a process, so hopefully it works itself out in the next few weeks.

If I were to accept the job, the timetable is pretty quick, but there is some wiggle room. Basically, they'd like me there by August, no later than the second week of August.

My wife and I feel good about the move, even though there are still obstacles to clear. She's applying for every teaching job open in that area, but it's a ton of paperwork that's slowing down the process. Naturally, there's some concern she won't find a job, but we're going to have to make a decision to either go through with the move or hold off.

I feel pretty good about the whole thing, even though there are still tons of nerves there. Oddly enough, the concern about leaving family and friends is the least of our worries now. Both of our parents gave their blessing and said they know this could be a great opportunity for us. Now, we're just trying to overcome the logistical obstacles.

Those of you who were offering prayers for us, thanks so very much and please continue to pray for us if you have the time. My wife's getting excited about it, and that makes me think I'm making the right decisions.

AJRitz
07-11-2011, 11:17 PM
A little update for those of you who may be interested. I went down to Florida last week for the official interview process and came away feeling pretty good about things.

Today, they sent me some papers I need to fill out and they're going to submit a written offer to me after receiving those papers. Everything I've been told points to it being a decent pay raise, and I saw firsthand when I was there that it would be a better work environment for me and living situation for my family.

Our house has been up for sale almost two weeks now and we've gotten some nibbles, so that's positive. It's still a process, so hopefully it works itself out in the next few weeks.

If I were to accept the job, the timetable is pretty quick, but there is some wiggle room. Basically, they'd like me there by August, no later than the second week of August.

My wife and I feel good about the move, even though there are still obstacles to clear. She's applying for every teaching job open in that area, but it's a ton of paperwork that's slowing down the process. Naturally, there's some concern she won't find a job, but we're going to have to make a decision to either go through with the move or hold off.

I feel pretty good about the whole thing, even though there are still tons of nerves there. Oddly enough, the concern about leaving family and friends is the least of our worries now. Both of our parents gave their blessing and said they know this could be a great opportunity for us. Now, we're just trying to overcome the logistical obstacles.

Those of you who were offering prayers for us, thanks so very much and please continue to pray for us if you have the time. My wife's getting excited about it, and that makes me think I'm making the right decisions.

Good luck with the details, this sounds like a great opportunity for you and your family.