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View Full Version : A very humble request for some pixie dust....


cathie1327
06-23-2011, 10:47 AM
Hi everyone,
I almost feel guilty for asking, but I absolutely believe in the power of positive thought and have seen that thought do so much on this board. I know that there are so many others who need the prayer and pixie dust more than I....but I figured perhaps there may be some floating around for me...

Nearly 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend/fiance of 8 years left me. He hadn't officially proposed yet, but we've talked for years that we wanted to get married when the time was right. We've had some issues lately, but I never in my wildest dreams thought they were enough to bring us to this point. Needless to say, I am absolutely heart broken. I left our apartment and am staying with my parents until I figure out where to go from here. I haven't really felt ready to make any sound decisions yet, but the one I made right away was cancelling our vacation to Orlando in September. We were going to go to Universal Studios for the first time ever after having been to Disney for years, and Seaworld, and Busch Gardens....places neither of us have never been. We were really excited and it really broke my heart to have to break those plans.

I've toyed around with the idea of taking off to my happy place, Disney, on my own later this year to get some time away. But Disney was something we always did together, and even Disney right now makes my heart hurt. I've avoided this site ever since he broke up with me because it is almost unbearable to be reminded of him so strongly....especially when he is the one that introduced me to my love of Disney.

We are both relatively young, still in our 20's, and so I know I have lots of time left to live and I'll find someone else and all the cliche' things everyone has been telling me....but right now, I still burst into hysterics every time I try to make myself accept how my life is changing. It has all been a blur and I can't believe it's almost been 3 weeks. Going on in my life without him terrifies me. :sad1:

Anyway, I'm sorry for blubbering for so long, if any of you can spare a little prayer and pixie dust for me, I'd sure appreciate it, these are some of the hardest days I've been through in a very very long time.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

linnell
06-23-2011, 10:52 AM
::hugs to you::

You need time to grieve, even though there isn't a death, it is the end of an important relationship. It'll take time and you'll be able to get through it. If Disney makes you happy, find a girlfriend to go with, make some spa appointments, yummy dinners etc and have a great time.

sayhello
06-23-2011, 10:55 AM
It's never easy to have your life disrupted like this. Be easy on yourself. We all mourn differently, and it sounds like you are definitely in mourning. I think you're wise not to make any big decisions right now.

Any chance you could plan a vacation unlike what you used to do with him? Pick a place like a Spa in Sedona, AZ, and just spend the time being pampered and massaged? Getting away from your "real life" for a bit could help.

There's all sorts of cliche'd things I could say right now, but I'm sure you've heard them all, so all I'm going to say is to be kind to yourself.

*hugs*
Sayhello

lovethecastle
06-23-2011, 11:03 AM
aww, very sorry to hear this. 8 years is a long time so you'll need to take some
time to process all of it. Remember when you are feeling especially anxious or upset to 'just breath'.
Sending beautiful sparkly pixie dust just for you.:goodvibes

DisneyKevin
06-23-2011, 11:04 AM
I've learned in the last two years that people grieve differently and that one form of grief is not better or worse than another.

A loss is still a loss.....

It's really ok to feel bad for a while. Dont beat yourself up for feeling this way. Do things that make you feel good, but allow yourself to feel what you feel. It's how we heal.

Sending you positive thoughts and energy.

DWGal210
06-23-2011, 11:18 AM
I'm sorry to hear this - I'm definitely sending you good thoughts & lots of hugs. Take care of yourself.

Smile&Nod
06-23-2011, 11:18 AM
I like this quote from Elmer Laydon - it applies to a lot of things in life:

There are times that it's hard to see past this very moment. so take it one moment at a time: ask God for the next moment, then the next hour, then the next day...before you know it you will be beyond the storm.

As others have said, let yourself mourn the loss of the relationship and be kind to yourself - you need time to adjust to the "new normal".

dansyr2514
06-23-2011, 11:23 AM
Sending pixie dust you way. I went through the same thing. Disney was my special place with my ex and I didn't think I'd be able to go back w/o him. But I did. The first time I had a few moments of crying remembering all the special things to us, but still all in all had a good time. Each year has gotten easier and I've gone with a couple other people since then. Now those special things at Disney are my special things, not ours. If you think you can, go and bring a friend. You're probably still going to have some sad moments, but you'll have some great new memories that don't involve him. Good luck and I feel for you.

irishtigger
06-23-2011, 11:23 AM
Time heals all wounds I know that is easier said than done and I am sure you have heard this a 1000 times but it is true. I have been through this kind of break up before and I feel your pain and I know this isn't easy. It will get better and you will smile again and when you are ready to go to your happy place it will be there and new memories will be made. There is nothing wrong with crying or not knowing what to do next it completely understandable and natural. Sending some added pixiedust your way.


pixiedust:

WaltD4Me
06-23-2011, 11:28 AM
Big hugs to you. :hug: I know how hard this is. A loss is a loss and you do need time to grieve. It's a process, allow yourself to go through it.

But I will share this story with you.....

I was in my late 20's when my boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me. We had lived together for 4 years and were talking about getting married when his estranged dad invited him to go on a cruise with him to get to know each other again. I could not go due to work. When he got home he told me he had met someone else. She moved in with him a week after I moved out. 3 months later, they got married. It was devastating. However.......

Today he is a bald, used car salesman who I know for a fact cheats on his wife.

Everything happens for a reason and I am thankful that I dodged a bullet.
Hang in there.

roomthreeseventeen
06-23-2011, 11:41 AM
Cathie, I am so sorry that happened to you.

Remember that you don't have to make any decisions RIGHT NOW. Eight years is a long time to be in a relationship, especially if you are in your early 20's. Take this time and spend it on taking care of YOU, and letting your friends and family take care of you. Orlando will still be there when you are ready to go.

Cin
06-23-2011, 11:41 AM
Huge hugs, lots of prayers, and plenty of pixie dust and whatever else it takes to help you cope with your loss. WDW was something I introduced my ex to also and I didn't know if I could ever go back, without memories and stuff flooding back to hurt me, but after lots of years I finally did return this past year and took my new husband of 7 years and introduced him to Disney magic. Give it some time and you can either brave WDW with some girlfriends to create new memories or simply wait as time does tend to help with the hurt. 8 years is a long time, and very impressive in this day and age of disposables. That says a lot about the kind of person you are and how you value relationships. Hugs to you in your time of loss. God bless you and bring you comfort and peace. :hug:

safetymom
06-23-2011, 11:42 AM
Sending pixie dust and positive thoughts your way.

jcb
06-23-2011, 11:47 AM
Today he is a bald, used car salesman who I know for a fact cheats on his wife.

I just love this. What a great attitude.

I agree with everything said previously, especially what Kevin said. You need to find your own way of addressing, when you are ready, what makes you happy. It will happen and you will be happy again someday but getting there can be quite a struggle. Looking back on it, I wouldn't now trade it for anything as DW is the best companion I could ever hope to have.

As a practical matter, you might give some thought to going to WDW (if that is what you want to do) at a different time of the year than you have gone before. If you have only gone at Christmas, this year go to Food and Wine.

Good luck and lots of pixie dust to you.

figment3258
06-23-2011, 12:00 PM
Sending positive thoughts and pixie dust your way. :wizard::grouphug:

princessbride6205
06-23-2011, 12:15 PM
Sending lots of pixie dust and positive thoughts your way!
This is, of course, a very difficult time for you. I'm glad you've reached out here for some support. I think this would be a good time for a new hobby or getting back to one you've neglected for a while. Maybe cooking, dance class, crafts...
As for Disney, maybe this is the year you go to Disneyland? I wasn't sure I would like a solo trip, but I did one last year, and it was a really different and positive experience.
HUGS!

NitroStitch
06-23-2011, 12:35 PM
I'm sending you a bunch of hugs and pixie dust too! :grouphug: Having 8 years ripped out from under you has to be incredibly painful and disorienting, and it takes a while to grieve over all the "what ifs" and the vision you had for your life before.

As others have said, sometimes the best things in life come from the painful losses, but you definitely don't feel that way when it's happening. Sometimes it takes quite a while before you can look back and be glad things went the way they did.

If you decide to go to Disney later this year, you can still enjoy the trip tremendously. Just focus on it being a different kind of trip. Were there things you never got to try before? Places to eat? Things to see? Places to stay? You can make those your own and make Disney your own as well. I started my love of Disney alongside my first husband, and at first it was strange when I started going alone. Then I realized I could tour entirely at my own pace, eat or see whatever I wanted, and it became a completely different and enjoyable experience of its own.

Take care of yourself, get comfort from those around you (including your DIS family) and know that things will definitely get better! You need to go through the grieving now, however long that takes for you and in whatever form. :grouphug:

*NikkiBell*
06-23-2011, 02:08 PM
Dear Cathie,

When I first started reading your post, I thought this would be another request for PD due to a medical scare. As I continued reading, I honestly felt as if I wrote this, and we were sitting here a year ago. I am stunned at the similarities.

Just over a year ago, my boyfriend/future fiance of eight years left me for another woman. It was sudden and totally unexpected. Looking back, I guess there were a few signs. It took me quite a bit of time to come to grips with what happened. I am still processing things, but have moved forward and in the right direction.

Last summer, I decided that it was absolutely necessary to visit WDW even though this was a place we would frequently visit together. It was a celebration of who I was and who I was to become and so needed. I think you should go if you are able to.

I also want to pass along two books that I wish I had early after our break-up. I think they might be insightful to you:

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (the book is so much better than the movie)
Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant

Remember that you are not alone. This will be difficult, and you will cry. However, with support and love from your friends you will get through it. I'm still adjusting. Sometimes I dream of the future I planned out for me just with another man. Other times I think it's hopeless. I am sure you will experience similar moments. You may adjust quicker or slower than I did, but know that you can move on and life is so good. :grouphug:

If you need an ear, let me know. My PM box isn't working, but I am on FB and friends with many DISers.

Disney Dad Canada
06-23-2011, 03:00 PM
I had an ex girlfriend leave me on my birthday. It's never easy. For what's it's worth, it ended up being a good thing in the long run, as I met my future wife a few weeks later.

In any loss, be it a death or a break up, it's okay to be selfish. Do whatever you think needs to be done to make you feel better (as long as it's nothing TOO drastic). Remember it's perfectly valid to feel however you are feeling at any given moment.

Most importantly, remember you have family and friends that can help. I know when my wife passed away almost 5 years ago now, there were some people that I was truly disappointed with, but also some I was pleasantly surprised with just how much they helped.

Life is a process, a journey, and not a destination. When plans change, or are changed for you, it can be rough. You'll be looking back at these moments in a year or so and seeing how much better your life has become because of it.

Rekenna
06-23-2011, 03:16 PM
OP, you deserve Pixie Dust as much as anyone else (we all need it once in a while).:wizard:

I'm really sorry. :hug:

Tink rules
06-23-2011, 03:18 PM
First off... :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I was in the same situation... I had dated my bf back in college and all while he went thorough law school. We were at a place in our lives where things were going to change and I wondered how I was going to fit into his life from then on. I found out I didn't.

I made the mistake of grieving for this relationship for years beyond I should have. It took someone coming into my life who treated me with the respect and love to help me grow into the woman I am. It took time... but I am much better off for it.

Take the time to grieve. Take some time for yourself. It's ok not to date for a while (but don't give up on the idea entirely or let the wrong person into your life just to have someone there. )

You need time to heal and the key is time...

(and btw... going to WDW alone is a pretty cool thing. Love it!!! Do things YOU'VE always wanted to do... (I suggest the Spa at the GF...)

dalt01
06-23-2011, 03:20 PM
Today he is a bald, used car salesman who I know for a fact cheats on his wife.

and just what is wrong with working in the automobile industry my dear????????????:)

roomthreeseventeen
06-23-2011, 03:21 PM
and just what is wrong with working in the automobile industry my dear????????????:)

Not as cool as being a train conductor like Jimmy Leonard.

dalt01
06-23-2011, 04:40 PM
Not as cool as being a train conductor like Jimmy Leonard. i consider myself pretty knowledgable but i have to admit that one went over my head.:confused3:love:

roomthreeseventeen
06-23-2011, 04:41 PM
i consider myself pretty knowledgable but i have to admit that one went over my head.:confused3:love:

Jimmy is a DIS'er and frequently mentioned by Pete on the podcast. He's a conductor for NJ transit.

scoopmorgan
06-23-2011, 05:05 PM
Sorry to hear of your loss, for that's what this is. I know it sounds trite, but I have always found (with 20/20 hind sight) that then hardest, most painful experiences alwaysbring the happiest, or most rewarding changes in life. Prayers and pixie dust coming your way!

DrMomof3
06-23-2011, 05:17 PM
Sending hugs and pixie dust. :grouphug:

Amanda

NitroStitch
06-23-2011, 06:43 PM
I don't know what your musical tastes are, but I found that Mandy Moore's "Wild Hope" CD was really therapeutic for me, especially "Looking Forward to Looking Back", "Extraordinary" and "Nothing That You Are"....

I also particularly found lots of help in a little book called "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield and Melba Colgrove. It's got good advice and ideas and information in little bits when you can't quite tolerate reading bigger things...

sjsjbrook
06-23-2011, 07:07 PM
:hug:

Sending you pixie dust and much love.

:hug:

TheEpicPancake
06-23-2011, 07:10 PM
Miss Cathie,

Sorry to hear about HIS loss! I'm in Denver if you would ever like to get out and relax, have lunch, shop, whatever makes you smile! We definitely know we have something in common! ;)

Kimberle
06-23-2011, 07:20 PM
I'm sorry. :grouphug:

wendydarling826
06-23-2011, 07:29 PM
Hugs and prayers and pixie dust to you.:grouphug:

disprincessatheart
06-23-2011, 08:00 PM
First :grouphug:pixiedust:

I'll share my story too. I met my ex bf right before I graduated from hs and dated him all thru college and into grad school. There were definitely things I missed doing in college because I spent so much of my energy/focus on him. But I didn't see that until later. While in grad school, I was sure we were headed towards getting engaged. He came to ny from fl for 2 family weddings and I was sure it would happen then - instead he dumped me. I was really devastated but started doing all the things I didn't bother with when I was with him - and I had fun! Later I found out he had started dating my best friend, and shed been keeping it from me the whole time, so in the end I lost my bf of 4+ years and may best friend of 2 years. It was really hard but I focused on me(finishing grad school and starting a new life) and now I really am so glad I didn't end up with him and just sorry I lost so much time with him!

In the end you will be better off. Don't rush yourself thru the hurt and anger, but don't let yourself get lost in it either. Maybe plan a trip like disapalooza? Plan something for you a ways out and use that as a positive to look forward to when things feel dark!

EDuke98080
06-23-2011, 09:21 PM
So sorry you are hurting. :grouphug:

SamSam
06-23-2011, 10:14 PM
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:Many hugs to you. 8 years is a huge amount of your life. Grieve in any way that works for you, but please don't make any major decisions until you have a few months to think about your life.
Wishing you the very best as you work through this difficult time.

cathie1327
06-24-2011, 10:29 AM
First of all.....thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for everyone's comfort and support. It means more to me than you can possibly understand. I haven't really been a part of this community for quite a while, I sort of morphed back into a lurker, but to have so much support from all of you....honestly....it brought tears to my eyes. There have been so many people in my life pushing me to do one thing or another, go in one direction or another, so many people that think I need to just "let myself be happy" and "get over it" but it was so nice that so many people here understand-I am grieving. It truly feels like someone has died. My best friend is gone. And my home is gone. And because my parents have a not-very-nice-to-kitties-dog, my cats, my furbabies, my children are at the apartment with him until I find something else. I really am in mourning. No one in my life seems to understand that, so it means SO much to me that all of you do.

I have talked to him a little since it happened, and explained to him that you don't just give up and walk out on 8 years, you keep at it, because relationships will ALWAYS have problems and will never be "fixed", they will always have something teaching you to be a better person and mate. He said he is a little willing to work on it, but he doesn't want me to get my hopes up.....and I'm not. I really don't think anything is going to come out of it...not if he's not willing to have faith that things can be changed. I am going to the apartment this evening for the weekend so I can see my furbabies, and I guess we are going to talk.....but I am really dreading it. I may tell him to stay somewhere else for the weekend so I can see my kids but not him. This week has really been very emotional for me, it's really started to sink it just what has happened and how drastically my life is going to change.

Anyway...I am blubbering again :) If anyone wants to add me on facebook, please feel free, I am on the list of disers on facebook, or you can find me by name, Cathie Buschman

Again....thank you sooooooooooo much for your comfort and support :):):) :grouphug:


I like this quote from Elmer Laydon - it applies to a lot of things in life:

There are times that it's hard to see past this very moment. so take it one moment at a time: ask God for the next moment, then the next hour, then the next day...before you know it you will be beyond the storm.

As others have said, let yourself mourn the loss of the relationship and be kind to yourself - you need time to adjust to the "new normal".

I like this alot too...because that's really what I'm having to do...sometimes it seems impossible to get through the day...so I focus on each moment as I can...



Sending lots of pixie dust and positive thoughts your way!
This is, of course, a very difficult time for you. I'm glad you've reached out here for some support. I think this would be a good time for a new hobby or getting back to one you've neglected for a while. Maybe cooking, dance class, crafts...
As for Disney, maybe this is the year you go to Disneyland? I wasn't sure I would like a solo trip, but I did one last year, and it was a really different and positive experience.
HUGS!

I have started doing a few things, I am taking a belly dancing class, and am thinking about buying a house on my own...that's going to take a while though, because I'm not really ready to think about leaving our home together.

Dear Cathie,

When I first started reading your post, I thought this would be another request for PD due to a medical scare. As I continued reading, I honestly felt as if I wrote this, and we were sitting here a year ago. I am stunned at the similarities.

Just over a year ago, my boyfriend/future fiance of eight years left me for another woman. It was sudden and totally unexpected. Looking back, I guess there were a few signs. It took me quite a bit of time to come to grips with what happened. I am still processing things, but have moved forward and in the right direction.

Last summer, I decided that it was absolutely necessary to visit WDW even though this was a place we would frequently visit together. It was a celebration of who I was and who I was to become and so needed. I think you should go if you are able to.

I also want to pass along two books that I wish I had early after our break-up. I think they might be insightful to you:

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (the book is so much better than the movie)
Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant

Remember that you are not alone. This will be difficult, and you will cry. However, with support and love from your friends you will get through it. I'm still adjusting. Sometimes I dream of the future I planned out for me just with another man. Other times I think it's hopeless. I am sure you will experience similar moments. You may adjust quicker or slower than I did, but know that you can move on and life is so good. :grouphug:

If you need an ear, let me know. My PM box isn't working, but I am on FB and friends with many DISers.

Nikki-thank you so so so much. It is amazing that there are so many similarities....and I admire you for your strength to share with me what you've gone through. Right now....I'm mostly going through the hopeless stage. There are small glimmers here and there, but everything is still pretty dark.

Miss Cathie,

Sorry to hear about HIS loss! I'm in Denver if you would ever like to get out and relax, have lunch, shop, whatever makes you smile! We definitely know we have something in common! ;)

That would be wonderful! I'll PM you and maybe we can set something up :)

First :grouphug:pixiedust:

I'll share my story too. I met my ex bf right before I graduated from hs and dated him all thru college and into grad school. There were definitely things I missed doing in college because I spent so much of my energy/focus on him. But I didn't see that until later. While in grad school, I was sure we were headed towards getting engaged. He came to ny from fl for 2 family weddings and I was sure it would happen then - instead he dumped me. I was really devastated but started doing all the things I didn't bother with when I was with him - and I had fun! Later I found out he had started dating my best friend, and shed been keeping it from me the whole time, so in the end I lost my bf of 4+ years and may best friend of 2 years. It was really hard but I focused on me(finishing grad school and starting a new life) and now I really am so glad I didn't end up with him and just sorry I lost so much time with him!

In the end you will be better off. Don't rush yourself thru the hurt and anger, but don't let yourself get lost in it either. Maybe plan a trip like disapalooza? Plan something for you a ways out and use that as a positive to look forward to when things feel dark!

I think that part of what frustrates me is that I DID do so many things in my life differently because I planned on he and I being together forever, getting married, doing all the the things together that we planned....I finally went back to college a couple of years ago because I wanted an art degree, but the reason I didn't go right after high school was because I was too wrapped up in him...now I'll be well over 30 before I graduate from college. It's very frustrating...but I guess if everything happens for a reason, maybe there is a reason I am going to college now instead of then.

TMcDwyer
06-24-2011, 10:37 AM
Miss Cathie,

Sorry to hear about HIS loss! I'm in Denver if you would ever like to get out and relax, have lunch, shop, whatever makes you smile! We definitely know we have something in common! ;)

I was going to say the same exact thing! I am in Arvada and would love to get together with both of you to help spread some Pixie Dust into Cathie's life! :lovestruc I just sent you a friend request on FB.

Leigha
06-24-2011, 10:42 AM
I don't know you at all but I say drop him like a bad habit which it sounds like he was! I know I don't know the whole story but from the pieces you include like how you did things differently and that it is how your life will change (not necessarily life without HIM) makes me think you just need to ride out the storm. I know you had to love him but I think you'll be better off without him after you find an apartment and get your cats back. The advice I came to leave after reading the first post is to go to the meet in December which includes Universal if that's where you want to go. You would have some time alone but would be part of a group too. If I had the money and time I'd go on an ABD trip with the team - Paris if you can save your money! It would also give you something to look forward to and plan for. :) Good Luck!