I *was* FURIOUS at my DH---please send some prayers, good thoughts...

[DopeyRN]

He has ruptured discs in his back on 4 occasions. We have been very lucky up to this point as the pain has been all in the back with no radiation down his legs. He has gotten heavy lately (5'10" and 200...not horrible but..) and has been getting an "expanding" waist line. I have begged him since the last rupture to get in shape, esp his stomach as it NEEDS to support his back. He has completely ignored me.

Well you guessed it....he was getting out of bed this morning and BAM! He did it again. But this time he is having radiating pain to both hips. This time will be different. This time there is a real chance he will go to surgery. The neurosurgeon he went to has switched to law. I do not even know where to take him. (Actually DS will need to take him as at work we only have 5/11 people working and I cannot call in today)

He has just changed our lives. I told Pumba last night that I was looking forward to 2003 because 2002 has not been so great. :rolleyes:

Guys I NEED prayers here. I am angry...very very angry. I would like to walk up and punch him. And I am scared. Thanks.:(

[olena]

*HUGS* I'm so sorry. I understand your anger and concern. Your family will be in my prayers.

[Tony-NJ]

Hugs and Prayers Dopey. I know your angry, but try not to be, the guy is in pain right now. He need's you.

All the best!

[Serena]

Dopey, {{{{hugs}}}}}

No advice, but it would be nice if the men in our lives listened to us.

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe things will get better after this. Prayers and good thoughts sent.

[JasonLyons]

when he gets well hide the sandwiches, ;) , i did pray for him

[Mskanga]

I know the frustration pretty well Donna, I keep nagging at my DH to quit smoking because besides the cost $45 a carton that lasts him 5 days, it's not good for him and those around him but he's not listening.
Prayers going out for you and your dh , hoping for the best. Hang in there, I can't wait for 2003 either, this year has been very bad for us too.
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

[amid chaos]

You need to make him a little cake and on it write...TOLD YOU SO!

hugs...this sounds like youa re going to be caring for him awhile.

[browneyes]

I hope his back gets well soon.:( Don't be mad at him (I know that you're channeling your fear into anger, but don't be mad at him:) ). Prayers and **pd** being said/sent from GA.

[Dan Murphy]

My best, Donna, and a {hug} and prayer. Hoping he gets well and stays well.

[EROS]

Dopey, I feel that you should show your DH a little more EMPATHY and a little less ANGER. Sure, he may have contributed somewhat to this exacerbation:rolleyes: , but so what?????? It's like "blaming" a smoker who sadly develops lung cancer.

The time for "blame" is over. He NEEDS you............

[missymouse3367]

{{HUGS}}

[bumcat]

Prayers for your husband. The anger will pass.

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Mskanga
the cost $45 a carton
Holy moley! I quit smoking 17 years ago and a carton was around $13-$15. There's NO WAY I'd pay $45. Sheesh!

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Mskanga
the cost $45 a carton
Holy moley! I quit smoking 17 years ago and a carton was around $13-$15. There's NO WAY I'd pay $45. Sheesh!

[newmousecateer]

{{HUGS}} and prayers. Hope DH gets better soon.

[doxdogy]

I have to admit I agree with Eros. He needs for sympathy and empathy right now. All of the could have, should have and would have will not ease his pain. He needs to a big hug and prayers. Sending them for him and you.

Originally posted by EROS
Dopey, I feel that you should show your DH a little more EMPATHY and a little less ANGER. Sure, he may have contributed somewhat to this exacerbation:rolleyes: , but so what?????? It's like "blaming" a smoker who sadly develops lung cancer.

The time for "blame" is over. He NEEDS you............

[Blondie]

I know you're upset and angry, but like Eros has stated, you need to get past that, and get him the help he needs, which I know you'll do. :D

I have known several people who have had the same problem, and all have ended up having surgery.

They now live a pain free life, and are in better shape now, then before.

[DopeyRN]

My anger IS subsiding. And anyone who thinks I will not take care of him can go take a flying leap. Last time this happened I was 2 weeks out from a C section/hysterectomy and had to assume full responsibility for him and 3 kids and a house.

The good news is there is less hip pain, so hopefully we will dodge that surgery bullet once again.

Thank you to all who offered prayers and support...it is very much appreciated. :) It is nice to know SOME here will allow me to vent.

[EROS]

Best of Luck..........sounds like you're already undergoing an attitude adjustment :) :) :) .........

[allicat]

DopeyRN
I am in a similar position like your DH with a disc problem. I have it radiating down my leg. I have not explored surgery as an option because Im scared.
However, my friends husband just underwent surgery for his disc problem. It took all of 45 minutes and he was home the next day.DH disc problem isnt going to go away on its own, so maybe you and DH could explore that option. Otherwise, its going to keep reoccuring. I know I will probably need to look into it in the future.
I know the pain your DH is feeling and I wish him and you the best!

[JerseyJanice]

{{{hugs}}}

Here's hoping it's not that bad an injury.

[Rajah]

Hugs, P&PD on the way, Donna. I can understand your frustration. *HUGS*

[SeaShelley]

Sending prayers and PD your way. Keep us posted!

[aahmom1]

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you and your husband Donna.

My anger IS subsiding. And anyone who thinks I will not take care of him can go take a flying leap. Last time this happened I was 2 weeks out from a C section/hysterectomy and had to assume full responsibility for him and 3 kids and a house.

My husband has 2 herniated discs, he threw his back out the day I was coming home from the hospital with baby #2. That was an extremely rough couple of weeks. I totally understand. We all know you'll take good care of your husband, don't for a second think that one 'persons' opinion matters.

[faith]

Don't stay angry. He needs your support more than ever right now.:( Hugs and prayers for you both.

[EROS]

Originally posted by aahmom1
don't for a second think that one 'persons' opinion matters.

LUV YA, aahmom :) :) :) :) .......

[CookieGVB]

Sounds to me more like frustration than anger...a very valid emotion.

Good luck to both of you!

[gina2000]

Originally posted by EROS
Dopey, I feel that you should show your DH a little more EMPATHY and a little less ANGER. Sure, he may have contributed somewhat to this exacerbation:rolleyes: , but so what?????? It's like "blaming" a smoker who sadly develops lung cancer.

The time for "blame" is over. He NEEDS you............


Eros, the OP may very well be showing her DH EMPATHY. She is showing US her anger. It works. Get it off your chest somewhere else so you can cope with the problems of day to day living.

Somehow I'll bet you may do the same thing.......;)

[Kermit]

I'm praying that he'll be better soon and that he'll be better for good. {{{Hugs}}} My DH also has a bad back that he doesn't take care of, and I know exactly what it's like to feel very sorry for him but at the same time know that he could have taken better care of himself. It's not that you don't care, but it's hard not to have a little resentment when you have to rearrange your life for something that probably could have been prevented.

[Deb in IA]

DopeyRN, don't be so quick to dismiss the surgical option.

I had radicular pain for 2 years before my L5-S1 disc finally decided to rupture, resulting in such severe pain that I literally could not move. A week later, I was in the OR for a laminectomy/discectomy. Without a doubt, it was the BEST thing that could have happened. I am now 2 years post-op, and pain-free.

If, heaven forbid, it should happen again, I'd go for surgery again in a heartbeat.

Best wishes to you and your DH . . .

[DisOrBust]

Before surgery I would try a PT evaluation by a Mekenzie CERTIFIED (PArt A-D) PT. If you get one who is gifted it can make all the difference in the world. I am not sure what aera of RNing your in but a Laminectomy is a shorter recovery then a Laminectomy with fusion, thats the big gun! Too bad the MD you trusdted isn't practising anymore. Do you know anyone in Ortho you could get a referal for?

[nativetxn]

I'm sorry that your dh has a ruptured disc. I know they are very painful. My brother-in-law had his repaired last May and they did it laparoscopically. He went home the same day as the surgery and only missed a couple of weeks at work, although they said that he couldn't participate with the Swat team for several months because of the heavy shields and stuff they have to deal with.

I hope your dh doesn't have to have surgery, but if he does, I hope it is easy and successful.

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. I know this is frustrating and upsetting for you. Come vent to us anytime, it's better than slugging him ;)

[helenabear]

You and your DH will be in my thoughts and prayers Donna. I do hope that his back gets better soon. Feel free to vent here anytime {{hugs}}

[EROS]

Thanks for your kind thoughts, DAN :) :) :) .......

[Boots]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you and prayers being said. Please keep us posted.

[Planogirl]

Good luck with this situation. Anger is understandable too IMO and if you're like me, a wake up call can sometimes help. Or at least knowing that those who make those calls mean well. :)

I hope that your DH heals quickly and that it's not as bad as it seems right now.

[ead79]

I'm so sorry you and your DH are going through this. I'm saying a prayer that he feels better soon, avoids surgery, and takes the initiative to get the weight off to prevent future occurances. {{{HUGS}}} for you, Donna.

[Saffron]

{{{{Hugs}}}} Donna. No one really understands how you feel because we're not in your shoes. I think one of the reasons the CB is a wonderful place is because of the support we receive from our fellow DIS members when we need a shoulder to lean on. Vent all you want. It sounds to me like you love your husband and are frustrated and maybe a little scared about what's in store for him now and in the future. I wish the best to both of you. :)

[TennVolTony]

Some folks you just have to learn to IGNORE Donna........:rolleyes:

[EROS]

TONY, you won't see this post, but I could NEVER ignore you :jester: :jester: :jester: :jester: .........

[NHAnn]

Donna, my best to you and to your husband as you deal with this issue! Hang in there :)




Man, this place is BIZARRE sometimes :rolleyes:

[Kama89]

Donna, I'm so sorry to hear that you and DH are going through this. :( My prayers are with both of you.

[Buckalew]

Donna, I hope he will heal quickly. My goodness, can't a body vent around here anymore? Go ahead and feel free to vent, Donna. We all need to do it.

[WillyJ]

I'm so sorry to hear about Tommy's injury, and I sure understand why you were intially angry. . . :(

I'll keep both of you in my prayers- I now you'll take good care of him and I do hope he can avoid any major surgery. .

And yes, you can always come here and vent. . . if I'd of seen this earlier you wouldn't of had to justify yourself. .

[EROS]

Originally posted by WillyJ
if I'd of seen this earlier you wouldn't of had to justify yourself. .

No one said that Dopey had to "justify" her anger or fury. I guess that a simply suggestion that it could be more helpful to focus upon empathy rather than rage is just totally unreasonable :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: .

I deal with sickness 24/7. It's incredibly sad to see a family member direct hostility towards a hospitalized loved one who is ill. :( :( ........

[DopeyRN]

It must be so wonderful to be you EROS who never gets angry or upset. God has made you a blessing to your patients I am sure.

[WillyJ]

I understand Eros. . what I don't understand is why you seem to feel it's your duty to constantly challenge everyone's feelings or opinions?

You act so upset if someone dares express any kind of Christian beliefs, yet you try to jam your opinions and outlook down everyones throat over and over. .

You do not run this board, you do not have a say in how it's ran, and you are not the concious of it either. Please give it a rest, okay?

[EROS]

Dopey, I speak from the voice of experience. I've gotten angry at patients and regretted it later.

I can recall a 32 yr old man who underwent a mitral valve replacement for endocarditis which had resulted from his I.V. heroin abuse. Soooooooooooo, I'm making rounds one day and couldn't find him on the floor. I looked outside the window and saw him sitting with a "friend" in a car in the parking lot. Four days post open-heart surgery, he was getting a heroin fix :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: . I laid into him when he got back to the ward and emphasized that his team was spending countless hours trying to help him STAY ALIVE!!!!!

In retrospect, I should have shown more understanding towards his desperation :( :( :( :( :( . He died 2 years later from an accidental narcotic overdose:( :( :( :( :( ...........

[Teejay32]

In all seriousness, why would you second-guess what you said. It seems to me to be very truthful and an objective assessment of his situation.

[aahmom1]

I can recall a 32 yr old man who underwent a mitral valve replacement for endocarditis which had resulted from his I.V. heroin abuse. Soooooooooooo, I'm making rounds one day and couldn't find him on the floor. I looked outside the window and saw him sitting with a "friend" in a car in the parking lot. Four days post open-heart surgery, he was getting a heroin fix . I laid into him when he got back to the ward and emphasized that his team was spending countless hours trying to help him STAY ALIVE!!!!!


Assuming you're a Dr., what pray-tell does this have to do with Donna being frustrated with her husband? HARDLY the same thing.

Donna, you come here and vent all you want. We would MUCH rather hear you vent than hear Eros talk about God.

[EROS]

Teejay, I've come to accept that addictions like smoking, booze, drugs, eating, etc are life-threatening disorders which demand our empathy. I don't think that we should "enable" such patients, but I DO feel that they DON'T deserve to be "lambasted" for their poor self-care.

I've had SEVERAL patients become H.I.V Positive after we had talked incessantly about safe sex practices as well as the risk posed by I.V. substance abuse. When I found out that they had become infected, I cried for them................. no anger..........just overwhelming sadness:( :( :( :( ..........

[EROS]

Originally posted by aahmom1
what pray-tell does this have to do with Donna being frustrated with her husband?



You don't "get it", but that's OK :) :) :) .......

[Teejay32]

Originally posted by EROS
Teejay, I've come to accept that addictions like smoking, booze, drugs, eating, etc are life-threatening disorders which demand our empathy. I don't think that we should "enable" such patients, but I DO feel that they DON'T deserve to be "lambasted" for their poor self-care.

I've had SEVERAL patients become H.I.V Positive after we had talked incessantly about safe sex practices as well as the risk posed by I.V. substance abuse. When I found out that they had become infected, I cried for them................. no anger..........just overwhelming sadness:( :( :( :( ..........

I'm curious to know what the line is between truth and lambasting. I don't know it myself. I can see people being angry...not sure if my doctor would be 'angry' but maybe exasperated or frustrated...does anyone else have a 'right' to care about the state of someone's health?

I'd rather see this a separate topic though and not related to anyone's thread. It's interesting.

[CRB#33]

Donna, I had missed this until today. You have every right to be angry in your marraige. Your anger is out of loving, caring, and fear for your husband. No one has any right to judge you for that.

I hope he is feeling better soon and you too! {{{hugs}}} and prayers to you both.

[MaryAnnDVC]

Originally posted by WillyJ
I understand Eros. . what I don't understand is why you seem to feel it's your duty to constantly challenge everyone's feelings or opinions?

You act so upset if someone dares express any kind of Christian beliefs, yet you try to jam your opinions and outlook down everyones throat over and over. .

You do not run this board, you do not have a say in how it's ran, and you are not the concious of it either. Please give it a rest, okay? OMG, I just had a rush of overwhelming admiration and gratitude for a moderator!!!! ;) :teeth: :teeth: :teeth: Praise the Lord! And thank you, WillyJ!!! :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

(Oh, and Donna? Vent away...it pisses me off too when people I love don't take care of themselves...I may not show them (altho I do try to wake them up a bit to the choices they make!), but it is a release to be able to express that PART of all the emotions here, isn't it? :) )

[EROS]

I would agree, MaryAnn, Willy is a pretty good guy:) :) :) .

Gee, I don't think that I mentioned GOD one time on this thread.....................I MUST be slipping. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

[LucyStorm]

The fact that you are angry at DH is in direct proportion to how much you care about him. If you didn't care, you wouldn't care enough to be angry.

And I'm sorry, but if DH does something stupid consciously that has an impact on all of our lives, he needs to be taken to task for it.

[EROS]

Of course, it's always helpful in life to turn the tables.

If Dopey was somewhat overweight and ruptured a disc while getting out of bed, would the DIS be so supportive of her DH if he exclaimed his "fury" and "anger" and "wish to go up and punch her"?????:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

[LucyStorm]

as long as he didn't actually punch her, I believe we would. Venting is a healthy thing, especially if it allows someone to get their frustration out and not actually act out.

People need not to be enabled to continue poor choices, whatever they may be. You can still show empathy while enlightening someone to the consequences of their poor choices.

Would that we were all perfect, then there would be no discord.

[DopeyRN]

Well since EROS is so "self controlled" he would never need to "vent". I am, on the other hand an emotional being. I was awakened out of a dead sleep at 5:15 AM to this bit of news. Yes my initial reaction was to be angry. Very angry. And rather than express that anger to him, I came here. Normally I would have posting nothing here and called my best friend, but I figured one of us awake that early was enough.

My anger was very short lived, and I have done nothing but take care of him, my son, my sisters kids this weekend. I have been to a football game, and baseball games. I have tried to support everyone and stay loving.

When I read a post where I disagree with someone about their personal feelings, I do not answer unless they asked for an opinion. But some cannot do that. It is old, most of us know that.

I also thank everyone who answered here and sent me PMs...your support means more than I could ever tell you. {{{Hugs}}}

[TennVolTony]

From Aahmon1: Assuming you're a Dr., what pray-tell does this have to do with Donna being frustrated with her husband? HARDLY the same thing

What an image that brings to mind........SCARY!!

You can complain about Tommy all you want. He probably complains about you too.......:p

[DopeyRN]

Thanks Tony....that was...uh...very touching.:p

[EROS]

Dopey, I hope that your husband is feeling much better :D :D :D .

If one chooses to post personal feelings around here, one can't "control" the responses. I've posted many personal thoughts which have summarily been hammered, depreciated,and dismissed :rolleyes: . It comes with the territory; if I wasn't able to stand the heat, I'd get out of the kitchen :D :D .

If I post that I was "furious" with my DW for seemingly very good reasons, I might find support...................while others might offer that my feelings are inappropriate.........

[aahmom1]

That's pretty much my view on it too Tony.

[Dan Murphy]

Hoping your hubby is feeling a bit better today, Donna. :sunny:

Don't ever fear coming here to vent, as I know for a fact some others have been intimidated in not coming here any more, or at least not saying what they would like to for fear of being hurt and hit on. {{Hugs}}

[EROS]

Looks like I won't be getting tooooooooooooooooo many patient referrals from DIS members :) :). Not to worry. I'm just a "little" busy working over 60 hours/week. Of course, since I find genuine compassion to be so lacking on the DIS, I wouldn't want most of you to be my physician either :jester: :jester: .......

[PRINCESS Ariel34]

No advice, but it would be nice if the men in our lives listened to us.


AMENNNN SERENA

Dopey I pray everything will be ok with your dh and try not to be angry. It will only bring you unneeded stress. Stay strong and God bless.

[aahmom1]

Looks like I won't be getting tooooooooooooooooo many patient referrals from DIS members . Not to worry. I'm just a "little" busy working over 60 hours/week. Of course, since I find genuine compassion to be so lacking on the DIS, I wouldn't want most of you to be my physician either .......


Simply amazing how you manage to work 60 hours a week in between all your 'Dis'ing. BTW did you ever mention what kind of Dr. you are?

[EROS]

Originally posted by aahmom1
. BTW did you ever mention what kind of Dr. you are?

No, I didn't :) :) :) :) .

[TennVolTony]

Must be ALOT of hours in a week from where he comes from Aahmom1.....No other way to explain it I guess.....:rolleyes:

[EROS]

LOL, Tony.................While you're out there weekly polishing your +2 handicap, I'm working :) :) :) . I yearn for the "good old days" when doctors took Wednesday afternoons off to get a 1:00 P.M tee time :jester: :jester: .........

[aahmom1]

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Wow Tony, do you feel guilty for enjoying life? You could be like Eros and spend everyday here making people mad. Silly Tony, wasting your free time like that.

[EROS]

Originally posted by aahmom1
You could be like Eros and spend everyday here making people mad.

:(:( :( :( .........and here I thought that my posts of scantily clad beauties were bringing a joyful awakening of the repressed sexuality of DIS members. I never knew that a bikini could make someone.............mad :jester: :jester: :jester: ..........

http://www.teazeclothing.com/shopimages/st201_st210.jpg

[TennVolTony]

Yeah I guess I do feel guilty Mom.....I live in Orlando....play golf 3 times a week...go to WDW whenever I want to.....Boy I AM bad....Maybe I should go back to school and become a Doctor so I'll have more time to enjoy life.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:p

[aahmom1]

LOL, life sucks doesn't it?

[EROS]

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes," the golfer responded.

"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"

"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.

"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"

The golfer thought it over carefully and responded . . .

"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

[HorizonsFan]

A man goes into a doctor's office.
He says, "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places."
The doctor says, "Stay out of those places."

A man goes into a doctor's office.
He says, "Doctor, doctor, it hurts when I do this."
The doctor says, "Don't do that."

Take your pick. I got a million of 'em...

[Deb in IA]

Originally posted by EROS
I wouldn't want most of you to be my physician either :jester: :jester: .......


OK ,you've offended ME now too, BUSTER!!!:mad: :mad: :mad: (j/k)

Of course, I don't see patients over the age of 18 . . . ;)

[Deb in IA]

Originally posted by EROS
I wouldn't want most of you to be my physician either :jester: :jester: .......


OK ,you've offended ME now too, BUSTER!!!:mad: :mad: :mad: (j/k)

Of course, I don't see patients over the age of 18 . . . ;)

[December99]

Gosh Donna I'm just seeing this.....go ahead...I give you permission - punch Tommy!!!!! Just don't tell him I said you could!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

Hope things are looking up...I didn't read through the whole thread!!!! PM me if you need to!

[EROS]

Originally posted by December99
go ahead...I give you permission - punch Tommy!!!!!




"PUNCH THERAPY"...............good for the soul?????? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[Kelsie]

It may be good for someones soul :)


I do understand your anger. My DH has been disabled for many years due to the same type of back injury. It is so difficult to take on the responsibilities in a situation like this and although I was there during it all doing what I needed to do, there was plenty of anger. I am past that now but I DO understand what you are feeling.

[DopeyRN]

Good grief EROS...get over it already.

[Dan Murphy]

Hope things are going better today, Donna. {hugs} :sunny:

[Mary Jo]

<font color=navy>Hugs, Donna.

I find that I feel better when I write down my vents, too. It helps to have an ear to listen and let the frustration dissipate.

Hope things are better, and that your dh's pain is easing up.

mj