I am starting to lose it again...

[preshi]

My aunt is about to die... now we have never been close but I still love her and care about her. Since I found out about all this, which was Thursday, I have just been in a down mood. Friday I went to Los Angeles with my best friend. I thought it was going to be a disaster as most of our trips are but this time it was GREAT. We got to relax and not worry about money, which is usually our problem, and I didn't even mind being around our friends kids. Saturday night we went to a club to go dancing... now I am going to be completly honest here... I LOVED the amount of attention I was getting. I have the worst self esteem. My best friend is absolutley gorgeous... she's the typical blond hair, blue eyed, skinny, big ****s California girl with style and a outgoing attitude to match. I have never been any competition to her in fact I have always been the "sidekick" if you will. But that night I was actually getting attention. Plus the weather was beautiful and the people are more my speed there. I did not want to come home. And since I got home I have been completely distant from my husband. Our counselor has asked me why I am with him and my answer was because it was comfortable. Now I am starting to tell myself that I can't live this charade any longer. That I have to get out. I almost feel like my aunts dying is pushing me to realize these things... life is too short to be unhappy. But then again I have been chronically depressed for almost 13 years with no help so who I am to make a rational decision! I don't know if I can. Thank goodness we see our counselor tonight.

I'm done with my pity party... thanks for listening as usual :) :(

[Tuffcookie]

Preshi, Sorry you're not happy. I hope you continue with your counseling and that you will figure things out. HUGS!

TC

[Baboo]

{{{HUGS}}} for you Preshi. I hope that things work out for you.

[dizneenut]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[helenabear]

{{HUGS}} to you Meg. I do hope you can work through all of this soon.

[snoopy]

First of all, honey, I wouldn't worry about your friend being prettier than you are. You are a beautiful woman, I've seen your picture, you couldn't have changed that much since the last time I saw you. :)

I'm sorry that your aunt is dying. I know that must be hard.

As far as your marriage, I can't even begin to counsel you, but I can tell you that we all go through times where the grass is always greener on the other side. I've been married for 15 years, and I go through these times ocassionally - lets face it - its easier to be single than it is to be married, no one else to answer to, yada, yada - but in the end I realize how loved I am and how much I love my husband. I think you may have to weigh your feelings, like how good or bad your life would be without him. If you can't imagine your life without him, even if there are hard times you have to go through, then counseling may help.

Good luck, Preshi.

[Buckalew]

Preshi, I am so sorry about your Aunt. :(

Snoopy is right. You are beautiful. Stunning, in fact.

But, the attention that you were getting... was it just making you feel good about yourself because people were noticing you, complimenting you, asking you to dance? How long would that last? There is life off the dance floor and out of the club. Sure, it was nice (as in the grass is always greener) but what about your DH? Doesn't he think you are beautiful? Does he tell you that? If you need to hear it more, tell him that. There is nothing wrong with that. If you have the love of a good man and you love and care about him, I think your marriage is so worth saving. I think you need to make a decision to make the most out of your marriage. That sounds stupid or simple maybe but, I think that is what we have to do sometimes. Take a stand. Decide to committ yourself to your marriage, your DH and your son. Look at its good points--don't dwell on the negative. Trust me, there is negative to any relationship. Find the good in your DH and focus on that. I'm pulling for this marriage, Preshi...the things you have said here make me think it is worth the fight. I have been there--12 years ago & I had to make a decision to stay or go. I stayed and although everyday hasn't been easy, I wouldn't trade my DH and my marriage for anything in this world. I am hoping the same for you. {{{hugs}}} And I am sorry if I said anything that is sticking my nose into your business. Truly, I only care.

[ratsrule]

Can I meet your friend?




My best friend is absolutley gorgeous... she's the typical blond hair, blue eyed, skinny, big ****s California girl with style and a outgoing attitude to match.

[preshi]

LMAO!!! Ratsrule...

Thank you everyone. I know the grass is always greener. I am going to stop there before I say something else I am going to regret later. Patrick does tell me I am beautiful he tells me all the time.... but... I don't know. I am shutting my mouth now.

[ratsrule]

but I was serious :eek:

[Teejay32]

You just described my little sister perfectly. :rolleyes: (Except she's in FL now.) She gets lots of attention everywhere we go, half of it is the welcome kind, and half of it isn't. :( So sometimes it's not such a great thing.

{{hugs}} I'm sorry about your aunt.

[pw2pp]

Everybody loves attention (including me). Is that enough of a reason to tear apart a marriage? I don't think so. Especially since there is a little boy in the picture.
You say you have been depressed for 13 years. Do you think that going out to clubs (and getting hit on by men) is going to solve your problems?
You say your husband tells you that you are beautiful "all of the time", yet, you still need to seek the attention of other men? Maybe no matter how much attention you get, you will not be satisfied.
Maybe you need some individual couseling besides the Marriage Counseling. That is not a bad thing, alot of people are depressed. Good luck to you.
Sorry to hear about your Aunt.

[CamColt]

No advice for you, just some pixie dust being sprinkled your way!!!!
And I want to ditto what the others have said....You are beautiful!

[ratsrule]

Can I see a picture of your friend?

[Bob O]

Ditto's to ratsrule!!!!

[preshi]

This is 7 years ago...

http://pub45.bravenet.com/photocenter/view.php?img=23313&usernum=3835529086

here's last year
http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/5eb3585/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/SarahMegVegas.jpg?pf7OLk9AwnHPhUsD

[ratsrule]

Not being insensitive, I think your description was not valid. Although she looks appealing, your description of her bosoms seem lacking.
So either you weren't truthful, or we need a close up.

[Bob O]

Thanks for the photo's, but the newer link from a yr ago comes back as no address!!

[preshi]

well it doesn't matter... those pictures don't do either of us justice. I don't have a newer one here.

[minniepumpernickel]

I think that you need to decide how unhappy you are? Are you profoundly unhappy? I hate to see people stay in marriages when they shouldn't, but only you can make that decision.

I sincerely hope that everything works out for the best for you!:D

[Boots]

Bunches of cyber {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} to you!

[Michelle]

Uhh, ratsrule and Bob, perhaps a current issue of Playboy would satisfy your needs. :rolleyes:

Preshi, no one should have to feel depressed for 13 years. I hope you do get some individual counseling to help.

You're a beautiful girl and it's nice to get attention for your beauty, there's nothing wrong with that. The bigger issues are your depression and whether or not your marriage is right for you. I wish you all the best as you work through it all.

{{{Hugs}}}

[Chrissi Pooh]

Oh Preshi.....I am sorry you are going through this!! I did the same thing for a while and i can tell you from my experience that seeing the counselor is good for trying to shine some light on things you may have no thought about but it cannot and will not make the decisions any easier!!!
Hugs to you and your aunt and if you need someone to talk to look around there is always someone there!!!! Good Luck Girl!!!

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'm sorry you're hurting. You're looking for external validation, though, and that will never make you happy. Everyone wants to be appreciated, but is it worth anything if the only thing appreciated is your looks?

As someone who has bouts of depression, I know there's help available if you are willing to be honest with yourself.

[Lars624]

Preshi - I don't have any advice for you....just wanted to send you some support & a big {{{{hug}}}}.
Sorry to hear about your Aunt.

[allicat]

Its easy for attention and the excitement of being out at a club to make you feel good when you are feeling depressed and there are problems on your mind.
It seems like you want things to work with your husband since you are attending counseling.
My Mom always used to say to me growing up "You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else"
Maybe if you can talk to someone about your depression and get conseling and possibly medication, things will start to look up for you.
Im sorry about your Aunt.

[Kitty 34]

Many, many {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} to you, Preshi!

[Serena]

Meagan, I think that maybe what's going on with your aunt may be affecting other things right now. I would wait, let yourself grieve, and in a few months see how things are settling. I imagine it feels good to get lots of attention, but it may be affecting you more than normal right now.

{{{hugs}}} and don't give up when you have something that can be good.

Although I'm not sure I'm the person to answer a question about marriages. :rolleyes:

[Bob O]

Webmaster Michele if you have a current company of Playboy let me know, i will e-mail you my address!!

[Dan Murphy]

I can only pass on my good wishes to you and Patrick, Meagan. So sorry to see the recurrent down feelings you have and agree with several others here who have said individual counseling may additionally be very helpful. 13 years is 2/3's of your life, much too long to suffer like that. Only having your pictures from the past to go by, you are a beautiful woman, so don't let that get you down.

My best, Meg, and my continued prayers for your aunt. {{Hugs}}


Dan

[Michelle]

Bob, sorry, I think your local newstand will be your best bet. :p

[Bob O]

The stores i go to dont sell that type of magizene!!!