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nepean
12-06-2010, 02:16 PM
DD is bringing BF with us this year. They are both in college and working PT. He makes more than I do. They do not have any student loans with scholarships and living at home. Since he is coming we have changed our hotel reservations from a one bedroom suite to 2 bedrooms. The additional cost is approx. $1000. We are driving down so there is no additional transporation costs. He is bringing his own spending money, paying for his Disney ticket and most meals. I will provide snacks, food on the road (cooler), breakfast is included in the room rate.

My question is should he be expected to contribute to the additional room cost or am I being cheap thinking he should. He is eating here at our home 40% of the time and seems to almost live here. His home family life stinks and he stays away as much as possible. His family do not treat my DD similarly for anything. They tend to be only interested in themselves. I do not want to be used (which I am sometimes feeling) but I do not want to be taken advantage of. He has never travelled even though his parents take at least two trips a year. And yes he most certainly has the cash available. He drives a brand new truck and eats out when he doesn't eat here.

Nepean

kirstenb1
12-06-2010, 02:20 PM
I wouldn't ask for money. This is like when we invite one of dd's friends to the movies or out to dinner with us (of course a trip to WDW is on a much grander scale!!) You're very sweet to include him. If his home life really is icky, it makes this trip that much more of a treat.

pearlieq
12-06-2010, 02:20 PM
I don't think asking him to contribute would have been out of line, given that his presence required you getting a bigger room, but that would have needed to be discussed when he first asked to be included.

I'm assuming that's all done and settled now and has been for a little while. With that being the case, I don't think you can go back and ask him to kick in. That ship has sailed for this trip, but something to keep in mind for next time.

Darcy03231
12-06-2010, 02:21 PM
Did you invite him or did he invite himself? and, if he did invite himself how long have you known about the extra cost.

If you invited him you should pay - he's your guest.

If he invited himself I would have let him know the lodging cost as soon as I found out what it would be and ask him to pay the difference.

If you've known about this for a while, changed the reservation without saying anything and now months later are looking for reimbursement - I think its a bit late and you'll look cheap.

DVCBELLE
12-06-2010, 02:24 PM
If you invtied him to go then I do not think you should expect him to pay any extra.

I personally think there is a lot to be said for including him as part of the family. Having him as a part of your family now will carry over into a marriage and they will always be close with you.

Mrs. Charming
12-06-2010, 02:32 PM
I wouldn't ask. He's already paying for his ticket, some meals, etc, so that's an "A" in my book. If he offers to pay for his share, I'd probably decline anyway. If he offered more than three times, I'd say he could pay for some other thing like tolls, snacks, etc.

Marionnette
12-06-2010, 02:45 PM
DD is bringing BF with us this year. They are both in college and working PT. He makes more than I do. They do not have any student loans with scholarships and living at home. Since he is coming we have changed our hotel reservations from a one bedroom suite to 2 bedrooms. The additional cost is approx. $1000. We are driving down so there is no additional transporation costs. He is bringing his own spending money, paying for his Disney ticket and most meals. I will provide snacks, food on the road (cooler), breakfast is included in the room rate.

My question is should he be expected to contribute to the additional room cost or am I being cheap thinking he should. He is eating here at our home 40% of the time and seems to almost live here. His home family life stinks and he stays away as much as possible. His family do not treat my DD similarly for anything. They tend to be only interested in themselves. I do not want to be used (which I am sometimes feeling) but I do not want to be taken advantage of. He has never travelled even though his parents take at least two trips a year. And yes he most certainly has the cash available. He drives a brand new truck and eats out when he doesn't eat here.

Nepean
Did you invite him on this trip? If so then you pay. Hes your guest. IMO, it doesnt matter if he has student loans, a brand new car or a better paying job than you have. If there were any expectations for him to foot the bill for anything more than his personal expenses (tickets and food) then it should have been discussed when the invitation was extended. It seems kind of unfair to spring it on the kid now.

BTW, I always find it interesting when people think they know how much cash someone else has available based soley on outward appearances.

branv
12-06-2010, 02:59 PM
Did you invite him or did he invite himself? and, if he did invite himself how long have you known about the extra cost.

If you invited him you should pay - he's your guest.

If he invited himself I would have let him know the lodging cost as soon as I found out what it would be and ask him to pay the difference.

If you've known about this for a while, changed the reservation without saying anything and now months later are looking for reimbursement - I think its a bit late and you'll look cheap.


ITA :thumbsup2

Of course, you could also be in the position that he didn't invite himself, you didn't invite him, but your daughter did without checking first. But even then, the responsibility was still on you to say something in the beginning. It's too late now. If you let this eat at you, it will just be biting off your own nose to spite your face. Chalk it up to lesson learned and enjoy your vacation :goodvibes

For the record, he may not knowingly be a sponge. I know even in my early 20's I was pretty clueless sometimes despite being on my own. He probably just doesn't even realize what he should be doing or offering in this situation, so it may help your irritation to look at it as him not knowing better rather than being deliberately self-involved.

nepean
12-06-2010, 03:43 PM
"BTW, I always find it interesting when people think they know how much cash someone else has available based soley on outward appearances."

I actually do know exactly how much cash he has since I do the books for his home reno business. I see the bank statements each and every month and help him do his quotes. I do not charge him for my services even though this is my part time business.

Originally the deal was that he would install new hardwood flooring in the house with my DH help and he would come to Florida with us in return. Then his father told him to get paid since you "never know". He then came in with his helper and did the flooring and I paid him the full invoice as if I was any other client. We have discussed the trip several times and he was aware that we were going to change the hotel space since he was coming. I somehow feel that I am now paying twice. He definately did not give me a discount on the job he did. DD is upset with him since she sees him taking and taking and not reciprocating and sees his parents as always taking advantage if at all possible. DD always pays for snacks etc. and helps out on trips to her ability. I am just afraid that he is a free loader and it would be better if we all found out now.

nepean
12-06-2010, 03:44 PM
"BTW, I always find it interesting when people think they know how much cash someone else has available based soley on outward appearances."

I actually do know exactly how much cash he has since I do the books for his home reno business. I see the bank statements each and every month and help him do his quotes. I do not charge him for my services even though this is my part time business.

Originally the deal was that he would install new hardwood flooring in the house with my DH help and he would come to Florida with us in return. Then his father told him to get paid since you "never know". He then came in with his helper and did the flooring and I paid him the full invoice as if I was any other client. We have discussed the trip several times and he was aware that we were going to change the hotel space since he was coming. I somehow feel that I am now paying twice. He definately did not give me a discount on the job he did. DD is upset with him since she sees him taking and taking and not reciprocating and sees his parents as always taking advantage if at all possible. DD always pays for snacks etc. and helps out on trips to her ability. Things have changed dramatically since the offer was first extended and he changed the rules. I am just worried that he is a free loader.

DVCBELLE
12-06-2010, 04:02 PM
"BTW, I always find it interesting when people think they know how much cash someone else has available based soley on outward appearances."

I actually do know exactly how much cash he has since I do the books for his home reno business. I see the bank statements each and every month and help him do his quotes. I do not charge him for my services even though this is my part time business.

Originally the deal was that he would install new hardwood flooring in the house with my DH help and he would come to Florida with us in return. Then his father told him to get paid since you "never know". He then came in with his helper and did the flooring and I paid him the full invoice as if I was any other client. We have discussed the trip several times and he was aware that we were going to change the hotel space since he was coming. I somehow feel that I am now paying twice. He definately did not give me a discount on the job he did. DD is upset with him since she sees him taking and taking and not reciprocating and sees his parents as always taking advantage if at all possible. DD always pays for snacks etc. and helps out on trips to her ability. Things have changed dramatically since the offer was first extended and he changed the rules. I am just worried that he is a free loader.
In light of this information-

You all need to have a discussion.

I would start with charging him to keep his books. If he charged you for his service then you definitely need to start charging him. Tell him that his dad was right and that it is best that you protect yourself like he did for the flooring. Then discuss with him that the flooring was supposed to be for the trip and since he ended up charging you for the flooring - you will need to charge him for the trip.

mjkacmom
12-06-2010, 05:00 PM
How many are going altogether? Do you still meet the occupany limit in a 1 bedroom? Where is he sleeping?

beansmom
12-06-2010, 05:18 PM
i think i would also be inclined to say 'btw, 'joe'...we had to get a second room and that cost XXX...you want to just pay your portion when we check in??'

MY DD just 'invited' us to take her bf along on our March trip. I told her that we'd pay her way down and buy her ticket but that he has to pay his own way. He can room with us but that's it.

Ciao Mickey
12-06-2010, 05:19 PM
"BTW, I always find it interesting when people think they know how much cash someone else has available based soley on outward appearances."

I actually do know exactly how much cash he has since I do the books for his home reno business. I see the bank statements each and every month and help him do his quotes. I do not charge him for my services even though this is my part time business.

Originally the deal was that he would install new hardwood flooring in the house with my DH help and he would come to Florida with us in return. Then his father told him to get paid since you "never know". He then came in with his helper and did the flooring and I paid him the full invoice as if I was any other client. We have discussed the trip several times and he was aware that we were going to change the hotel space since he was coming. I somehow feel that I am now paying twice. He definately did not give me a discount on the job he did. DD is upset with him since she sees him taking and taking and not reciprocating and sees his parents as always taking advantage if at all possible. DD always pays for snacks etc. and helps out on trips to her ability. Things have changed dramatically since the offer was first extended and he changed the rules. I am just worried that he is a free loader.

He sounds like a freeloader or, at the very least, a taker. You need to have a talk with your daughter and I would tell her to *lose* this guy.

I can't believe he charged you full price to do the job...:sad2:

hffmnheidi
12-06-2010, 06:49 PM
Absolutely draw the line between family and profession starting now, before he may become one of the family and that's opening a whole can of worms down the road because 'you never know'.

If you are doing a job like keeping his books or helping with rate quotes, let him know as of the 1st of 2011-what your fee rates will be per job, per quotes, managing the books, ect... Then he can chose to pay you or find someone else. Don't be taken advantage of in a professional capacity! Don't let him weasel you into giving your services for free anymore if he whines and cries. If he has a business, he is certainly prepared to pay his help for their services.

You should start and maintain a client/employer relationship so if he is not dating your daughter at a later time/down the road, you keep things on a professional basis.

This trip seems like a wash, but if there is another trip down the road, be prepared in presenting him what his portion will be with the costs broken down on a spread sheet and give him plenty of time to save/pay the money. If he chooses not to pay, he doesn't go. Very sweet and simple.

QVCshopper
12-06-2010, 06:53 PM
I'm going to offer a different viewpoint. I don't know the BF, but I think some of the ideas (like the flooring job) are coming from his father. So, try to figure out what's from the BF and what's from his family; they often blend together. He doesn't sound bad, but I think you should charge for your bookkeeping services. Also, I would not ask for more money for this trip. What does your daughter think about his family? Just wondering it that's the issue.

nepean
12-06-2010, 07:03 PM
The one bedroom has one bed and a sleeper sofa, which my DD would have slept on. He is 6'3" and won't fit. Therefore, two bedrooms are needed. That will also give everyone some space.

He did charge me full invoice but he did do some extras that normally are charged for, so I saved a bit. He is just starting out on his own and doing very well thanks to my referrals which in turn got him more referrals. He does excellent work, presents well and is honest with the clients about costs. I often think that his self centered parents never taught him anything and I feel sorry for him. When he has been told how to do something or how to behave he takes note and has improved greatly. He started going to church with us last spring (he said to hear DD play) but now he goes all the time whether she plays or not. He has volunteered at the church and has clearly made friends. He told me he learns something new every week from someone at church. He seems surprised that people are supportive of him and interested in him. His mother is also a taker. She invited herself on a out of town day shopping trip and did not contribute to the tolls, gas, lunch or anything. In fact she would get herself a water or drink and not even ask if DD or I wanted anything. Upon arriving home at 7:30 pm. she got out of the car and told her DS that she was hungry and they were going out for supper. Needless to say DD and I were not invited. I realize that his parents are the example he has learned from but we don't act like that. DD would never go to their cottage for the day or weekend and not bring something. In fact they tell her what to bring. Since she bakes they actually order the type of pie they want. The same thing happened at Thanksgiving. They invited her to dinner and told her to bring lemon pie. I am happy that she knows to contribute but it should be a two way street.

The whole problem with this is that I like the guy. He is good to DD and when you point out to him something he should be doing or ask him to do something he is quick to react. But, on the other hand I do not want to be used and taken advantage of. I think I am going to speak to him and explain that he should contribute to the accomodations since I did pay for the flooring and originally I was to pay for the trip in full. He needs to learn that if you change the agreement there can be changes on the other side. DD feels that he should help pay. I think she is concerned that he is taking us for granted. Her friends have always hung out here and know that they are always welcome. But, they tend to show up with chips, drinks and always clean up their mess. They all share in the cost of their get togethers. He has seen this but still doesn't get the message. He may just be oblivious or he could be a taker.

Nepean

Douglas Bray
12-06-2010, 07:07 PM
A few years ago our family took a trip to Disneyworld and we did end up taking a freind of our daughters with us and it ment that we had to get two rooms at the Pop Century instead of one. Right off the top I made sure to let her parents know that the cost for her to come was 50 % of a room charge and her park tickets (went during Free Dining so almost no food cost).
This worked well as the girls had one room and my wife and I where in the second room with our 3 year old son.

If your deal was he would do your floor and get a trip for free, then he charged you for the floor, then if he still want's to go on the trip he needs to pay you the amount that you paid for the floor.

You also need to charge a fee for the services that you provide for him in doing his books as this would cost him if anybody else was to do them.

nepean
12-06-2010, 07:12 PM
DD does not like his family. She is polite and they probably have no idea what she thinks. On the other hand from what I have seen they probably don't care. She attends family functions brings a card or small gift to birthdays (no one else does) and offers to help in the kitchen or whatever needs to be done. Spent one weekend at the cottage cutting 2 acres of grass, piling a large amount of wood and cleaning. She said she wasn't going again since the parents sat and drank wine and watched her and BF do the work. She joking referrs to him as the family slave. Older brother left home at 18 and younger sister drinks and parties and is never home.

You are right in that most of the problems stem from his family and he hasn't sorted out what is him and what is their opinions. But, he needs to start stepping up. He did refer this month when I showed him his financials that he would soon be making enough that he would have to start paying me. I told him that he would soon be making alot more than me since I am semi-retired. I enjoy helping him get established but I am starting to feel uneasy.
Maybe I am just stressing and he is the one getting my attention.

Nepean

QVCshopper
12-06-2010, 07:30 PM
You are right in that most of the problems stem from his family and he hasn't sorted out what is him and what is their opinions. But, he needs to start stepping up. He did refer this month when I showed him his financials that he would soon be making enough that he would have to start paying me. I told him that he would soon be making alot more than me since I am semi-retired. I enjoy helping him get established but I am starting to feel uneasy.
Maybe I am just stressing and he is the one getting my attention.

Nepean

That's what I figured. I think he needs someone to show him the right way to act. So, maybe that's you. He's young, and parents really can set their ways on their kids, whether or not it's right. I came from a similar background. Anyway, best of luck and enjoy your trip!

Cruise
12-06-2010, 09:31 PM
It seems that your daughter thinks he should be paying part of his way. And, if they're in college, it sounds like they're both technically adults. Why isn't she the one asking him to pony up some money? I can understand why it might make her uncomfortable, but that's real life and it's very unfair of her to ask you to be the "bad guy" by asking for the money when she obviously feels like he should be contributing as well.

I know it's not as cut and dry as saying it, but honestly, if he wants to break up with her over it, then he probably isn't worth keeping. Just my $.02

carebee21
12-06-2010, 10:50 PM
In my opinion you should eat the cost. This should have been discussed and planned out once he asked for payment for the floor. I think it's unacceptable to ask for $1000 3 weeks prior to the trip, especially right around Christmas. You may see his books and have a general idea of what he makes, but you probably do not know about all of his debt or bills; For all you know, he helps his family out with large amounts of money monthly, or maybe he's setting money aside for a ring, wedding or house down the road for your daughter. Even if he does just have the money lying around, this really should have been discussed earlier.

Plus, if he had been told the cost sooner, he may have decided he wanted his own room or he wanted to stay at a value or moderate resort. He had no say in the room type, resort, etc. All of that was decided for him. I just remember when my DH and I were that age. If we had to fork over the money ourselves, we most certainly would not have stayed in the same room as my parents, when we could get our own room. So I think it's unfair to pick everything out for him and then spring the bill on him when he has no recourse this close to leaving to change to a different room or price range.

I would use this as your learning lesson for future trips with your daughter and her boyfriend/husband/family etc.

branv
12-06-2010, 10:51 PM
Your added information definitely changes the game. He sounds like a good guy who is benefiting from the positive influence and life-tutoring your family is giving him. But he's fighting years of bad habits, so it takes a while.

Personally, I would sit him down and say, "I want to talk to you about a situation that is making me feel uncomfortable. When we agreed to take you on the trip with us, you and I had an agreement that we would assume the added cost of another room to accomodate you in exchange for you doing our flooring. However, you instead opted to invoice us for that work, and therefore I don't think we should still be expected to cover the cost of your lodging. We are very excited about you joining us, but I think we can agree that the fair thing is for you to be responsible for the cost of your room."

From what you said about him, I'm sure he'll come around. Out of embarrassment, he may at first sputter or pout, but I bet he will understand eventually.

Princess Nancy
12-07-2010, 12:19 AM
Your added information definitely changes the game. He sounds like a good guy who is benefiting from the positive influence and life-tutoring your family is giving him. But he's fighting years of bad habits, so it takes a while.

Personally, I would sit him down and say, "I want to talk to you about a situation that is making me feel uncomfortable. When we agreed to take you on the trip with us, you and I had an agreement that we would assume the added cost of another room to accomodate you in exchange for you doing our flooring. However, you instead opted to invoice us for that work, and therefore I don't think we should still be expected to cover the cost of your lodging. We are very excited about you joining us, but I think we can agree that the fair thing is for you to be responsible for the cost of your room."

From what you said about him, I'm sure he'll come around. Out of embarrassment, he may at first sputter or pout, but I bet he will understand eventually.

Well put!!! I say do this! I would address the trip and address the payment for your services on his books at another time.

mjkacmom
12-07-2010, 08:30 AM
In my opinion you should eat the cost. This should have been discussed and planned out once he asked for payment for the floor. I think it's unacceptable to ask for $1000 3 weeks prior to the trip, especially right around Christmas. You may see his books and have a general idea of what he makes, but you probably do not know about all of his debt or bills; For all you know, he helps his family out with large amounts of money monthly, or maybe he's setting money aside for a ring, wedding or house down the road for your daughter. Even if he does just have the money lying around, this really should have been discussed earlier.

Plus, if he had been told the cost sooner, he may have decided he wanted his own room or he wanted to stay at a value or moderate resort. He had no say in the room type, resort, etc. All of that was decided for him. I just remember when my DH and I were that age. If we had to fork over the money ourselves, we most certainly would not have stayed in the same room as my parents, when we could get our own room. So I think it's unfair to pick everything out for him and then spring the bill on him when he has no recourse this close to leaving to change to a different room or price range.

I would use this as your learning lesson for future trips with your daughter and her boyfriend/husband/family etc.

Put me here, too. Does he have the option of an air mattress on the floor? How much are you going to charge him for the bedroom? He very well might prefer his own room. It sounds like you are resentful of his family, but all families are different. I'm in my 40's, and there is no way my parents would let us pay if we went out to dinner. I remember attending my sister's out of town college graduation with DH, when we were still dating. My parents paid for our hotel room.

nepean
12-07-2010, 10:10 AM
Well I did it. We had our monthly meeting to review the books and after we finished I told him that there were some other things we needed to discuss. I told him that I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable and wondering if I was being taken advantage of or that he was just not aware of the costs associated with him almost living here (40% of the time), the cost of the trip etc. He told me he also was uncomfortable and did not know how to contribute. He knows that we have been helping him out much more than just a BF and he really appreciates it. He told me that this past year plus has shown him that people actually do care about others and help them. He said that he was uncomfortable offfering me money for doing his books, or contributing to groceries or even offering to pay for lunch after church since DH always has the money out in a blink of an eye. He said his dad just ignores the bill until someone picks it up or if that doesn't work he pays it. His parents are not broke and own a nicer house than we do plus a beautiful cottage. He said he was planning to help pay for some meals, gas etc on the trip but he was worried about it since DH always has his money ready so fast. He then said he was trying to figure out how to help pay some of the added costs. I told him that I had offered the trip in lieu of the floor installation but that since I had paid for that the trip was like I was paying again. DH and I have decided that we will ask him for half of the cost of the additional room since DD will stay in there also.

Regarding my doing his books he said that he was planning to pay for my services as soon as things got a little better. He brought that up not me. I then told him that would be soon since he was making as much as many married men in our area. That actually shocked him. He is paying down his truck quickly and it will be paid for in less than two years from purchase.

It is actually funny now but I think that he was worried about it and did not know how to approach me. DD is now aware of the conversation and they have talked. She fully intends to nudge him when he thinks it is his turn to contribute. In our family finances are a family affair and everyone contributes to their ability.

Now if only the weather would warm up in Orlando I would be totally happy.

Nepean

DawnM
12-07-2010, 10:21 AM
He sounds like a keeper and I am glad you were able to talk to him.

snowywhite89
12-07-2010, 10:27 AM
He sounds like a keeper and I am glad you were able to talk to him.

I second this.

MissUndastood
12-07-2010, 10:30 AM
He sounds like a keeper and I am glad you were able to talk to him.

He does.:thumbsup2 Sounds like with just a little guidance, he will know what to do.

Princess Nancy
12-07-2010, 10:50 AM
:thumbsup2

Yeah! Enjoy your trip!!

How wonderful when everyone is mature and can discuss things reasonably!

nepean
12-07-2010, 07:19 PM
To bring this story to an end, BF arrived for dinner with DD after classes today. I was downstairs in my office and he came down to see me. He pulled out his wallet and handed me $500 for the room. He told me he would give me the rest before we left. I told him that DH and I had discussed the additional cost and we were more than satisfied with$500 since we knew DD would be in the room with him. He smiled sheepishly and said he hoped so but didn't know how we would feel about that. He told me that he appreciated that I had been up front with him and that he didn't always know how to react to things since no one at home ever tells him anything. I told him I would be happy to slap him on the back of the head regularly if necessary to keep him in line. He went back upstairs laughing and yelled down that supper smelled ready and that he was super hungry. I am happy that I did confront him and not let this build up inside. Now I don't head off to the world wondering if DD BF is a taker.

Thanks for all the support and advice. This isn't something to discuss with close friends because they will never forget it and may end up with the wrong opinion of him.

Nepean

nancygirl1
12-07-2010, 07:54 PM
Good for you for acting like an adult through this whole thing. Also, for giving him the opportunity to step up and take responsibility for himself and his actions. Your family is an example to this young man on how healthy families live and work with one another. You and your family have made a lasting and life long impact on his life. Whether he realizes it or not, his life has been forever changed (for the best) because of your love and guidance.

Cruise
12-07-2010, 09:38 PM
Thanks for all the support and advice. This isn't something to discuss with close friends because they will never forget it and may end up with the wrong opinion of him.

Nepean

I'm glad it all worked out in the end and everyone is happy with the outcome. :flower3:

And you're absolutely right about there being some things that are just better to ask strangers about. To this day, my sister knows there's things I don't tell her about my husband cause we both know she'd end up hitting him in the back of the head every time she saw him if I did. :rotfl:

ajk912
12-08-2010, 07:54 AM
Did you invite him or did he invite himself? and, if he did invite himself how long have you known about the extra cost.

If you invited him you should pay - he's your guest.

If he invited himself I would have let him know the lodging cost as soon as I found out what it would be and ask him to pay the difference.

If you've known about this for a while, changed the reservation without saying anything and now months later are looking for reimbursement - I think its a bit late and you'll look cheap.

I agree with everything posted here.

leadfootlevi
12-08-2010, 08:13 AM
And you're absolutely right about there being some things that are just better to ask strangers about. To this day, my sister knows there's things I don't tell her about my husband cause we both know she'd end up hitting him in the back of the head every time she saw him if I did. :rotfl:

I can't agree with this more. This is a hard lesson to learn and I learned it the hard way. It's one piece of advice that I give out to anyone who will listen.

dallastxcpa
12-08-2010, 11:13 AM
Wonderful that everything worked out and now you can enjoy your vacation. This young man sounds like he may make a great son-in-law some day. :)

mom to minnie&mickey
12-08-2010, 12:23 PM
"BTW, I always find it interesting when people think they know how much cash someone else has available based soley on outward appearances."

I actually do know exactly how much cash he has since I do the books for his home reno business. I see the bank statements each and every month and help him do his quotes. I do not charge him for my services even though this is my part time business.

Originally the deal was that he would install new hardwood flooring in the house with my DH help and he would come to Florida with us in return. Then his father told him to get paid since you "never know". He then came in with his helper and did the flooring and I paid him the full invoice as if I was any other client. We have discussed the trip several times and he was aware that we were going to change the hotel space since he was coming. I somehow feel that I am now paying twice. He definately did not give me a discount on the job he did. DD is upset with him since she sees him taking and taking and not reciprocating and sees his parents as always taking advantage if at all possible. DD always pays for snacks etc. and helps out on trips to her ability. I am just afraid that he is a free loader and it would be better if we all found out now.



Do not be "afraid" that he is a free loader, be "sure" he is one. Sorry, but what is the matter with you? This is not a struggling student. You do his books for free (even though you get paid by other clients) and yet you had to pay him full price no discount for the work he did for you. Sounds like he has more than enough money to pay you for your services AND Disney. If the deal was as you say, then yes you would be paying twice. Also, stop giving so much to him as I am sure your dd gets nothing in return from his side. You claim he is in a bad situation with his own family and he stays with you a lot but when his father spoke to him about payment he listened to him and did not care about breaking his deal with your family. If it were me all freebies would stop ASAP. Next time he comes over (if he's not there right now) tell him you got an unexpected bill (repair of something, pay cut, anything) and you will not be able to pay the extra on the hotel (and sound sad about it). If he offers to pay then great, if not and he does not go to WDW then he was only using you all along.
I have been in many situations where I gave and others took endlessly. Even though I felt that is what they were doing I did not speak up and found out that when the "gravy train" was stopped by me so did their friendship.

mom to minnie&mickey
12-08-2010, 12:26 PM
Do not be "afraid" that he is a free loader, be "sure" he is one. Sorry, but what is the matter with you? This is not a struggling student. You do his books for free (even though you get paid by other clients) and yet you had to pay him full price no discount for the work he did for you. Sounds like he has more than enough money to pay you for your services AND Disney. If the deal was as you say, then yes you would be paying twice. Also, stop giving so much to him as I am sure your dd gets nothing in return from his side. You claim he is in a bad situation with his own family and he stays with you a lot but when his father spoke to him about payment he listened to him and did not care about breaking his deal with your family. If it were me all freebies would stop ASAP. Next time he comes over (if he's not there right now) tell him you got an unexpected bill (repair of something, pay cut, anything) and you will not be able to pay the extra on the hotel (and sound sad about it). If he offers to pay then great, if not and he does not go to WDW then he was only using you all along.
I have been in many situations where I gave and others took endlessly. Even though I felt that is what they were doing I did not speak up and found out that when the "gravy train" was stopped by me so did their friendship.




Sorry, just read your ending. Glad everything turned out fine but I would keep my eye on him and his family anyways. Have a magical vacation.:)