Something has been bothering me.. I need opinions.. Could some of you please help?

[C.Ann]

I need to hear your opinions on something I did and I just hope I'm thick-skinned enough to deal with the responses I may get..

As most of you know, I'm up here to the lake.. Last Friday there was a storm and as a result of a lightning strike my friends summer place burnt to the ground.. As many of you also know, my 3 year old granddaughter is here every single weekend..

Well - she's absolutely terrified of thunder and lighining storms and unfortunately - because we're in the mountains at a lake - 99% of the time the storms here are particularly severe..

On Saturday my granddaughter heard everyone talking about the fire and how my friends place had burned all the way to the ground and she asked me how the fire started.. I lied.. :( I said I wasn't sure but I had heard that there may have been some children playing with matches or a lighter.. I just didn't want her to connect the storms here with such a devastating event because it would only increase her fears and also cause her to worry about her grandpa and I being up here all the time.. (Especially since she thinks that any kind of fire or smoking will cause her grandpa to "blow up" due to the oxygen..)

Now I feel terribly guilty that I lied to her though.. Is lying ever justifiable - or should I have just told her the truth??

Go ahead - lay it on me.. I can take it.. (I think..) :(

[JasonLyons]

this anit nothing, gives us some good dirt and we will lay it on you

[hulabird]

All you are guilty of is protecting your granddaughter, and I think that is ok...if she knows the truth she could be totally afraid anytime it even rains outside, and let's face it, the awful tragic thing that happened to your friend is not an every day event (Thank God) and why should she have to be fearful all the time because of one tragic incident? You did the right thing in my opinion, in the same position I'd do the same thing.

[Mskanga]

C.Ann, she's too young to know the truth and I honestly don't think she would completely understand. I would have done the same thing you did . When she gets a little older tell her the truth but for right now , there's no need to make her more afraid.

[binny]

gotta go with Jason here.

Sometimes we do things like this to protect the ones we love. You DGD is one of these cases IMHO

What else could you have done? If you HAD told her the truth you might have instilled a life long fear of storms or at best, an even MORE substantial fear of the storms than she allready has.

I think you did the right thing.

as far as the lying being ok ever... I think that is such a broad statement. I like to think of myself as a very honest person but we all have to do what we think is right... especially where our children are concerned. :)
Hang in there hon youre doing fine :)

[Disney Doll]

C.Ann, don't sweat it. I'd have done the same thing.

[KimRaye]

You did the right thing. {{HUGS}}:smooth:

[Serena]

C. Ann, you are a wonderful person and a terrific grandma. Trust your instincts, you love that girl.

[poohandwendy]

Cann,
Don't be so hard on yourself, you did what you thought was the right thing, and I think it was the best thing under the circumstances. You know your GDD, trust your instincts....

[caitycaity]

i definately think you did the right thing. you did it out of love for your dgd, and she's only 3. :)

[Lars624]

You did nothing wrong at all. My house was hit by lightening a few years ago (on my 30th b-day...kinda freaky) and since then my DD who was 6 at the time has been afraid of storms, it was worse in the beginning but she has gotten less scared with time. Protecting your granddaughter from a life long fear definately makes "fibbing" to her a good thing.

[EROS]

I would have told her the truth...........

[mickey4ver]

Originally posted by EROS
I would have told her the truth...........

Should that statement surprise us??;) ;) ;)

Only you can be the judge of how your child/grandchild reacts to certain situations, and I feel you did what you thought was right for the child at this time. Don't let it worry you.

[EROS]

Sorry that you didn't like my opinion, mickey4ver. I guess that the "politically appropriate" response, echoed by all other posters, is that C.Ann did the right thing. I have a 5 year old and OFTEN have been in her shoes. I don't ever go out of my way to frighten him with unsolicited information ; there are many scary things in the world that he'll learn about in due course. However, I always answer his queries honestly. You may choose to raise YOUR children differently......

[mickey4ver]

Ok Eros, I will yield to you on this one....I guess you didn't see my little smiley/winky faces after my retort. I do disagree with your opinion, but I certainly think you are entitled to it, and hope you will agree that others are at liberty to state theirs.

I do like to have fun on the boards too, so sorry if my statement offended you.

That's the beauty of parenting, we all know what is appropriate for our own little ones.:D And I believe the OP did what was right for her grandchild at that given time.

[C.Ann]

Some how I knew that EROS would have a different view point.. But then again, EROS and I also have different view points on God - as well as several other issues.. That's okay though because I wasn't expecting all of the posters to "parrot" one another.. I wanted honest opinions and that's what I'm getting..

Thanks to all who feel I did in fact do the right thing though.. I really have struggled with this since last Saturday, but when it comes to my granddaughter I guess I would do just about anything to put her little mind at ease.. I'm sure I may make some mistakes along the way, but as long as she never has any reason to doubt my love for her I'm sure we'll be just fine..

Thanks all! :)

[mickey4ver]

C. Ann you went with your heart and mind on this one! I object to Eros saying that we are saying the "politically appropriate" reply. Horse feathers! I gave my own honest opinion. If I felt otherwise, I would have said so, (in a nice way mind you);)

Looks like most are agreeing with your actions, but wait til morning, when the rest of the crew wakes up;) ;)

Take care of that little one while you can, she'll be grown up soon enough and she'll be telling you things so YOU don't get scared;)

[DocRafiki]

You did good.

But, if you REALLY wanted everyone's true opinion, why did you only thank those who agreed with you?

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by EROS
I guess that the "politically appropriate" response, echoed by all other posters, is that C.Ann did the right thing. I have a 5 year old and OFTEN have been in her shoes. I don't ever go out of my way to frighten him with unsolicited information ; there are many scary things in the world that he'll learn about in due course. However, I always answer his queries honestly. You may choose to raise YOUR children differently...... There was nothing PC about MY response. We're ALL in her shoes Quite Often! Just my gut feeling about leaving out certain things that a 4-5yo doesn't need to trouble themselves about. YOU may choose to raise YOUR DS differently.

So, I'm curious, is there NO Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy in your house? Or, if so, maybe you haven't been ASKED yet by DS? :confused:

BTW, There's nothing wrong, imo, by being with the majority or with the minority, it's all our own opinions. Freedom of speech, right? ;)

[CamColt]

While Im one who usualy believes in being total honest, I do feel what you did is fine. At her age, something like that which she shouldnt have to worry about isnt worth the fear, possible nightmares, etc...
I remember as a kid I was afraid of trees falling on our house. My mother took my stuffed Minnie Mouse and let it fall against a pole in our house. She told me that if a tree fell it would slide right down like Minnie did. I now know thats not true, but at the time it made me stop worrying. Looking back I wouldnt have wanted her to tell me that yes a tree could fall and crash through our ceiling killing me in my bed.

[The Mystery Machine]

At 3yrs old and knowing she is afraid of storms, nope I would lie too.
My 11yo is PHOBIC still about storms.

[tiggereyore]

Hi the one thing I didn't see listed... Was she there at the time this happened or did she arrive to find this had already happened? I'm not really sure that it would matter unless she starts to ask ??'s later. Back in June a neighbors house burned
( 4 yr old refrigerator motor seized) This happened just about bedtime and my 4yr old is very sensitive he saw the fire trucks flying past our house (1 fireman reported doing 70 through the S's below our house) we'll first reports it was no one we new second report it was our post mistress's house. My DH went to help not much anyone could do. They lost 2 pomerainines and a cat and their oldest dog, 1 dog (Brent) and 1 cat survived. Because Levi saw the trucks and he has to pass this house on the way to my M&D's every morning I HAD to tell him. ( This was not easy but I saw no way of getting around it I got blasted from family for telling the truth.) Needless to say I bit the bullet and told him all he wanted to know and guess what his response was??.... " Momma what can we do to help them"? I wanted to cry. So all day long I thought about this. I own a pharmacy so I put a huge basket of nesscities(?) together and the 2 of us brought them down to Sandy and Real. Levi understands that bad thing s sometimes happen but not that often. He still asks about it but has seen them put their life back together and that has really helped. I think you did the right thing but also should try to find a way to help her get over that fear. Hope this helps.

[believe]

It it up to each parent to decide on what they will and won't tell their children.
Personally, I would have done my best to tell her the truth. I wouldn't want her questioning me when she 'over hears' the real cause.

[TigerBear]

Of course you are protecting your dgd...but if it were me, my lie would have just been "I don't know" rather than giving her a specific reason that is untrue.