Sad today.

[GEM]

I'm just feeling really sad today, and I thought I'd come and hang out over here for a while. Some of you guys know that I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. It was our first baby and we were so thrilled. I'm doing pretty good, but sometimes I just still feel so sad and lost. I guess what is making it worse is that the people all around me are just acting like nothing happened. Like I just had a cold or something. I didn't get a single card or phone call or anything - although I did get tons of wonderful support from the people here on the DIS. It's not that I really wanted anything like that, I just wanted someone to acknowledge the loss of our baby. I know they are trying to not upset me, but the fact that nobody will mention it or talk about it at all is making it really hard on me. It makes me feel like this pregnancy and this baby weren't any big deal - but they were to me. Anyway, I didn't want to bring you all down. I just don't feel like I can talk about this to anybody in my "real" life because I don't want to upset them. My husband has been amazing, but he's been gone the past few days. His grandma passed away the week before last, and he has gone up to spend a few days with his grandpa. Thanks for letting me get that out. You guys are the best.

[JerseyJanice]

{{{hugs}}}

[tater bug]

GEM, I'm sorry you feel that way about RL. Maybe they don't know what to say to you. {{{hugs}}} to you.

[Pooh93]

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

[lisaschu]

Gem,

I miscarried last year and I know exactly what you're talking about. The grieving process is different for everyone and I found that talking about the loss helped me most. I was fortunate to have two people who understood I just needed to talk. They were supportive by just listening. I hope you can find one person who is willing to just listen. It helps a lot! I grieved for a long time, but I'm happy to say less than a year later I became pregnant again and we're now expecting our first bundle of joy sometime around Christmas. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lisa

[ChiTownZee]

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} I hope you feel better soon!

[yepod]

{{{{HUGS}}}}

[Robinrs]

There WILL be sad days, GEM, and the best advice a woman who had been in my situation told me that they never go away so expect them! It made me feel like I wasn't crazy...

I know how hard it is when people who care for you try to not acknowledge the baby. To you it meant so much, to them they never touched it or felt it or had a relationship with it. They are trying to protect YOU when you want someone to acknowledge the life you lost. Realize, and I know how hard this is, that they mean no harm.

Keep coming here for a shoulder. There are lots here and it is amazing how just getting this out can make you feel. It's like medicine to the mind!

God bless you!

Robinrs

[Dan Murphy]

A big {hug}, GEM, and continued good wishes for you and your hubby. I can't imagine the sorrow of what you and several others here on the DIS just recently, and so very many over the course of past years, have experienced with the loss of a baby. So sad it is. Life is so very precious and dear. God bless you both, GEM, and your baby also.

[browneyes]

{{hugs}} I'm sorry you're feeling sad.:( I think people may not know what to say to make you feel better and that's why they haven't said anything. {{hugs}}

[Lars624]

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this.:( My heart goes out to you. Sometimes the people you're close to are afraid of saying anything about the baby because they're afraid of upsetting you more. Maybe if you bring the subject up first with a family member or good friend they will feel more comfortable in helping you with your grief. Often times people aren't sure what to say so they say nothing at all, I don't think they mean to hurt you with their silence, but I think they mean just the opposite.

[Amy]

Oh Gem, I know what you're going thru, and it hurts so much! DH and I lost our first baby, a little girl, at 27 weeks. I had to go thru labor and deliver a baby we knew was already dead, and then I was off work for 6 weeks of "maternity" leave. You wouldn't believe how many people acted like I was home on vacation; no one wanted to acknowledge that I was recovering from child birth, and grieving the loss of our daughter.

What helped me: I had ONE friend (sadly, only one) who would sit there and listen. She'd never been thru anything like that, but she listened and asked questions. I also found a support group at our local hospital specifically for parents who'd suffered miscarriages and stillbirths. I don't think I missed one single meeting of that support group; I even attended while pregnant with our oldest DS because I was terrified of losing another baby.

Please, if you need a shoulder, feel free to send me a pm - I'll listen! Hang in there; you'll never forget, but the pain does lessen a bit with time. {{hugs}}

[bananiem]

I know from several friends and my sister that many people just don't know what to say or do so they do nothing, unfortuantely. I'm glad your dh is being supportive and that you can come to us, but it would be nice to have real arms give you a hug instead of cyber hugs. {{{HUGS}}} We're all here for you.

[Kteacher]

{{{{{hugs}}}}} to you Gem. I miscarried twice before I was able to have our second child. I almost felt like my friends were avoiding me. I know how sad it can be:( Please know that it does get better. I am thinking of you

[helenabear]

{{{hugs}}} to you. I can't add much more than what was already said. Just know that we are here for you whenever you need us. I am glad to hear that your DH is such a support to you as well. You and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers.

[tc]

I am so sorry you are feeling blue. I have never lost a baby, so I don't know what you're feeling, but I can imagine the loss of it all. I agree with lisaschu, others did not have the chance to fall in love like you did. The baby was real to you. Prayers and pd continue from out west. I am so glad you have the dis to share things with. There are others here who are going through this same tragedy, I hope you can give each other the support you need. {{{{HUGS}}}} to you.

[s&k'smom]

Gem if you are ever in Massachusetts there are a lot of Diser's here who would love to buy you a cup of coffee and talk to you about it. I think maybe your friends just don't know what to say. I'm sure they care but are afraid. God bless you are your hubby.

[dizneenut]

I'm sorry your feeling sad! :( :(
{{{hugs}}}

[GEM]

Thanks once again for the kind words. I really can't tell you what they mean to me. I know that most people in my life are just trying to protect me by not mentioning the whole thing, but it only makes me feel like I'm crazy for still feeling sad about it. I knew you guys would understand. You always do.

[Kama89]

I'm so sorry GEM. :( http://worldzone.net/family/kama89//grouphug.gif

[tiggerlover]

{{{HUGS}}} GEM. I know exactly how you are feeling because the same thing happened to me when I had my miscarriage. I honestly believe that people aren't intentionally being mean, they just haven't got a clue what it is like for us. Your baby was real, your feelings are real and the feeling of loss is real and many people just don't get it and it is a shame because those we care about most could give us the most comfort. I was lucky (if you want to call it lucky) but both of my sisters had miscarriages before me so they knew what it was like and they were supportive (as supportive as one can be living so far away), but for the rest of the family and our friends they didn't get it and it was hurtful. As someone said, it will get better, but for the time being hang in there and just allow yourself to grieve and know that your DIS friends are here with unconditional support.

Debbi

[Boots]

We all care about you!! {{{{{HUGS}}}}} I know this must be an extremely had time for you. Please know that I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[ILUVDXL]

GEM, I don't often talk about this but I lost all of my six children to miscarriage. I'ts a difficult time for everyone and I found most people say nothing because they just don't know what to say. Believe me when I tell you they all feel very sad but just are trying to be kind by not saying anything in the hope they won't upset you further. (((HUGS)), sweetie. I understand how you feel.

[glo]

Hugs sweetie. You are right people really are probably trying not to upset you firther. It is something that is really a difficult situation. I am so sorry for your loss, it is such a horrible thing to have to go through. I think that some people just do not understand how profound the loss is even at the early stages. Others don't want to remind you and upset you all over again. Just know that no one is doing anything to purposely hurt you I am sure. Keep coming here, you will always find someon to listen and share with.

Hugs and take care
We care!!!
{{{HUGS}}}

[jldriscoll]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}} GEM Fell better :(

[Dream]

Gem, I have been thinking about you. As I told you in a pm...I have walked where you are now. In my case people said nothing when they just didn't know what to say and saying nothing meant there was no risk of saying the wrong thing and hurting me more. I found that if I "lead the way" so to speak and let them know that talking about it was what i NEEDED, some folks would be more responsive. There are always those who cannot handle the pain themselves and the only way to deal with it is ignoring the whole thing. I agree with other posters who have said to seek out those people who are comfortable being a shoulder for you. They are there and they do care...they just need a boost from you. Good luck and hang in there....and remember you always have us!

[tkyes]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.



{{{{hugs}}}}


tamie

[Saffron]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way GEM. {{{{Hugs}}}} Sometimes people don't say anything because they don't know what to say, other times they don't want to cause anymore pain to you. {{{{Hugs}}}}

[Claudia1]

Another sister here. I have lost two babies and I think that some people just don't think of them as babies unless they are close to term when born.

We know differently, though, and I hope that you rest here often. Grief is tough, no matter what the situation, and you are at home here.

Hugs to you and prayers for your comfort.

[MerryPoppins]

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all this. Find someone that you can open up to. I think if you start to talk, your friend will respond. Let someone know how you feel. A support group might be a great option. You'd be with a lot of ladies who would understand exactly what you are going through.

I agree that people just don't know what to say. And unfortunately, the baby just wasn't as real to other people yet as it was to you. Some people find it hard to grieve for someone they didn't know. It's different for you, since you were already in love with your baby. Hugs!

[nativetxn]

I'll listen and I'll talk with you GEM. I know exactly what you are saying. I've been in your situation too many times to even mention.

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. Remember that we are always here for you and that we care. Sorry you are feeling sad today.

PM is on the way to you

[Kallison]

I'm sure your friends and family don't mean to be unkind, they probably don't know what to say or do. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Kitty 34]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you, Gem.

[NHAnn]

I'm sorry for your loss and your sadness. :(
"Dream" said what I was thinking better than I could say it ;)

[NurseKim]

{{Hugs}} Gem.

[janette]

{{{HUGS}}} I hope your sadness gets a little easier.

[Kermit]

{{{Hugs}}} You're in my prayers.

Try not to let it bother you too much. People just don't understand what it's like. When I found out my pregnancy wasn't viable, I took them rest of that day and the next day off work. DH stayed home with me. My mom kept implying on the phone that DH should be back at work, even though it was his first child who had died. :rolleyes: I also just got past my baby's due date with no acknowledgement at all from any of my family. I know that they didn't forget the date because it was my mom's birthday. I guess they think that by ignoring it, I'll "get over it" sooner, but I don't want to ever get all the way over it. My baby died, and I'm going to carry some of the sadness for the rest of my life.