People are mean to teen mothers

[Kermit]

I know for a fact that people are mean to teen mothers because I apparently look like one. I'm 26, but people are always telling me they think I'm 16 or 17. And now I'm getting a lot of mean looks and rude comments now that I'm starting to show. Most of the comments haven't been too mean yet. People just very abruptly ask me how old I am. When I smile and say I'm 26, they get much nicer and tell me how nice it is that I waited so long.

I completely agree that teenage pregnancies are a huge problem, but the solution isn't to be mean to the girls who already are pregnant. We should provide unconditional support to those girls so that their children won't have all of the disadvantages that children of teenage moms could potentially have.

[Buckalew]

Amen, Kermit. What they need is support -- not judgement.

And remember this as your pregnancy progresses-- people say mean things to you anyway! :rolleyes:

[Dan Murphy]

Are you ALWAYS this nice, Amy? It sure does seem like it. :) I think if everyone was as nice as you, many of the ills of the world would be gone.

[Rock'n Robin]

I know that when one of my students gets pregnant (I have 1 or 2 a year lately, since I have juniors and seniors!!) I am really frustrated with them at first and at their lack of good judgement. But as they get bigger I get pretty supportive, and when they bring the babies in I turn into a baby-talking mess. Yes they made a mistake, but nothing they can do about it now, is there! And I love babies.
Robin M.

[Dizkneenurse]

As a former ( long time now former! ) teen mom I know exactly what you are saying.
Yep, I made a mistake but you don't know the lives these girls live or the situation they are in. People can be sooo mean and judgemental.
Dh and I waited to get married, both finished college and got jobs and have a GREAT life. True, I am the exception not the rule but you never know.. We are now expecting DS #3 in October and have been married for 8 years.
I think support and help are the best things to help all involved. And hey, my kid ( now 11) can be the one who cures cancer....so back off! LOL!;)

[helenabear]

I couldn't agree with you more Kermit!! Having seen several of my friends go through it as teens, I agree that they need support and not judgement.

[RobinMarie]

One thing I've realized is that if people are going to be mean, they'll always find a reason to be mean!

I truly believe any person who is mean to teenage mothers are also mean to women who are pregnant late in life "at YOUR age you're going to have a baby?", to single mothers by choice, "You're PREGNANT? I didn't even know you were MARRIED", or to mixed racial couples about to have a child, "Aren't you worried about what others will say about the baby?"

Congratulations on your good fortune!

[Katie]

I had my first at 17 also. There are alot of stereotypes ..that automatically get thrown on every teenage mother.

What I would like to tell them..is that I went to Xray school...make about 50,000 a year..my husband graduated from college and makes about double that..and we have 2 other kids after we got done with school(we did learn something!!!).

We have been married 15 years...and going strong. I think if these mothers are given half a chance..they will succeed. Of course, I am talking about teenage mothers of 1....the teenage mothers that have 2-3 ..probably don't have much sense!! LOL


It wasn't easy..and we had great parental support( THANKS MOM AND DAD)...ate lots of MAC&CHeese..and didn't do alot of fun things those first few years...but it all works out..doesn't it!

[Boots]

DD isn't pregnant, but she will be 27 in November. Every year and I mean every year someone will ask her if she is getting ready to graduate from high school. Once someone told her DH that he had a child bride and said it on the hateful side. What is so funny is she is older that he is!!! Back to your subject though I think there are some people who simply enjoy trying to hurt people. Don't know why but they are just there. HUGS to you!

[Princess_Aurora]

I was also a teen mom...a single teen mom. The daddy split and ended our three-year relationship. I wouldn't have made it without my parents and then latter on my DH who support DD and I before we got married and took on the role of daddy.

The worst thing was the rest of my family kept putting me down. They expected me to quit school and get a job. Then after I had her and was talking about going to college they had the nerve to tell me that I COULDN'T go to college becaue I had a child to take care of!

A few teachers treated me like crap too.

But getting pregnant at 16 saved me. I wasn't necisarially heading down the right path and I had no plans for the future. Not that I was a "bad" teen, I just wasn't "good". And now, "My future's so bright, I've gotta wear shades" :)

[EngrDaisy]

I am 24 now, but my mother was only 18 when I was born and she is the BEST MOTHER IN THE WHOLE WORLD as far as I'm concerned. My father was in the Navy and they got married five months before I was born. Because of my father's career, we lived okay. After they divorced thirteen years and two more children later, life was rough, but Mom pulled through. I do not think there is anything in the world that she would not do for me if it is in her power. I just cannot imagine anyone being disrespectful to her simply because she was a teenage mother.

I totally agree that teenage mothers need support. After all, they are about to raise a child. If the mother is shunned from society, how well will her child fare?

[ead79]

You are very right, Kermit. A good friend of mine got pregnant her first year in college (at 18), and some people were really hurtful. On the other hand though, some people were super nice and helped her in any way they could. She is a great mom!

[becka]

I understand what you mean.

I have always looked younger than my age. I am 26 and when I was pregnant I also got quite a few of the stares and comments. It really didn't help that I also have braces right now so I looked even younger.

[bumcat]

My youngest dd (16) has been treated for endometriosis for the last 1 1/2 yrs. She has had surgery, shots, bc pills, etc. We have made many trips to my gyno. office.
The stares that she gets when we walk in is just awful, of course every one thinks she's pregnant plus she looks younger than 16! The first time we went I was hoping that my dd wouldn't notice all eyes were on her, she did, and boy was she mad when we left. Now 1 1/2 yrs later she has adjusted to the stares and we just joke about it to ourselves.

[abaldacci]

i have found people look down their nose at others to make themselves feel better. i always try to look for good in people not bad. :D

[Tarasmom]

I had my DD when I was 20. When she was about a month old, I was eating lunch with a friend when an older couple came over and began to oooh and aaahhh over my DD. They asked if she was my sister or if I was babysitting ( I also look young for my age...now 24). When I told them she was my DD, they made awful faces and walked away without another word. I really thought I was going to cry....then I thought I was going to find them and tell them what I thought of them....then I chalked it up to ignorance and moved on.
Some people are just not nice.......and some really are very nice (like Dis'ers!).
Laura

[Claudia1]

I feel your pain. I always have the urge to let people know that my DD was raped, so that they will be sympathetic toward her instead of judgemental. Even with perfect strangers, I feel the words trying to burst out. She has had very few offensive situations but they will only increase as her baby grows up.

She will be 16 in December. Her baby will be talking & walking when she graduates from high school.

It's not the fact that she is a teen mother that is disturbing to me. I understand everything and have come to terms with it all. It's the looks & comments that she will have to endure for years to come. Wish I could smooth things out for her but I can only be there to support her.

[goofygirl]

Look on the bright side-Just be glad that you look young for your age! You'll be kind of sad later when people no longer mistake you for a teen, I know I was disappointed! So cherish your young looks while you've got 'em!

[Bob O]

I wouldnt make comments to somebody i didnt know but if it is your child or family member you should be supportive but also judgemental. The decisons they made getting themslsves into the situation of being a pregnant teenager should be judged and commented on. Or are you supposed to be happy that your child/family member was out carousing about in a flippant/sexual manner and you should be happy that they are now unwed/pregnant and a burden on society or other family members??? This non-judgemental type of thinking is the cause of alot of the societal problems we are now dealing with!!!

[Kermit]

I have to respectfully disagree with that statement, Bob O. Yes, teen pregnancy is a problem. But the problem can't be fixed once the girl is pregnant. She's going to figure out soon enough that she made a mistake. If people support her and enable her to continue her education so that she can someday support that child on her own without any help from the government or family, it's highly unlikely that she's going to get pregnant again until she's really ready.

On the other hand, if her family is mean to her and makes her feel like she has to leave her house (which they may do unintentionally because I can tell you that pregnant women are very hormonal :)), there's a good chance that at some point she'll run out of female friends and will end up living with a guy and may end up pregnant again. You can't correct past mistakes, but you can encourage people not to make the same mistakes again.

[dizneenut]

I know what you mean. I had my first DS when I was 19, and I got alot of looks, etc. DH & I both look younger than we are and people comment alot when they see us out w/ all 4 boys. It drives me nuts. :rolleyes:

[tinkerbell27]

Hi Kermit!

I too am alot older than I look. I'm 27 and look about 18.I also have two great kids, a 3 1/2 yr old and a 2yr old!!! I had a man (50ish) come up to me at the mall one time when I had both of my kids with me and he asked if they were mine- I smiled and told him yes, he shook his head and turned around and walked away :mad: .

[Princess_Aurora]

Bob O-
I've gotta disagree with you also. The reason a lot of teenaged mothers end up on the streets or on welfare is, most of the time, from nonsupportive familes. There's no reason you should critisize or judge them because in some cases there is no reason to.


I had a friend in high school who was 18, got engaged and had every reason to believe she would be with this man all her life. She wasn't "carousing about in a flippant/sexual manner" as you put it, and neither are about half of all pregnant teenagers. I was in a solid relationship when I got pregnant as a teen and so was my friend.

It turns out in most cases that the dad isn't as reasposible as the mom, but when they go out in public there's no way for people to tell by looking at them that they've just abandoned their child so they don't get any critisim.

*Stepping off soap box now.*

Sorry 'bout that...this is just kinda a sore subject for me because of the way I got treated when I was pregnant with DD.

[Bob O]

Well maybe the females on this site arent acting in a flippant manner sexually but from the teenagers i see everyday they are most definitely acting in that type of manner and under the mistaken belief a child will make their whole life better. Which in most cases doesnt but keeps the welfare cycle going around and around. And this non-judgemental attitude makes the problem worse. If you arent judgemental it will only encourage more teenagers to have kids out of wedlock which is a major cause of alot of societies problems today!!!

[tiggerlover]

I am sorry you are experiencing the meaness of people. There are a lot of crude people in this world, it is a shame they have to inflict their crudness on others.

{{HUGS}}

:bounce::wave::bounce:

[Gillian]

Kermit, you are lucky to look so young :)

Bob O, maybe the teenagers you see are really 26 year olds!

Seriously, I see your point, but becoming judgemental after these girls get pregnant is not going to help. Parental guidance to make sure it doesn't happen in the first place might have, but unless you are living that person't life, how can you know what is best?

It's also clear from the original post that society is VERY judgemental & unaccepting of teen pregnancies. But being mean to pregnant women is not going to change ANYTHING!

[dalepool]

I think the people who act coldly towards a "young mother" may have been a " younger Mom" themselves. I was 32 when I had my daughter---let me tell you being older isn't all that great either. Some of the children in my daughters Kindergarten class were the kids of children I had babysat for so many years before. A loving parent who nutures a productive human being is a blessing---No where did I see where there is an age requirement. I do know that as a parent I want my daughter to wait until she is financially, spiritially, and emotionally capable to raise --my grandchild" I also know that may not be the case----but no matter what I will be there for the long haul.

PattyN

[tigercat]

I was 19 when I had my first 21 for the second 23 and 24 for the 3rd & 4th. I am only 4'8 1/2" tall and at the time weighed 84 lbs. You can bet that I didn't look my age. I got stared at all the time and got a lot of comments. It was really difficult. The funny thing was I was married before I got pregnant for the 1st time. Now my dd also got pregnant and had a baby at 17. It was really difficult for her for she has become a really great Mum. She is now married (her dh has adopted her 1st) and they have a 2nd dd. It was not a great situation with her and we had many talks about the situation but in the end with family support things have worked out really great.
tigercat

[Pugsley]

Claudia, I'm so sorry about what happened to your DD. What an awful thing to have to go through.

[sydally9367]

Unfortuntely, I know EXACTLY how you feel Kermit. I am 26 as well, and I have two children. I am constantly getting an eye when I go out places, as I've been told I look alot younger than I really am. Especially living here on West Point, alot of older people tend to look down on me. I have alot of people ask me how hard it is to raise two kids being 18 and I laugh and say, I have no idea, I am 26 and didn't have my first child until I was 22-LOL. Sounds like you handle the situation with grace though, I know it's not always easy to do.