Decided NOT to return to work!

[susy]

I guess I will always be a SAHM!!!! After DS being so sick, I decided that my place is here . A few hundred dollars I would bring home a month (woman+ college degree= 0) wasn't worth the trouble . We do just fine on DH's salary. I just wanted more "extra" money for trips, new furniture,etc. Yes, I was just being selfish. You can't very well go on a trip, if you are sick and your life is in chaos, can you? After spending a teary (I don't cry easily) afternoon at my mom's , while DS was passed out for five hours, I decided that all the running around I would be doing, having my son in full time daycare (and paying for it)and having to split all the chores with DH after we both get home from work exhausted wasn't worth the little bit of money I would be bringing home (as a preschool teacher). Actually, I would be teaching the kindergarten. I do have a four year degree (I did graduate with a 3.8 from University of florida) and all they offered me was "between 8 and 9 dollars and hour". I don't think I could make much LESS than that doing ANYTHING!

Anyone else make a similar decision?

[JasonLyons]

what ever works for you

[Spinning]

Yes! Hardest and most difficult but wonderful choice! I made Almost 5 years ago!
SAHM wasn't something I planned on doing or to be truthful wanted but things just seemed to make it impossible to con't working and after long debate with DH I stopped( he wanted me home). My kids were 11 months and 3 I had returned to work after my maternity leave for 4 months.
I can finally say I am very settled now and so happy with my choice. But the initial first year was just shear shock. I felt like I lost my idenity and "who I was" I worked for 15 years full time in a great field. ( I worked in an early intervention program as a physical therapist assistant) Mom and wife title just seem to be I dont' know not as important as my "working" title! But now I know how important it is and how lucky I am to be home,
It isn't being selfish to want extra money for trips and just to spend that is normal. I still long for that paycheck! But with some changes in life style you will be surprised. Being able to do wash at off peak time, having the time to check the sales and really use coupon not running through fast food less wear and tear on your clothes and car you can save money and that few hunder a month is actually a not as much if that makes sense.
I admire women who can do it all but now that I have been home I know I don't want to go back to doing it all .
Find some mom's who are also home start walking in the park check out play grounds and really enjoy this time. Work will be ther in the future.

[janette]

Are you certified to teach? Public school usually pay more maybe you can wait until your DS is in school and then teach there. The pay would be better and you could probably keep his after school care at a minimum.

[Dream]

Susy, I made this decision years ago and it was the best thing I ever did! Good for you!!! There is no "job" that is more challenging or rewarding than being a Mom. Making the decision to be a SAHM was one that my dh heartily agreed with and , though at times over the years, it has meant a missed ski trip or fewer clothes or keeping that old car a little longer, it has also brought an air of peace to our little family...a simpler, easier pace. We are very very lucky to even have a choice to do this... I remind myself of this on the "bad" days!;) So dry those tears and run give your ds a great big hug!!!!

[JasonLyons]

I hate when women who dont work make themselfs sound better then women who do :mad:

[Mskanga]

I did 7 years ago , when I was working full time and dd1 was 18 months, she was in daycare full time, loosing weight, getting sick, mad everyday when we got home and since I was only coming home with $125 after paying for $150 for daycare, $30 in gas to go to work and another $25 in her food and diapers for daycare, and all that didn't include my lunch always from home.
I got laid off a week before we closed on our house but it didn't affect us in any way, I was upset in the beginning but unemployment was paying me more that what I was bringing home, so I collected and in the meantime I looked for another job to work weekends, in part so dh would know what it was like to stay home with kids and also to retain my sanity. Later on came dd2 and now I REALLY did need to get out of the house on weekends, so I'm still working weekends, I take care of the kids during the week and dh is in babysitting patrol as he calls it on weekends ( my kids are 5 and 9 now ) and my money is all the extras, besides my job is only a block away , so for me it's very convenient for many reasons.
So you see?? I made the same decision too , and I do not regret it!!

[Dream]

Whoa Jason***see white flag being waved here***!
Can we please not go through this tired argument again? ALL women are wonderful....working and SAH (notice I didn't say NON-WORKING)! In this great land of ours we have choices and the choice a woman makes is up to her and her individual situation. No one choice is better than the other. Us SAHM have caught a lot of flack for making that choice, which is why we band together to support one another in that choice! The "accepted" role for women today seems to lean towards the working Mom. Us SAHM are often seen as lazy or "less than ideal"....and it hurts. I could fill this page with hurtful things my in laws have said about me ...I am the only DIL who doesn't "work"!:rolleyes: So please don't confuse the supportive words here as being derrogatory towards those women who "work". It's not meant that way.

Peace brother!!;)

[The Mystery Machine]

I am a SAHM too, dds 5 & 11. This could be the last year for me,
:( or :p . Youngest dd starts K this year (half day). Next year they will both be in school full time. The time went by quickly.

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I went through this, too. Before Belle, I was an electrical engineer (good $$), but I wanted to be with her. It was tough at first, but it was also such a privelege to be with her. Then we had Buzz. He NEVER would have survived day care! The second year of his life, in particular, we had major problems with him, he was so sick, developmentally delayed, problem after problem. There's no way I could have worked. Right now, with him starting k next month, we're kind of debating what to do, but I'm goign to be staying home in the short term, at least. It's a job with long hours and lousy pay, but there are perqs! Also, I've never forgotten the words a working mom told me on my "check out" day of my job. She said, "Every time you walk out that door, you are sending your kids the message that they are less important to you than money. It doesn't matter how hard you try to hide it, that's the message they get." She sounded really sad when she said this--I was stunned, because she was someone I had always looked at as a successful role model.

[browneyes]

Originally posted by Dream
Us SAHM have caught a lot of flack for making that choice
I got flack when I was a SAHM, and I get flack for being an employed mom as well (my SO's dad made a remark one time about working women that got him an earful from me:rolleyes: ).


Good luck with your decision, Susy.:)

[jldriscoll]

Thanks Dream, well said....I was speechless!

[Disney Doll]

Congratulations on making a difficult decision! Now enjoy the time you have with your precious one, and don't worry about what others say!!!!! They're only small for a short period of time.

[meeshi]

I've been a SAHM since my kids were born. I did have a part time job for a while, but when it got to be too much stress on the family I quit. I tried, but couldn't be a supermom and do it all.

My youngest has CP and although she's in school full time, there are many doctors appointments and unexpected things, that I can't imagine having a "regular" job. She spent 6 weeks in the hospital in the winter and a month in the spring. The 3 months she was home she was on an IV. I'm sure I would have lost any job I had anyway. You never know what is going to come up.

I am looking in to doing some kind of mystery shopping or merchandising work, just to DO something and put some extra money away for vacations.

Susy, I think you made a good decision.

P.S. Jason, if you were serious, that wasn't very nice.

[browneyes]

"Every time you walk out that door, you are sending your kids the message that they are less important to you than money. It doesn't matter how hard you try to hide it, that's the message they get."

LOL! My dd told me last year to GO back to work, she wanted me making some money instead of staying at home (she was 8 yo at the time). She thought somehow all the money I'd make would instantly be hers.:rolleyes: My 6 yo son doesn't care if I work or not, just as long as he gets to watch his cartoons from time to time (he has a one-track mind;) ).

[bananiem]

We made the same decision 6 1/2 years ago! Guess what? I'm still a SAHM.:) Like you, I was a former preschool teacher and was the director of the child care center when I decided it didn't make sense for me to take my kids to somebody else, so I could take care of somebody else's kids!!
Funny how life turns out. 2 years after I started staying home my dh was offered an opportunity to move 1 hour away for a promotion. Two promotions and 4 years later he makes WAY more than we had when both of us worked. We wouldn't have taken the move if I'd have been working.
Just get ready to defend yourself with this mantra: "It is the right decision for OUR FAMILY".:D

[Dream]

Originally posted by jldriscoll


Some battles you just can't win can you!!! I see this at my dd's preschool all the working moms are embarrased that the have to dash off the work, all the stay at home moms are embarrased that they don't. None of us ever talk about our "proffesions" (sp?) ****SIGH****


So right you are!!! But the fact that this is a battle at all, that susy should be in tears over this, that in-laws make snide remarks....WE allow all of this ladies!!! We need to find a place where we can respect eachother for the "working" decisions we make, without cutting down "the other side" in order to justify our own decisions and make them feel more "right"! Um....just WHO is making us feel so insecure?!? We are WOMEN! Hear us roar!!

[jldriscoll]

Go Dream GO!!! You're on a roll!!!!!:p :p :p :p

[zulaya]

Just a story I got a while ago that seemed to fit this thread...

A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation.
"Do you know what you and I are? " she demanded. Before I could answer, and I didn't really have one handy, she blurted out the reason for her question.

It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation, Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. What I mean is, "
explained the recorder, "Do you have a job, or are you just a . . . .? "

"Of course I have a job, " snapped Emily. "I'm a mother. " "We don't list 'mother' as an occupation . . . 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title like Official Interrogator or Town Registrar.

"And what is your occupation? " she probed. What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations. "

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask, " said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field? " Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters (the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). "

"Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree? ) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money. "

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And, I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother".

Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

[Rock'n Robin]

I am glad you are able to do this. I really wanted to but it wasn't money that was the issue--it was the insurance. DH does not have any. If I was a SAHM I would have 3 kids without health insurance.
Luckily I feel that if I do work, teaching is the best way to go--at least I have all holidays off and 11 weeks in the summer!:D Too bad it's almost over!
Robin M.

[bananiem]

the way I look at it, I'm still doing the same job, just on a much smaller scale. I'm still teaching and guiding, I'm still the bookkeeper/bill payer, I'm still in charge of ordering supplies and inventory control...Unfortuantely the cook calls in sick every day so I'm constantly filling in for her now.
The BEST part is that I don't have to hire and fire anymore!!:bounce:

[browneyes]

When I was a stay at home mom, that's what I told people my job was. No need to elaborate or make up a new title. SAHM is not a deeming title, in my opinion.

[damo]

Never, ever make excuses for being a SAHM. Like I said before, I've never heard any SAHM say that they wish they would have gone back to work.

[Dream]

zulaya!!! LOL!!!!!:teeth:

[s&k'smom]

Oh boy we could talk about this all day (someone put on a pot of coffee!). I came back to work at 371/2 hours with my DS. It was so hard but we thought we needed the money. When I had my DD last year I came back at only 25 hours a week to cover most of the mortgage. I put my foot down and told DH I couldn't work nearly full time again until DD was in school. I love it. I'm home by 2pm but I still keep up my office skills. If I could stay home FT I would but hubby works for an airline so right now it's good that I'm working. The funny thing is DH worred about money but now he loves that I'm home earlier. It can be a scary decision but I find this situation worked out well for us.

[Credit Man]

My DW stays home with our kids. We make some sacrifices, but my kids reap so many benefits. For us, it's worth it.

[minniecarousel]

(good story Zulaya!)

I was a SAHM for many years and wouldn't have traded it for anything! I went to work at a school when my youngest went into middle school (this was not the field that I had trained in). It was great being around when they got home from school (esp. when they were in HS - sometimes they need you around even more at that age!)
Good luck on your decision Susy!

[JerseyJanice]

Good for you!

We really needed my income when DS was a baby. Now I could afford to stay home or work part-time, but DS isn't a baby anymore. :(

You know something, Susy? Do what you have to; it's not a permanent decision. Up the road, you can always go back to work. But you'll never be able to replace your child's growing up years--not for all the money in the whole world.

[Pin Wizard]

Why does it seem that the women with a college degree are SAHM while those working would do anything to be a SAHM but can't swing it???? Not fair.

[susy]

Wow!!! What great responses! I really didn't mean for it to turn into a thread about working/non-working.Unless you are sitting by your pool with the maid cleaning and the cook bringing you your lunch, guess what ? You are working!

About the college thing.... my DH only finished high school, but he went to a five year (2 nights a week) program for his journeyman's license and he is a plumber pipe-fitter. He is the foreman now and making more money than I would have made if I would have gotten my master's in my field (that's sad). He works on the beach, building all of the million dollar condos on the ocean in Ft Lauderdale. We still live in the 2 bedroom condo that I bought when I was single. It works great for us, because our mortgage and maintenance for the month is less than half of what he brings home a week. Housing prices have gone beyond what the average family can afford.

Anyway, this is the best for ME. Everyone has their own unique situation.

[disykat]

Susy, I'm still home and my youngest is entering 2nd grade. I could have gone back to work last year, but my older son has lots of health issues and misses school frequently. We compromised and I substitute teach a few days a week at my boys school. I'll probably be doing that until my dh's job becomes more flexible and he can take some of the sick days.

While I admit there are days when it's really nice to spend the day at home while the kids are at school, for the most part I'm ready to go back to work! Every time I think I'm ready to get a job, ds gets sick (he had pneumonia twice last year) and I find myself in tears because I think I won't ever be able to go back! Right now I have lots of pros for going back to work and only one con - but since we don't absolutely need the money, that con outweighs all the pros.

It all comes down to making the choice that works for your family. Let's face it - either choice usually involved sacrifice.

[Dream]

A POOL MAN!! Dang...I knew there was something missing in my life!:p Ahhhh....a breath of humor is just what we need this Friday afternoon on the DIS!! Gettin' a little "tense" around here!
Dream runs for cover before people start attacking her on this thread too!!! :teeth:

[jldriscoll]

:p :p you're the cutest Dream! :p :p

We love you!!! :teeth:

[DVC-Don]

You made the right choice. I've been a SAHD since late 1992. If a family can swing it, they should do it.

[SeaSpray]

Another SAHM here! I am thankful to be able to be home and not have to work. My youngest is 11 yrs old and going in to 6th grade. Oldest is 14 and going into 9th grade. I feel it's just as important for me to be here for them now as it was when they were babies.

At this point, if I chose to go to work it'd be purely for "extras" like more vacations, new cars every year, etc. For me, there's no question. I will be here for my kids and also for the sake of the household, for as long as I'm able to. DH works hard all week. He likes me being home, my DSs like me being home, and importantly, *I* like being home.

Call me old fashioned....but this is what works for us :)

P.S. I have a lot of respect for women who HAVE to work and do work. As for women who don't have to work but who work simply to feel "fulfilled", well, let's just say we're very different.....

[bananiem]

I want to agree with Sea Spray. I am impressed with women who do "do it all". When I was working in child care I was happy to see so many parents that did do it all and had happy, well- adjusted kids. It can be done!!:)

[cotye]

Wishing you the best of luck.... Do what your heart truly feels in right and you'll never make the wrong decision. :)