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View Full Version : How long do you stay with a job you dislike?


MacFam4
05-18-2010, 08:24 PM
I work full time in a job/field that I truly don't like anymore. It's horribly stressful and I come home most days feeling awful. :sad2: The down side is that it pays very well, and I am the one with the insurance. My hubby works full time as well and earns a good enough income where we can pay the bills and eat, but his insurance is rediculously expensive (unaffordable). We wouldn't have any extra spending money, but that's fine for a while.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take...I'm basically just working right now so we will have insurance. Any advice, especially on the insurance situation? I'm ready to start job hunting again, but who knows how long it will take, and I don't know how long I can take the stress!!!

sydneysmom
05-18-2010, 08:42 PM
:hug:I wish I could tell you the right answer but most days I struggle with the same questions you do. To be honest, I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that FOR RIGHT NOW I have a job. While it's not the greatest job in the world or the most exciting, it helps pay our bills and helps us live the life that we want.
My mother always told me this....don't quit a job you have unless you are starting your new one on Monday. Otherwise, you're the one out of luck. And ESPECIALLY with the economy the way it is, having a job has become a luxury that I'm thankful for. Right now the job market sucks, so picture yourself out of work for a year, possibly longer. :sick: Weigh that against having a job now.

If you can try to find something new in your job that will bring some challenge or happiness, try to find it. Everyday I thank God that I'm lucky enough to have a job. When the job market turns around, and hopefully someday it will, I will be out there persuing my dream. But for now, I'm going to make the best of the situation I'm in. If for nothing else, it's safe and it's secure.

Try to wake up tomorrow with a new outlook....go in and try something new, challenge yourself. the more you can learn, the more you can put on your resumee for your next job. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide !!

Luv Bunnies
05-18-2010, 08:45 PM
The best thing to do is to run the numbers and determine exactly how much you'll have each month without your salary and with your DH picking up the insurance. If you can pay all of your bills with that amount then it's up to you whether you want to quit or tough it out. Personally, I wouldn't want to be without a job in this economy. My DH has been actively looking for a job for a year now and we know a lot of other people in his situation. It's just a horrible time to be without a job. And consider whether your DH's job is stable. It wouldn't be good if he lost his job before you found a new one.

If it were me, I would start a premliminary job search. Research what kinds of openings are available that spark your interest and send out some resumes. I don't think I would quit a job that was supplying us with decent benefits without having something else lined up first. But, I tend to be a very cautious person and have a different viewpoint with my DH out of work.

Wish I lived in Fl
05-18-2010, 08:45 PM
Been there.

But as unpleasant as some of my jobs have been, unemployment periods have been even more stressful for me. I truly hate being desperate for a job and hate having a checking account with less than a hundred dollars. (I have never been eligible for unemployment)

So I have always stayed until I found another job or had to move to follow DH.

MarthaJr.
05-18-2010, 08:46 PM
My gut reaction to your post was.....as long as it takes to find a new job. But then I read your post further.

Is it possible to change positions at the same company? Then you could at least try something new and keep your insurance.

Truthfully, I think you already know what you need to do and are perhaps just looking for a little validation for your feelings. That being said, my personal experience is this. About 12 years ago I went from a high stress full-time job to a part-time position at the same place. Insurance wasn't an issue as my husband carried our family. That change alone made a huge difference for our family. Sure it was 1/2 the money, but I was a much better wife, mother, sister and friend when I got home. Three years later my youngest was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD and an anxiety disorder. Having a child with these disorders is very stressful. It literally took us three years to find the right combination of medication, treatment, therapy and school/home schedules that best suited his needs. I can't even imagine what that time period of my life would have been like had I been working full-time. My husband and I simply made the choice that there would not be a lot of "extras" in our life, but that our family would be better off with a mother that wasn't stressed out from work all the time with little patience for the most important people in her life. Our plan was I would go back full time when he was out of school. Only three more years to go and then I can head back to the full time rat race!

I wish you the best of luck with your decision. Only you know what is truly right for you.

Cheryllynn74
05-18-2010, 09:27 PM
It's a tough decision. I've been on the verge of quitting my job for about a year now. I went through the worst of it in December and every time I asked friends and family for advice, they all said I was crazy if I quit because at least I had a job. I felt no one really understood how miserable I was and how much it was hurting my life. I came home everyday in the worst moods, was depressed, and took it out on myself and those around me.

A few months ago I decided I needed to make a decision and stick by it. I knew it would be hard to find a new job, especially paying what I was making. I realized my mom, dad, stepdad, cousin, and many others I knew had been laid off and out of work for months. So I decided to stay at my job.

Once I made the decision, I had a bit of a new attitude about my job. Don't get me wrong, some days are still so miserable I cry at my desk. But now I can quickly shake it off and think of the goals I've set to get me through it. I decided to make a budget, cut expenses, and pay off our bills as quick as possible. That way, if the job got worse, our finances would be better if I did quit. I also made a reservation for our first ever cruise with Disney. I know I have to make monthly payments in order to afford it. Some days, that is all that keeps me hanging on. The thought of being on that boat makes my bad days a lot better.

Only you know what's best for your situation. But if you can stay working while looking for another job, or set goals to make your job worthwhile, it may help. Good luck!

NYCDiane
05-18-2010, 09:57 PM
I've been at my job for 2 1/2 years and I absolutely hate it. There is a lot of stress involved, a lot of nonsense involved, it's very repetative, etc. I just cannot stand it. Unfortunately, I need the job and I need the money it pays and the flexible hours it offers. The worst part is, there is absolutey no way of moving to another department or even going part time. If I go part time, I won't make nearly what I'm making now and I won't be eligible for the health insurance.

Right now, I'm sitting here with my blood pressure literally through the roof because of something that happened on the job tonight. I wish I could leave but I just can't until something better comes along. If I were in a position where my husband was making enough to pay all our bills, I'd be out of there in a hot second.

Gigi22
05-18-2010, 10:14 PM
Been there, done that. Even the best jobs have days, and sometimes weeks, or months, that are just crummy. The important thing is to keep plugging away, and not to quit all of a sudden with nothing to fall back on. The best time to find a job is when you already have one.

alicia080979
05-18-2010, 10:52 PM
I am so sorry you are in this position. I wouldn't wish that on anyone as I have been there too! I took a job right out of graduate school in Alabama (I'm from Ohio) in my field and it didn't take long at all to realize I hated the field. Here I had spent 2 years and a ton of money working my butt off to get a Master's Degree and was miserable. I was single when I took the job but got married during my second year there. I remember coming home from our honeymoon crying bc I didn't want to go back. I spent WAY too many nights crying, stressed, anxious bc of that stupid job. My DH kept telling me to quit but I had always supported myself and made really good money. I didn't have anything else either. A year later DH found a job in Ohio and I got to quit. We moved and I took about 9 months off of work. Instead of going back to that field, we built our first house and I started an in-home daycare. We don't have kids yet (TTC) but 90% of the time, I LOVE what I do and within one year of starting my business, I now bring home the same or more than what I made at my last job. It was very scary quitting, moving and losing 50% of our income. Like others we got on a budget and just made it work. I always say now the only good thing that came out of moving to Alabama was my hubby!

Go over all the numbers, budget and try to come up with an exit plan...that helped my sanity to see a light at the end of the tunnel! I so hope you are able to work something out/find something new bc it just sucks the life out of you to be in a job you hate. :hug:

Sadie22
05-18-2010, 11:47 PM
You used to like the job and the field so what's changed? Is there anything you can do to ease the stress and bring back the enjoyment? Are there other things you do like about the job besides the pay check and the insurance? Those are both important reasons to keep working, but you need to think of your health as well. Just make sure you've done everything you could to be able to stay before leaving a good job. You don't want to burn that bridge and leave and then realize you wish you hadn't. It can take a long time to find any job these days.

Planogirl
05-19-2010, 02:08 AM
You stay as long as you have to.

I HATE my job. I feel depressed each morning and sometimes I'm up late like now because I dwell on it too much. My job changed drastically and it's utter hell now. I also provide the insurance and I can't quit right now.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm working towards a goal and to keep my eyes open in case I can find something better. I also have to keep thinking about the good aspects of the job. In my case, I'm helping people which is nice plus I had sense enough to go to part-time when I saw the changes coming. I despise the company I work for but I just have to deal with that for now.

Best of luck. :hug:

Cindy B
05-19-2010, 02:51 AM
I could have written that post op.. I really could. Since last July (almost a year now) I have been in a position i HATE. Its not just "I don't like it"-- its a cry at my desk, cry at home, anxiety all day Sunday and now panic attacks on Sunday about this damn job. It really is getting dehabilitating. I feel so worthless and idiotic. I fell like I am walking the "Green Mile" everyday when I drag myself to my cubicle. I also have a son with some challenges so it has been a huge step sometimes trying to coordinate everything.

Prior to hell day (my first day on this job)--I worked in a school system as a substitute teacher while looking for a full time job. My current position is full time with very little time off and extreme stress. My boss is awful and my workmates don't talk to me because I'm new and they are all verterans of the company.

DH provides insurance. DH has told me to go back to subbing-- so I can have my "life" back. In the meantime, I am looking for a full time teaching position so I can get a ticket out of hell.

Bets of luck.. been there done that... am proof that I am up at 3 am worrying about this damn place. I want my life back.

ShannonMB
05-19-2010, 04:28 AM
My mom conditioned me to believe that going without health insurance is not an option, so in your situation, even if your DH's income could cover everything else, I'd feel stuck there until I could find another job that would cover that. I have hated jobs before, but I've never left one until I found another.

Good luck!

ssawka
05-19-2010, 05:31 AM
From the sound of your post, it seems that you may not be happy with your chosen field, not just your job. If this is the case, can you begin studying for another career or are your skills easily transferable to a career you'd like? If so, just start using your "spare time" to submit resumes and research places where you might like to work.

Also, have you talked to DH about this. I can tell you from personal experience that you both need to be onboard with you quiting your job. Shortly after DW and I got married, she decided that she just was not happy with her job and quit. This would not have been a problem, since I wouldn't want her to be miserable, but after she quit she essentially did nothing for about 3 months until I hounded her to find a job. The thing was that I would not have been upset if we had children or we had a house to maintain, but at the time we were living in a one bedroom apartment. Anyway, I was filled with resentment after this, because I knew that I would never have the luxury of just quitting a job I was unhappy with, without having another job to go to. Financially it did not make that big of a difference because I was being paid about three times what DW was making and my job was providing the benefits, still I just felt like we should be a team and without children or a house to maintain that she should be contributing. Anyway, this is just the long way of saying "make sure you discuss it together."

tlh0726
05-19-2010, 05:44 AM
OP,
Take your paycheck everyweek and deposit it directly into a bank account without touching it. If anything is taken out of your paycheck, insurance for example, it needs to be reimbursed by your DH and put into this same bank account. If you are switching from you insurance to your husbands higher insurance the difference between these 2 amounts also needs to be put into this bank account.

Trying living on your DH's income only for a few months to see if you can actually go without yours.

SnowWtch
05-19-2010, 07:47 AM
I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this decision. I don't like my job either. The area I am in has changed so much in the past 5 years. It is quite stressful and I know I affect people's lives directly by having to tell them they can't have any more money and that makes it even worse. I'm stuck though b/c DH can't find a job. I make enough for the bills to be paid and we have insurance so I stick with it. Even though there are days my head is pounding and I want to scream and cry I have no choice but to bite my tongue and stick with it.

gillenkl
05-19-2010, 07:57 AM
I'm probably not the right person to ask - I once quit a job after 2 hours. :rotfl2::rotfl2: I was yelled out for not putting a pen back in a drawer and moving the height of the chair (I'm short and my feet couldn't touch the floor). Please....life is too short to deal with stupid crap like that.

Good luck OP!:love: Working is difficult - I'll take my stay-at-home mom job anyday over working in the real world.

dwfanatic
05-19-2010, 09:25 AM
I feel your pain OP. I quit a job 3 months before my DH needed to quit his job because he needed to do 40 clinical hours a week for his xray program in college (he went back to school as an adult). We have 2 kids, they were 8 and 1 at the time. Work was doing things that were unethical and I am honest to a fault (LOOONG story)...was it the best decision I could have made? Yes and no...DH held the insuance but we were able to get state health insurance (called HUSKY here in CT). My mother and stepfather were in a position to help us with the bills. After 3 months I got another job, watching my friends' kids, and I still got to stay home with mine.

Would I do it again? Yes, but only because I knew my parents were a safety net. My job was horrible and I wasn't about to let the stress of it get to me and my family. Life is too short to be at a place you hate for 8 hours a day. It takes its toll on everyone. If you can live off of one income for the short term, I say go for it. :thumbsup2 Good luck with your decision.

Planogirl
05-19-2010, 10:16 AM
Wow, I feel for everyone here that is dealing with a horrible job. Sometimes you feel like you're the only one and I won't say that it's a relief to see others unhappy (it isn't) but it is eye-opening.

andrews_dad
05-19-2010, 10:20 AM
Gut it out. Apply and interview on the side for other jobs where insurance is part of teh package. Your family needs insurance!

eliza61
05-19-2010, 11:15 AM
I work full time in a job/field that I truly don't like anymore. It's horribly stressful and I come home most days feeling awful. :sad2: The down side is that it pays very well, and I am the one with the insurance. My hubby works full time as well and earns a good enough income where we can pay the bills and eat, but his insurance is rediculously expensive (unaffordable). We wouldn't have any extra spending money, but that's fine for a while.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take...I'm basically just working right now so we will have insurance. Any advice, especially on the insurance situation? I'm ready to start job hunting again, but who knows how long it will take, and I don't know how long I can take the stress!!!

Op, how about a little change in outlook. (don't want to sound too metaphysical :hippie:).

Right now you are in a job that pays well but you hate. Ok, now is the time to:
1) set some goals. What do you want to accomplish in the next 5 years? will this good paying job help in that?
2) What is the job market like in your profession and area?.. You're right with unemployment hovering around 10% a new job may be slow in coming.
3) What can you do to relieve the stress? Is it a boss issue? my boss is a ^%$& but my coworkers are diamonds. We get together and commiserate, that helps every ones stress level.

I wouldn't say I hate my job but it doesn't make me happy BUT I have a high salary. Right now that salary allows me to pay my kids college tuition without loans and save for retirement. I'm a little different in that I'm 50ish so for me, I'm sticking it out until I can retire.

Take your time and look at all the angles. write down the pros and cons.

PrincessDadx2
05-19-2010, 02:17 PM
Typical advice is to stay until you have another job.

If your health is at risk - quit. Nothing you have is worth dying for. I quit a job once that was making me suicidal :scared1:, best thing I ever did :cloud9:.

For health insurance:

What is the cost of your Cobra vs. your husbands vs. ehealthinsurance.com vs. getting a high deductible plan from your insurance agent.

I would check it out. It may be less than you think if you are in good health.

bettymae1121
05-19-2010, 03:11 PM
While it's always a good idea not to quit a job until another is lined up...if the job you have is making you ill, then looking "outside the box" for alternatives is worth while.

As a few here have mentioned, really crunch the numbers and see what quiting w/no other job lined up would do to your finances. See if getting your own health insurance is cheaper than getting it through your DH's company, or see what COBRA from your current job would be. Meanwhile, give living off your DH's paycheck a try, bank your paycheck plus the amount your insurance costs would go up and minus any savings from quiting your job (transportation costs, clothes, luches, child care, etc.) and see how you do. This does two things...1) it builds your savings so if you do quit, you have some cushion and 2) gives you a taste of what life with one income would be like.

And it goes without saying you should take a look at the job sites and want ads to see if there is anything out there you could do. Even with a pay cut, if you're happier it would be worth it in the long run. If going back to school is a goal, see how long it would take for you to save up to pay for classes and help with living expenses.

Just having a plan in place may make life at work a little easier for you. And of course it goes without saying that you need to talk to your DH about this. Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

celestialred
05-19-2010, 04:26 PM
It is terrible to have to work in a "toxic" environment. I have done it before (and was pregnant to boot - that actually got me off the hook on a 3-yr employment contract with my "dream job from hell"), and my dh is currently in pretty much your situation. I am a contractor and hence, no insurance through me right now. I would advise you to look for a new job right now as much as you can, but try to hang on to your current job. Do you have an EAP service through your employer whom you can at least vent to?

Hugs to you!:grouphug:

mjkacmom
05-19-2010, 05:36 PM
Been there, done that. Even the best jobs have days, and sometimes weeks, or months, that are just crummy. The important thing is to keep plugging away, and not to quit all of a sudden with nothing to fall back on. The best time to find a job is when you already have one.

I agree - you are more likely to be hired if you are employed. Plus, benefits are so important these days. Start hunting tomorrow.

Grumpy's Gal
05-19-2010, 05:39 PM
is it a big company? can you transfer to another dept? Once I had a job I HATED! If there is a word stronger than that, that's how I felt. I was seriously depressed I hated it so much. Our company had a job open in a different dept and I applied and got it. That job was the best one I ever had!

MacFam4
05-19-2010, 07:29 PM
Thank you all so much for the words of wisdom! I'm sure I'll hang in there until I find another job with benefits. My DH is actually fine with me not working for a while, we've just always had insurance and feel like we shouldn't go without it. I've checked on a couple of things today.

The goods news is that I'll be arriving at Disney in about 48 hours :banana: so hopefully I'll be able to de-stress and come back to work as refreshed as possible. :wizard:

Then I'll start a massive job search.