I am sick to my stomach....

[preshi]

I have to do something thats going to make a lot of people upset and I don't know how I am going to do it. I am going to have very little support on this but for everyones sanity it has to be done. My husband and I can no longer stand each other. We are constantly fighting about petty things and it's come to an end. He seems to be in denial and is requesting I go to counseling which I am going to do but I know that the therapist is going to take one look at this situation and recommend divorce.

I know I have said this all before which just goes to show that things never got better they just kept getting covered. My mom is not going to be supportive, she never is when I have something life changing, my Dad will probably be my rock on this one which is funny since he is hardly there for me otherwise. His parents are going to be livid I bet as well as his sister... but these are things I can't worry about right?

I have already worked out a schedule in my head to share our son. Husband told me the other day we make the same amount so no alimony or child support will be necessary... I take whats mine and he takes what's his... One of his rare moments of dealing with this terrible relationship. He deserves better and I deserve to be happy.

Thanks for listening.

[Amzey]

Awwww, (((((Meagan))))), I'm sorry. :(

[SeaSpray]

I am so sorry to hear this. It seems that you've given this a lot of thought..... *HUGS*

From experience, I can tell you that whenever you act in your son's best interest regarding handling a divorce and visitation, it's always the RIGHT thing to do, regardless of how you or your DH feels.

One thing I can look back on with good feelings is how ex-DH and I handled the divorce and how we continue to still handle "sharing" our DSs.

[nativetxn]

{{HUGS}}} sweetie. Sometimes we have to do unpleasant things in life, sorry to hear this in one of those times for you :(

[CRB#33]

Preshi, I know that this is an awful time for you and understand the sick feeling. People don't like change in their lives and that will account for the problems your relatives may have with this. Just remember that this is your life and you need to do what's best for you and your child.

I know this is none of my business, but it doesn't matter if you make the same amount of money that your husband does, he is required, by law, to contribute to child support, just as you are. He doesn't get out of that becuase you have a job. It's his child too. As for the alimony, there are laws there too, but you can waive that. Your child deserves what his father should give him.

Best wishes and my prayers will be with you.

[CamColt]

So sorry to hear this, Preshi, but sometimes these things are for the best. :( Just know we are all here to support you. Best of luck!

[Mary Jo]

<font color=navy>Good luck, Meagan. It's a tough situation, and though your family may not support your decision - YOU are the one living the life, not them.

Take care.

[Saffron]

No advice, no words of wisdom, just {{{{Hugs}}}}. Good luck and best wishes to you Preshi. :) :D

[jfulcer]

Just my 2 cents worth, take it for to be that much of value.

I agree that people DO NOT change. You have your ways, and your husband has his ways. No amount of counseling/crying/intervention is going to change that.

What I DO know from experience is that counseling in general isn't necessarily about HOW to change, it's about how to deal with the situations that you face day to day. I don't know about your past dealings with your problems with your husband, but IMHO at least an attempt should be made to go to counseling <B>together</B>, to see what the counselor has to say. I would hope that a good counselor would not take one look at yout situation and throw up his(her?) hands and say 'Welp, it's all over - just give it up'.

I feel that even before going to the counselor from your message, you already have the opinion that it is going to fail. I would hope that you could go into it with an open mind with the thought that there is some spark still there that got you guys together in the first place. IMHO, the 'best' thing for your son is if he was with both parents, living happily. If a counselor can't work that out, then maybe it is time to throw in the towel, but you won't know unless you try, with an open mind...

I wish you the best of luck, however it turns out!!

[bsnyder]

I'll echo what Sea Spray said. If you and DH can continue to keep your son's best interest in the forefront, you will ALL benefit.

And if the other family members have a hard time, that's their problem and they'll have to get over it. The MOST important thing is that you and your DH will be parents of that little boy forever, regardless of whether you divorce.

Hang in there, Preshi. I'm hoping for happier times ahead of you!

[JerseyJanice]

{{{hugs}}}

I'm sorry for the heartache this must be causing for you.

[Kitty 34]

Preshi, I'm sorry you have to make some tough decisions right now.:(


{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[WDWHound]

I am not wise enough to offer any words that would be of much help in this situation. I just wanted to say I'm sorry that this has happened to you and I hope things will be better for you soon.

[Deb in IA]

I know you have been wrestling with this issue for a while, Megan. I'll echo what jfulcer said, and encourage you to keep an open mind in counseling.

A marriage that can be salvaged is worth the effort, especially when young children are involved.

Best wishes to you all . . .

[Kermit]

{{{Hugs}}} Meagan, I am so sorry. I'll be hoping and praying that everything works out for the best, whatever that might be.

[Talking Hands]

Sorry Preshi. Will be praying for you.
BTW child support has nothing to do with the fact you both make the same amount. He still needs to contribute to the support of your child. Now alimony is a different matter.

[dizneegirl]

:( Best wishes, however things turn out, Meagan.

[zurgswife]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

Hope everything turns out OK for all of you..

[Blondie]

I always refer back to that old Dear Abby saying; "are you better off with him, or without him?"

Take care Meagan, you'll need lots of support and guidance, not to mention the occasional shoulder to lean or cry on.


{{{hugs}}}

[aahmom1]

Preshi, it doesn't matter how much money you make, he still HAS to pay child support. Just because he says it's not necessary doesn't mean your son shouldn't get support in the form of cash from his father on a weekly basis.

Alimony is a totally different story though.

[NHAnn]

I'm sorry :( it is a VERY difficult thing to go through.

I second some other posters comments though, about the child support issue. If you and your husband agree to move forward with a divorce process, I would recommend that you consult an attorney, even if it is together with your husband, for advice on how to legally establish the physical custody and child support matters.....if you can agree that your child's well-being is foremost, all the better, but there is a LOT to work out legally to protect that well-being. Though you may be able to work it out such that physical custody is shared evenly, as children get older with school and so forth (or if a parent relocates) the child will likely need to be at one place as primary and the other as visitation even if custody is "shared". In most states a judge has to approve the stipulations. It's rare for the divorced couples to ALWAYS have the children's long-term well-being as their primary concern, and be in agreement as to what is best for the child. It can certainly be done, with work and commitment from both parties, but for him to be saying right off the bat that child support won't be necessary sends up red flags......JMHO

I hope it all works out for you and that your family can be supportive eventually of whatever you decide!

[Towncrier]

I want to echo what Jeff and Debi have posted earlier. If both of you keep an open mind, a visit to a marriage counselor might just work. My belief is that, if two people make the commitment to try to make a marriage work, then it will work. But if either of you think that visiting the marriage counselor is bull, you might as well head straight for the attorneys.

I'm so sorry that things have come to this. I know that it must be difficult and things must be really rotten for you to come to the DIS boards with such a personal issue. I hope and pray that things work out for you and especially for your son.

As for my advice, feel free to take it or leave it. It's just my humble opinion.

[pajamommy]

{{{{HUGS}}}} for you, preshi. Hang in there, and we're all here for you.

[preshi]

Thanks guys! I wanted to clarify something. I didn't know that child support was something that was a legal thing. Ds would never in any way hurt for anything. My husband is a VERY good father and would never skip out on visitation or deprive him of something. It would be so much easier for us both if one didn't have to pay the other. That really sucks... I am hoping there is some way around the whole child support thing because I don't think that's fair.

As for coming here with something so personal....well you all know about the little girl that I had who was adopted at 2 days old, I've been through 2 miscarriages and a molar pregnancy as well as a small chemotherapy session. Not to forget 9/11 when Tony, Dan and SSB came to my rescue! You guys have always been there to support me. I appreciate it more than I could let you all know. It may seem silly to some people to rely on strangers for advice and support but I couldn't have asked to find a better group of individuals to lean on! Thank you so much!

[NurseKim]

{{Hugs}} to you Meagan. We are here for you, as always!

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm really sorry Preshi. :(

I hope that you try counselling first. For the sake of your son, it can never hurt to try.

[catsrule]

Sorry Meagan.:(

[tnkrbell]

{{hugs}} If you ever need an ear please feel free to pm me ok??? Its sometimes nice to be able to vent to someone not "involved" in your life!!

[LucyStorm]

((((hugs)))) Meagan. I am a child of divorce. Don't let anyone give you that bull**** that divorce is the worst thing that can happen to a kid. Sometimes, living with two parents who can't stand each other is much worse.

Best wishes to you and your family. I hope you find the happiness that you deserve.

[Serena]

Megan, I just stepped back from that cliff. I realized that we have been acting out in anger for a long time. I finally figured that out and we are making sure we don't continue.
We are changing.

Maybe counseling would shed some light on a problem for you both. Maybe once that is settled, you'd be able to get along better.

Or not. :)

I hope you both will make decisions that will help all of you be happier.
Best wishes for you and {{{hugs}}}

[DopeyRN]

I am sorry you feel it is hopeless. Makes me very sad when people feel there is no other way out. I am a big believer in counselling. I hope for your child's sake you consider it.

I am very sorry you are unhappy...{{{{hugs}}}}.:(

[Buckalew]

{{{hugs}}} to Meagan. I know you have been dealing with this for awhile and trying to make things work. Sometimes they don't. I'm sorry. I am sure you'll find friends here that will be here for you.
As long as I have posted here there's been Preshi... I like having you around this place!

[Boots]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[A kid at heart]

I rememeber reading before that you wanted a divorce, so thats probably for the best right now. Good luck and make sure that you get that support!

[helenabear]

No advice or anything like that Meg. Just {{{HUGS}}} I wish you the best of luck with everything. We're here if you need us!

[SuiteDisney]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. (((hugs)))

[cotye]

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Hope things work out for the better.

[JasonLyons]

Im sorry for all of you, this must hurt

[bsnyder]

Preshi, I'll just add another thought to this.

Even though you don't think counseling will help save the marriage, I would urge you to consider finding someone that you and DH can talk to. Maybe initially it will be to determine whether or not you really should go forward with a divorce, but even if that is what you ultimately decide, a trained family therapist can be a big help to you in dealing with the co-parenting issues that will arise in the future. Even when you and your DH have your son's best interests in the forefront, there will be things you don't agree on, and sometimes having that neutral third party can help you develop the skills you will both need to make decisions together, as a team, even when you are no longer married.

It's the best thing my ex and I ever did. When I remarried, my DH joined us in our counseling sessions. We didn't have to go often, but it was a big asset to us all!

[CaliforniaDreaming]

I'm so sorry. But, sometimes you do have to think about what's best for you.

Hope everything goes well for you. :)

[browneyes]

Preshi, I'm so sorry you're going thru this.:( {{hugs}} I can totally understand your confusion. Atleast you're thinking of something positive instead of just letting things be. {{hugs}}

[Dan Murphy]

Hi, Meg. A big {{hug}} for you and Austin. I do know, as you have said, that you have been growing apart, trying to pull back together, then apart again, then trying again, and so on, for some time now.

You have shared much with us, family we are. I recall talking to to you on 9/11, while you were at WDW, scared, alone. I recall some long IM sessions, some time back, 'talking' to a caring, concerned young lady. We almost met up at O'Hare, after your Poly trip earlier this year. It does seem like we know each other a bit, doesn't it?

After reading through the replies here, I would tend to agree with the several who did suggest giving that counseling a try. You never know, it may be worth it, as you have tried to hold you and Patrick together. Try it, once.

My best for you, Meg, along with Austin, and Patrick too. I know you don't pray as such, but I know you believe in something, the searching, caring person that you are. I will offer my prayers for you all, and know well, I am always available for an ear, a shoulder. Ya hear?? :)

Hugs,

Dan :sunny:

[Laurabearz]

(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

[KaraKW]

{{{HUGS}}}

[PKK/MJK]

Wish I had words of wisdom for you Preshi. I am just so sorry that you have to go through such a difficult situation. Give the counselling a try. If possible, keep an open mind. If it does not work, at least you know you did everything you possibly could. Sending lots of {{{HUGS}}} your way.