I just KNEW this would happen!!!!!

[Claudia1]

DD had her regular OB appointment today and she is dilated 2-3 cm. The head is not engaged but she is definitly dilated and on her way.

****DH and I have plane tix for a 1 night 26th anniversary fling at WDW in 3 days.****

OB Doc says that she really doesn't think she will go be fore next week........ but you never know.......!

Oh, man....I just know something would happen to worry me ......

[worm761]

{{HUGS}}
if it helps ease your mind any~i was dialated to 3 cm for 3 months before having DS.

[ahutton]

I was 3 cm for 3 weeks with the head engaged with DD#1... You can always fly home, right?

[helenabear]

I wouldn't worry about it. Two of my friends who had babies in the last few months were dialated that far for 10 days and 2 1/2 weeks. Go enjoy your trip and get that last bit of relaxation in when you can!!!

[kejoda]

Is your dd worried about it. I don't remember when is she due? I would go you deserve a break.

[browneyes]

I was at 2 1/2 cm at 36 weeks with my dd. I had her 2 days before my due date. How long are you gonna be gone for? Do you have someone that she can stay with that you can rely on while you're gone?

[Claudia1]

Thanks for the encouraging words!

DD is due on 8/29 and is not worried about it at all.

We are only gone for 39 hours, getting back home around midnight, 8/7. Yes, we can always fly home early, free "standy-by" on the 7th.

My parents and her primary birthing coach are all keeping her well covered in our absence,

Keep those hugs & positive words coming........!

[nativetxn]

I think you should go ahead and take your trip. You and your dh need the break and it's only 39 hours. I say you should go :)

[aahmom1]

I think you should consider staying home, if she were to go into labor while you're gone it could cause undo stress on her and the baby.

[snoopy]

Oh, I hope you do go and try not to worry! Your life will change dramatically once your granchild is born, I think you and your husband very much deserve this break. It sounds as though your daughter is well taken care of should she go into labor, so go and enjoy yourself!

BTW, statistically, first babies usually come later rather than sooner. Hoping that is the case for your daughter and her baby, so you will be there for the big event.

[Goofball]

Claudia, you poor thing! I sure don't know what to tell you, but here's a great big {{{HUG}}}!! :)

[NHAnn]

I think you should, if YOU want to, since she has other support at home and you will be gone such a short time, and the doctor doesn't think it will happen so soon.

...my SIL was in labor 43 hours with her first! and another SIL got sent home from the hospital twice over the course of a week with "false labor" before her first.......

but best of luck to you and to her whatever you decide :)

[A kid at heart]

Unless you have that c-section planned, you never know when those babies will decide to come! Why did you plan a trip so close to the birthdate?

[Claudia1]

A kid at heart:
This was planned just 3 days ago, when our DD looked like she was going to go on or past her due date. DH and I were going to just go out of town for a dinner and a show, then I found great airfare to WDW. With DVC points & APs, it is really not a great expense over what we would have done. It is not as much a trip as an overnight get-away. I appreciate your sentiment, though!

Update: DD's OB is telling us that we have plenty of time; shouldn't come before the end of the week, at the very earliest.

No "nesting" instinct yet. I hope it comes soon because my closets need cleaned out...... LOL!

[minniecarousel]

Claudia - I hope you continue to plan on going. You really need this little break. She is going to be well-cared-for in your absence. My goodness - you aren't going to be gone long - and she has a labor coach. (have I convinced you yet?!)

[CyranoJones]

I don't think I would ever take the remote chance of missing the miracle of my grandchild's birth. And most certainly I would want to be there for my daughter. WDW is going to be there for a long, long time.

Best of luck to your daughter....I hope her delivery is a safe and surrounded by love experience.

[Leota]

I'd stay home, myself - We missed the birth of our first grand-son - he was born 5 weeks early & we were on our way home from WDW the day he was born - We were so sad to have not been there & felt awful that we couldn't have been there to help & support the parents. We basically came in the door, re-packed a bag & hubby jumped back in the car to get down there. This summer, they are expecting grandson #2 & we haven't gone anywhere! We have the dog-sitter on alert & we are ready to go the second they call (we have a 6 hour drive to get there) It's been hard not having a trip planned, but that's nothing compared to how hard it was missing the birth of our precious grandson & being able to support & sooth the fears of my step-son & his wife....
From your previous posts, sounds like your daughter could use alot of support & IMHO, flying off to WDW isn't really showing that kind of support -

[betz]

I delivered my 1st child 2 days early and really fast. I was not dilated at all two hours before I delivered her.

Luckily there were no complications.

When is your daughter's due date?

You'll be gone the 7th and 8th?

DD's OB is telling us that we have plenty of time; shouldn't come before the end of the week, at the very earliest.

Unless there is going to be a planned C-Section, not a Doctor in the world can say that for sure.

The proverbial nesting ritual before one goes into labor is just that ~ a proverbial myth.

Do you have a support system (your Daughter staying with somebody, someone to transport her and someone to be with her and support her during labor etc) set up just in case?

What your daughter will be is anxious and scared before her delivery, especially with her handicaps. If my then husband took off on an unnecessary jaunt a few days before my due date he would have been mincemeat.

I hope everything goes well. It would be a shame if you stayed home from your fling and your daughter didn't have her baby.

[jipsy]

I went to the dr. the day I was due for my regular exam. I was 19, scared and humongous. I was dilated 1/2 cm and he told me I wouldn't have the baby for two more weeks.

My water broke at 10:30 that night and my son was born the next morning at 7:20. When I called the Dr. to tell him my water broke and I thought you said I wasn't having this baby for two more weeks his response was:

"Shows you how much I know. See you in the ER."

I was living with my Mom and Dad at the time, and they were there for me every step of the way. If they had not been around when I went in to labor, I have no idea how I would have handled it. I could not imagine having a "birthing coach" beside me instead of my mom; it's not the same kind of support.

Babies show up when they want to.

I have kind of followed your situation and I've not commented on any of it before. I realize this whole thing has been very hard on you; but I am sure this is even harder on your daughter. Personally I think you need to stick around. There's no way I would take a chance of missing the birth of my grandchild. I can celebrate an anniversary anytime. Grandchildren are only born once.

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure it will be well thought out with the mental and physical health of your daughter and grandbaby in mind. Good luck.

[Kallison]

As you can tell everyone has vastly different experiences, so it's very hard to predict. My first DS was 4 weeks early, I went from no symptoms to giving birth in about 3 hours. I guess it is how important being present for the birth is to you. If it is very crucial, I would think it would be hard to enjoy yourself worrying about your daughter. If you don't have a problem and she has other coverage in labor then go and enjoy yourself. Good luck in your decision.

[disneyelaine]

I would go and enjoy your 1 night trip! I may be in the minority here, but being there for the actual time of birth is not the important part....she will have the baby just fine without you (not intending to sound mean)....the REAL important thing is all the support you will be giving you daughter/granddaughter for the rest of their lives.

But really the odds are she won't have the baby until closer to 8/29. Only you can decide what to do.

[jipsy]

I disagree disneyelaine. Speaking from experience ,as a scared, pregnant teenager, it was VERY important that my mother was there at the time of birth for me. I couldn't imagine having gone through childbirth without her beside me. Even when she wasn't in the room, just knowing she was outside in the hall and if I needed her I could call for her was comforting. She was not happy when I got pregnant, but she and Daddy both stood by me all the way, from emotional and financial support during pregnancy and including driving me to the hospital and staying with me the whole time when it was time for my son to be born.

It could have torn our family apart, but my Mom refused to let it. Instead because of her loving support, we became much much closer.

That's my experience.

[aahmom1]

Labor is a very scary thing. I was 24 when I had my first baby and if my husband hadn't been there to support me during it I don't think I would have handled it very well. I can only imagine what it would be like for a very young teenager. Giving birth for the first time is probably the scariest thing that can happen to a woman, she needs her biggest support person with her, in my opinion.

[Mary Jo]

<font color=navy>Claudia,

I'd say to weigh the pros & cons, talk it over w/your dh & dd, and then make your final decision. Everyone in your family and the OB seem to be pretty comfortable with you going, and I would think that would be a major factor in your decision.

Good luck in what you decide to do, and if you go to WDW, have a fantastic time. :)

[Beanie]

I agree with Mary Jo, talk it over with your daughter and both of you can decide together if you both think it would be okay. My Mother was 1500 miles away when I gave birth to both of her grandchildren, but when she arrived one week after their births, I couldn't have been more happier to have her there to take care of them!! :)

Good Luck to you both!

[glo]

This is a personal decision, but you are not less of a mother or grandmother to be, because you want 39 hours to yourself with your DH. I am sure your daughter understands that you have been supportive and will be supportive of her and this child, 39 hours is not going to change that. I would discuss this with your daughter and DH they are the people important here, not the opinion of people on an internet board.

You do what is best for you and your family. No matter what you decide, I wish you the and your family the best. Do not let anyone make you feel bad.


I would also like to remind everyone to not pass judgement on people and their decisions. You do not know what it is like to walk in someone else shoes.....

[WebmasterAlex]

Since you are not actually delivering the baby.. your presence is not required at the birth :) Like you said you can fly back if it happens early and you will be there soon enough. You said your DD is fine with it and things are well covered...
The doctor says it probably won't happen and what's the worst case? You show up 6 hours later?
Go have some fun, there will be plenty of time for stressing with a new baby!

[Ranatra]

I agree. Go on your trip and enjoy yourself.
Your DD could walk around like that for weeks, I did, all 3 times!

[snoopy]

This is a personal decision, but you are not less of a mother or grandmother to be, because you want 39 hours to yourself with your DH.


I couldn't agree more. Please do not let anyone else sway your decision or make you feel less of a mother for making it. Good luck to you, Claudia.

[A kid at heart]

!

[Bumbles]

going back on topic........

Obviously this is an incredibly personal decision......

Would I risk being away from my teenaged daughter's birth for a 36 hour trip?

I wouldn't.

However, Claudia's not me.....I'm sure she sees how much of herself she's going to have to give after this child is born...we don't see that...maybe we should realize that once this child is born, so much of *her* life is going be devoted to that new bundle of joy and maybe this short trip to WDW is going to help her get through what promises to be a very trying time.

[CathyCanada]

I agree that a 36-hour trip to recharge your batteries is not unrealistic. The baby will come when he/she is ready and everyone's experiences are different. With what you have gone through this past year and with what is to come, I think you should go. Knowing you, you have left a good support system behind for your DD, and if you are not taking care of yourself, you won't be in any shape to take care of anyone else.
Hugs, Claudia, and just do what you feel is best.
CC

[Patrick IL.]

Claudia, everyone has an opinion. I think babies show up when they are good and ready;) DW was dilated for several days if not more with our first. I know you could really use the break. Best of luck on your decision :)

[jipsy]

Well maybe then incredibly personal decisions should not be posted on an internet BB.

The feeling is mutual snoops.

And I have walked in her shoes. I have a grandson of my own.

[snoopy]

I don't recall Claudia asking for your opinion on her "very personal decision", nor do I recall her asking if you've walked in her shoes, Jipsy.

I think she was venting about her fears. As an active member of this community, she surely has every right to.

Best of luck, Claudia, and anytime you feel the need to come here and vent or just talk about what is going on in your life, I hope you will always feel comfortable doing so.

[glo]

It was I who made that comment not Snoopy. Even if you have gone through something similar, it is not the same. No two people go through the same experiennce exactly the same.

I do not recall Claudia asking for anyone's opinion. She was just venting and stating her frustration. Something people are allowed to do here, without being made to feel badly.

[CarolAnnC]

My first baby was born on Christmas Eve. My mother came to see us in the hospital on December 26 when she was done with the planned family gathering at her house. I fully understood her absence and it never made a bit of difference in her being a wonderful grandmother to my daughter.

Of course I am sure you would love to be there for the birth of your grandchild. But to have one day to celebrate 26 years of marriage with your DH is very important too. Since it may work out that you are able to experience both, I would not hesitate to do the anniversary trip. My husband did not live long enough to celebrate 26 years of marriage with me and I appreciate the desire to spend one night celebrating such a long, successful marriage....

Grab the moment, and celebrate with your DH. A long lasting marriage between two people should be celebrated, and I know I would have wanted my mother to go on the trip, had we been in that position, too.

Good luck and God Bless you all! :)

[Claudia1]

Thanks, everybody , for your comments and concerns. Yes, this is a decision that it filled with conflict.

I am going to ask the OB for a quick appt today. Her Dr. has always told us that that she will do anything possible to help. I quick re-check today will tell us if she is progressing, is still the same, or has regressed.

She has absolutely no other symptoms and is not even uncomfortable. In fact, she has only had 2 or 3 days when she was exceedingly uncomfortable and those were over a week ago when the baby was in a strange position. She has made several comments about how this pregancy has been easy and "no problem". For an ADD, CAPD teen to say that, then you know it is truly not unbearable. Her Dr. has often remared about how easy this has been for her and how great she is doing. Even though I am not the one to be carrying the baby, I am with her 24/7 and her welfare is my top concern.

This 39-hour getaway is much, much more than just an anniversary trip. I haven't posted much about my/our personal struggles. For the last 2 years, we have put our marital life on hold for our children. Normally, that is not a healthy decision and is not recommended. In our case, it is a matter of life & death for our DD. DH travels a lot and I used to go with him. That is not possible now. DH will push back his retirement date (years away!) because we have a new child to support. We have made choices to strengthen our family and support both of our children in very conceivable way.

For over 4 months, we have tried to get 3 days, 2 nights away for "just us". Every time, something happened that keep us at home. Once the baby comes, we will not only be the primary custodial parents for a while (it will take DD quite some time to come to terms with a baby, her mental state, school, etc...) but we will also be on "high alert" for her probable depression that will follow. Our plate will be more than full. It will be boiling over.

As with all of our past decisions, our children's health and well-being will make the final choice for us. We have been in this situation many, many, many times. This is very common for parents of special needs children. You "learn" to push yourself away and put them first, because you are their life-line. Even if we do not go, I still have an incredible, intricate, and strong support system for our DD. We have a long, long chain of people that DD wants to be involved. Until the hard labor hits, she will prefer to keep it all light & friendly. I will stay in the background, supporting her.

She wants us to go. She has even given me a list of things to bring back for the baby!

The only reason we have not cancelled already is because we are desparately still tryng to find a few minutes to celebrate our marriage. A marriage that has lasted for 26 years and will continue for many more. A marriage that has seen despair, grief, and pain, completely out of our control. A marriage that needs just one evening out, to talk about nothing but the weather and which dessert looks best. .......and there's something about WDW that can put us at ease the minute we drive onto the property. The personal toll us both of us has been devastating and our psychiatric team is pushing us to recognize that we are not invincible and cannot handle everything, all the time. We are facing the most trying times yet, and that is frightening. We must face them together or we cannot help our growing family.

We will not make any decision that we could possibly regret. We have gone through too much, have come too far, and have such a long way to go to rock the boat now.

Thanks, dear friends, for your love and concern!

[gina2000]

Go, Claudia.

Your support system is your DH. And he is yours. You'll have alot to shoulder in the coming years.

Start it off with a loving 39 hours.

[Crissup]

Whatever you do, don't dare take a cell phone with you to WDW. Because then, we'll see a post from someone about rude people bringing cell phones with them and how it ruined their vacation to see someone talking on a cell phone in WDW, even though they have no idea why that person might have been on the cell phone. ;) ;)

Seriously though, I would go. If anything happened, you are only a phone call away.

[Saffron]

Gina said:

Go, Claudia.

Your support system is your DH. And he is yours. You'll have alot to shoulder in the coming years.

Start it off with a loving 39 hours.

I always seem to agree with Gina!! :) :)

[Serena]

Have a great trip Claudia. You need it, you deserve it. WDW is only a couple hours away by plane and you are just a phone call away.
Your daughter is in a good emotional state right now, take advantage of it.

Is there anything I can do to help?

[Mary Jo]

<font color=navy>Excellent post, Claudia.

I wasn't aware of your situation, and now that I read your post, I understand a bit better. I think you've made your decision.

Have a wonderful time (they have some really really cute Pooh & friends outfits at Disney). :)

[Jenzebelle]

If after talking with the OB, the Dr gives the ok to go on the trip, then I say go.

I would hate to think your DD or Grandchild be the recipient of any sort of resentment because you and your husband were unable to go on an R&R trip. Especially considering your DD's mental disabilities and the fact you are going to be the primary care giver.
It's easy to sit here and say "Oh no, we would never have any resentment for this", but trust me - it happens whether you intend it or not. And believe me, as a child who's very existance was met with a lot of resentment- it's something that should be avoided at all costs. I'm not saying that you resent the baby or your daughter, I'm saying that it could happen.

Personally I don't see how a 39hr trip to WDW is in any way relaxing, but that's MHO. You do what you need to do and what's best for everyone involved

[CathyCanada]

To understand that Claudia would not harbor resentment toward her DD or grandchild, you would have to know her. I do, and it is not an issue, or frankly anyone else's business if she does. She made a comment regarding her vacation, she didn't ask for a gang bang.

CC

[Jenzebelle]

Um... how did I gang bang her? I told her to go if she feels she needs the rest.

[snoopy]

I don't know Claudia, but I'm quite sure I would not even begin to speculate on whether or not she would feel resentment toward her daughter or grandchild simply because she wants to take a trip to Walt Disney World.

I'm glad you decided to go, Claudia. Your post was a good one, and it appears it came truly from your heart. Have a wonderful anniversary with your husband!

[Jenzebelle]

oK.. I am clarifying my post.

I said specifically that I was NOT saying she would resent her daughter or her grandchild because she didn't go to WDW. I said it MIGHT happen to anyone.

Claudia has a daughter with mental disabilities. At a time when she thought her children were close to grown, she is met with an unexpected and stressful situation. Because of her daughter's handicap, she is going to be the primary care giver, which is going to cause her more stress. AS SHE has stated! That situation is going to cause ANYONE to be resentful at some point in their lives. Even for the most fleeting of moments. I don't care if you are Nurse Ratched or Mother Theresa. It is perfectly understandable and normal.

In order to prevent such feelings, since she is all ready so stressed out as is her husband, I feel she should go. Which I stated.
I am sorry if Claudia took it the wrong way, and I apologize to Claudia if she took it to mean I said she would be resentful if she didn't go to WDW.

[mom2boys]

Claudia - I'd been lurking over this post. I don't know all of the issues with your daughter but I did recall that she has special needs. Obviously your daughter has a wondrful support system.
You and your husband definitely need to find some decompression time. I can't imagine a better way to decompress than dinner for two at EPCOT. GO! ENJOY!

P.S. I can tell from your post that you must be a wonderful advocate for your daughter. Way to go!

[Serena]

Jenn, I heard what you meant. :)

[glo]

Again everyone is entitled to their opinion, but to be honest this is not anyone's buisness but Claudia, her DD and her DH. If her DD, has stated that she wants her to go on this trip, then I don't see why Claudia should not believe her. I do not think that there will be any resentment, on the part of a child who has been supported and loved through this. She has plenty of support, and all steps are being taken to make sure that everything goes well. I think that a little R & R is needed, and deserved. Claudia will only be a few hours away.

I do not understand why every negative aspect of this has to be dredged up, unless it is to make someone feel bad.

Claudia, you do what is best for you and your family. You know the situation best. Like I said before you have gone through alot, and are and incredibly strong person.

[December99]

I was dialated to 5 at 6 weeks prior to due date....(well I only last 3 weeks before having dd). So I'm sure she'll be fine!!!! Go and have a good time....

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Have a wonderful trip! Enjoy your pre-grandma time with your DH. Have a wonderful anniversary.

:D

[Regina]

Just chiming in to say that it's amazing what a difference a one night getaway can make.

DH and I spent a night in NYC last month. It was wonderful. Too often, we take for granted the person who means the most to us.

It sounds like you've discovered the secret to marital longevity. Go and create some magical memories to get you through the difficult times that lie ahead.

[gemmie214]

I hope your time alone with your DH is magical and refreshing. If you two are not strong together how can you be strong for anyone else? If you don't take some time for the two of you haow can you stay strong?
Your DD is very lucky to have such wondreful caring parents. You sound like wonderful advocates for your daughter.:)

[Claudia1]

Wow! In my 4+ years and (currently registered) 900+ posts, I don't think I have ever started such a long thread!

To everybody: I feel your concern and do not take offense at anything. I know that posting in such a unique, public forum is tricky in the best of situations and I would have chosen not to do so, if I was not prepared for any and every response.

Jenzebelle, you are so right! We have worked very, very hard to avoid such feelings, and even to avoid personal reactions that our DD might misinterpret. We truly do not harbor any resentment at this time but stress and anxiety can do strange things to normal people. Being aware of such pitfalls has made us determined to find a way around this minefield without any casualties (including us!)

Crissup, funny; very, very funny! I anticipate that my phone will ring just as the RnR hits 58mph. Being a very determined and resourceful mom, I will have it answered and standy-by airline tix arranged before we arrive at the "concert"! LOL!

DD had her regular counseling session today and all is very, very well. DD's OB said, "Of course, come right on in!" Great, huh?!?! Assuming the appt goes well, we only have 4 goals for our 39 hours. RnR for me, Kilimanjaro Safari for DH, LeCellier for both of us, and just chill (in the Florida heat, LOL!)

Again, no offense taken. Thanks to all who have stood by my side. Thanks to all who have takent the time to show their concern.

I'll keep you posted........