Sad news from my doctor.

[GEM]

I was so incredibly touched today when I saw the post asking about me. It really amazed me that you guys were thinking about me so much. I was around yesterday, but I just couldn't bring myself to post this yet. I tried several times, but I just couldn't hit the submit button. I posted this message on that other thread, but I wanted to post it in it's on thread as well, because I want to make sure that everyone who took the time to post on the other thread or pm me or e-mail me sees it. All the kind messages have really kept me going the last few days.

My doctor called yesterday with the results of my bood work and confirmed what I already knew - this pregnancy is over. I got worried last Friday when I started to have a little bit of spotting. On Monday, my doctor scheduled me for an ultrasound and they couldn't find any baby, just an empty sack. After that, it was just a matter of getting the "official" results of the bood tests. My doctor says she doesn't think it is necessary to do a D&C. She says it is better to just let it happen naturally.

I was so thrilled and excited just a few days ago, and now all that is gone. I feel pretty miserable right now, like I've really let everyone down. I know that's silly, but it's how I feel. One minute I feel fine, and the next minute I'm sobbing. Last week we were picking out nursery furniture and thinking about names, and now I feel so lost and sad. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. My doctor tells me it isn't as though we actaully lost a baby, since no baby every developed. But there definately was a baby for me! From the minute I took that HPT I was in absolute love. Now, to find out there was never anything there is crushing. I feel like I was tricked by my own body.

We are planning on trying again as soon as my doctor gives us the OK and I hope we are able to get pregnant as quickly as we did this time. I know, though, that I will never feel the same excitement as I did this time. Next time there will be too much worry mixed up with it.

Thanks for letting me share. It really does help. We have just taken the past few days to deal with this ourselves. We are planning on starting to tell everybody tomorrow, and I really dread that. It makes me wish so much that we had never told in the first place. I'm a very private person, and I really hate sharing my sorrows with other people. I know it has to be done, though. I've avoided going to the grocery store or Wal-Mart all week because I was afraid I would run into somebody who knew we were pregnant and that they would say something about the baby. I've been screening my calls and letting my friends leave messages on the machine, because I wasn't ready to tell them yet. I wanted to wait until I could do it without crying, but I don't know if that's ever going to happen.

The other bad news is that my doctor doesn't think we should go on our vacation next week, just in case some sort of complication develops. So, it looks like I'll be stuck just hanging around the house. We are hoping that maybe the week after next we can get away somewhere together, at least for a few days. My husband has been absolutely incredible through everything and has been by my side pretty much every minute, which also makes things easier.

I really was so amzingly touched by seeing that post this morning. To those of you who pm'd me, I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to get back to each one of you personally yet. You really are the most wonderful group of people in the world.

[Blondie]

{{{hugs}}}

[newmousecateer]

I am so sorry. :(

This is never an easy thing to go through. So glad DH is so wonderful and supportive.

Will be thinking of you and DH.

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

[browneyes]

You need to give yourself time to grieve. I think your friends will understand why you haven't gotten in touch with them. Sounds like a whole lot of people care about you. {{hugs}} :(

[bananiem]

Oh, GEM! I am so sorry. I'm glad your dh is being so supportive and once your friends and family know they will be too.
On the other hand, I'd like to have a word with your doctor!!! How dare she say that to you!! It WAS a baby to you, with all of the hopes and dreams that come with it. Please believe me when I say you have every right to grieve at this time.
{{hugs}}

[s&k'smom]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know we are all grieving with you.

[Rajah]

I'm sorry, Gem. :(

*hugs*

[Towncrier]

I wish that there was something that I could do to ease your pain. No words of wisdom this time. Just {{{hugs}}}. And a few tears shed for your loss. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I hope that you can still get away for a quick vacation in a couple of weeks. Take care.

[dianeschlicht]

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

I had this happen once too. It was VERY early though. It's just natures way of fixing a mistakel. Sorry for your loss.

[binny]

(((((((hugs))))))))) Im so very sorry :(

[NurseKim]

I'm so sorry.
{{Hugs}} to you. :(

[RitaZ.]

{{{{hugs}}}} to you. Take care, Gem.

[Pam]

I'm so sorry.:(

{{{hugs}}} to you and your DH.
Pam

[SuiteDisney]

I'm so very sorry. (((hugs)))

[nativetxn]

GEM this was a huge loss for you and your husband, one you will never forget. It's going to take a long time before your emotions calm down. You will always feel just a little sad about this but as each day passes it will get a little bit easier for you.

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie, I'm so very sorry this happened, I have been in your situation and it's heartbreaking. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better but there isn't. Only the passage of time will ease your heartache.

Katholyn

[Big V]

I'm so sorry for you and your DH. Sending some hugs to the both of you.:(

[PamOKW]

:( :( :( Not much to say except I'm sorry. This has to be very tough. It's wonderful that you have a good husband to see you through this. Remember, he may be feeling sad, too. You go ahead and have any emotions you want -- sad, mad, whatever.

In hindsight, you now know why people sometimes don't share the news right away. It makes it very hard to deal with anything that goes wrong. But, sometimes it's hard to contain joy. I wouldn't worry about telling "all" your friends and relatives. If you or your husband tell a few, the word will spread. You don't have to repeat the story over and over. I bet others here who have been through this will give you some ideas about "answers" to give casual folk you run into at the store.

I hope you can get away for a day or two. You'll need some new scenery and something positive to look forward to. Hang in there. If you feel the need to vent, go ahead and do it here.

[Sonya]

I'm very sorry. I'll be thinking about you.

[CarolG]

Gem, I'm so sorry to hear this.:( Sending lots of {hugs} for you and your DH.

[leahannpen]

OH MY! I am so sorry for you!! Please try to hang there and take care of yourself.

((( HUGS ))) to you and DH.

[Dan Murphy]

A gentle {hug} for you, and your husband, GEM. So sorry about your loss, great it is. Having your husband and family as a strong support is so very important and comforting. And tears are very natural, and good, don't worry about them.

Hope you both are able to get away for a bit, some private, quiet time together.

{Hugs} and prayers, GEM.

[yepod]

So sorry for your loss, Gem:(

We have been thru this too & it will get less painfull in time.
I know this is a very difficult now.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} for the 2 of you.

[MerryPoppins]

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I thought about you all day yesterday.

Wish you and your husband could get away, but I guess the doctor is right. Let yourself be sad. You are feeling a real loss. It's okay, no matter what anyone says about there being "no baby".

We understand. Take comfort that everyone doesn't feel that way. Hug your husband and be thankful that you are together.

I'll be looking for news in the coming months that you are expecting again! What a happy day that will be. After you get through the initial worry, the next pregnancy may be even more special. You'll sure appreciate each heartbeat that you hear!

Lots of special feel-better-soon pixie dust and loads of hugs!

[melk]

I'm sorry:(

[CamColt]

So sorry to hear this, Gem. We are all here for you. Best of luck in your recovery and in the future. Take Care!

[iluvorlando]

I am soooo sorry GEM. Let yourself greive and then pick yourself up and try again. My sister did exactly like you said. She had to have a D&C, and then got pregnant as soon as she could (the month after).

((((Hugs)))) for you and your DH.

[6_Time_Momma]

Oh, I am so, so sorry!! {HUGS}

[BrerMom]

It's ok to cry. Grieving is a necessary part of recovering.

[gemmie214]

I am so sorry Gem:( {{HUGS}}

[lynetteSC]

No words to make this situation better ... :(

I am very glad that you have a WONDERFUL supportive dh through all this ... it makes a HUGE difference to have a GREAT support system.

I can't believe what your dr said ... we too had a nurse that said something similar to us ... you would think that the medical personnel would know what to say and what NOT to say ...

Good Luck to you ... know that you are in alot of prayers now! :)

Hopefully, you can get away soon to find some time together.
Lots of hugs!

[Zurg]

http://205.158.147.182/PD.gif

[Tuffcookie]

Dear GEM, It's perfectly fine to acknowledge your feelings. Also know that until your hormone levels are back to what they were before, there is a physical reason for your emotional upheaval. HUGS to you...

TC:cool:

[meeshi]

Oh, GEM, I am so sorry. :( (((((HUGS)))))

[Mskanga]

GEM, I am so very sorry , I guess it wasn't meant to be this time but let me tell you that I know a lot of people who misscarry or have the same problem you did and then later they have babies without a problem , so please do not loose hope. I know one baby doesn't replace another but what I am saying is that there's hope, I hope my words are not missinterpreted.
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} to both of you and keep your chin up, you did not let anyone down, you are very brave for sharing this with us , I know you are hurting now , I personally don't think I could deal with it they way you are by talking to us.

Olga

[Mark P.]

Sorry to hear of your loss:(

[Mamu]

I am so sorry, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}}

[tc]

I am so sorry you've had to go through this. You should expect to go through the same greiving process as if you held that precious baby in your arms. Your heart is acheing just the same.

{{{{HUGS}}}} and pd to you, and prayers that your hearts stops acheing soon.

[Boots]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} I am so very sorry to hear this. I was afraid of this when you did your first post. I am here if you ever need to PM or email me. You are part of my DIS family!

[ripleysmom]

I am so sorry GEM!! :(

[Kitty 34]

I'm so sorry Gem.:( {{{{HUGS}}}}

[snoopy]

Ah, your post made me cry. So eloquent, so sad.

I'm so sorry, Gem. I wasn't aware that you were even going through this, I must have missed your earlier post.

Hugs to you, you are in my thoughts.

[Robinrs]

I pm'd you, honey. Hang in there....

[Mary Jo]

<font color=navy>Another hug, Gem... My condolences to you.

[Serena]

I'm sorry Gem.

[Colleen A.]

Hugs, Prayers and Pixie Dust. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.:( Even though you will have another child, he or she will never replace this precious little one who is gone, nor should anyone expect them to. If you had a name already picked out, I wouldn't use it for your next child. That belonged to this little one. When I became pregnant after Kyle passed away, I had a very unsensitive relative ask me if the baby was a boy, would I name him Kyle. Positively not! Kyle was very special and no one will ever take his place. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. If you need anything or just want to talk, we're all here...

Colleen

[Miss Jasmine]

I'm so sorry, GEM. :( {{{{HUGS}}}} and prayers.

[Pembo]

Gem-Lots of hugs and pixie dust to you. I've been through the "empty sac" and it was very difficult! We were allowed to try again after one cycle and got pregnant with no problems.

Blessings to you and dh!

[Debi]

{{{Hugs}}}

[catsrule]

So sorry for your loss, GEM. {{{{HUGS}}}} Hope you start feeling better too.

[helenabear]

{{{hugs}}} so very sorry to hear this :(

[Pooh93]

Prayers and good thoughts for you and DH. {{hugs}}

[glo]

{{Hugs}} Gem, I am so sorry.

[cleo]

GEM, I'm wrapping you up in a big cyber hug, my dear. I know just how you feel...been there many times. :(

Be kind to yourself, dear heart. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[becka]

{{hugs}}

I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and your DH. I hope God gives you the strength to deal with telling everyone.

[heath dog]

I know what you are going through as I have lost two children in the last two year. You let yourself grieve and take this time for yourself!!! I know the feeling of letting people down but we really didn't and there wasn't anything you could have done differently. I don't agree with the doc saying that it wasn't a baby. At one time it was and you were a mother to it.
I will be thinking of you often

[goofy4mickey48]

hugs and prayers go out to you, I lost a baby between my first 2 I agree with you , it was your child and you do need time to grieve.again so sorry!:(

[kozmo]

faith,hope and love

[bfeller]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[allicat]

Gem-
Sorry to hear the news. Having support really helps at a time like this, and it seems as though your husband is right there for you.
I lost a pregancy at 16 weeks and without support, it would have been so much harder for me to start feeling good again.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery and a healthy pregnancy in the future!

[NHAnn]

I'm sorry :( :( :(
Take care,
cry when you feel like it,
and take comfort in the people who care when you are able to share the news with them..

[pajamommy]

So sorry to hear about this. Please take care and {{{HUGS}}} for you.

[tnkrbell]

Gem Im soo sorry for your loss!! :(

[Mickey Nut 50]

GEM, so sorry to hear of your loss. Yes, it was a baby, just as real to you as if you had carried it full term. I know, I've been in your situation - 6 times before we got the first one here, and once after the second one. We also had 6 adoptions fall through at the last minute before the first one. It was just as devastating each time. Time does heal, and you will go on. {{{hugs }}} to both of you. Personally, I think I'd be looking for another doctor.

[Kermit]

{{{Hugs}}} I'm so sorry. You and your DH have been in my prayers, and you'll continue to be.

Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, especially someone who's never been through it. You had a <i>real</i> baby, and you have every right to be upset. You will be fine in due time, but you need to let yourself grieve or you'll never heal.

Take care of yourself. It's hard to wait for something you never wanted to happen. I'm sorry you're going to have to miss your vacation, but you'll have more fun later when you're sure that your body has returned to normal.

[mskani]

I just finished reading your previous posts. I am so sorry for your loss.

[zurgswife]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[GEM]

Thanks so much for all the wonderful kind words. I've let my husband read all the responses here and all the PMs I have gotten, and he is just blown away by the kindness of people we've never even met in person. Your support has made me feel so much better about telling the people in our "real" lives. I just can't put into words how much it has meant to me that so many of you took the time to reach out to us. You really have made this very difficult time less lonely for us.

[supercarrie]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. {{{HUGS}}}

[minniecarousel]

So sorry for your loss - hang in there.
(It's kinda funny, isn't it Gem, how confiding in on-line friends can be a little easier than RL friends?)

[robinb]

{{hugs}}

I'm sorry for your loss :(.

There's a PM to you on it's way. Don't feel you have to answer it.

[Mackey Mouse]

Hugs Gem.. I am so sorry.. please take some time for you and your husband to get through this together.. take care.

[Patabel]

Oh, Gem, so very, very sorry for your loss. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Goofball]

I'm so very sorry, GEM. Of course this is a baby to the both of you, and I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. I'll be praying for you both, and I hope you have the best of luck in working on your family. {{{Hugs}}}

[Kteacher]

I am so sorry:( There are lots of us here who've been through this. If you need a shoulder to lean on I'm here for you.

[ead79]

Oh GEM, I am so sorry. My prayers are with you as you and your husband grieve. {{{HUGS}}} for you too.

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I am soooo sorry for your loss. :( I wish I had some more words of comfort, but know that you are in my thougts and prayers.

[minnie56]

My heart aches with yours.....
:(