Dating Someone is who Separated

[Jodi1980]

not divorced. What is your opinion?

[Pin Wizard]

Been there, done that, TROUBLE!

Of course when I first met the "jerk" he told me he was divorced. Three weeks later he told me..."I'm only separated." :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

[gepetto]

Depends on how long they've been separated. I think it'd be ok so long as they're not still mooning around after their soon to be ex.:D

[Mary Jo]

<font color=navy>My opinion is that

if you're looking for a fun time w/o commitment ......

you have a chance of being the "transition woman" & the relationship (if one develops) won't last ....

in all fairness, I wouldn't advocate getting involved with someone who's only separated, as I would hope that he would repair his relationship with his wife, and your involvement with him would only deter that ...

... but then, that's just my opinion :)

[The Mystery Machine]

Never...I would run away, very fast.

[lisaschu]

Is the divorce in process? I met my husband in the beginning phases of the divorce process. We didn't start dating until a few months later and within six months the divorce was final. Had they been only separated I think I would have been leery. However, because children were involved we took the dating process very slow. I did not meet his children until nearly 9 months after we started dating. He was also "injured" emotionally so we mutually agreed to take things slow. Obviously it worked out quite well for me. We'll be married four years this September and we're expecting our first child in December. My suggestion is to take things slow and give the relationship time to develop. Everybody and every divorce is different.

Lisa

[Serena]

I would not appreciate it.

Until they are divorced, they are married and off limits.

[wvjules]

I don't see anything wrong with it. If you're interested and want to go out with him, go for it.

On the other hand, if he's only been separated for a couple of weeks, I'd have to say no.

[Disney Doll]

Doesn't seem smart t me. You're not seeing the true person...you're seeing one injured by emotional pain, anger etc.

[wvjules]

Where does it say that he's injured by emotional pain and anger? I was tickled when I was separated. No pain, anger, or emotional injuries for me. Sometimes separation/divorce is a good thing. :) Not everyone is irreversably damaged by it.

[Otimon]

Until divorced, the separated individual is still married. Personal opinion is that it's best to wait until strings are no longer attached.

[Tuffcookie]

Two questions: Are you sure they're separated??? Have they filed for divorce??? If they are separated and haven't filed for divorce, don't get involved. Also, if they are separated and have filed for divorce DO NOT allow yourself to be used to make the soon to be ex, jealous. DO NOT accompany him to pick up the kids for visitation. In fact, have no interaction with the soon to be ex spouse. In other words, keep a low profile....

TC:cool:

[Harley Chick]

Been there, done that, married him. Was it smart? I haven't got a clue. His divorce took 4 years (certainly not by his choice, or mine). :rolleyes:

[MeanLaureen]

Well I guess I'm going to get flamed here. DH Matthew (Obi-Wan Pinobi) and I started dating when I was just seperated and my divorce wasn't final until 6 months later. :(

[Jeff in BigD]

I wouldn't do it.

I can't tell you how many couples I've known that were "seperated" that were on again, off again for years.

Then again I personally probably wouldn't date someone who was divorced either.

[glo]

Everybody has different opinions on this. I will tell you this follow your gut. You know the answer...do what you feel is right. We do not know the entire story. hugs and good luck either way.

[Poohbear123]

My first DH I THOUGHT, was divorced, she had moved away to another City, and later on, I found out, to ESCAPE HIM!:eek: :rolleyes: (I escaped 5 years later) only to date ANOTHER seperated guy..............His divorce was 6 months after mine, and we have been together for 16 YEARS! ;) If I were OUT IN THE FIELD, so to speak, I would RUN RUN RUN Away!:rolleyes:

[Serena]

I want to amend my previous answer.
In some circumstances the couplde aren't finished and it is hard to know exactly what is going on. To let them finish whatever they need to finish seems safer for all involved.
Some couples are not a couple for a long time before the divorce and some people can be vindictive and not let one go through.
It really depends on the people involved.

But do me and other's a favor. If you happen to be a friend of the wife also, just stay away. Don't be so available that he turns to you to boost his ego and complain about the wife.

[Breezy_Carol]

Protect yourself. If he is only separated and the divorce is not friendly, his ex could charge him with adultery and your name would be dragged into the mess too.

[Disney Dee]

As long as he is seperated, nothing wrong with dating him, why wait maybe afew yrs to date again? Some divorces take a long time if kids, homes and money are issues that sometimes take awhile to resolve My fiance and I were both married but seperated when we met, if we waited to date until we got divorces, we would have missed a good yr of being together!

[bsnyder]

I don't think you can make any hard and fast rules for this. Maybe in a lot of situations, the new person is a just a "transitional" relationship, and you should save yourself the heartache.

But every situation is different. In my case, my ex and I had been separated for a year and a half when I met DH. It wasn't a situation where there was even a remote chance that we would get back together. But we were both emotionally wrung out from the process of actually separating and all the pain that that involved, that neither one of us had the "stomach" to go through the legal process. Maybe we were just procrastinating, I don't know, but I remember that I felt I could face the pain of the actual "paper" process, and felt that it wouldn't hurt anything, or change anything to wait a while.

And in our case, we actually were "friends" by the time we did go to court and make it legal, so it worked out okay. I know that this is probably the exception to the rule, but if my DH had taken the line of not dating a separated person, who knows how things would have turned out.

[nuts4sn00py]

As someone already said, follow your gut. My DH was seperated when I met him & we have been together 16 years & married almost 10. My friends were against us being together & so was my Dad. Needless, to say, they all agreed I made the right choice. My DH married his H.S. sweetheart & the marriage was short lived. Everybody is different & every situation is different. His ex re-married before him & we all get along. My Dh & his ex had 2 girls together, him & I have a boy & a girl & his ex & her DH have a boy & girl. I know we are the exception to the rule, but it can work! Again, go with your gut, I find that my gut feeling is right about 98% of the time. Just my $.02. Kathy :)

[JasonLyons]

you slut :D

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by MeanLaureen
Well I guess I'm going to get flamed here. DH Matthew (Obi-Wan Pinobi) and I started dating when I was just seperated and my divorce wasn't final until 6 months later. :( In my case, substitute Matthew for my DH of 10+ years, substitute 6 months for 5 months and, we married 2 months after the final divorce.

Flame away. (MeanLaureen & I will be wearing fire-proof suits!) ;)

[epcotfan]

Originally posted by Jeff in BigD
I wouldn't do it.

I can't tell you how many couples I've known that were "seperated" that were on again, off again for years.

Then again I personally probably wouldn't date someone who was divorced either.

Ditto :D

[KimRaye]

Then again I personally probably wouldn't date someone who was divorced either.
Originally posted by epcotfan


Ditto :D
That might limit your 'field' just a tad. ;)

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by KimRaye
That might limit your 'field' just a tad. ;)
Yes, but then it'll be easier for me to spot the one for me. :)

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by Jeff in BigD

Yes, but then it'll be easier for me to spot the one for me. :) Hmmm, ya think? I HOPE DH would disagree with you on that. ;)

We're not ALL as bad as you may think! :)

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by KimRaye
Hmmm, ya think? I HOPE DH would disagree with you on that. ;)

We're not ALL as bad as you may think! :)
I never said that people who've had a divorce were bad. A good friend of mine is going through one right now. Just as some people wouldn't date a smoker, it's a personal choice. I never said that no one should be in that situation, but it's certainly one that I personally wouldn't get involved in. Sorry if it came off differently than I intended for it to be. :)

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by Jeff in BigD
Sorry if it came off differently than I intended for it to be. :) Not at ALL, Jeff! Just DIScussing the favorable stories in this scenario! ;)
bsnyder: but if my DH had taken the line of not dating a separated person, who knows how things would have turned out.
Personally.... I wouldn't have my DD! :smooth:

(Just a couple of people who are happy in this situation.) ;)

But, it IS a personal choice! And, I respect yours! :)

(BTW, I'm previously divorced, re-married AND I Smoke! As much as I Like you, We're not meant to be!! :( ;) :smooth: ) j/k with ya!!:)

[epcotfan]

Hmmm I didn't think my options were limited. I think there are actually some people out there that haven't been married or seperated. :rolleyes:

I didn't mean anything bad by my "ditto" I just feel (FOR ME) that I wouldn't want to date someone that was divorced or currently seperated. If I am a lonely old lady for the rest of my life, so be it.

I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine ;)

[MeanLaureen]

Yes, but then it'll be easier for me to spot the one for me.

So divorced women have some sort of "fault" or "undesirableness" around them?

Gee, little did I know that when I married the person I was in love with when I was 21 that he would be physically and mentally abusive to me 7 yrs later. I stuck it out for 3 yrs before I finally called an end to it. I never realized that I would be considered damaged goods by some people. Maybe I should have stayed in the marriage and suffered with the abuse, huh? :rolleyes:

[TXTIGGR]

Lots of well-meaning thoughts here, from people with loads of experience ... except for Jason ;) ... but ... It's your choice and ... after all ... your life, right?

I'm going through a divorce right now, and can tell you that there are as many different situations as people getting divorced.
And btw, sometimes (as in my case) it's the legal process that drags out the divorce, not the people.

So, I agree with wvjules, tuffcookie, etal. who suggest you go in slowly, carefully, with eyes wide open, following your gut as to the person you're interested in.

DON'T settle for anything less than complete honesty in the situation.

Good Luck, I hope things work out for you.
:)

[kylara]

I also say go with your gut insticts. People separate for many reasons, some lead to divorce, others don't. You will need to talk with the person to try and get an idea of what might happen.

I know that when I got divorced, we filed uncontested. In MA (at the time of my divorce) and uncontested divorce doesn't become final for 6 months after the court hearing (just in case you want to change your mind, I guess). So even though my marriage was over and a divorce was granted, I was till only "separated" in the eyes of the court until that date 6 months later.

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by MeanLaureen
So divorced women have some sort of "fault" or "undesirableness" around them?
As people or friends, no, but I wouldn't get involved with someone who's been in a previous marriage. Some people wouldn't date someone with a kid. It's not that they dislike them or think they're bad people or anything, it's just not the right fit for them.

Gee, little did I know that when I married the person I was in love with when I was 21 that he would be physically and mentally abusive to me 7 yrs later. I stuck it out for 3 yrs before I finally called an end to it. I never realized that I would be considered damaged goods by some people. Maybe I should have stayed in the marriage and suffered with the abuse, huh? :rolleyes:
Damaged goods? I don't believe I've ever said anything remotely like that. I'm sorry to hear about the situation you went through.

Some women wouldn't date a guy who was overweight, but I don't feel like I'm damaged goods because I buy clothes in the big guy area. Some women wouldn't date a guy under 6'0, but I don't feel like less of a person because I'm 5'11. It's simply a matter of taste. I'm sorry if you read something into my post that wasn't intended & took it personally. :(

[MeanLaureen]

Jeff, sorry if I misunderstood your intentions. I'm sensitive to this issue because while I was going through my divorce (which was uncontested since I had evidence of him making plans to have me molested by another man - but still took almost a year) I was called all sorts of names for dating other people while we were seperated. Most of these things wouldn't pass the filter here. I had to get on with my life though.

And as far as women not going out with men due to physical appearances - I guess I'm one of the rare people out there. I've learned after being married to a very handsome man the first time who treated me like garbage that you cannot base love on the outside. After that I learned it was the real person inside that matters and all the time I spend dating I never discriminated against someone due to height (Being 5'10" most of my dates were my height or shorter anyway) or weight or whether they were bald or had a full head of hair.. you name it. Maybe being a divorcee isn't a bad thing in my case. It surely made me grow as a person and opened my eyes to a whole lot of people out there that others may have missed.