No baby . . .

[GEM]

I don't want to make any of you guys too sad, but I really need someplace to talk about this. I am just about eight weeks pregnant today. On Friday night, I started spotting and it is still going on. I don't have any pain or anything, just spottng. I saw my doctor today and she sent me over to the hospital for an ultrasound. They did a regular ultrasound and a trans******l ultrasound. On both, they could see the gestational sac - but nothing inside. My doctor said it might just be too early, but I am just over 8 weeks and I know that she should have been able to see something by now. So, I guess it looks like it reallly is probably over. I did have some blood taken and I have to go back and have more taken on Thursday so they can compare the levels to see if they go up or down. I don't really have any hope, though. This was our first and we were so excited just a few days ago. It's funny how fast that excitement has turned to sadness, confusion, guilt, and humiliation. I'm not even sure what the next step is after Thursday. I didn't get a chance to talk to my doctor about it. My husband and I were suppossed to leave on Sunday for a vacation, which we really need. I don't know if we should still plan on being able to go or if we should just go ahead and cancel. I really want to go because I can't stand the thought of just hanging around the house, but I don't know what to expect. Any advice?? Also, I guess we have to start spreading the news, which I dread. I'm just not ready to deal with anybody else's grief and dissappointment yet, when I haven't had time to really deal with my own. I feel totally lost . . .

[skuttle]

{{{HUGS}}} I'm so very sorry.

[binny]

(((hugs))) to you.

Listen to your doctor ok? I know youre afraid to hope at this poiint but if they said it was too early maybe it is.

I lost my first baby. We had just barely found out and told a few people. I didnt want to deal with it either. I felt like a failure and that I couldnt do anything right I was SURE I had caused the miscarriage. :(

I know now that I didnt do anything to cause it, sometimes these things happen.

If I were you I would go on your vacation anyway, I know it wont seem as joyous but you say you really need it, well then do it! It will help you to have some time away to sort things out.

Whatever you do though, take care of yourself Other peoples feelings arent what you should be worrying about at this point.

God Bless!

[wdw4us]

poor you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can go on your vacation. You need some time to relax. Maybe you could leave a few days later.

Take care of yourself, sending pixie dust and prayers to you.

denise

[GEM]

On a lighter note, that's the first time I ever used a word in post that didn't make it past the censor.

[helenabear]

I'm very sorry to hear this :( {{{hugs}}}

[mamajoan]

So sorry to hear this news. May God Bless you and keep you close.
Joan

[Saffron]

{{{{{Hugs}}}}} :(

[SuiteDisney]

I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

[glo]

{{hugs}} I am so sorry to hear this...sent you a pm :(

[preshi]

I just went through the same thing. Please please feel free to e-mail me if there is anything I can do. I was also 8 weeks along and there wasn't any baby. I had other complications to go along with it too. If you need a shoulder I am here!:(

{{{hugs}}}

[Serena]

I'm sorry :(

[tar heel]

I, too, have been where you are. I am so sorry to hear your news.

[Kermit]

{{{Hugs}}} I am so sorry. :(

If you have a sac and no baby, it's probably a blighted ovum. (I had one earlier this year.) That means that when the sperm and egg got together, there was some sort of problem right from the start, and the baby either didn't develop or was absorbed by your body soon thereafter.

The reason they're waiting until Thursday is just to do another ultrasound and see if the baby shows up. If not, you'll have two options. One is to have a d&c to remove the products of conception. How they do it will depend on your doctor. Mine does them in the maternity ward at the hospital under full anesthesia, but I think some doctors use a twilight sleep. The other choice is to just wait and let nature run its course. You will eventually miscarry. Since you're bleeding, it may not be too long of a wait. They can probably give you a better idea when the compare the quantity of HGC in your 2 blood tests. If it's not going down, you could be in a for a wait. Complications from either choice are extremely rare. With the d&c, infection or complications from the anesthesia are probably the biggest risk, and your doctor will give you antiobiotics to prevent infection. With the miscarriage, you could retain part of the materials, which would cause you to either bleed heavily or get an infection. The rememedy would be a d&c.

In all actuality, you should plan on canceling your vacation. You're either going to be recovering from minor surgery or waiting to miscarry. You don't want to do either of those away from home and away from your doctor.

I did a lot of research (obviously) when my doctor diagnosed my blighted ovum. I was 12 weeks at the time. I waited 3 weeks to miscarry and then consented for the surgery. I actually had a d&e, which is what they do for people who are further along, but the recovery is the same. I didn't have any problems. I was cramping when I came out the OR, but by the time the nausea from the anesthesia subsided, I was fine. My doctor gave me pain pills, but I ended up taking only one Advil, and that was because my throat got scratched by the breathing tube.

You and your DH will be in my prayers. I know this is a hard time. Please PM me if you need to talk or have any questions that I might be able to answer. {{{Hugs}}}

[Dizzy-Disney4]

{{{HUGS}}} I'm so sorry.

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

I had the same thing happen to me between my two children. Except I did not know the sac was empty until they did an ultrasound at 12 weeks because I was bleeding. So sorry, hugs and prayers for you both.

[Dan Murphy]

GEM, this is a great place to come to, as you say, talk about it. And to reach out for the comfort it can provide. Always nice to have friends and family close by.

As binny pointed out, maybe it just is too early to tell. If not, my best wishes and prayers for you and your hubby. Always such an emotional roller coaster with events like this, up, then down.

Know well we are with you, GEM. {{Hugs}}.

[Sonya]

I'm sorry, I'll be thinking about you.

[ugadog99]

I am so sorry. I am hoping for the best for you.
{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

[Mickey's sunshine]

{{hugs}} to you sweetie. I dont know what to say to comfort you a little but I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Krisu]

Please go away with your DH. You need to be together and someplace different. It takes a lot of strength to even tell us all about this. This happened to my sister...twice! It was a very sad time for her. But, she now has 2 beautiful children. Thinking of you:D

[Colleen A.]

{HUGS}. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. The people on this board are great and can offer immense comfort and emotional support. I know this from first hand experience how great these people are. I lost a son in 1993 (he was still born) and whenever I have needed to talk about this, everyone was so supportive. I'll be praying for you. I hope everything works out for the best.

Colleen

[bananiem]

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say how sorry I am. Take care of yourself and go on vacation.

[NHAnn]

:(

This happened to my sister. She had the D & C, at her doc's office I think, and physically was ready to return to work in a couple of days. She was also emotionally ready to work but everyone is different!

Can you wait til you see the doc to decide about your vacation? I'd be leaning toward still taking the time off....but as for "going away" I guess it will depend on the physical side of things.

Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain and loss, and hope you can take some comfort from the people here.

[olena]

***HUGS***

[Blondie]

I'm sorry GEM. {{{hugs}}}

[Robinrs]

There was a saying I heard once on a show about a woman who lost her baby. She was hispanic and she kept say "Siempre bebe, siempre bebe!' Which means "always baby..."

There is never "no baby" in mind of it's parent. That baby lives in dreams and aspirations, in thoughts and daydreams, in cribs we see in showrooms, on car seats we see in Macy's. She's in a sundress with a ruffly undergarment, or he's in a suspendered short set with a matching hat. There is ALWAYS a baby in the mind of the woman who carries it.

I spent 9 months carrying a child and a dream only to be told "no baby". I had to break it to everyone from the newspaper guy to my co workers, my neighbors to my relatives. To the people who sent me gifts to the girlfriends who had the shower for me.

"No baby?" No.

Gem, this is a reality that too many women live through and supress. You were so right to come here, we all need a place to let it out. There are shoulders and people who've been there.

Let us know if you need a shoulder. We're here.

God bless...

[disfanatiks]

I am so sorry. {{{hugs}}}

[iluvorlando]

GEM,

I am sooo sorry. This just happened to my sister last month. HUGS to you along with all my prayers.

[Fantasia Girl]

I'm sorry {{Hugs}} :( This happened to my best friend a few years ago, I saw what she went through. I wish the best for you and your husband.

[KarenB]

I'm so sorry to hear this news. Please, please keep us posted and you know that many people are thinking of you.

Karen

[luv2nascar]

I miscarried what should have been our second at 10 weeks
I started to spot & Transvag ultrasound revealed fetus was
not growing (actually more like cells at that point)
spotting continued & HCG levels actually went up
Had to wait a week to actualy miscarry & it was agonizing

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or need support
I'd cancel the vacation at this point as previous poster indicated surgery may be necessary or you may just be waiting
my doctor used the wait & see approach & thankfully my body did all the work so no surgery for me

I am truly sorry for your loss.
you are seeking support from a great place
better days ahead

[CamColt]

So sorry to hear that, Gem. Prayers & Pixie dust to you!!!

[#1 Disney Fan]

{{{{{Hugs}}}}} and pixie dust. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So sorry to hear of this. Thinking of you, Gem.

[GEM]

Thank you all so much for your wonderful words of support. I know that I am not alone in this sorrow, and that many couples have suffered the exact same loss.

I guess what Robinrs said really sums up what I am feeling right now. My doctor really just acted like we shouldn't even be upset about this because it is so common and because in reality no baby ever developed, so there wasn't any baby to loose.

But there was a baby to us! We had names picked out and a nursery theme decided on. We'd bought a baby book and my husband's mom had given us all his old baby blankets. My friends were talking about shower dates and my sister had given me all her old maternity clothes. Now all our dreams and plans are gone and I don't know how we are supposed to react. I feel like a failure and I feel like I've let everyone down. I don't know how to grieve for a baby that only existed in our hearts. Do we just pretend it never happened?

Thanks again for all the sweet words and for sharing your own painful experiences. Thanks for the PMs and the kindness. We haven't told anybody in the "real world" yet, so the response from you all really does help.

[Goofball]

I'm so sorry, GEM. As well as I am able to, never having been pregnant myself, I think I understand why this is so painful for you and your DH. I'll be praying for you both. {{{{Hugs}}}}

[Kermit]

Doctors can be rather unfeeling, since they see it so often. But it is a real pain, and there's no reason to act like it's not there.

I actually got ticked off at my doctor when he said that I probably never had a baby at all. I had already connected emotionally with the baby, and he just made me feel stupid. I worried that I would get to heaven and other women who had lost children would be reunited with theirs but I wouldn't have one since it was never there. I finally decided the doctor didn't know what he was talking about. I <i>know</i> that I had a baby, and I will meet it someday. In fact, I honestly believe that the baby I'm carrying now is the one I lost.

You're not a failure. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it, and absolutely no reason that it would be any more likely to happen next time.

Let yourself grieve. If it helps, record your memories from this pregnancy while they're still fresh. Someday you'll get to the point where you can actually remember the pregnancy fondly. The pain will never go completely away, but it will change, and you will be able to move on when the timing is right. And if you're ready to try again, you'll probably be extra-fertile for the first few months.

[NurseKim]

I'm so sorry. You have every right to mourn the loss of your baby. Pretending like the pregnancy never happened is not going to help any. Maybe you'll get some better news on Thursday. :(

[Kama89]

I'm so sorry GEM. :( My thoughts are with you. :(

[zurgswife]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[Boots]

I am so very very sorry. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[mrsv98]

Gem,

I don't want to get your hopes up, but don't give up yet. I started bleeding at 8 weeks, getting progressively heavier until the Sat before Labor Day, I was *sure* that I had miscarried because I also seemd to pass tissue. I was sent for a bunch of HCG test and then finally a transvag ultrasound and low and behold the tech found a heartbeat!(That's the heartbeat in my signature!:D )I continued to bleed for another month and my ob thinks I must have had twins and lost one but not the other. I KNOW how incredibly stressful this is and all I can say is hold on and keep thinking positive thoughts until Thurs, because you never know.

I also understand how you feel when you say you feel like a failure. I was so sure I had miscarried that I just grieved and grieved all weekend until that Tues when I had the test. Even tho it was early, I already loved my baby. I am still sad at times when I think of the twin I lost, but I know I will see her again someday and that makes it a bit better. Know that we are with you and you will always find support here no matter the outcome.

[nativetxn]

Oh honey, I've been where you are now, many times. It is a heartbreaking situation and there is nothing that anyone could say that will make you feel any better. It is an emotionally devastating situation :(

Just know that we care and that we are always here if you need to talk. {{{HUGS}}}

[FergieTCat]

I am so sorry for you and your husband.

Big cyber-hug ...

[Dream]

I am so sorry. You are in my prayers tonight GEM. I sent you a pm.

[Jennyfyar]

No advice or suggestions, just good thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry.

[Tuffcookie]

GEM, Honey, I've been in your shoes. So tough to deal with all the emotions you're feeling. I'm glad you have us to turn to! :D I think you would be better off not going on any trips right now. You would either be recovering from surgery or waiting for the inevitable. Right now you need to take care of your physical well-being! HUGS

TC

[kejoda]

I'm so sorry Gem. {{{HUGS}}}

[Laurabearz]

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) YOur in my thoughts and prayers.

[bashful64]

{{{HUGS}}} Gem.

[Pooh93]

{{hugs}} you are not a failure and many good thoughts and prayers for you and dh.

[Princess Michelle]

I'm so sorry GEM, my thoughts and prayers are with you. {{{hugs}}}

[newmousecateer]

Oh my dear, {{{{HUGS}}}} and more {{{{HUGS}}}}.

I will be thinking of you.

[bfeller]

GEM, I am thinking good thoughts for you on Thursday.

[Ranatra]

I am so sorry.
I spotted at 8-10 weeks with my last pregnancy (years ago) and lost it. I know how painful it can be. (((((((((((( Hugs ))))))))))))
Give yourself time, it really does heal the wounds a little.

[RitaZ.]

{{{hugs}}}

Take care, Gem.:D

[browneyes]

:( {{hugs}} I'm sorry.:( I hope you're ok.

[Jeafl]

I don't want to get your hopes up either, but I was in exactly your position 7 years ago. I started bleeding at 8 weeks and the doctor told me there was a sac but nothing else on the ultrasound. I went back a week later since I hadn't miscarried, so they did another ultrasound. Sure enough, there was a baby. She's now 6 1/2 yrs. old! No matter what happens, never think of yourself as a failure. Don't worry about telling people, they will all understand. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way...

[ripleysmom]

I also had the same thing. What helped me through that was to realize that there was no baby to lose. It just never developed. Hopefully they will find a baby in a week. If they don't, I hope that you have a quick recovery.

[MerryPoppins]

Gem, I'm so sorry. I hope you have good news on Thursday. Many hugs and tons of pixie dust headed your way.

I know how much feeling you already have for your baby. I can hear it in your posts. Don't blame yourself! This is more common than you realize right now. I've had several friends who experienced the same thing.

I've personally never lost a baby, but I have known heartache and I have broad shoulders to lean on. Until you feel like sharing with people in real life, feel free to talk to us about it. Sometimes opening your heart and getting the feelings out can be so healing. You'll be in my prayers!

[Planogirl]

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. Whatever happens be kind to yourself and lean on those that can help.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

[bsnyder]

GEM, sending you huge hugs and many prayers!

[adamak]

Be strong. Stay calm. No matter what happened, please do not get too depressed over it. You never know.

Things happen for a reason. There must be a bigger plan.

Most of all, be informative. My friend lost her 2 babies, and nearly lost her 3rd. Luckily, she researches over the internet, and understand all the symptons, and be proactive. Now she has this healthy 3 year old who is stronger than any kid I know.

You never know. We're with you.

[Deb in IA]

Very sorry regarding your loss.

My sister also lost a baby a year and a half ago. It was, and still is, very difficult for her to talk about it.

Yes, you are right in mourning your baby. It WAS a baby, with hopes and dreams for the future. And with time, the hurt will ease. But you will never forget your first "baby".

[RNMOM]

Gem, I am so sorry you and your DH are having to go through this. Love comes so easily with the idea of a child.

I know it is hard, we are here for you.

[shep]

(((hugs))):(
Sorry for your loss...:(

[JohnTBap]

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time. :(

[KimRaye]

TAKE time to deal with it on our own, as you see fit and are able to. I'm very sorry. :( There were many others here who shared their experiences and, I hope, helped you in some way. ALL of you needed this. Thank you all for sharing and, I'm really very saddened about all your losses. :( {{HUGS}}

[tiggerlover]

GEM, I just wanted to add my {{HUGS}} and prayers for you during this most difficult time. I have been there too and know the raw emotions you are feeling. From the moment the pregnancy test comes back positive the love begins, and I am sorry your doctor was so incensitive to your feelings. You are not a failure, because you did nothing to cause your current condition, I know there are a lot of "what if I did this or what if I did that", but it simply was nothing you did. However, from reading some of the other posts here it looks like there could be hope, don't give up the hope and we will all think good thoughts for you.

In the event the worst does become a reality, allow yourself to grieve and ignore the ignorant people who sometimes say hurtful things (simply because they don't know). When I lost my baby I grieved like I lost my best friend for a very long time, people didn't understand and they were cruel because they would say it isn't like there ever was a baby it was just a bunch of cells and I should just get over it. This was hurtful because I was emotionally connected to this child, and yes empty sack or deformed fetus, to me and my husband there was a child.

As far as treatment in my case, the doctor sent me home to wait it out and I miscarried completely on my own a day or two after I started bleeding, so no other procedure was necessary.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, I pray for the best for you and your baby.

{{{HUGS}}}

Debbi

[lvs_eeyore]

((((((((GEM)))))))))) You will be in my thoughts and in my prayers.

[dianeschlicht]

(((((((hugs))))))), and prayers for you and DH.

[Miss Jasmine]

GEM, You and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}}

[becka]

{{hugs}} and prayers for you and your DH Gem.

[CathyCanada]

Hugs to you GEM, I am so sorry.
CC

[Rock'n Robin]

Gem I am so sorry. I lost my first baby at about 12 weeks, although it was definately a baby, it was just not living inside. I am praying that you get one of the miracles some of the posters have gotten. If not, I also hope you have a quick recovery. I later had 3 beautiful babies, but still feel the pain around Thanksgiving when I found out the first one was lost, and that was 12 years ago.
Robin M.

[Kteacher]

I am so sorry to hear this:( I went through 2 miscarriages inbetween my first and second child, and I completely understand all the emotions you're going through. It takes time, but it does get easier. The main thing is-do not blame yourself. This has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. Take care. There are lots of us here you can lean on.

[minnie56]

Wait and see....you never know at this point.
With my third pregnancy (I miscarried once and had a daughter second time)I started spotting in my 7th week. I went to my OBGYN who sent me for all the ultrasounds you have had. It was a Friday and I didn't ask many questions. The technician said she could see an area of bleeding but didn't elaborate.
The radiologist called me at home that night and told me the sac was empty, there was nothing inside and to get up and walk around to help move things along. He felt I would spontaneously abort. I had a good stiff drink!
On the Monday my Dr's office called and scheduled an appt for a D&C to be preceded by another ultrasound. I couldn't understand the futility of this but my Dr asked that I "humour him"! Off I went for the appt and the technician asked me what had transpired during my previous ultrasound. I advised her what I had been told and she said " well, there's something there now..and it's heart is beating"!!!! That little 'heart' is now my 15 year old daughter!
So, strange things do happen and you just don't know!
Whatever happens....hang in there!
:D

[meeshi]

GEM, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry you are going through this. All I can offer you is (((((HUGS))))) and prayers for you and your dh. Praying for a miracle for you.

[Towncrier]

All I can offer are hugs and prayers. You've gotten a lot of good advice in this thread. Above all, you are not a failure. That is evident in all the planning and preparation that you have done to bring a new life into this world. Unless there is a medical reason, I suggest that you go ahead with plans for your vacation.

When my wife's father passed away just a week before our anniversary, Sue wanted to just stay home. I knew that her dad would not have wanted us to change our plans, so on the appointed day, we headed back to the place where we honeymooned for our annual visit. Later Sue told me that she was glad that "life went on" and that we had gone ahead with our original plans. I think that it must have helped with her grieving.

[christineann]

You're in my thoughts and prayers, too

[Beanie]

So sorry to hear...I had two miscarriages myself, one the first time I got pregnant and one after my first child was born...You are in my thoughts...

[lovingthemouse]

GEM -you and your husband are in our prayers! We missed you this summer in CT - just not a pin meet without you! Please know that i, too, can understand what you are going through. Caroline

[DixieDreamer]

I am so sorry. {hugs}

[Buckalew]

{{{hugs}}} to you. You are in my prayers, Gem.

[AZKathy]

I am so sorry. It is a terrible thing to go through. Prayers and PD coming your way.http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/vltdisney/anitink02.gif