How do you feel about the gay f word?

[glenpreece]

At work the other one of the other managers (Brent) used the gay F word in front of me when talking about one of the sales reps. I was offended as I really hate that word. To me it's right up there with the N word. When the store owner (you know the one I supposedly had the affair with lol) and I were talking about me not getting along with Brent and how I don't respect him etc but he respects me. I said no obvisouly he doesn't cause he used the F word in front of me in a derrogatory way. We ended up talking later on and Brent of course managed to talk his way out of it. I said well I am sure he would never use the N word in front of a black person.

Anyways I know he wasn't using it at/towards me but shouldn't it just be one of the words that NOBODY should use anymore?

It's bad enough I can't even go for a walk without having it yelled at me from cars going by. This town is so white trash!!

[f86sabjf]

As a straight male i akkin it to the n word and it shows a total lack of class or manners. From my opinion the f word was always meant as a derrogatory hateful word and never in anyway a compliment. I might forgive him the first time for pure ignorance perhaps. The second time i wouldn't be as nice.

[Will20]

It is right up there with the N word, and , as such, is offensive (IMO).

It boils down to this, for a str8 male/female to use the "F" word, no it is not okay, but when used within the gay culture, by other gay men & women, it doesnt really bother me. Same can be said for the N word, in the black community, it is acceptable for the N word to be used freely(among most). But it is offensive if another person of another race uses it.

My reasoning? words like the N word and F word, where/are used as harmful tools in a degrading way, so when someone who belongs to said minority uses it , it's almost like taking that negative power back, and using it in a way to where it doesnt have a negative power.

[jharrowell]

As the PP said, I think it comes down to the same rules as jokes.

It's ok to make a joke about a minority, if you are a part of that minority.

Of course, here in the UK people have an excuse as it's also the name of a popular meatball based food sold in most Chip Shops... (Assuming I'm not going mad and thinking of totally the wrong word!)

[jharrowell]

Extra,

Though one thing I will say that sometimes you can just "screw up" without thinking (not in this case I imagine, but hey).

Case in point, I was with a couple of friends at work a few years ago having a laugh and one was called Jim and one Sam.

For a few minutes I kept calling Jim "Jimbo", then with a total slip of the brain I called Sam... Well, you get it, and yes he is black... :scared1: :sad2:

Luckily he realised it wasn't meant in the context it could have been taken in and forgave me.

[Mathfailure]

In my opinion words have such power, that using obviously hurtful words is never acceptable.

I think you have every reason to be upset.

Now, I also know that as we go through our days we can be hurt by others, but if we can find ways to strenghen our personal dignity, we can keep some of the negative affects from sticking. I know you know this, but as a young person, certainly compared to me:lmao:, a reminder to be secure in yourself and not letting others to put you down. Next time, if you are able in context of the situation, call the person on it right then and there. "I am uncomfortable with that word..." or "That word is offensive to me..."

I am sorry this happened, and seems to happen often, and wish it all could be different.

Kathleen

[glenpreece]

Thanks everybody!!! I didn't think I was being unreasonable. Thanks for agreeing about it being up there with the n word.

[DVC~OKW~96]

Chiming in late, but I too agree, on both aspects. It is an extremely offensive word when used by outsiders as a derogatory reference. Yes, it is totally equal to the "N" word...

When used by men of the gay community in that particularly loving way they have with each other, that's another thing all together. :goodvibes It's kind of like taking the word and refusing to let it be painful, turning it around as the Hebrews once did with the epithet, Jew. We are a long way from that.

I would definitely call someone using it in the inappropriate context. "Using that word in this setting is completely inappropriate and offensive. I am going to assume that you were not aware of that. Now you are." But I'm that way, eh?

The "D" word (the one that rhymes with bike :teeth: ) is another such word. If used to wound, wrong. If women use it to show strength, totally acceptable.

Queer was once an offensive word, and still can be when some people try to make it so, but Queer Nation turned that around and from my perspective it seems to have stayed turned around. I revel in being a Queer D***! LOL!

Take care now and don't let the ignorant ones get you down. :hug:

[glenpreece]

He talked to me today about it, and yes he claims he didn't know it was offensive to me etc. I told him it is and I don't want it said to/at or around me, end of story. He went on to say well others don't mind when he uses the slang word for italians etc. I said well I DO mind and I don't want it used. He was kinda sheepish and apologetic after that, I think he got his butt handed to him yesterday on the phone when Brian talked to him.

[Mitchthecustodian]

I am the worst person, because I am a gay male, who hates the "f" word. Yet I use it in conversation with my closest friends and my boyfriend, because to me is can be used correctly in a descriptive manner. Same as the "N" word.
I do not use them in the general public, but in select cases it is okay.
For example I used the N word while writing a paper to describe a white character, who was illiterate, dirty, foul minded, etc. Thus I feel that by using the term not racially, or towards a specific group, is perfectly okay, providing I am sure of my audience.

[RAPstar]

I don't really mind it. I use it to describe those who are so flaming that they would burn down an entire forest (and only you can prevent forest fires). I've had it used offensively towards me and just shrug it off. Mainly cause I know that person is ignorant.

[DVC~OKW~96]

He talked to me today about it, and yes he claims he didn't know it was offensive to me etc. I told him it is and I don't want it said to/at or around me, end of story. He went on to say well others don't mind when he uses the slang word for italians etc. I said well I DO mind and I don't want it used. He was kinda sheepish and apologetic after that, I think he got his butt handed to him yesterday on the phone when Brian talked to him.

Sounds like this person needs to stop with all types of slang names for any group. Maybe he needs a diversity class, eh? That's punishment so severe anyone should learn from it! LOL.

Seriously, he does sound like a jerk.

[jeanigor]

I don't care for the use of the word either, especially the longer version (sounds like maggot).

[PeterPan09]

Late to the party as usual...but I agree with those who view the "f" word in the same way as the "n" word. I would also add the "d" word to that list.

[mikelan6]

It depends on the situation, and in the way he used it, it was offensive.

[glenpreece]

Sounds like this person needs to stop with all types of slang names for any group. Maybe he needs a diversity class, eh? That's punishment so severe anyone should learn from it! LOL.

Seriously, he does sound like a jerk.
Yes that would be the best punishment i think !!!! (insert evil cackle here)

[glenpreece]

Yes that would be the best punishment i think !!!! (insert evil cackle here)
oh just wanted to say thanks again to everyone it's so great to have some other gay people to ask these questions!!! they are few and far between around here

[f86sabjf]

well move on down here to Florida . Plenty of family here

[PHILCT]

I hate the "F" word, it has been used at me and others with total hatred.

I don't like hearing it ever, and even at Disney one can hear the whispers of its use occassionally.

Even if another gay person uses it towards another gay person, it still offends me to hear it.

Ironically the 3 letter version of the "F" word is a cigarette in the UK.

Even crazier is that the full 6 letter version of the "F" word in the UK, is a British delicacy of various organ meats, cooked like a large meatball. I think I would burst out laughing if I ever heard someone asking for a "F#####" at a UK Butcher Shop or from a Pub Menu. Thankfully EPCOT's Rose and Crown does not have it on their menu. :cool1:

Phil

[glenpreece]

I hate the "F" word, it has been used at me and others with total hatred.

I don't like hearing it ever, and even at Disney one can hear the whispers of its use occassionally.

Even if another gay person uses it towards another gay person, it still offends me to hear it.

Ironically the 3 letter version of the "F" word is a cigarette in the UK.

Even crazier is that the full 6 letter version of the "F" word in the UK, is a British delicacy of various organ meats, cooked like a large meatball. I think I would burst out laughing if I ever heard someone asking for a "F#####" at a UK Butcher Shop or from a Pub Menu. Thankfully EPCOT's Rose and Crown does not have it on their menu. :cool1:

Phil
LOL I wish I could move down to florida but the humidity would kill me!!! not to mention no job and no citizenship either

[jharrowell]

I hate the "F" word, it has been used at me and others with total hatred.

I don't like hearing it ever, and even at Disney one can hear the whispers of its use occassionally.

Even if another gay person uses it towards another gay person, it still offends me to hear it.

Ironically the 3 letter version of the "F" word is a cigarette in the UK.

Even crazier is that the full 6 letter version of the "F" word in the UK, is a British delicacy of various organ meats, cooked like a large meatball. I think I would burst out laughing if I ever heard someone asking for a "F#####" at a UK Butcher Shop or from a Pub Menu. Thankfully EPCOT's Rose and Crown does not have it on their menu. :cool1:

Phil


Scarey but true, the short version is a cigarette, so if you here a UK tourist saying they are "dying for a f##" then don't get too stressed, though it has the more derogative meaning here, it's much less used.

And as to the longer version, well: http://www.tesco.com/superstore/xpi/5/xpi50150805.htm

Though I'm sure some in our community would love to get together with 3 friends and a rich gravy sauce ;) it's actually refering to a foodstuff. :)


As an aside, would you believe that the most used derogatory word over here is in fact "gay". It's been taken by the less educated youth of our society to mean useless/lame.

It's a regular thing to hear one tween say to another "that's sooo gay!" :sad2:

[DVC~OKW~96]

Yes, you hear that here too. I have a coworker who told me that she used to say, "that's gay" and then lamented that she can't say that anymore. :sad2:

Queer As Folk the UK version used the word queer on the side of the jeep to denote an insult, where as the US version used the other word.

I think that kind of sums up the differences a bit.

[OnTheBoardsMyNameIs]

My view with this word is pretty much the same as any other insulting or derogatory word. The word itself isn't bad, it's the intent with which someone uses it. If one of my dearest friends called me an oily rag or a ...ahem....furry maggot (faux cockney rhyming slang still okay?) then it would roll right off me. I know it's a playful jab, it depends on the context and situation. If someone is using it as an insult, if they are calling me one of those things with genuine malice and disdain, then that's when I would get upset.

A word is a word, and I don't believe any word is taboo or unusable...there just has to be no hate or anger when used.

Although saying that, I'm a white bi male and would never dream of using racial epithets...so maybe that's the difference, one I can relate to as being myself, the other I'm an outsider to so feel a bit uneasy using it.

[glenpreece]

Yes, you hear that here too. I have a coworker who told me that she used to say, "that's gay" and then lamented that she can't say that anymore. :sad2:

Queer As Folk the UK version used the word queer on the side of the jeep to denote an insult, where as the US version used the other word.

I think that kind of sums up the differences a bit.
One of my friends at work uses the "that's gay" all the time i just roll my eyes and go with it because i know she means "stupid"

[donald...really]

One of my friends at work uses the "that's gay" all the time i just roll my eyes and go with it because i know she means "stupid"

If I ever heard someone use that phrase at work I would ask them to please stop because it is insulting to gay people. If they did it again I would go to human resources.

[walt's assistant]

Straight male here who thinks that the F-word is just as bad as the N-word.

But I'm going to call out my gay friends here and say that there cannot be a double standard in its use. If the F-word is really offensive, and I think we agree that it is, then NO ONE should use it ever. No exceptions! Set a strong example, I say! Otherwise, some people think it is OK to use it if others do. Not the right message to send!

Just my opinion... :smokin:

[glenpreece]

Straight male here who thinks that the F-word is just as bad as the N-word.

But I'm going to call out my gay friends here and say that there cannot be a double standard in its use. If the F-word is really offensive, and I think we agree that it is, then NO ONE should use it ever. No exceptions! Set a strong example, I say! Otherwise, some people think it is OK to use it if others do. Not the right message to send!

Just my opinion... :smokin:
I totally agree with you. I don't think it should be used by anyone at all.

[f86sabjf]

Straight male here who thinks that the F-word is just as bad as the N-word.

But I'm going to call out my gay friends here and say that there cannot be a double standard in its use. If the F-word is really offensive, and I think we agree that it is, then NO ONE should use it ever. No exceptions! Set a strong example, I say! Otherwise, some people think it is OK to use it if others do. Not the right message to send!

Just my opinion... :smokin:

good opinion sir

[jlewisinsyr]

Straight male here who thinks that the F-word is just as bad as the N-word.

But I'm going to call out my gay friends here and say that there cannot be a double standard in its use. If the F-word is really offensive, and I think we agree that it is, then NO ONE should use it ever. No exceptions! Set a strong example, I say! Otherwise, some people think it is OK to use it if others do. Not the right message to send!

Just my opinion... :smokin:

My thoughts exactly.

[Nauf]

Gotta chime in here... although I don't throw the word around all the time, I do use it. Someone else mentioned that you have to gage the situation and I think the key is that right there. ANY word can be made offensive in the right (or wrong) context.

[Nauf]

Oh wow! My 100th post... and it was about my potty mouth! AWESOME!!! :lmao:

[jlewisinsyr]

Gotta chime in here... although I don't throw the word around all the time, I do use it. Someone else mentioned that you have to gage the situation and I think the key is that right there. ANY word can be made offensive in the right (or wrong) context.

When I hear people use the F or N word, I just think its classless, IMO, regardless of how it is used. I have no issues saying someone is too feminine or is very feminine, but avoiding the F word.

I also never use the N word, I volunteer a lot in one of the worst, poverty stricken areas in Syracuse, the area is predominently African American. I hear the N word all the time, its used in jest and some would think because its used by the African American populus, that its okay, but I do not agree. When I hear one of the individuals I work with use that term, I correct them, because it's inappropriate.

[Nauf]

When I hear people use the F or N word, I just think its classless, IMO, regardless of how it is used. I have no issues saying someone is too feminine or is very feminine, but avoiding the F word.

I also never use the N word, I volunteer a lot in one of the worst, poverty stricken areas in Syracuse, the area is predominently African American. I hear the N word all the time, its used in jest and some would think because its used by the African American populus, that its okay, but I do not agree. When I hear one of the individuals I work with use that term, I correct them, because it's inappropriate.

I am going to respectfully disagree with you and leave it at that.

[hippiemama76]

For example I used the N word while writing a paper to describe a white character, who was illiterate, dirty, foul minded, etc. Thus I feel that by using the term not racially, or towards a specific group, is perfectly okay, providing I am sure of my audience.

Sorry, Mitch, but I totally disagree. I don't think, especially in the US, that the N word can be used "not racially" by a white person. Maybe it's because I was raised in the pseudo-south (liberal college town in FL), but IMO/IME, white people just can't say that.

Same, IMO, for hets using the f/d word. If you are one, feel feel to re-appropriate the word. If you're not, it's off the table.

When I talk to my aunt or her wife on the phone, we always start the conversation with, "What's up (word that rhymes with witch)?" I can guarantee that I would be hopping on my broom, though, if anyone else called me that word!

I also hate hearing people say, "It's so gay" as a pejorative. That was the one thing that drove me nuts when I taught teenagers! Depending on my mood, it received anything from a glare, to a "Really? His car is gay? So it's romantically involved with another Toyota? How strange." to a detention.

[tinkerbell_xo]

I HATE HATE HATE that word. Oh my goodness I HATE IT! I'm not gay and I don't even have any close friends that are gay, so it's not like I'm defending anyone personally, I just absolutely hate that word! Anytime anyone says it to me in conversation I stop them and tell them to not use that word when they talk to me.
Same with the N word. My DBF is black and he never says it, but when he does (like while repeating a movie quote or song quote) I just stare at him and he apologizes.. seems odd... hahha

Those things are just disrespectful and you can't pick and choose who is allowed to say them. NO ONE should say either word. If it's considered bad for one person to say it, it's bad for EVERYONE to say it.

Oh and also, my DBF used to say the F gay word just like other people say it, but in the last 2.5 years since we've been together he has heard me rant about how much I hate it and he has stopped using it and also asks other people not to say it when they're talking to him.

Most people are just immature and ignorant and they need to hear from someone they respect that it's not okay to use those words.

[KingOfBass40]

That word, is in the top 3 words, that I absolutely won't say. I can't even say it when its written into scripts. I feel that if you don't have the respect, and etiquette to call someone by their name, ma'am, sir, or even dude. Then you don't get anytime, and I feel like breaking something (my phone knows this first hand as I have almost broken it on numerous occasions, after hearing people use that word). If your not going to be nice, then, please take a long walk off a medium sized pier. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::sad2: