OT: Can I just vent please?

[stitchlover]

Can I just take a moment and vent about a completely off topic subject?

My 14 year old daughter is going to do me in. At some point in the past month she has lost her iPod touch, paid $300 for that approximately a year ago. I have torn the house apart looking for it and can't find it. We don't let her take it into restaurants so I know she didn't leave it somewhere like that. There are a few things that really make me mad...one, I'm tearing the house apart by myself. She isn't really looking all that hard. The other thing is she has mentioned to us at least 2 times that of course we will be purchasing a new one. We have told her both times no, we will not. Her answer is "But why? It's not my fault." I would like to know WHOSE FAULT IS IT THEN? I told her that 50% of my decision to not replace it is that she keeps saying it's not her fault. That she isn't accepting any responsibility.

Then yesterday she left her cell phone at a friends ($165 cell phone) and then when we went to the Mavericks' game last night we got to the door to go back to the car, looked at her and no winter coat ($100 winter coat), she left it back at the seat. When my husband took off to go back to the seats to look for her coat I told her you need to be more responsible with your belongings. She looked at me and said I told you I wouldn't remember to keep up with it. :scared1: So basically blaming us for not keeping up with it for her. :mad:

Yes, the last two items were recovered but still! :mad: I put in the prices of everything to show that in the last month that child has either lost or walked away from $565 worth of belongings. I don't know what to do. Last year when we were at WDW her cell phone fell out of her pocket when she was sitting down at AK and that had to be reported lost/stolen and replaced. Thank goodness the AT&T sales guy talked me into insurance on that. She wants me to carry her cell phone, her camera and an autograph book in the parks and I have told her I've done that for 4 years, I'm done. If she wants all these items in the parks she will need to start carrying a backpack. But I have to say I'm scared to death that she is going to lose it all the first day.

So does anyone have any suggestions, words of wisdom, anything? I feel like she is 14 years old and at some point she has to take some personal responsibility but I think it's going to kill me first.

[froggy5657]

Being a teenager who has lost 2 sweatshirts (one was returned), I realize that if I lose it I will be buying my own, or going without one.

Tell your daughter that if she loses her phone she will not be receiving another one from YOU.

If she loses her coat, tell her she will be receiving the cheapest ugliest manliest coat you can find.

That ought to scare her into holding onto them

[DisneyKevin]

I'm not sure if she gets an allowance or could get paid for doing work around the house...but if she spends her own money on something, she might see a greater value in it.

If she believes that anything that goes missing will be replaced, then there is little incentive to take care of it.

I am not speaking from the position of being a parent, but from the position of being the teen that was taught this lesson along time ago.

[turkeymama]

Being a teenager who has lost 2 sweatshirts (one was returned), I realize that if I lose it I will be buying my own, or going without one.

Tell your daughter that if she loses her phone she will not be receiving another one from YOU.

If she loses her coat, tell her she will be receiving the cheapest ugliest manliest coat you can find.

That ought to scare her into holding onto them

This is what I was thinking too, although, you may have to back that threat up with some action to make it really sink in.

And just for full disclosure, my daughter isn't a teen yet, but she shares the same personality trait of failing to take responsibility for things.

[taylor3297]

Anything that she currently owns, loses and wants to replaced, she needs to purchase it herself. If there is something she wants in the future, tell her that she will not be receiving from you since she cannot keep up with her own stuff and you refuse to carry the item for her. I had a neice who did the samething at that age, and when she had to start carrying her own stuff in the parks and replacing items with her own money, it made her think about things.

[kathie859]

Having had two children go thru the teen years, I had the same realization that I had raised one of those children with an entitled attitude. If something went "missing", Mommy ran out and bought a replacement:confused3

It was actually child two (the responsible one) that pointed out that I was not doing the reckless one any favor. Once I got the message, I adopted a hard line attitude. I may indulge the child by buying something nice ONCE--but I stopped replacing lost/stolen/misplaced things.

One thought--and I hate to mention this, OP--BUT is there any chance that your DD has sold her ipod to buy something else? Or has given it to a favored friend to curry favor?

Good luck, OP:hippie:

[fakereadhed]

We have made our girls buy their own stuff if they are irresponsible. It really helps them care when they feel the pain of spending their own hard earned chore, babysitting, or birthday money for their stuff. 15yo DD spent her own$ for an Ipod from Woot and dropped it into the toilet 2 days later. It was "not my fault". I refused to help. She had to negotiate for a return(which she is lucky they did), figure out how to package and mail it, arrange a ride to the post office, and wait for a refund. When she got it she couldn't afford as nice of an Ipod since the Woot had ended. It was "not fair". She had to get an 8g refurbished nano. She lived! She has taken better care of this one.

I am mean, but that is my job. :)

Good luck!

[SamSam]

Agree with the other posters; do not replace anything that your daughter loses. I can guarantee that she will be more careful in the future IF you stick to your guns.

[stitchlover]

Many years ago on our first trip to Disney with her I realized she needed her own money on vacation. If it is our money she wants everything in sight while we are there. If it is her own money she is more conservative in what she buys. So I set up a system when report cards come she gets $10 Disney Dollars for an A and $5 Disney Dollars for a B. It has worked for us for years. It gives her her own money on vacation that she can spend as she wishes when we are there. She has plenty of money on her Disney Gift Card (no more Disney Dollars in the local stores :sad2:) for this trip. I think I am going to offer her cash for the next three report cards. We can start putting that aside for her and she can slowly save her own money to replace the iPod. What do you think of that? She certainly won't earn enough to buy the 16G that we originally gave her anytime soon but maybe we can think of ways for her to earn more money over the next year. I don't want it to be too easy because she needs to learn that it takes time to earn money and buy things.

[Grumpy's Old Lady]

I would make her earn her new IPod, by doing chores around the house. For example my sons collect the garbage/take the garbage out once a week, pick-up after the dogs, dust, vacuum. But don't buy it first and then do the chores. Have her earn it for a month or two first. I think she would appreciate it and take care of it better.

Daughters and sons act different, but I have two sons and when the oldest was in high school, his personality changed and I knew something was going on besides being a teenager. We got him help and he is fine now.

I think maybe daughters take high school better than sons though.

[flamingglobessigmund]

My son was a lot like this when he was 14. He'd lose something and say it was not his fault. He's 19 now and grew out of that. He had the same cell phone for 3 years until we gave him the upgrade last year at Disney.

When he lost something and couldn't find it or didn't care to search for it, it was gone and didn't get replaced, unless he paid for it.

[stitchlover]

One thought--and I hate to mention this, OP--BUT is there any chance that your DD has sold her ipod to buy something else? Or has given it to a favored friend to curry favor?

She doesn't go to the mall without us so nothing new has come into the house that I'm unaware of. My husband mentioned that he hopes none of her friends stole it. But we live in a pretty affluent area and the majority of these kids have iPod touches or iPhones already. We are relatively new to the area and she only has 3 friends that she is close enough with to have over to the house. She doesn't take it to school or, as I said, into restaurants. She and her father both have said it is probably here in the house somewhere and it will turn up. But I have turned the house upside down I can't imagine where it might "turn up" from! I have looked in my car at least three times and it's a Mini Cooper, not many places for it to be! My parents have checked both of their cars. It is driving me crazy but apparently I'm the only one that it's driving crazy.

[kafitty]

yup, it's about that time that she gets the picture that things don't get magically replaced. The cell phone may be one thing, because that can be a safety issue, but all of the "fun" stuff? Even the coat? Too bad, so sad - you lose it, it's gone.

i also agree with the other poster, who said that she may have "given" it to a friend or something. that would explain the apathy towards looking for it...and for that matter, YOU should not be tearing the house apart!!

i would also refuse to buy her anything that nice in the first place until she shows that she can be responsible for it, period.

like Kevin, this is also coming from a non-parent, but the kid who's had to learn this herself!!

[Derby4me]

Keep in mind that I am only a mother of a one year old, but stand strong! You really aren't doing her any favors by bailing her out time and time again. Even though she will always be your baby, college and independance is only 4 years away...time to get some practise now. Good luck to you and we'll see how strong I am 13 years from now!

[Gigi22]

As one of the non-parents here, may I offer a suggestion? Stop looking for the lost iPod. The person who owns it should be the person hunting for it, IMHO.

[Carrie772]

She doesn't go to the mall without us so nothing new has come into the house that I'm unaware of. My husband mentioned that he hopes none of her friends stole it. But we live in a pretty affluent area and the majority of these kids have iPod touches or iPhones already.

Lots of kids don't steal because they need it. They do it to see if they can.

And I agree with most folks on here. If she has to pay for it, then she will feel differently. 'Course, I am the evil mom that won't buy game boys or DS's or Wii's or fancy leather jackets. That's just me.

[okeydokey]

I'd stop buying her $100 jackets and anything else that costs much of anything. She needs to take responsibility for her stuff. Stop looking for the ipod and let her buy her own to replace it. At 14 she is old enough to work for money around the house.

[AnneR]

I think my 13 year old is cut from the same cloth. She is always losing things and blaming others. So far she has not lost her Itouch that she got for Christmas because she knows I will not replace it.

I agree with all the advice you have received - I am also put in place some other things with my "entitled" daughter, well actually with both who are at home but the older does not need them.

For their cell phones, I am only providing them with a pay as you go plan, I put $25 on the phone each month if it is used up before the end of the month - Oh well, not my problem. I could in fact get them unlimited texting for less but then it has no value to them, this way, sending a text message means something. For the 13 year old, every other month she runs out and has a week or more with no phone. I also would not buy new phones, got refurbished ones. If they want a different phone they have to buy it. The 15 year old did this.

It is hard but stay strong. My 13 year old ended the winter last year having to wear what ever coat she could because she lost the one I bought her.

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I've got DS14.

He used to lose/leave stuff at friends houses or school most of the time. Now he doesn't because he learned the hard way.

1) left his coat at school in winter. The next day the only spare coat we had for him to wear was one of mine. A woman's coat. And yes he wore it because it was in the 20's. You can bet he never forgot his coat at school again.

2) lost his Ipod in our house and asked me to just buy him an Itouch instead. Uh, no. I didn't help him look for the Ipod. He finally got a clue and looked all over the house for it, finally finding it in the cushions of the couch in my office. He hasn't lost it since.

3) got rough with his cell phone and it broke. I had insurance on it but still had to pay a 50.00 deductible. He didn't get a replacement until he had mowed the front and back lawn twice, plus dusted and vaccuumed the house. Then I paid the 50 and got him another phone - not an upgrade - just a basic cell phone like he had before. He was begging me for an upgraded phone.

So far it's worked. He's been treating his stuff more carefully.
Good luck with your DD.

[Mrs D]

I only have little ones at home and can't offer any additional wisdom to the wonderful advice you've received - I can clearly remember working a newspaper route to earn enough money to buy my first electric guitar. I STILL have that guitar, remember the shop I bought it at and how valuable it was to me. Although I don't play anymore I refuse to sell it. Twenty years later it remains as valuable to me.

[robind]

Not a parent and can't add anything that wasn't already said. However, I recently had a theft in my home, where 3 laptops (among other things) were stolen. I found out that you can get lojack for your laptops and I believe other small gadgets. I am getting them for the replacement items - she might want to consider adding that when she buys her new one.

Stay strong - she will appreciate it one day :hug:

[KittyKitty]

Many teenagers have not learn that "not my fault" or "accident" does not mean "not responsible".

Stay strong not buying a new IPod without earning it, knowing you are teaching her a great lesson she will carry throughout her life.

[wishspirit]

I can't add any more, but my parents were strict with me about this, but it made me love and appreciate them even more.

For example, they helped me out buy buying a car which I then had to pay back. I missed one payment, and the car became theirs, until I paid it back (which was the next day, I didn't want to be without my car!!) Tough love really is Love, it is preparing them for the future.

Keep strong!

[daneenm]

Well, I must say I agree with all of the advice you have been given so far. DD is 13 and, despite the fact that I work at Apple, did not get her own iPod until she won one at last year's Summer Reading Program at our local library. She is very careful with it because she knows we will not buy another for her.

The one thing we don't do (and I am sure we are in the minority) is pay her to do the normal house upkeep jobs we expect of her. Our feeling is that it takes all of us to keep the house running, not just Mom and Dad. This is not something any of us gets paid for. We do, however, give her opportunities to be paid for jobs that are 'out of the ordinary.' She also pet sits in our neighborhood, which pays quite well. Since she just turned 13 in January, she has not started down the babysitting route, but that also pays well around here. Be creative, there are lots of ways for her to work to replace the iPod if she really wants to.

[airman]

DD had a problem taking care of her cell phone. we got a hold of an old no frills big cell phone for her to use the last time she trashed her phone. Having her friends see her use that old school phone was enough to take better care once she got a new phone. No problems since.

[MomlvsGoofy]

The one thing we don't do (and I am sure we are in the minority) is pay her to do the normal house upkeep jobs we expect of her. Our feeling is that it takes all of us to keep the house running, not just Mom and Dad. This is not something any of us gets paid for. We do, however, give her opportunities to be paid for jobs that are 'out of the ordinary.' She also pet sits in our neighborhood, which pays quite well. Since she just turned 13 in January, she has not started down the babysitting route, but that also pays well around here. Be creative, there are lots of ways for her to work to replace the iPod if she really wants to.[/QUOTE]

This is also what I believe. I don't pay my DD and DGS to do things around the house. They can earn money by doing extra things for me like cleaning out my car and washing it. I work evenings and one day I was taking DD13 shopping and she wanted to buy something that I really thought was a waste of money and didn't want to spend the money on it and she said she had enough money to buy it! Surprised me found out she had been walking dogs in our neighborhood at night and was make loads of money. DH had forgotten to tell me. I didn't find out she lost her Ipod until Christmas when she received lots of Itunes gift cards and when I told her to get her Ipod and we would show her how to download the music onto it since we had been doing it for her. Well she said she lost it, we looked everywhere and still haven't found it. She also thinks I will be getting her a new one, she is so wrong....

[Cherinva]

This is coming from a mother of a 32 year old, (they sometimes don't get any better once they grow up) and I'm also the grand mother of a 13 year old. Kids today, think that we adults owe them the world. If things keep being replaced, then they will keep losing them. My advise, which I believe agrees with most, is to NOT replace what she lost. If she wants another Ipod, then she has to pay for it. She can earn money by doing extra things...not her normal chores. We've had to do that with my DGD, and she is taking better care of what "she" had to buy. Don't feel alone is all this, it seems like most of the kids today are the same way.

[dalt01]

they are all so different arent they...............my oldest DD who is out of the house with a family of her own, never had ANYTHING more than a couple days..................my 17 year old DD never loses, breaks, mislays, mistreats anything. she did have an issue with her cell once, the wife was telling me about it and i asked what was to be done, she said that Paige was at the cell phone store as we speak taking care of it. never asked us to get involved. i really dont think that it will change for your daughter, you are better off to love the little quirks and move on with life. it will bring you all many hours of laughter in years to come.

[Maleficient]

I agree with most of the previous posters and have 3 kids, my oldest DD turns 14 in 2 weeks. The only reason she got her first Ipod is because she won it in a raffle. The only reason she has a cell phone is because it was a "free" with my plan a couple of years ago and it is used by both DDs if they are out at dance or with friends. I agree with the posters who don't pay their kids for doing routine chores that are required to keep the household running - we are ALL a part of the family and ALL need to help out. If they want to take on additional responsibilities then I would negotiate a price for their service. I would never replace something that she so obviously doesn't appreciate and apparently feels entitled to.

Just my 2 cents also, but I also never pay for good grades. My kids do great in school but its because they work hard (with the occasional help from me for science tests ;)) and the reward is what they are doing for their future. At the end of marking periods we always celebrate the hard work with a dinner out or some other family activity, but what their hard work will do for them in the future is what the payment is and they understand that. I know - I'm harsh! :teacher:

[esddk]

Even though my kids are all still young, I agree with the others. You have to let her earn/save the money to buy a new one. When she graduates and leaves home you want her to have a feeling of responsibility for her belongings and know that mom isn't always going to bail her out. Good luck!

[EDuke98080]

If you are like me, you are probably more upset about the lost ipod than she is. I have been where you are and the hardest thing to do is to let her own the responsibility. It's hard because we don't want our kids to want for anything but sometimes it is the only way they learn. At this point, I would take any valuables away and give them back when they are earned by showing care for the things that she has. Remember, it does get easier! Keep your chin up and enjoy because it won't be long and they are all grown up!

[kevrab]

Parenting my two girls (18 and 24 now) was and is alot like riding Space Mountain continuously all day then getting on Tower of Terror all night. Twists and turns, ups and downs and a whole lot of it in the dark. I love them to death and would fall on a grenade for them but every day is an adventure.

Hang in there and be tough. Like my Dad told me the key is knowing when to be your child's best friend and knowing when to be their parent.

[RachelsMommie]

I would take a hard line with this kind of attitude. I have much younger kids, but was a teenager myself at one time.

First, with the phone. I agree with a PP about a pay-as-you-go basic phone IF she loses her phone. And make sure it's an ugly, basic one.

Second, tell her if she loses her coat, she has to use HER money at the Goodwill or Salvation Army store to get a new one. And STICK WITH THAT. That may be the most valuable lesson you can teach her.

As to the Ipod, she doesn't need one. If you lose it, tough cookies.


I know it's a lot harder to say than do, but my parents wasted a lot of years with me before they gave me that kind of lesson, and I wish they would have done it sooner as I spent too many years being spoiled. Adulthood was a shock for me. I hope to not do my children that disservice.

Hugs!

[fakereadhed]

Remember, it does get easier!



:rotfl:
;)

[EDuke98080]

:rotfl:
;)

Aw come on, my daughter is 21 now and it is way easier than when she was 14.....

[AnneR]

:rotfl:
;)

I second this.

It has not been easier for me as the things she "loses" are much more critical - like electricity. This was the most recent - roommate who was charged with paying the bill never paid. It was the hardest thing I ever did - not rush to pay the bill. She had to work it through and find a solution. It took 3 days of no electricity but she and her roommates have electricity.


Mom did send some gift cards.

I don't think it will ever be easy - just a little more clear what the right thing to do is.

[starwood]

My DS is the same AND so is DH. He just lost his ipod touch on a business trip. We're waiting for his new one to arrive. He bought a refurb 16 gb for $199.

Several years ago DS couldn't find is ipod. We searched his room and couldn't find it. I took the dog for a walk (it was garbage day). Half way down the block I got a feeling I should check the garbage can. I cut the walk short and sure enough it had fallen into his garbage in his room and was in the trash. Next the ipod was stolen at school. He found out who took it and it was recovered because we had the serial number. Finally he completely lost it. Turned his room upside down. I think he left it at a bowling alley when he was there with DH. (Because I wasn't there to keep track of it).

[cj9200]

I have found if you wrap the device around the child using duct tape it is very difficult to lose it. Also harder to text. We went through 3 phones in the last year and I had had it. She (16 YO) was informed that this is the last one I am buying (we split the cost on the last one). A bit hypocritical since I am always asking if she has seen my glasses or keys but that is one of the advantages of being a parent. Maybe it is a genetic trait.

[schoen]

I was, and still am, a loser. I lost everything in school. My coats, softball gloves, swim caps, goggles.... just about everything. I was just scatterbrained in general. I would constantly leave my school books at school, and have to go back to the school. I was a terror for my parents, who were not overly patient with me.

I don't really remember what my punishments were, but I can tell you that I was never being conscientiously ungrateful. I just was flakey, and forgot stuff all the time.

I am STILL like this to a degree. I leave my purse places all the time, I am always looking for my keys... It is annoying, but it seems like I am almost hardwired to be forgetful!

I am obviously better now than as a kid... and I do REALLY try to remember my stuff... The OP's daughter just reminded me of myself, and my poor mom.

[Becx N Gav]

I can't add any more, but my parents were strict with me about this, but it made me love and appreciate them even more.

For example, they helped me out buy buying a car which I then had to pay back. I missed one payment, and the car became theirs, until I paid it back (which was the next day, I didn't want to be without my car!!) Tough love really is Love, it is preparing them for the future.

Keep strong!

That sounds like my parents too :thumbsup2 I think best to learn that from them than from not not paying a credit card bill or similar - bayliffs aren't as understanding :lmao:

I always had to work/save for things I wanted while my friends seemed to have all the toys they wanted and growing up 'better' clothes than me. But I think once you learn the value of money you do appreciate the value of things you want, good life lesson for her and at a good age too :thumbsup2 I hope she understands.

[stitchlover]

This thread is soooo old but I thought I would update you, in case anyone is interested. I just received a phone call from my mom that she found our daughter's iPod Touch in her car earlier today. DD has saved over $200 towards purchasing a new one. She doesn't know that it has been found. We are waiting for her to get home from NYC (school trip) to tell her.

[DisneyCrazyX5]

Glad it was found, maybe my son will finally find his red gameboy soon too.:)

[Mrs D]

Wow! I can't believe it was found after so long. I bet she'll be thrilled!

[cm8]

This thread is soooo old but I thought I would update you, in case anyone is interested. I just received a phone call from my mom that she found our daughter's iPod Touch in her car earlier today. DD has saved over $200 towards purchasing a new one. She doesn't know that it has been found. We are waiting for her to get home from NYC (school trip) to tell her.

:woohoo:

[mdvlprof]

Glad ipod was found. $$ can be used for the next thing she loses.:cutie:

[dalt01]

This thread is soooo old but I thought I would update you, in case anyone is interested. I just received a phone call from my mom that she found our daughter's iPod Touch in her car earlier today. DD has saved over $200 towards purchasing a new one. She doesn't know that it has been found. We are waiting for her to get home from NYC (school trip) to tell her. ask your mom if she happened to find an internet reciept for a 7 day pass to UNIV-IOA in there too. it MUST be somewhere:rotfl2:

[MomlvsGoofy]

This is strange I forgot about this post. Update I found my daughters Ipod in her desk drawer under some old school papers. Looks like she just pulled the papers out of her backpack and shoved them in the draw not realizing the Ipod was in the middle. So after 7 months she can finally use all those Itunes cards she received as gifts!

[mommyceratops]

My 2DS and I have been going through this and they are A LOT younger. It mostly seem they break things. The first thing was only $5 and I made them replace it. It was easy for them to do. Now I dread when something expensive breaks.

I have a friend who takes a "tax" out of her kids allowance and puts that money to the side and when they break something/loose it. It comes out of that money. Then they have to loose that savings. I am sure there is something they get when they do not use the money. Not sure how it all works, but I thought it was clever.

I am guilty of replacing things too. It is hard. But let her go with out for awhile and she might catch on.

[disneyholic family]

Can I just take a moment and vent about a completely off topic subject?

My 14 year old daughter is going to do me in. At some point in the past month she has lost her iPod touch, paid $300 for that approximately a year ago. I have torn the house apart looking for it and can't find it. We don't let her take it into restaurants so I know she didn't leave it somewhere like that. There are a few things that really make me mad...one, I'm tearing the house apart by myself. She isn't really looking all that hard. The other thing is she has mentioned to us at least 2 times that of course we will be purchasing a new one. We have told her both times no, we will not. Her answer is "But why? It's not my fault." I would like to know WHOSE FAULT IS IT THEN? I told her that 50% of my decision to not replace it is that she keeps saying it's not her fault. That she isn't accepting any responsibility.

Then yesterday she left her cell phone at a friends ($165 cell phone) and then when we went to the Mavericks' game last night we got to the door to go back to the car, looked at her and no winter coat ($100 winter coat), she left it back at the seat. When my husband took off to go back to the seats to look for her coat I told her you need to be more responsible with your belongings. She looked at me and said I told you I wouldn't remember to keep up with it. :scared1: So basically blaming us for not keeping up with it for her. :mad:

Yes, the last two items were recovered but still! :mad: I put in the prices of everything to show that in the last month that child has either lost or walked away from $565 worth of belongings. I don't know what to do. Last year when we were at WDW her cell phone fell out of her pocket when she was sitting down at AK and that had to be reported lost/stolen and replaced. Thank goodness the AT&T sales guy talked me into insurance on that. She wants me to carry her cell phone, her camera and an autograph book in the parks and I have told her I've done that for 4 years, I'm done. If she wants all these items in the parks she will need to start carrying a backpack. But I have to say I'm scared to death that she is going to lose it all the first day.

So does anyone have any suggestions, words of wisdom, anything? I feel like she is 14 years old and at some point she has to take some personal responsibility but I think it's going to kill me first.

unfortunately, my 25 year old daughter still has a tendency to misplace (lose) things - it drives me INSANE!!

[peanut1967]

If the phone is about safety then replace it with a cheap one, in the UK we can pick them up for £15, cheap but it does the job.

The ipod is not essentail and if she wants another...tell her christmas is comming and to put it on her list.

Or tell her once she saves 3/4 of the money for a new ipod then you will contribute the rest.

The coat, well I would no longer be buying her expensive coats, look in the sales.

BTW my daughter was around the same age when she lost her phone, and I didnt buy a new one, I gave her one of my old ones, and I dont do the all singing all dancing ones...she was not best pleased and it was a while before Christmas. lol

Angie

[polineedyan]

Can I just take a moment and vent about a completely off topic subject?

My 14 year old daughter is going to do me in. At some point in the past month she has lost her iPod touch, paid $300 for that approximately a year ago. I have torn the house apart looking for it and can't find it. We don't let her take it into restaurants so I know she didn't leave it somewhere like that. There are a few things that really make me mad...one, I'm tearing the house apart by myself. She isn't really looking all that hard. The other thing is she has mentioned to us at least 2 times that of course we will be purchasing a new one. We have told her both times no, we will not. Her answer is "But why? It's not my fault." I would like to know WHOSE FAULT IS IT THEN? I told her that 50% of my decision to not replace it is that she keeps saying it's not her fault. That she isn't accepting any responsibility.

Then yesterday she left her cell phone at a friends ($165 cell phone) and then when we went to the Mavericks' game last night we got to the door to go back to the car, looked at her and no winter coat ($100 winter coat), she left it back at the seat. When my husband took off to go back to the seats to look for her coat I told her you need to be more responsible with your belongings. She looked at me and said I told you I wouldn't remember to keep up with it. :scared1: So basically blaming us for not keeping up with it for her. :mad:

Yes, the last two items were recovered but still! :mad: I put in the prices of everything to show that in the last month that child has either lost or walked away from $565 worth of belongings. I don't know what to do. Last year when we were at WDW her cell phone fell out of her pocket when she was sitting down at AK and that had to be reported lost/stolen and replaced. Thank goodness the AT&T sales guy talked me into insurance on that. She wants me to carry her cell phone, her camera and an autograph book in the parks and I have told her I've done that for 4 years, I'm done. If she wants all these items in the parks she will need to start carrying a backpack. But I have to say I'm scared to death that she is going to lose it all the first day.

So does anyone have any suggestions, words of wisdom, anything? I feel like she is 14 years old and at some point she has to take some personal responsibility but I think it's going to kill me first.

Been there, done that. In our case, after having a psych exam it was determined that the things you are describing are symptoms of ADD. I would look into that.
Secondly, as a parent, words only go so far. Most often, words do not reach a 14 year old. They dont understand the value of money, at all, period. SO, for us to use the 'do you know how much that cost?' never worked at all. If anything, it promoted guilt and shame, not direction.
Our psychologist also talked about emotional stock. When kids are given things as gifts, they have no stock in the item, it has no worth beyond its use. Its expected.
We have made sure that anything we would be upset about losing because of monetary value will, A)be partially paid for by the child, and/or B)will be given as a reward, predetermined, never spontanaeous, for an achievement.
But as I tell my wife when she pours their drinks as toddlers, "only give them what youre willing to clean up" and that bodes true here, as well. If the kids have no stock in the item, we only spend what we're willing to throw away..

[Jitzy]

This thread is soooo old but I thought I would update you, in case anyone is interested. I just received a phone call from my mom that she found our daughter's iPod Touch in her car earlier today. DD has saved over $200 towards purchasing a new one. She doesn't know that it has been found. We are waiting for her to get home from NYC (school trip) to tell her.

This is strange I forgot about this post. Update I found my daughters Ipod in her desk drawer under some old school papers. Looks like she just pulled the papers out of her backpack and shoved them in the draw not realizing the Ipod was in the middle. So after 7 months she can finally use all those Itunes cards she received as gifts!

I'm glad that the items were found! Stitchlover, I am looking forward to hearing her reaction to the ipod being found. Also, it's funny that it was in the grandparents car all this time. I thought they looked for it. Must have really been wedged in between the cushions!

[makelab]

This thread is soooo old but I thought I would update you, in case anyone is interested. I just received a phone call from my mom that she found our daughter's iPod Touch in her car earlier today. DD has saved over $200 towards purchasing a new one. She doesn't know that it has been found. We are waiting for her to get home from NYC (school trip) to tell her.

maybe you should "forget" to tell her it was found, let her buy a new one, then tell her, and then you proudly claim "It was not my fault!" :teeth:

what's good for the goose.....or however that saying goes.

i was reading the original post, and i try to apply the golden rule to situations like that. if my kids don't care, or refuse to accept responsibility, then neither do i. it is really tough sometimes, but i think they are slowing getting it.

[stitchlover]

I'm glad that the items were found! Stitchlover, I am looking forward to hearing her reaction to the ipod being found. Also, it's funny that it was in the grandparents car all this time. I thought they looked for it. Must have really been wedged in between the cushions!

Her dad correctly predicted her reaction. He held the iPod out in his hand and you could see her processing what she was seeing then this look of disappointment on her face. She was really excited about the rumored new iPod Touch in September. We told her she is more than welcome to purchase the new one when it comes out. It's her money, she can do what she wants. We shall see what she decides to do.

[stitchlover]

I am bringing this thread back out because I have ANOTHER update. Well she decided to go ahead and save her money to buy the new version that was just released. She wanted the 32GB and had saved $250. So as part of her birthday present last Sunday we said we will cover the rest. So we went and bought it last Sunday. Last night I knocked it off the kitchen counter when I lifted her jacket up and it dropped on the hard floor and shattered the glass. This story never ends!!!

[EDuke98080]

I am bringing this thread back out because I have ANOTHER update. Well she decided to go ahead and save her money to buy the new version that was just released. She wanted the 32GB and had saved $250. So as part of her birthday present last Sunday we said we will cover the rest. So we went and bought it last Sunday. Last night I knocked it off the kitchen counter when I lifted her jacket up and it dropped on the hard floor and shattered the glass. This story never ends!!!

Aw I am so sorry that happened.

[dmccarty]

I am bringing this thread back out because I have ANOTHER update. Well she decided to go ahead and save her money to buy the new version that was just released. She wanted the 32GB and had saved $250. So as part of her birthday present last Sunday we said we will cover the rest. So we went and bought it last Sunday. Last night I knocked it off the kitchen counter when I lifted her jacket up and it dropped on the hard floor and shattered the glass. This story never ends!!!

Oh MY! :scared1::lmao:

Did your daughter say it was your fault? :)

Tis life. :)

DW and I were having a disagreement about letting the kids buy iTouches. They had saved their money but the DW thought the kids were too young to spend that much money on something easily broken or lost. I figured that it was as good a time as any for them to learn to be responsible. And with iTouch money at stake it would be a quick lesson if the lesson was needed. :rotfl:

DW was very firm that we should not do this so we told the kids no. Our oldest spent her money on a big Buzz and Woody toys, clothes and some other stuff. :confused3:scared1: Grrr. She would have been better off with the iTouch.

The kids kept nagging though and the DW gave up. :rotfl: The youngest had enough money to buy but the oldest had spent most of her money. They got the iTouches but there is a piece of paper on the fridge keeping track of how much she owes on the iTouch. :)

So far they have not lost the iTouches for long. A week or so seems to be the longest the iTouches were missing. :)

They are missing a cheap cell phone. :rotfl:

<sigh> :lmao:

Later,
Dan

[AWHOFAN]

You know the answer. Get her the least expensive items always that are not required by law, food, and shelter and education parent have to pay for. Then get her a J-O-B it will stop when she has to pay for it. A $300 I pod is more than adults with a job can afford. I see $20-80 at most like mine. Sometimes as parents we get our children what we want not what the CHILD needs. I’ve messed up too. Relax it will change over time.

[Iwant2BAprincess]

threads like this are why I am trying to change my oldest DS now. He is almost 9 and would leave his head if it wasn't attached to his body. He is a habitual offender of leaving his lunch box-nothing has worked, till now. The last time I told him I had had it so I was going to find the cutest pinkest lunchbox I could and that is what he would be using whenever he forgot his lunchbox. He didn't believe I would do it. Well, I came home with a Tink box with rainbow colors and glitter and yes he has had to take it to school twice, but only twice in the last 8 weeks where he had been leaving it about 3 times a week-so maybe this will help him learn since there is a personal consequence involved for him.

[bits-n-pieces]

Being a teenager who has lost 2 sweatshirts (one was returned), I realize that if I lose it I will be buying my own, or going without one.

Tell your daughter that if she loses her phone she will not be receiving another one from YOU.

If she loses her coat, tell her she will be receiving the cheapest ugliest manliest coat you can find.

That ought to scare her into holding onto them

HAHAHA! We have both the "coat of shame" and the "Lunchbox of shame" in our house. We keep them incase DD's forget either at school, which being 8 and 11 happens from time to time but, not as often anymore when they know they must wear or take either of the ugly alternatives.

Good luck to you!