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growinupdisney
01-24-2010, 11:44 AM
:confused3:rotfl:My daughter wants to bring her boyfriend when or if we go in April! He loves WDW, has been a few times with his family. He would pay for his tickets, and his own food! We go to Disney every year and have never taken one of their friends before kast year we did take my mother(loved it).

Here is the prob: #1 I know he and my dd will want to explore the parks alone and I want her to be w/ us. I know she won't get to do as much as we will and will stand in long lines because she won't follow the routes we do. (Going during Easter) Which I know will make her grumpy and then she will have spent the trip yes, with her boyfriend but not getting to do everything she usually gets to.

She says they will do everything we do but I know them...They won't. He is not use to doing what we do. We do Fantasylad, we have dd2 and ds13 also so we fit in everything usually for everyone. But I already heard him say he doesn't like those things(fantasyland,toontown, etc.)


plus I am the disney planner, have been over 40 times it is just as exciting to plan as to do the trip!:love:

He tends to have that know it all personality he is (17) and only been 4 times. But he is like that with everything. I'm not sure I will be able to handle it.:scared1:
I prob. could but might have to bite my tongue.

I did tell my dd No he couldn't go after she had already told him he could. I didn't every tell her yes to start off with just maybe. So now he has cancelled plans w/ his guy friends for his last sping break in HS to go with us and now I'm noy sure if I want him to go.

My dh doesnt want him to go either because the boy gets on his nerves but he deals with him of our daughter.

Plus now my dd is moping around the house because he can't go, he is upset because he can't go and thought he was, and apparently it's my fault.:mad:

So what should I do? Convince my husband to let him go
Tell my daughter No, have her go and then mope around the whole time we are there.
Have her stay home while we go that way she can spend time with him since he changed his plans to spend his last year home with her:hug:
Or change our trip to Nov. when he will be off to college( and maybe not even dating anymore) to lessen the blow him not going.

All this being said when I was in HS my parents did let me bring my bf, We did have fun but when I got home I broke up with him (because his little mannerisms that you don't usually see day in day out drove me crazy)

They have been dating a year now and last year when we went they had just started dating so it wasn't a prob. She had asked before, if we went again could he come and I said yes! But I said that a year ago before I really knew him.
What do I do... I love my dd and want her to fun, not be in an awkard situation w/ him especially when or if we go without him.

I'm not sure I could have fun knowing she stayed behind while we went

disneylovin24
01-24-2010, 11:51 AM
I would not change your trip just to avoid having to say no to him!!!

First, you should have never told your daughter yes a year ago! Of course she was gonig to remember and hold you to it!!

If I were you then I would say he can come IF he agrees to follow your plans. You have to make it clear that he has to listen to you and do what the rest of the family is. Then (and I wouldn't tell them this;) ) if he's good and they listen, him and your DD can go off on their own one day.

Teresa Pitman
01-24-2010, 11:56 AM
I think that because you told her yes a year ago, you really should stick with it. I'd invite them to go to the parks with you, remind them of your planning skills, but if they want to go on their own - let them. If they end up standing in long lines, well, that might be a lesson for them. Some things you have to learn the hard way, and that's okay. Maybe they'll stick with you after that.

Teresa

arielmomma
01-24-2010, 11:58 AM
I would just say NO!

Tinker'n'Fun
01-24-2010, 12:02 PM
Big NO, little no, bolded NO, underlined No.

Ghosthost999
01-24-2010, 12:14 PM
If it is going to be so much stress for your other family members to have him along, I would go with your gut and say no. Your daughter will be upset with you for awhile (probably a long while) but someday she will be mature enough to understand. Especially two years from now when they most likely won't even be dating.

If you do allow him to go, then I would simply let them go and make their own mistakes. That would also lessen the impact he has on the rest of your family with his "know it all attitude".

I hope a resolutiyou can find a resolution that makes you happy.

mybabesuz
01-24-2010, 12:16 PM
Another big NO Vote!

It sounds to me like you already know in your gut it is a bad idea...:rolleyes:

nicki.momof3
01-24-2010, 12:25 PM
First - I would say NO but I would also never have told her YES in the past. With teenages you have to be very clear - YES or NO. A maybe is the same as a yes to teenages so say what you mean the first time and stick to your guns.

Second - If you do allow him to go who cares if they skip certain attractions (She has been a number of times in the past) - really it is up to them to do what they want to do.


I personally would never allow (or consider allowing) my 17 year old daughter to bring her BF on a trip. Reversed I would not allow my 17 year old son to go on vacation with his GF. I also would not leave a 17 year old home alone in this situation. You are asking for trouble on so many levels with all the above situtions.

Maybe I am comming at it as a high school teacher (which I am) but teens wil be teens.

Good Luck with your decision.

disneylovin24
01-24-2010, 12:30 PM
About letting them go off on their own, would you rather have your daughter off doing her own thing or with you and being miserable because you told her she couldn't bring her bf?

MSSANDRA
01-24-2010, 12:46 PM
Do NOT leave her at home or change your vacation.

I would never have said yes to start with and I think it will be very hard to say no now but I am not sure that I would not do it. It just does not sound like it will work out and this may be your last trip as a family before she leaves home.

If he does go, set your rules and guidlines now. I would certainly allow them some alone time but also set some family time.

I am sure she would rather spend time with him than hit every attration including the kiddie stuff.

What kind of resort do you have? I can see having a teen boy along very uncomfortable for everyone.

growinupdisney
01-24-2010, 12:54 PM
So far I thank you all for your advice.....When I said I would leave my daughter behind it was not going to be her left alone at home she would stay with her father (we are divorced I'm remarried but my husband considers her his)
I also am a teacher and coach cheerleading at the high school so I do know what would happen if I left her home alone! I would never do that!!!!

Yes, I did forget in the teenage mind maybe means yes! I guess I really never believed they still would be dating! She had never had a boyfriend before so I didn't think it would last this long!

They do tend to fight over the littlest things so I don't want that to be an issue either.....How do I get my husband to agree if I change my mind should she talk to him or me?

kwitcherkicken99
01-24-2010, 01:43 PM
Granted the kids are in their teens, I still would not take a boyfriend of my teenage daughter to WDW. Where is he going to sleep? Are you going to get a family suite due to the size of your party?

I really wouldn't want my kids to leave our party, especially during spring break. I look at Disney as a family trip. I wouldn't want to deal with someone else's kid on vacation, espcially if he gets up my DH's hide. It's just not worth dealing with the attitude.

I can understand you wanting to please everyone in the party, but it just doesn't seem to be something I would want to fight over. Now, if the kids were in their 20's, I think that would be a lot different, but not at their current age.

Just put your foot down and say no.

tlh0726
01-24-2010, 01:49 PM
NO would be my answer.
Been there, done that, took oldest DS's last GF along on a few vacations.
Having to insist that they both get off there butts and do something other than sitting on the couch watching tv hangin all over each other, the disagreements between them, plus having to lock them out of the camper so that we could do something with the younger kids was no fun what so ever.

If her dad will supervise her the entire time during your absence than I would give her 2 choices - go and have fun with the family or sit at home with her dad.

Tiger926
01-24-2010, 01:50 PM
I would not allow it either for so many reasons: sleeping arrangements, schedule conflicts, too young to be going on vacation, etc.

Also, you never should have told her maybe in the first place. I'm a highschool teacher, so I hang with teens all day, and as a previous poster said, you need to mean what you say, and say what you mean. You are now stuck in a mess because you didn't have the foresight to think through your answer a year ago. You already made lots of good points why it's not a good idea for him not to go, so stick with the no.

The problem is, you might now have to deal with a daughter who may very well ruin your family vacation if she goes. How will you handle that? I also don't think it's right that your daughter is allowed to stay home just because she is moping around since you wouldn't let the boy come along. This is not a good coping skill...and will not bode well for future disappointments.

Hard call, mostly due to the fact that you made the mistake of lying to your daughter about your intentions with him coming along. There could be major trust issues between you and your daughter now, and in the teen years, you don't want this, believe me. On the other hand, it could be a good teachable moment that you changed your mind, based on the behaviours they have exhibited over the past year in their relationship, or his personality quirks?

Lots to consider in this scenario. Good luck, Tiger

mrsbornkuntry
01-24-2010, 01:57 PM
If the sleeping arrangements are comfortable I would bring him and make plans for them to spend one family day with you at your family's favorite park and let them go off on their own the rest of the time. If the only concern about them going off on their own is that they won't get to do as much as she usually does, that sounds like she's made plenty of trips to Disney so it probably isn't as big of a deal at this point if she misses out on some things.

You already said yes, although it was a long time ago, you did say it and if you aren't going to stand by your word how can you expect your DD to respect you when you say no?

PEANUT1
01-24-2010, 01:59 PM
Ok....you already told her she could possibly take him..that doesn't mean yes. Teenagers can be very manipulative. I would never leave a 17 year old out of a family vacation. I also don't think its appropriate to take him. He can still find something to do on spring break if he really wants to. You already have issues with him with his attitude and going on vacation will only heighten these feelings. Your daughter will get over it and have a good time..and if she is moping around alot, it is probably not much different than when she is at home.;)

daisyduck123
01-24-2010, 02:35 PM
Teenage boyfriend?? Nope, sorry, no way. This is a family vacation & you may not have many (if any) more with just the 5 of you.

It doesn't matter that a year ago you told her "yes". Part of being a parent with minor children living under your roof is that you get to change your mind whenever you want. She's not the parent. Tell her "Sorry Charlie".

I think you're just asking for trouble if you bring along a teenage boy who gets on your nerves.

momofrrr
01-24-2010, 02:40 PM
I have been in that boat. We booked our Disney vacation last February for New Years. Our DS (22) asked if his girfriend of 2 years could come as well. We agreed but under our terms to which they also agreed. We always get two rooms (we also have two teenage daughters) so the girls would have one room and DS would share the room with us. They agreed to stay with us and do what the family did since it was a "family vacation"

Well, as luck would have it, she broke up with him on Thanksgiving day. After everything was paid for and all was a done deal. I learned my lesson! A family vacation is just that. Unless there is a gold (or platinum) band on the left had they are not family!!!

Kae
01-24-2010, 03:55 PM
I would say no for quite a few reasons. But them wanting to go do things on their own because I want them to do things my way would not be one of them.

Kae

PrincessTiffany
01-24-2010, 04:00 PM
OMG, NO! Put your foot down. There is no way I would bring my daughter's 17 year old boyfriend along on our Disney vacation - I don't care if she moped or not!

Minniemama350
01-24-2010, 04:07 PM
Disney is a family trip fo you? Bringing your mom was bringing family. Bringing her BF is letting her not have the family trip. I would never pay that kind of money for my child to NOT spend time with the family. She might mope, she's 16, but I would not bring someone who was gonna ruin my trip. I also wouldn't postpone it. She will be out of your nest soon enough. After she graduates, she may not be going on trips with you. Are you ready to give that up now for a boy that it sounds like you hope will be gone soon? Good luck.

nicki.momof3
01-24-2010, 04:17 PM
OK - I have a idea (maybe).

First since you put yourself in a tough position and it sounds like you are also having trouble sticking to your "NO" how about enlisting the help of his parents.

Since they have been dating for a year I assume you have had at least a casual hello with his parents. Call his parents - I would bet they will not support the idea either. If they say NO their is not issue - he can not go.

Two NO's may make it easier for her to understand.

In the future watch your answers more closely.

Good Luck

growinupdisney
01-24-2010, 04:37 PM
OK - I have a idea (maybe).

First since you put yourself in a tough position and it sounds like you are also having trouble sticking to your "NO" how about enlisting the help of his parents.

Since they have been dating for a year I assume you have had at least a casual hello with his parents. Call his parents - I would bet they will not support the idea either. If they say NO their is not issue - he can not go.

Two NO's may make it easier for her to understand.

In the future watch your answers more closely.

Good Luck
This a problem...We are friendly with his parents they have included her on Christmas break when they visited family and he went with her when she was with her dad over Thanksgiving break. They were also planning on going this summer after his graduation but they had to cancel and she was invited to go with them.

This is why I feel terrible about the whole thing. When I also told her we were going and she asked I said "maybe we will have to see if we can"....She went ahead and told him he could. She jumped the gun as I guess I did when I said yes last year. But I do feel I have the right to change my mind last year it was a different situation, they were different. I just need her to understand that it wasn't meant to be a "lie" it was a different situation and how they get along now is why my husband I are not sure about him going. He is very respectful to us he is just aggravating at times. A week in a hotel maybe pushing it.

nicki.momof3
01-24-2010, 04:50 PM
He is very respectful to us he is just aggravating at times. A week in a hotel maybe pushing it.

You got your reason. Why would you even consider taking a teenage boy on a vacation in a hotel room when the situation is not 100% confortable. I know after a week in a hotel I get tired of my own family sometimes - could not imagine this situation turning out well.

Just stick to your NO and she can deal with it. Easter break is still 10 weeks away. She will calm down as time goes on. She needs to understand that as much as she might want him to go you are the parents and no means no.

Mouse House Mama
01-24-2010, 04:56 PM
Big NO, little no, bolded NO, underlined No.

I agree. There is no reason for him to come. When she is old enough she can go on her own vacations with whoever she wants. Until then too bad so sad.

Alice's Mommy
01-24-2010, 07:19 PM
I wouldn't worry about the fact that you said yes a year ago. Things change...plans change...minds change. I'd lay it all on the table for your daughter. I'd tell her that the answer is no, that parenting one teenager is hard enough and that you have no plans to parents another one that doesn't belong to you while on your family vacation. This boy should never have canceled his plans until he'd had confirmation from you and his parents. Do NOT take responsibility for that. Your list of reasons not to bring him seems WAAAAY longer than your list of reasons to bring him. Take Nancy Reagan's advice and "Just say NO!"

kpgriswold
01-24-2010, 07:22 PM
I have to jump on the "no" bandwagon as well. If this boy bugs you a little bit already, you will be ready to strangle him at the end of a week long vacation!:rotfl:

If your teen is anything like mine, I would keep the discussion very simple: "Dad and I talked it over, and decided that this is going to be just a family vacation." For every argument she throws at you, and when she pitches her inevitable hissy fit, just keep repeating that same sentence. She can't draw you into an argument unless you let her.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide!:hug:

Tricia's mom
01-24-2010, 08:57 PM
HECK NO...its YOUR family vacation. Don't make your family vacation uncomfortable. Like someone else posted if there is no band of gold they are not family.
I now its difficult to say no to your child because you want them to be happy. You have gotten some VERY good advice from everyone.

LubsPoohBear
01-24-2010, 09:26 PM
im sorry but i have to go against most everyone..... i say let him go they have already gone places together.also u told her yes then maybe.. hes paying his way.stick with your guns about having family time but im sure with a lil one with u,yall must take a break in the day give them that time alone ... my dd has her bf go everywere with us an her with them... is shows them we trust them... and she knows i keep my word being a teen is hard and a person only has someones word to go bye.... good luck with what ever u deside

mousebymarriage
01-24-2010, 11:30 PM
O.K. let me give you a perspective from the other side of the situation.
20 years ago I was the GF on the "family vacation" to Disney. My now DH and I were dating a little over a year (I was 19 and he was 20) and I joined his family on their vacation at Disney. It was me, my DH(then BF), his mom, his dad and his younger brother (who was 15 at the time). We had a good time except when his father had little bits of "pouting" when he didn't get his way (had nothing to do with me being on the vacation, he did it all the time when he didn't get his way). DH and I did do somethings on our own but, we also did somethings with the family (it was about 50/50). We always at breakfast and dinner together as a family which was a great way to start the day and a great way to meet up toward the end of the day and discuss the things we had each done. As far as sleeping arrangements went we stayed at the contemporary, all in one room (interesting). DH parents in one bed, DH and his brother in another and I slept alone on the rollaway/trundle thing. It worked out fine and besides it was only for a week and we were at Disney.

starsweeper
01-24-2010, 11:34 PM
Personally, I would tell my daughter I told her maybe and she invited her BF before it was all settled, so she can explain to him why he's not going. I'm one that doesn't consider BF and GF as equal to a family member. As my mom says, there are inlaws and outlaws. The inlaws are included in family plans, but the BF and GF (outlaws) are not.

J3nn78
01-25-2010, 06:32 AM
I think if you originally told her yes and he is paying his way, then let him go, but on YOUR terms- family time, etc...

When I was 17, my family invited my BF to go to Disney. We stayed with my family almost all of the time. We went off on our own just a few times.

14 years later, we are happily married with 2 kids, and totally addicted to Disney.

formill
01-25-2010, 07:46 AM
We went in December and took son's girlfriend (both are 17 been together a year and a half)- we stayed in a 5 bedroom villa with my sister and family (11 people total in villa) and it was GREAT.....we went to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure this trip and we stayed together most of the time. The only thing we were worried about was our 14 year old daughter being left out- normally she and her brother would do some of the rides together.....so we had told them ahead they must include her and they did when they did go off on own .......which was only a couple of times they went on thrill rides while my husband and I did the real kiddie rides/saw a Barney show with the two 7 year olds. It was great......but I've never been one to exclude people that are "not family"....ie; Christmas dinners etc.......family pictures put them all in! Does not bother me. I wanted my son to be happy and have a great trip and I knew it would not be as great if the girlfriend was left at home- time with family is precious and if it makes them happier go for it. Any trip anywhere anytime there is going to be conflict no matter who comes! They did not sleep together- we had her sleep in one bedroom in her own bed and the villa came with 2 cots that the 7 year old twins slept in - in that room with her- that was all agreed on long before the trip. Maybe it would have been different if we stayed onsite and only had a hotel room......but I can't stand my own family that long in one hotel room.....so that was never an option or problem for us.

micheleq
01-25-2010, 08:07 AM
You and DH already said NO, therefore, end of discussion.

I'm also a former HS teacher/coach, and the one thing teens will hone in on is if you live up to your statements. If you tell her no, then let her manipulate you into saying yes, guess what? The manipulation will continue!

All kids do it, heck, my four year old does it if I let her! :rotfl:

Stick to your guns, and have a great family vacation :thumbsup2

Mouse House Mama
01-25-2010, 08:14 AM
im sorry but i have to go against most everyone..... i say let him go they have already gone places together.also u told her yes then maybe.. hes paying his way.stick with your guns about having family time but im sure with a lil one with u,yall must take a break in the day give them that time alone ... my dd has her bf go everywere with us an her with them... is shows them we trust them... and she knows i keep my word being a teen is hard and a person only has someones word to go bye.... good luck with what ever u deside

Yeah- that would never happen in my house. How old are your kids? I could swear yesterday it said they were 14 in your siggie but I could be wrong. Especially at 14 that would not be happening. If they are married then great, otherwise they don't need to be together all the time. They are children.
OP- Again- NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!

PrincessTiffany
01-25-2010, 08:27 AM
We have 4 kids and there will be no boyfriends or girlfriends going on any of our future trips. I make this decision out of personal experience. When I was 17 my family went to Disney and we took my 19 year old boyfriend. We stayed with my family "most" of the time, but they let us have a little bit of freedom each day. You wouldn't believe how quick the monorail ride back to the Poly is from MK or Epcot and how quickly it takes you right back :-)

So, there won't be any boyfriend or girlfriends joining with us. And by the way, I totally thought the 19 year old boyfriend, who I dated for four years, was my solemate and we were going to get married and live happily ever after. Ha! Oh, to be 17 again, and know what I know now . . . .

growinupdisney
01-25-2010, 10:02 AM
Yeah- that would never happen in my house. How old are your kids? I could swear yesterday it said they were 14 in your siggie but I could be wrong. Especially at 14 that would not be happening. If they are married then great, otherwise they don't need to be together all the time. They are children.
OP- Again- NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!

My dd15 getting ready to be 16( she has her drivers permit). the bf 17. I have ds13.(whose b-day is in feb) so maybe thats where the ages got confusing.

We have decided to stick with the NO answer. She will be going with us, I'm sure she will be a little disappointed but she will get over it. She told me that she didn't want us to go without her and that she didn't want to be sellfish by changing the date so it wouldn't be a issue. He has understood and they have just agreed not talk about the trip around each other to make either one feel bad! of coarse she maybe holding out hope that we change our minds!

disfan07
01-25-2010, 10:07 AM
We just had this issue with my brothers girlfriend....but not with Disney.
My brother is 23, his girlfriend is 19. They've only been dating about 6-7 months.
We live on teh west coast, he goes to school on teh east coast.
He was coming out here for his winter break (10 days) and asked if his GF could come. My mom said Yes. Now heres the real kicker....we had never met her before.
It actually worked out pretty well because they were REQUIRED to spend time with us as a family. My parents told him to begin with that they only see him once or twice a year and they had no problem sending her home if they did not follow teh rules.
Threaten two college students with that and they will listen.
We did go to DL for 4 days while they were here. We got separate rooms (My parents and my brother in one room and I shared a room with his GF). She doesnt really like rides and I cant do most of teh bigger rides because of a heart condition so we basically all stayed together. Actually, one day, she went to the parks with my paretns adn I because my brother wanted to sleep later...lol.
So she ended up spending more time with us than he did.

But we also have a complete open house policy. We have open invitations of rfriends and GFs/BFs for thanksgiving, spring vacation, summer vacations, christmas breaks, etc. My best friend is spending the summer with us because she has an internship out here. It all depends on family dynamics and your families personal choices. Some are more comfortable than others when it comes to letting BFs and GFs on trips while some are fine with allowing it. Its personal preference.

I mean, my family has never taken and BFs or GFs to WDW for a week. So this is our best experience with 4 days in DL. Personally, I think it can be done adn work out fine but as the parents, its ultimately up to you.

Mrs. Charming
01-25-2010, 10:16 AM
No way. It sounds like the kid would be a gigantic thorn in everyone's sides. If he was a nice sweet boy who got along with your family, I'd give it a second thought-- but NO!

LOL, you never know, they may break up before the trip anyway, so it might be a moot point! :lmao: You know how teenagers are!

PinkRhombus
01-25-2010, 10:49 AM
All I have to say is who cares if she's moping around?

He can re-make his plans with his friends.

Sgt Mickey
01-25-2010, 01:18 PM
I am on the opposite side of the fence. I wouldn't care. I understand the bf is annoying but what if he is the one:confused3will you never go on vaccation with him?
I see the point of family vaccation and wanting to do everything with dd but even if he didn't go she may want to go off on her own.
I would set up rules you have to spend this time with us and then I will let you spend this time doing your own thing. I don't think you should be pressured into saying yes becasue it is your vaccation and why have someone annoying on it BUT I do think you can say yes without them running all over you.

PrincessTiffany
01-25-2010, 01:31 PM
I am on the opposite side of the fence. I wouldn't care. I understand the bf is annoying but what if he is the one:confused3will you never go on vaccation with him?
I see the point of family vaccation and wanting to do everything with dd but even if he didn't go she may want to go off on her own.
I would set up rules you have to spend this time with us and then I will let you spend this time doing your own thing. I don't think you should be pressured into saying yes becasue it is your vaccation and why have someone annoying on it BUT I do think you can say yes without them running all over you.
The "one?" The OP's daughter is 16, that shouldn't even be in this family's realm of thinking. Please see my post #36 of this thread :-)

krcit
01-25-2010, 02:15 PM
My dd15 getting ready to be 16( she has her drivers permit). the bf 17. I have ds13.(whose b-day is in feb) so maybe thats where the ages got confusing.

We have decided to stick with the NO answer. She will be going with us, I'm sure she will be a little disappointed but she will get over it. She told me that she didn't want us to go without her and that she didn't want to be sellfish by changing the date so it wouldn't be a issue. He has understood and they have just agreed not talk about the trip around each other to make either one feel bad! of coarse she maybe holding out hope that we change our minds!

I'm glad it worked out.

I have 3 kids and I can tell you right now that no boyfriends or girlfriends will be joining us on a family trip when they are teens. I think that a family trip is a family trip. A teenage couple can deal with being apart for a week or so.

disneyandme
01-25-2010, 03:14 PM
[QUOTE=PrincessTiffany;35151420]We have 4 kids and there will be no boyfriends or girlfriends going on any of our future trips. I make this decision out of personal experience. When I was 17 my family went to Disney and we took my 19 year old boyfriend. We stayed with my family "most" of the time, but they let us have a little bit of freedom each day. You wouldn't believe how quick the monorail ride back to the Poly is from MK or Epcot and how quickly it takes you right back :-)

This was my thought exactly- who knows what they would do when left alone.

formill
01-25-2010, 06:55 PM
I am on the opposite side of the fence. I wouldn't care. I understand the bf is annoying but what if he is the one:confused3will you never go on vaccation with him?
I see the point of family vaccation and wanting to do everything with dd but even if he didn't go she may want to go off on her own.
I would set up rules you have to spend this time with us and then I will let you spend this time doing your own thing. I don't think you should be pressured into saying yes becasue it is your vaccation and why have someone annoying on it BUT I do think you can say yes without them running all over you.

Another one "on the opposite side of the fence". I was 18 when my parents did not invite my boyfriend to come with them/us to Florida.... I opted to just stay home instead.( and yes that seems silly now to pass up a trip to Florida...) Oh and I married him. 4 kids.......21 married years later...still together. Sometimes we forget how important EVERYTHING is when you are a teen. As for what they will do when alone....I would assume it is the same as what they are doing when alone now.......!!! :)

PEANUT1
01-26-2010, 08:43 AM
15 almost 16 is really young..I think you made the right decision. Some people are reporting about their own experiences from when they were 18-20..you really can't compare 16 to 18..it is a HUGE difference.

cheerforchelsea
01-26-2010, 04:34 PM
Be glad that you decided NO....my DD took a boyfriend 3 different times over the years (3 different boys) and now is married (to someone else) but I have these ex boyfriends all in my scrapbooks :confused3

JUJU814
01-26-2010, 05:21 PM
Be glad that you decided NO....my DD took a boyfriend 3 different times over the years (3 different boys) and now is married (to someone else) but I have these ex boyfriends all in my scrapbooks :confused3

:rotfl:

klacey1
01-26-2010, 07:17 PM
Be glad that you decided NO....my DD took a boyfriend 3 different times over the years (3 different boys) and now is married (to someone else) but I have these ex boyfriends all in my scrapbooks :confused3


This literally made me laugh out loud!

OP, I think you made the right decision. Our family vacations were usually just us or us and extended family (I took a friend to Cape Cod, only because I was 18 and everyone else on the trip was either middle-aged or under the age of 10). However, DBF and I just took our own Disney trip alone together and had a terrific time. You can tell your DD she can go alone with her BF if they're still together much later on!

crisi
01-26-2010, 08:21 PM
Be glad that you decided NO....my DD took a boyfriend 3 different times over the years (3 different boys) and now is married (to someone else) but I have these ex boyfriends all in my scrapbooks :confused3

I think the same thing about all those holiday photos with my ex husband in them. And he WAS family.

There is nothing quite like the regret of giving up time with your family for some guy in your past (but it was 'twu luv') once you start to realize how precious those family holidays and vacations were.

If her relationship works out, she will have the rest of her life with him. She's only going to have a very few years left as "your little girl."

MarriedToAPrince
01-26-2010, 08:58 PM
I say absolutely not. When did it become acceptable for a 17 year old to bring a BF/GF on a family vacation? I am sorry but I think the answer should be no. It is a family vacation. She will get over and so won't he. I remember when I was 17 I wanted to stay home from a family vacation while my parents went. They said no. I was pissed, but you know what I got over it and had a great vacation and I was glad I went. She will get over it. If neither you or your DH want him there, then the answer is simple....no.

Evi
01-27-2010, 12:54 AM
Hrm I would say no... But wait let me tell you why. The fact that hes 17 and hes a boy and he has hormones ok now on the the rest lol. The fact that hes guilt tripping you and so is she. The fact that hes telling you what he likes to do and doesn't like to do while at disney. This is your family vacation and your daughter is getting older she soon won't be wanting to go with family on vacation you deserve to enjoy it as a family not spend it catering to someone who may very well not be a part of her life in a few months or years. Not being mean just honest you shouldn't be footing the bill for a teenager whose giving you a hard time and could potentially take away from you enjoying yourself.

If daughter says she doesn't want to go thats ok but let her know she wont be staying with boyfriend send her to stay with a relative somewhere really boring then shell change her mind =)

happymommy
01-27-2010, 05:58 AM
She in only 15? It sounds like she is in way over her head at such a young age. There is no way a child that young is ready for going on family trips with their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". I wouldn't even consider that.

You did the right thing. She is too young for such a relationship; he'll be off in college next year and in another world than she is. I would not allow my daughter that young to ever go away with a boy, even with family around.

Tiger926
01-27-2010, 06:13 AM
She in only 15? It sounds like she is in way over her head at such a young age. There is no way a child that young is ready for going on family trips with their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". I wouldn't even consider that.

You did the right thing. She is too young for such a relationship; he'll be off in college next year and in another world than she is. I would not allow my daughter that young to ever go away with a boy, even with family around.

I was thinking the same thing...I am a highschool teacher, and I'm so tired of dealing with children who think they are adults. Fifteen is way too young to be in such a long-term relationship, IMHO. Plus, what if they wanted to break up, but since you are paying for a trip, they might not do that?

Kids growing up way too fast these days are a lot of times encouraged to by the adults in their lives - going on a family vacation, attending a wedding, etc. are those types of events that bring a lot of pressures with them. Not necessary for 15 yr old children, IMHO.

Hopefully, it all works out and OP gets to enjoy a wonderful family trip, Tiger

DISNEYFOS
01-27-2010, 06:55 AM
I'm a little hung up on the fact that you told her "Yes" last year. You may have followed up with a Maybe..but the Yes was still given.

I agree with everyone that that he shouldn't go for many many different reasons..but I think your daughter deserves a very heart to heart talk about why you said yes last year and you have since changed your mind.

disfan07
01-27-2010, 07:07 AM
see, a lot of people are saying that shes too young to be in a long term relationship and i dont necesarily agree with this. One of my friends started dating someone when she was 15....shes 26 now. Theyve been together for 11 years, married for 3 years and she is due with their first child in 3 weeks.
Obviously, everyone is different, but you cant lump together ALL 15-16 year olds as being too young to be in a long term and serious relationship. Its not so black and white.

krcit
01-27-2010, 07:13 AM
see, a lot of people are saying that shes too young to be in a long term relationship and i dont necesarily agree with this. One of my friends started dating someone when she was 15....shes 26 now. Theyve been together for 11 years, married for 3 years and she is due with their first child in 3 weeks.
Obviously, everyone is different, but you cant lump together ALL 15-16 year olds as being too young to be in a long term and serious relationship. Its not so black and white.

I'm 40 and I have know 4 couples that have been together since age 15. I still would never allow my 15 year old child to bring a boyfriend/girlfriend on a family trip. Not neccessary. If they are still together as adults, then that is a different story. I think bringing a bf/gf on a vacation is an adult thing..something to look forward to. JMHO.

PrincessTiffany
01-27-2010, 12:04 PM
see, a lot of people are saying that shes too young to be in a long term relationship and i dont necesarily agree with this. One of my friends started dating someone when she was 15....shes 26 now. Theyve been together for 11 years, married for 3 years and she is due with their first child in 3 weeks.
Obviously, everyone is different, but you cant lump together ALL 15-16 year olds as being too young to be in a long term and serious relationship. Its not so black and white.
Well, that would be the exception, not the rule. The vast majorities of couples who start dating this young are not going to be together in a year or two, let alone get married and have a family.

Tiger926
01-27-2010, 12:17 PM
I don't think it has anything to do with people knowing other people who have dated young, and gone on to have successful marriages. Why do kids have to be looking for life partners at age 15? I still don't get that...

Dating at age 15 is different than bringing boyfriends/girlfriends along on family vacations, or attending family weddings, etc. Those are all pressure-filled scenarios that can bring with them lots of responsibilities that young people may not be ready for.

I was the most mature 15 year old you could meet. I didn't have my first date until age 21 - there was no reason to date at age 15, so just because I could handle it, my parents felt that at age 15, I should be concentrating on other things besides looking for a future husband. And I'm glad they did...

Tiger

PrincessTiffany
01-27-2010, 12:27 PM
I don't think it has anything to do with people knowing other people who have dated young, and gone on to have successful marriages. Why do kids have to be looking for life partners at age 15? I still don't get that...

Dating at age 15 is different than bringing boyfriends/girlfriends along on family vacations, or attending family weddings, etc. Those are all pressure-filled scenarios that can bring with them lots of responsibilities that young people may not be ready for.

I was the most mature 15 year old you could meet. I didn't have my first date until age 21 - there was no reason to date at age 15, so just because I could handle it, my parents felt that at age 15, I should be concentrating on other things besides looking for a future husband. And I'm glad they did...

Tiger
I totally agree with you. If more parents felt this way, the world would be a better place. We had a debate about this very issue here on the DIS a month or so ago and I got totally reamed for even suggesting that kids today are given too many freedoms with such things as cell phones with internet access, being allowed to wear full-face make up in sixth grade, dating too early, being given extravagant gifts such as coach bags and lap tops, etc. It's just a fact that our children are being over-sexualized in our society and too many parents are more worried about being their child's friend than their parent. I'll probably get flamed for it again, but I believe it is the truth.

Tiger926
01-27-2010, 12:31 PM
I totally agree with you. If more parents felt this way, the world would be a better place. We had a debate about this very issue here on the DIS a month or so ago and I got totally reamed for even suggesting that kids today are given too many freedoms with such things as cell phones with internet access, being allowed to wear full-face make up in sixth grade, dating too early, being given extravagant gifts such as coach bags and lap tops, etc. It's just a fact that our children are being over-sexualized in our society and too many parents are more worried about being their child's friend than their parent. I'll probably get flamed for it again, but I believe it is the truth.

Yup - as I said, I'm a highschool teacher, so I hang with teens all day, and I could seriously give you an earful about how confused they are with their parents in regards to these types of topics. I've had parents ask me to get their children to stop dating their older boyfriends, stop sleeping around or to take birth control. Ummm..news flash! That is their job, not mine.

Being a teen is hard enough, but when they are continually being given mixed messages, it's even more confusing. And, bringing a boyfriend on vacation at age 15, is a very mixed message as far as I'm concerned. If they can bring him on vacation, they are then going to ask to do even more, believe me.

It's a very interesting topic, Tiger

Arabella1978
01-27-2010, 02:50 PM
My kids aren't anywhere close to being teens yet, but there is no way I would allow a bf or gf to accompany us on vacation.

So what if the OP originally said, yes....oh well, sometimes we make mistakes and being a parent means you can change your mind if it's for the benefit of your child's well being.

While I believe in honesty and integrity when dealing with my kids I also believe that organic changing situaitons require shifting perspectives...and when I realize I made a bad decision or told them something that no longer makes sense I have no problem telling them that. If they say, "But you told me I could do this, or, you you told me you would do this..etc. etc. etc." I simply say, "Yup you're right, but I'm your mom and I changed my mind because of ____" And if they still argue I say, "That's just how it is, I'm the grown up and I make the decisions, sorry charlie". End of story. Do they get mad at me? Yup. Do I care? Nope. My kids don't have to always like me. But they have to respect me and obey my rules. They know I love them, and that I will always love them, even if they don't always want to be my best friend. I'm okay with that. Someday my kids will be my friends. Someday I will be my kids' friend. Right now I am their mom and that job description does not always go hand in hand with being BFF's....hehe!!

OP: I hope you have a great vacation, and I hope your daughter manages to have a good time. I'm pretty sure she'll get over it! Hugs!

TamaraQT
01-27-2010, 04:00 PM
Ok...I've heard your side and read all the posts in between and now I am going to give my 2 cents for what its worth. And I know I am going to get FLAMED for it but here it is....

First off, whether your daughter is 15, 16, or 17 is not the issue. She is not an adult of 18, 20 or 21. Like many before me have said in so many other words to avoid typing the words MORALS and VALUES because that is what we are really talking about. Why are you even taking this into consideration? Evidently as a parent you already know deep down that it shouldn't even be up for discussion. And what do you mean you know she will be mad. Who cares?? I think that is another problem. Kids are allowed to have too much say and input. No its NOT OK to take him on a family vacation and no its not ok for her to go with his family on vacations either. In fact, in my opinion, OVERNIGHT stays together ANYWHERE are out of the question until they become adults. I dont care what the "so-called" sleeping arrangements are or supposed to be. It's just too suggestive and accepted.

Next, you talk about how he aggravates your husband. Well thats enough reason right there. Just because your daughter thinks her BF is the sun and moon and stars doesnt mean everyone thinks that of him. You are willing to sacrifice your husbands happiness on vacation rather than disappoint your daughter???? WHAT!!!???? Since they are NOT married, you and the rest of your family indeed have a right NOT TO TOLERATE him unless you want to. And a family vacation is NOT the time to do that. You have other children to entertain. You dont want to be stressed or uncomfortable because those vibes will ruin everyone from having a good time.

I just find it hilarious when parents allow their childrens "FEELINGS" to dictate their parenting. I have an adult son (unmarried...but has a girlfriend), a 17 year old son(high school) and a 3 year old daughter. We take a family vacation every year. And for the past 3 years my DS(adult) has inquired about possibly taking his girlfriend. NOPE!!! Not happening!!! Until she is his WIFE, we do not include her. Now people can call me what they want. Once they become adults, they will do what they want and you cant control that. But you can control what they do in front of you and within your household. So to me, a family vacation is part of my household as it should be. There is no way my 17 year old would even come to me and SUGGEST if his girlfriend could come along. He may think about it, wish for it, but he sure wouldnt say it!! Because he has never been granted ANY authority over my values, morals and rules of my family and household.

Tell your daughter NO!!! And get on with your vacation plans. And do not give her the option to stay home with her father either. She is to do as you say until she becomes an adult. Are you kidding me?? I know, I know I may have gone above and beyond and may sound harsh. But the fact that someone would even STRUGGLE with the idea of disappointing their child for something they shouldnt even be considering when all the warning signs are there to JUST SAY NO!!!! :sad2:

krcit
01-27-2010, 04:07 PM
Ok...I've heard your side and read all the posts in between and now I am going to give my 2 cents for what its worth. And I know I am going to get FLAMED for it but here it is....

First off, whether your daughter is 15, 16, or 17 is not the issue. She is not an adult of 18, 20 or 21. Like many before me have said in so many other words to avoid typing the words MORALS and VALUES because that is what we are really talking about. Why are you even taking this into consideration? Evidently as a parent you already know deep down that it shouldn't even be up for discussion. And what do you mean you know she will be mad. Who cares?? I think that is another problem. Kids are allowed to have too much say and input. No its NOT OK to take him on a family vacation and no its not ok for her to go with his family on vacations either. In fact, in my opinion, OVERNIGHT stays together ANYWHERE are out of the question until they become adults. I dont care what the "so-called" sleeping arrangements are or supposed to be. It's just too suggestive and accepted.

Next, you talk about how he aggravates your husband. Well thats enough reason right there. Just because your daughter thinks her BF is the sun and moon and stars doesnt mean everyone thinks that of him. You are willing to sacrifice your husbands happiness on vacation rather than disappoint your daughter???? WHAT!!!???? Since they are NOT married, you and the rest of your family indeed have a right NOT TO TOLERATE him unless you want to. And a family vacation is NOT the time to do that. You have other children to entertain. You dont want to be stressed or uncomfortable because those vibes will ruin everyone from having a good time.

I just find it hilarious when parents allow their childrens "FEELINGS" to dictate their parenting. I have an adult son (unmarried...but has a girlfriend), a 17 year old son(high school) and a 3 year old daughter. We take a family vacation every year. And for the past 3 years my DS(adult) has inquired about possibly taking his girlfriend. NOPE!!! Not happening!!! Until she is his WIFE, we do not include her. Now people can call me what they want. Once they become adults, they will do what they want and you cant control that. But you can control what they do in front of you and within your household. So to me, a family vacation is part of my household as it should be. There is no way my 17 year old would even come to me and SUGGEST if his girlfriend could come along. He may think about it, wish for it, but he sure wouldnt say it!! Because he has never been granted ANY authority over my values, morals and rules of my family and household.

Tell your daughter NO!!! And get on with your vacation plans. And do not give her the option to stay home with her father either. She is to do as you say until she becomes an adult. Are you kidding me?? I know, I know I may have gone above and beyond and may sound harsh. But the fact that someone would even STRUGGLE with the idea of disappointing their child for something they shouldnt even be considering when all the warning signs are there to JUST SAY NO!!!! :sad2:

:thumbsup2

tinkerbelletreasure
01-27-2010, 05:01 PM
My situation was a little different because my older sister lived in Tampa and I spent my summers with her, so there was no hotel stay involved....but when I was 15 my mom let my then summer boyfriend come to Disney World with us. We had a blast! The way my parents handled it was that we spent the mornign time together doing things as a family (before fastpasses, so maybe it would be better to split up first thing so everyone can fast passes for what they really want to ride) and then after lunch he and I were allowed soem freetime on our own to go ride what we wanted. Let's face it, not many 17 y/o are going to be wowed by fantasy land, but my nieces spent almost the whole day there. We met up again in time for the parade and went to dinner together. It was probably the best time I ever had in Disney, despite breaking uwith the boyfriend less than a month later while he was visiting my hometown. My mom was glad I had someone to go do things with since I didn't want to hang out with all the younger kids all day.
Oh and don't suppose just because it's her first boyfriend and she's young that they won't still be together down the road. I ended up marrying the guy I started dating right after me and the summer boyfriend broke up. We even Honeymooned in Disney. Although I will say, when you start married life in teh happiest place on eart, it's all downhill from there! We got divorced 10 yers later.

growinupdisney
01-29-2010, 09:19 AM
For any of you that are interested just thought I would udate you....DD and boyfriend have broken up! :sad2:She is very upset but I have to say I am glad we didn't plan for him to go. Over the past few days she was disappointed that he would not be going but understood my reasons why. Now, I need to get her mind off of him and focus on our trip...:yay: She has already started reading the disboards and talking about what she wants to do. Hopefully the next few weeks she will be back to normal!

roliepolieoliefan
01-29-2010, 09:56 AM
see, a lot of people are saying that shes too young to be in a long term relationship and i dont necesarily agree with this. One of my friends started dating someone when she was 15....shes 26 now. Theyve been together for 11 years, married for 3 years and she is due with their first child in 3 weeks.
Obviously, everyone is different, but you cant lump together ALL 15-16 year olds as being too young to be in a long term and serious relationship. Its not so black and white.

I've been with my husband since we were both 15. We will be married 20 years this year. DD is 6 yo now, but if in 9 years she asks to bring a boyfriend on vacation, the answer would definetly with no doubt be NO!!!!

Tiger926
01-29-2010, 10:13 AM
For any of you that are interested just thought I would udate you....DD and boyfriend have broken up! :sad2:She is very upset but I have to say I am glad we didn't plan for him to go. Over the past few days she was disappointed that he would not be going but understood my reasons why. Now, I need to get her mind off of him and focus on our trip...:yay: She has already started reading the disboards and talking about what she wants to do. Hopefully the next few weeks she will be back to normal!

This is exactly why he shouldn't have come - they maybe were ready to break up awhile ago, but if on a vacation, it would more than likely force them to stay together. I've seen it happen this way...It seems like they were able to make the decision to break up, so that is important in and of itself.

I hope you all get to have a great family vacation - she is young, and will learn, that this too shall pass!

Happy vacation to you, Tiger