First trip as a single Mom

[smithmom]

My marriage began and ended in Walt Disney World.

My husband proposed to me at Cinderellas Wishing Well in 2000... and during our trip last September (2009) I learned he was in love with someone else. We have 2 young boys and this was their first trip.

The texts started coming into his phone the first day we were there. They were pretty constant. During a trip downstairs to get something to drink I looked at his phone and saw the messages of how much she loved and missed him. I felt like someone pulled my soul out of my body. I confronted him and he confirmed the relationship. They were intimate, he had met her family, he loved her.

I had to pick myself up and carry on with the vacation without sharing any of this information with anyone. I did it for my sons, I wanted this to be a happy time for them. Did I mention my parents were with us on this trip and footing the entire bill... :sad2:

We are getting a divorced. My family now knows the basics of what happened (not my children!) although not all the details. I am devastated... everyday. I just don't understand how someone I trusted so deeply could do something so hurtful. This was not the first indiscretion on his part... I know of one other during my second pregnancy. And there were multiple signs of him not being a great husband. I just thought I knew him and if I could see it in my heart to forgive then he could give us enough of himself to make our marriage a happy one. I was terribly terribly wrong.

My family and I are planning another trip to DW this September and it will be my first trip as a single mom. I've explained to the boys that Daddy is not coming on this trip with us. They seem ok with it, but like I said they are young. I have a hard time wrapping myself around the idea of being divorced. It's the right thing to do, I know this, but it's just not anything I thought I'd ever deal with. I guess nobody does.

I need to go back and make some more HAPPY MEMORIES in Disney World!!!!
Thanks for letting me rant....

[Elfstar]

Rant away, or should I say vent away? It's okay. :hug: The dissolution of a marriage is a sad thing. I became a single parent when my only child was five. I wasn't devastated because he was physically abusive but still, it's like a loss regardless.

I extend my sympathies for your loss but you sound strong and you will be able do anything you have to to take care of your children. And someday you may find someone who deserves you! Keep your chin up, and good luck!

[Tweevil]

Good for you for going forward to doing things with your sons!
I am a single Mommy and I had to go forward and make those memories with my son myself. His Dad is in the picture but I have adopted the mantra that it is up to me and not to rely on him.
Go have a great time and if you need to talk just pm me. :)

I am sorry you are going through this but pull all the strength that you can up and out of your soul for your boys. You will look back and be thankful that you did. :hug:

[mistymouse5001]

:hug: You need shopping and a hug :grouphug:

[kimis]

Have a great trip with your boys. Make new memories with them and don't dwell on the "special" places to you and your ex. I know words are easy to say but you are a strong woman so I know you will make the trip a great one for the kids and yourself. You are in my prayers.

[smithmom]

Thank you all for your kind words and compassion. It is so appreciated... more than you can know.

I wish you all lived closer.

Luckily my husbands actions have not spoiled Disney for me in the slightest, and I have my boys to thank for that!!! It's amazing to see it through their eyes.

Thank you again.

[DisTeach1]

My marriage began and ended in Walt Disney World.


We are getting a divorced. My family now knows the basics of what happened (not my children!) although not all the details. I am devastated... everyday. I just don't understand how someone I trusted so deeply could do something so hurtful. This was not the first indiscretion on his part... I know of one other during my second pregnancy. And there were multiple signs of him not being a great husband. I just thought I knew him and if I could see it in my heart to forgive then he could give us enough of himself to make our marriage a happy one. I was terribly terribly wrong.


I need to go back and make some more HAPPY MEMORIES in Disney World!!!!
Thanks for letting me rant....

See the above part where I bolded...Why did you trust him so deeply if he already had cheated on you in the past? One lesson I have taken from Oprah..."When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them."

I'm sorry for your children, and for you, and I think he was terribly disrespectful towards your parents also. I hope in time WDW will have happy memories for you and your kids.

[Mackey Mouse]

I am going to say this here....when people are in love, they sometimes forgive indiscretions for the sake of the family......and because they love their partner.. I would never judge that, it is their choice, their marriage..

I hope you have a wonderful time in WDW and I know you will as children always make it more magical. You will get through this, not saying it will be easy, but you will come out the other side.. Make those new memories and just enjoy...

Best,
Marsha

[circhead]

:grouphug: Good for you for picking up and moving forward. You and your sons will have a great time - it's your husband's loss. He won't be part of the memories and I honestly believe that someday in the future he will kick himself in the a-- for giving up the chance to be a part of all your lives.

Good luck with everything and keep your chin up.

[Motherofboys]

It is really admirable how you shouldered the hurt and devastation of his betrayal without pulling your kids into it, you sound like a wonderful mother and a very unselfish and forgiving person :)

You and your kids deserve better! I hope you guys have a wonderful trip, it sounds like you have the support of your family - that is a great thing, don't be afraid to lean on them to get through this.

Take care of yourself and good luck with the trip, I'm sure you guys will have a great time! :wizard:

[smithmom]

SWhy did you trust him so deeply if he already had cheated on you in the past?

I never saw this part of him before we had kids. To be fair, it may have been there, but I just didn't see it. But when it started to become clear I had one chile who wasn't even 2 yet, and one on the way. I wanted my family. They were THE most important thing in my life, and I couldn't see past that. I loved him more than I did myself. It took almost 4 years for me to be convinced I'd be better on my own. That's a long time, but now I can walk with my head high and know that someday, if my children ever want to talk with me about what happened, and I can look them in their eyes and truthfully say I gave it everything I had. But there comes a point where you need to let go so that you can become who you are supposed to be... for me it was being a good mom. It's amazing the energy one can focus on something. If it gives back it is sooooo worth it, but if it gives you nothing back, then it's just draining the effort you could be giving everything else in your life. IT IS A HARD LESSON TO LEARN.

ok, there I go again. Rant... rant.... rant... :angel:

[DisTeach1]

But there comes a point where you need to let go so that you can become who you are supposed to be... for me it was being a good mom. It's amazing the energy one can focus on something. If it gives back it is sooooo worth it, but if it gives you nothing back, then it's just draining the effort you could be giving everything else in your life. IT IS A HARD LESSON TO LEARN.

ok, there I go again. Rant... rant.... rant... :angel:

That's really amazing...I think letting go of something is the hardest part. Believe me, you and your kids will be better for it. My sister has been with the same man since she was 19, and she's 44 now, and she's had a miserable life. I'm glad you can let go when you are young enough to move on.

[megthewonderful]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug:

You will have a great trip with your kids because it is what you and they deserve! Take care of yourself and your boys and have fun planning your trip!

[Tyme4wdw]

I am so sorry you are going through the same hell that I've been going through. The betrayal, lies and the emotional rollercoasters are rough! There is a great website that I came across when I learned of my husband's extracurricular activities: survivinginfidelity.com This site has really helped me through the rough days and nights following the discovery, to become stronger and healthier as each day goes by. Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way!

[smithmom]

I am so sorry you are going through the same hell that I've been going through. The betrayal, lies and the emotional rollercoasters are rough! There is a great website that I came across when I learned of my husband's extracurricular activities: survivinginfidelity.com This site has really helped me through the rough days and nights following the discovery, to become stronger and healthier as each day goes by. Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way!

Thank you so much for sharing this... I will check the site out. There are days where I think I'm doing really well... then there are days like the last few and I have a hard time with everything. Day by day.... :rolleyes1

[toniosmom]

I am divorced and my husband was unfaithful. At the time, we had no children, but it was still devastating.

Years later, I adopted a little baby boy as a single mother. He is now 5, but last year, not long after he turned 4, I took him to WDW by myself and it was the best vacation ever. I was REALLY nervous because he has some special needs (non-physical) and I was worried about meltdowns, etc. However, I planned NOTHING. We just went where the wind took us. There was no pressure to see everything. We usually went to the parks for the morning and spent the rest of the day swimming. Evenings were spent at the resort. We both had a blast and created memories that we still talk about today.

We are going back in 30 days, but this time my parents are coming along, plus my 18yo niece and her BFF. However, the trip after that (in December) will be just the two of us again. I am looking forward to both trips for different reasons.

I truly hope that you can create wonderful memories for your children. My advice (if you want it) is to put no pressure on yourselves. It sounds like you go to WDW often enough so that you won't be rushed to get it all in. You'll be back. Maybe WDW can be "your" place with your children.

I pray that you also find peace with what has happened to you. It takes a while, but your children will help you see all of the happy things in your life.

All the best.....

[smithmom]

toniosmom - what an inspiring story! Thank you. It helps to know people get through this so well. ;) I hope everything continues to go in a great direction for you. So many trips for you - I am jealous!!!

This trip will be very different for us, but I am really looking forward to it. And the boys are too. They are making lists of things not to miss... I LOVE IT!!

[LaurLaur04]

I am very sorry this happened! But you are much better off. I am also a single mom. Though my daughter's father and I were never married (we were about to be, but when I got pregnant he abandoned us) I still felt like you did. My daughter is now 2 1/2 and I have just recently realized how much happier I am as a single mother. Its much better than being in a relationship where things aren't as they should be. Feel sorry for this new woman of his, because if he will do it to you, he will do it to her! You on the other hand get to go to Disney World with your boys! :)

[disney_mommy]

I too am a single mother. I suspect my husband wasn't faithful, but I'll never know the truth. We split shortly after my son turned one, and though it hurt like hell then, I now know it was the best thing for my son and I.

I know it doesn't help to hear it now, but you will get over this hurt. You will grow into a much stronger person because of it. Your boys will grow up and find out what happened, and they will respect you because you did the right thing. You kept strong for them and didn't let the behavior of their father ruin their childhoods. They will know that you tried to do the right thing for them and did the best you could. And they will always remember the laughter and good times that they had with mommy at Disney World.

We are all here for you, so feel free to vent as needed.:grouphug:

[Starchat]

That's terrible. Cheating is for losers, so you're better off without that trouble anyway. If you need to talk, we're all here!

[Andreja]

Too bad people are selfish and do not understand children are reason for their living :/
But it is not end of world, just have to find some motivation in rising your children ;)

[Floydian]

I can look them in their eyes and truthfully say I gave it everything I had

In my personal experience, this is one of THE most important things. When you know you gave it your all, it is far far easier to learn and grow and move on.

[Floydian]

I am so sorry you are going through the same hell that I've been going through. The betrayal, lies and the emotional rollercoasters are rough! There is a great website that I came across when I learned of my husband's extracurricular activities: survivinginfidelity.com This site has really helped me through the rough days and nights following the discovery, to become stronger and healthier as each day goes by. Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way!

I agree about that website!! It didn't save my marriage (nothing could if even one person doesn't want to). But their forums are filled with positive insights from people who truly understand.

[ADecentGuy]

I agree about that website!! It didn't save my marriage (nothing could if even one person doesn't want to). But their forums are filled with positive insights from people who truly understand.

I agree about survivinginfidelity.com. I've been referred there by several people on this board and it is a very helpful place to visit.

[Kat&Dom]

I never saw this part of him before we had kids. To be fair, it may have been there, but I just didn't see it. But when it started to become clear I had one chile who wasn't even 2 yet, and one on the way. I wanted my family. They were THE most important thing in my life, and I couldn't see past that. I loved him more than I did myself. It took almost 4 years for me to be convinced I'd be better on my own. That's a long time, but now I can walk with my head high and know that someday, if my children ever want to talk with me about what happened, and I can look them in their eyes and truthfully say I gave it everything I had. But there comes a point where you need to let go so that you can become who you are supposed to be... for me it was being a good mom. It's amazing the energy one can focus on something. If it gives back it is sooooo worth it, but if it gives you nothing back, then it's just draining the effort you could be giving everything else in your life. IT IS A HARD LESSON TO LEARN.

ok, there I go again. Rant... rant.... rant... :angel:

I don't know you but I am so proud of your strength. I too was married to a cheater and we split up 3 years ago when my son was 18 months old. I focused on my son and being the best parent I could for him. He is a very happy 4 1/2 year old and we are heading to Disney in 20 days!:banana: It will be his 5th trip to Disney - I love Disney as a single mom - it is a place where I can enjoy hanging out with my son and have fun together.:banana:

Life is really good as a single mom and I love it. I do feel sorry for my ex because all of his bad choices are going to have him have to live with huge regrets later in life. He is in such a downward spiral that he is unable to be a good dad to his beautiful son. I could never hate him although he hurt me deeper than I have ever been hurt before - I loved him and trusted him completely - his happiness meant more to me than my own. But I also got the greatest gift of my son from being with him so I focus on how lucky I am to have my son because some people never get to have that type of joy in their lives. The pain I went through is more than worth it for the beautiful son that I have.

Anyway, I just wanted to say how proud I am of how strong you are and that you are focused on the right people - your children. I hope life brings some wonderful things your way because you deserve it.:wizard: