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DCbride
01-21-2010, 08:36 AM
DD(18)'s friends want to rent a shore house (the Jersey shore) the weekend of prom. I have a lot of problems with 12 unsupervised kids renting a property- most are safety issues. DS (now 20) did spent 2 nights at the shore at his girlfriend's house, but the GF's mom was there the whole time.

Just looking for input from other parents. And where did/do your kids go the weekend of prom?

Note: Just wanted to add it is not that I don't trust DD or even her friends, she will travel to Germany this summer as part of a student exchange program, I really don't trust the other 2000 kids who converge onto Wildwood Beach the first 3 weekends of May. Yes, I know she is off to college in the fall, but dorms are supervised, there will be security on campus and there are emergency call boxes everywhere.

Rylee
01-21-2010, 08:53 AM
Will anyone even rent to children/young adults that age? For most hotels, you have to be 21 or older.

mjkacmom
01-21-2010, 09:06 AM
I went down the shore with my gf's for memorial day weekend starting when I was a junior in HS with my parents' blessing, and we did it again senior year, and after the prom (doesn't everyone in NJ do this?). Once my kids are legal adults, they can pretty much do what they want (as long as it's legal). Three months after the prom, my kids will head off to college.

disneyandme
01-21-2010, 04:07 PM
I grew up in NJ and no everyone did not do this after prom. I can't imagine any of my friends parents allowing this when we were in High school. The only people I know who hit the beach went with at least one parent along. Talk to your daughter. It may be that you trust her to act correctly, but what about the other kids who are going.

KateMW
01-21-2010, 04:13 PM
You gave my answer in your own post...she's starting college in the Fall and she's spending the summer in Germany. If you trust her to do those things, you trust her to make good choices even if there are 2000 other crazy people around. Also, I'm not sure where you went to college, but my dorms had RAs too, they were the people buying my beer. ;) Honestly, I would let her go. It's a good practice to see how she'll behave in the future and it's a right of passage. Those are actually very important to a person's life. I had a friend who's parents were REALLY overprotective and didn't let her do anything {no prom, no dating, lived at home during college} and it backfired BIG time.

allison443
01-21-2010, 04:22 PM
I grew up in NJ and no everyone did not do this after prom. I can't imagine any of my friends parents allowing this when we were in High school. The only people I know who hit the beach went with at least one parent along. Talk to your daughter. It may be that you trust her to act correctly, but what about the other kids who are going.

I am living in NJ now and I guess things have changed, or maybe you lived in a different part of NJ. I am in central/northern NJ I can tell you that this is a hugely popular thing now. For once my kids were not exaggerating very much when they said "everyone is going down the shore after prom". I saw the pictures so I know who was there. It was a huge percentage of their classes.

No parents went along either.

julirina
01-21-2010, 04:31 PM
I'm not on board with the "she's almost an adult, let her go" theories. In my experience, it's when kids are almost adults that they make the worst choices (a childish attitude can cause adult mistakes with adult consequences). My parents were strict, not controlling, and set good limits. I hated the limits at the time but I respected their authority and it kept me out of bad situations. Your house, your daughter, your rules...until she's on her own. If you're not comfortable with it, don't allow it. Consider the consequences of both alternatives -- you can live with an angry teenager, but what if something went wrong while she was away? Could you live with that? Are there other, more supervised alternatives? If they're good kids and don't plan on doing anything wrong, then encourage them to take a good-natured chaperone along.

I don't mean to sound preachy -- I just have a more conservative parenting attitude, I guess. Good luck with whatever you decide.

ETA that "everybody else is doing it" is never a valid argument IMO!

tiggger1
01-21-2010, 04:34 PM
My best friends parents let us use their cottage for a week right after graduation. there were only 4 of us and we hung out at the beach all day and it was great.

woodkins
01-21-2010, 05:03 PM
A big group of our senior class did this on prom weekend. They all went to Wildwood. A bunch of the guys were drinking and decided to take a boat out for a ride, they ended up capsizing the boat and one of the guys drowned, another had permanent brain damage from near drowning and a few others had pretty major injuries. That many kids in an unsupervised area cannot lead to anything good.

mjkacmom
01-21-2010, 05:53 PM
I am living in NJ now and I guess things have changed, or maybe you lived in a different part of NJ. I am in central/northern NJ I can tell you that this is a hugely popular thing now. For once my kids were not exaggerating very much when they said "everyone is going down the shore after prom". I saw the pictures so I know who was there. It was a huge percentage of their classes.

No parents went along either.

I'm in NE NJ, so maybe that's it - it seems like everyone goes! And I've never heard of parents tagging along.

scrapquitler
01-21-2010, 05:58 PM
My daughter is only 13, but I can't imagine that whem prom time comes I would allow this.

kim_o
01-21-2010, 06:35 PM
I am living in NJ now and I guess things have changed, or maybe you lived in a different part of NJ. I am in central/northern NJ I can tell you that this is a hugely popular thing now. For once my kids were not exaggerating very much when they said "everyone is going down the shore after prom". I saw the pictures so I know who was there. It was a huge percentage of their classes.

No parents went along either.


I grew up on the central Jersey Shore, and it was deifnitely a big thing to do (now living down in Georgia, I can tell you they don't have a similar type of "prom weekend"). We went to wildwood after the prom for the weekend, unsupervised. As a parent now, I'd probably be a worried mess the entire weekend, but I do have to say it is a very normal thing there and I did enjoy it and had a lot of fun. We went to the beach, mini golfing, boardwalk. It also depends on the group your child is going with....some groups did do the wild, hard partying, and some took the more laid back beach approach. We rented a condo for the weekend, but had to put down a HUGE security deposit with the owner due to the circumstances. but, the owner was very pleased when we left, we got all of the security back, and she happily reinvited us for another time.

Also, i'd be A LOT More tentative if they're going to the Seaside area as opposed to Wildwood, LBI, or Cape Cod.

mebbradley
01-21-2010, 06:58 PM
I graduated in 2008, and since I had my appendix out the week before graduation was not allowed in the water or on the beach. So, the next summer after 3 of my best friends graduated (one of my best friends graduated with me), the 5 of us went down to Ocean City, Maryland for the week. We were there before actual senior week, and we stayed in one of my friend's families condo.

This is something that most kids do nowadays. we had strict rules about what was allowed while we were down there. There was no boys were allowed in the condo (not there would have been), and we were to stick together (all of us) at all times. I'm sure there were others, but I've forgotten them.

Our parents actually made us sign a "contract" with them about the rules and that we would follow them. We did it willingly. My mom would have never let me go if there was going to be both girls and guys in the condo.

Personally, (if I had a daughter who wanted to do this); I would sit down with her and talk about it. find out why, what the details are, what rules will be in place during the week, what they will be doing... things like that. After we discussed all that, I might consider it if all her answers were reasonable. I don't know how far you are from the Jersey Shore, but we were only 30 mins away from home and our parents drove us down there. We did not have access to a car and used the bus system in Ocean City while there.

Sorry if I rambled, just thought my experience might help.

nanncy
01-21-2010, 07:04 PM
Tough

disneyandme
01-21-2010, 08:18 PM
You said 12 friends- is that girls or mixed company?

Hannathy
01-21-2010, 08:36 PM
I'm curious how they do it Prom weekend? Isn't prom on Saturday and doesn't the school have an all night party after it? so when do they go to the shore?

I have a DD 18 and as long as school was pretty much in the bag I would let her go. By this time in your child's life you either trust them or you don't and if you don't it is pretty much too late. You have had your time to teach them how to handle themselves in situations and now is when that comes into play. this is why it is important to start giving them some independence and decision making power early on.


In a few short months she will be able to go away for the weekend without you even knowing it if she doesn't want you to.

dougsmom98
01-21-2010, 08:51 PM
I am a high school teacher. Every year I am blown away by the number of students whose parents that allow to go to hotels or cottages without supervision after the prom. I hear small bits and pieces of the stories afterward and I know I will not be allowing my kids to do this. Even the "good" kids become part of these stories. You can be 98% sure that there will be drinking and sex involved for many students.

Hannathy
01-21-2010, 08:56 PM
I am a high school teacher. Every year I am blown away by the number of students whose parents that allow to go to hotels or cottages without supervision after the prom. I hear small bits and pieces of the stories afterward and I know I will not be allowing my kids to do this. Even the "good" kids become part of these stories. You can be 98% sure that there will be drinking and sex involved for many students.

And you think they have to go away to do this? As my DD said Mom if kids only wanted to have sex you don't think they have 15 minutes alone at home or on the way to school? you don't have to go away or spend the night with someone to have sex.

dougsmom98
01-21-2010, 09:19 PM
And you think they have to go away to do this? As my DD said Mom if kids only wanted to have sex you don't think they have 15 minutes alone at home or on the way to school? you don't have to go away or spend the night with someone to have sex.

No, they don't have to go away, but by allowing them to go away without parental supervision is almost like giving them permission to do this.

Hannathy
01-21-2010, 09:27 PM
But in a few very short months they will be going away for a year without parental supervision so they either know how to conduct themselves or they don't.

donac
01-21-2010, 09:28 PM
I too am a teacher and am always amazed at how many kids go to shore for Prom Weekend.

Ds1 never asked because he knew that his then gf's mother would never allow it.

Ds2 came to us with several of his friends and asked to go camping near Cape May. The only way we would allow this is if it was chaperoned. So dh, another father and a mother went and supervised. They did not sit with them all the time but they made sure that there was no problem at the campsite. This was a good group of kids including a number of the top students of the school. But anything could happen when there is a large crowd. They were not near the crazy boardwalk so that really helped alot. Too many people at the hotels near the boardwalks.

I keep telling my students that it is a Prom not a Prom Weekend.

Good luck

disykat
01-21-2010, 09:39 PM
I'm not on board with the "she's almost an adult, let her go" theories. !

Me either. If my children use bad judgement when they leave home for college, so be it. That doesn't mean I'm going to give permission for them to go on unsupervised "party" weekends before then. Since the day they were born, I've been training my children for adulthood and expecting more and more independence from them so they'll be ready to leave the nest. I'm not saying "close enough" and pushing them out early on what is often seen as the biggest "party" occasion of their entire life!

kacaju
01-22-2010, 06:23 AM
I'm in NE NJ, so maybe that's it - it seems like everyone goes! And I've never heard of parents tagging along.

my best friends parents had a house in Seaside when we were growing up. They were ALWAYS at the house with her and her sister prom weekend.
Her and her sisters were allowed to have a few friends go with them. We were on our own all day, but *mom and dad were always around*

mjkacmom
01-22-2010, 07:28 AM
my best friends parents had a house in Seaside when we were growing up. They were ALWAYS at the house with her and her sister prom weekend.
Her and her sisters were allowed to have a few friends go with them. We were on our own all day, but *mom and dad were always around*

Well, of course they were around - they had a house there! However, it would be weird for parents to rent a hotel room or condo, or be in the house with the kids. Once you are graduating from HS, and 18, you are an adult. Anyone who thinks the college dorms are a secure, policed environment has not gone away to college. Not to mention parties on and off campus. Those weekends in 11th and 12th grade down the shore with my gf's are some of my favorite memories - how silly were we! Good clean fun! ;)

My5Mouseketeers
01-22-2010, 08:09 AM
Note: Just wanted to add it is not that I don't trust DD or even her friends, she will travel to Germany this summer as part of a student exchange program, I really don't trust the other 2000 kids who converge onto Wildwood Beach the first 3 weekends of May. Yes, I know she is off to college in the fall, but dorms are supervised, there will be security on campus and there are emergency call boxes everywhere.

I have to agree that it is the other kids that would scare me! I grew up/still live near the shore. Prom weekends on the shore have been the norm for years. I would trust my DD and her friends, but what about the hundreds of kids that find out they have a house and come to visit? I think that with all the publicity from that "Jersey Shore" show (which from what I understand is really about NYers (not judgemental, just a fact?), the police are going to be really tough on house parties this year. Do you think your DDs friends would be the ones to tell everyone they have a house and come visit?

Sandy

disneyandme
01-22-2010, 08:15 AM
I'm not sure I buy into the reasoning that it's the norm so why not let them go. It's the norm in a lot of areas for kids to drink and try drugs- so, would you let them do it in your home and go to do it in others homes with your permission since everyone is doing it?

mjkacmom
01-22-2010, 09:07 AM
I'm not sure I buy into the reasoning that it's the norm so why not let them go. It's the norm in a lot of areas for kids to drink and try drugs- so, would you let them do it in your home and go to do it in others homes with your permission since everyone is doing it?

That's illegal. However, if my 18 year old was in a country where the legal drinking age was 18, I'd allow him/her to drink. And if my child rented a house with a bunch of other teenagers, and things got out of hand, and the police were called, and they had to pay for damages, lesson learned. Too bad this didn't happen to my DH - maybe if it had, he wouldn't have thrown the dorm party freshman year and college, and wouldn't have been kicked off campus! ;)

wdwmom0f3
01-22-2010, 09:38 AM
My daughter would not be going, but I am very protective of my children.

kim_o
01-22-2010, 09:50 AM
I'm curious how they do it Prom weekend? Isn't prom on Saturday and doesn't the school have an all night party after it? so when do they go to the shore?

I have a DD 18 and as long as school was pretty much in the bag I would let her go. By this time in your child's life you either trust them or you don't and if you don't it is pretty much too late. You have had your time to teach them how to handle themselves in situations and now is when that comes into play. this is why it is important to start giving them some independence and decision making power early on.


In a few short months she will be able to go away for the weekend without you even knowing it if she doesn't want you to.

Prom was on a Friday. Seniors got a half day to have time to go get ready. There was no school sponsored after prom party. So generally, after prom, you went home and got your stuff and drove to the your destination for prom weekend and returned on Sunday afternoon.

Hannathy
01-22-2010, 10:06 AM
Prom was on a Friday. Seniors got a half day to have time to go get ready. There was no school sponsored after prom party. So generally, after prom, you went home and got your stuff and drove to the your destination for prom weekend and returned on Sunday afternoon.

Ok Thanks! That makes sense. Around here Prom is on a Saturday and then all three Highschools come together for an after prom that runs all night then the kids all go get breakfast.

Graduation weekend seems to be the bigger weekend to go away here. Of course we don't have the shore to go to, unfortunately, I would die for some boardwalk junk food about now!-Lived in the Philly/Bucks Co area for 15 yrs.

DCbride
01-22-2010, 11:02 AM
Prom is on a Friday, some kids want to leave Friday after Prom others on Saturday. There are 12 in the group, co-ed but only 1 couple. The whole house thing has been a huge mess (what did we do before Facebook? how did so many kids argue all at the same time?) at this point DD isn't sure if she wants to go anyway. "Mom, if there is so much drama just finding the place just think about how much drama will happen over the weekend?" I have been very impressed with the way she has handled the situation.

When we graduated we just went to Great Adventure the next day. Now most of the kids have had a season pass since elementary school so it isn't a big deal.

And I agree with the post about the weekend should be about "Prom" isn't that why we bought the dress, scheduled hair, limo, paid for tickets, etc? Not about what is happening the next day. It almost feels like a mini-wedding with a mini- honeymoon for some kids/parents.

She and her friends still looking for alternatives, it's funny the girls are the ones allowed to go and the boys seem to be the ones with the parents who are not going for it.

Seijaku
01-22-2010, 11:28 AM
I know the drinking age and different laws in America make the situation different but even though I go to a private school I know for a fact that nearly all of the people aged 15 or above have been to a party with alcohol. The difference is that the people who are sensible at school are still sensible even if they do drink, they normally don't do it with the intention of getting drunk. I think that half the problem with parties getting out of hand in America is that the drinking age is too high. In Germany the drinking age is 16 and when I went on an exchange there, I didn't see any problems with teenagers being drunk and the cities were save at 11pm. Drinking alcohol isn't considered 'the cool thing to do' but just something to drink while eating.

Mrs. Charming
01-22-2010, 12:20 PM
I think it really depends on your DD. If she's not easily swayed by peer pressure, and hangs out with a respectable crowd, I would let her go, but with conditions (the "don't do anything dumb" clause). If she's on the partier side and has questionable pics up on her facebook... NO WAY. It sounds like she's a good girl since you're on board with the Germany trip, and you seem OK with her going to college, I think you're safe on this one.

I took college classes in NYC one summer when I was 16, and I just explored the city, and shopped. I was pretty bland, really, and I think my mom knew that! :lmao:

Traveliz
01-22-2010, 12:34 PM
But in a few very short months they will be going away for a year without parental supervision so they either know how to conduct themselves or they don't.

You have to draw a line somewhere - a few very short months is still a few months away. Otherwise why not the year before...lots of their friends are probably that age and they are mature for their age blah blah or even why not freshman year - they really need to start taking responsibility for their decisions -- let's start then.

I guess it's hard for me to comprehend because we don't have a Jersey Shore type thing where I live so I don't understand the culture but I do understand that you have to draw a line somewhere.

Liz

msmayor
01-22-2010, 12:55 PM
My daughter went with a group of her friends to a rented shore house after prom last year, but I made sure an adult was there at the house.

The mother who was arranging everything had mentioned that her 24 year old daughter was going to 'chaperone' them, but I raised a few issues with her that she hadn't considered.

1) Prom day was a school day, and the kids all wanted to head to the shore after the prom. Driving at 1am on desolate Rte 72 in NJ after being up since 6:30am in the morning?? Not a good idea.

2) Are there enough "legal" drivers? In NJ, teens under the age of 18 have "Cinderella" licenses. They can't even drive after midnight...and are severely restricted on the number/relationship of people they can have as passengers.

That was all the organizing mom needed to hear...she had forgotten about those things.

What she ended up doing was arranging all the transportation there between her, her husband and her 24-year old daughter. They drove all the kids in separate cars since they were well-rested. The husband came back home, and left the Mom and her older daughter there. The Mom said she told the kids she would be there...but would not be "there". She spent her weekend lounging on the deck or in her separate room watching TV.

Ultimately, the kids had a GREAT weekend and it all worked out well. I felt better because I knew they had a safe ride to/from the shore and an adult there in case of an emergency.

frndshpcptn
01-22-2010, 02:14 PM
I am from Northern NJ and did this after prom (about 14 years ago).

We (both boys and girls, a majority of my high school class), rented out motel rooms in Seaside Heights (I think I stayed at the Candlelight Inn?) for the weekend.

Prom was Friday night, we did big group sleepovers Friday night post-prom at a few houses in town and then bright and early Saturday AM got up and headed down the shore until Monday.

I would say about 70% of my class went down to Seaside.

No parents accompanied us. We were all 17 or 18 years old, had driver's liscences and were heading to College in the Fall anyway. No need for chaperones.

disneyandme
01-22-2010, 05:55 PM
And my follow up would be- what happened in Seaside while you were there?

deerhart
01-22-2010, 06:04 PM
If she's 18, even if she tells her she can't go, she can't stop the daughter from going

Now mom may not let her have the car and may lock the door when she comes back, but she can't prevent her from going. You lose all that power on that birthday (and in some states you lose it at 17)

disykat
01-22-2010, 06:31 PM
If she's 18, even if she tells her she can't go, she can't stop the daughter from going

Now mom may not let her have the car and may lock the door when she comes back, but she can't prevent her from going. You lose all that power on that birthday (and in some states you lose it at 17)

That's baloney. If you have a child who is willing to risk losing their place to live and their family support over a weekend with their friends, you've got a pretty big problem. If you are a parent who refuses to parent a child once they reach 18 for fear of losing them, I see that as a problem as well. That's way bigger than a Prom dilema.

My child is currently 17. He'll be 18 well before his high school graduation. There's no way he would risk alienating me that badly over a party with his friends. I like to think he values me and I KNOW he values my money. :laughing: I have confidence that we could sit down and try to compromise on a way he could have fun with his friends in a way that would be legal, safe, and something that I could live with.

My 14 year old would be a tougher sell, but if he hasn't matured a bit by them, again, I'll have more than a Prom dilema on my hands.

I don't want to be a confused parent being interviewed on television claiming I didn't know my kids were going to be partying on the Prom trip I gave them permission to attend.

Hannathy
01-22-2010, 06:33 PM
And my follow up would be- what happened in Seaside while you were there?

Nothing that couldn't have happened in town!!!! (home)

But I bet they had a great time that will be remembered fondly all their life.

laceemouse
01-23-2010, 10:42 AM
That's illegal. However, if my 18 year old was in a country where the legal drinking age was 18, I'd allow him/her to drink. And if my child rented a house with a bunch of other teenagers, and things got out of hand, and the police were called, and they had to pay for damages, lesson learned. Too bad this didn't happen to my DH - maybe if it had, he wouldn't have thrown the dorm party freshman year and college, and wouldn't have been kicked off campus! ;)

The legal drinking age is now 21 EVERYWHERE!

laceemouse
01-23-2010, 10:47 AM
I am shocked that hotels and homes are renting to kids so young! We own a home in Florida and the rental companies there will not even rent to COLLEGE aged kids, and when they rent to adults house parties are not allowed even then! You can't rent a car until you are 25, that is the way the car rental companies run things everywhere.
I can't understand parents who don't care what their kids do. And why does PROM have to be such a big deal, this isn't a honeymoon, it's high school PROM!

laceemouse
01-23-2010, 10:53 AM
My daughter went with a group of her friends to a rented shore house after prom last year, but I made sure an adult was there at the house.

The mother who was arranging everything had mentioned that her 24 year old daughter was going to 'chaperone' them, but I raised a few issues with her that she hadn't considered.

1) Prom day was a school day, and the kids all wanted to head to the shore after the prom. Driving at 1am on desolate Rte 72 in NJ after being up since 6:30am in the morning?? Not a good idea.

2) Are there enough "legal" drivers? In NJ, teens under the age of 18 have "Cinderella" licenses. They can't even drive after midnight...and are severely restricted on the number/relationship of people they can have as passengers.

That was all the organizing mom needed to hear...she had forgotten about those things.

What she ended up doing was arranging all the transportation there between her, her husband and her 24-year old daughter. They drove all the kids in separate cars since they were well-rested. The husband came back home, and left the Mom and her older daughter there. The Mom said she told the kids she would be there...but would not be "there". She spent her weekend lounging on the deck or in her separate room watching TV.

Ultimately, the kids had a GREAT weekend and it all worked out well. I felt better because I knew they had a safe ride to/from the shore and an adult there in case of an emergency.
All great points, Texas drivers have the same restrictions at that age. Also, driving late at night exhausted is never a good idea. These parents are scared to ever say "no" to their kids but how are they going to feel if they have an accident?
I also think that kids sneaking off to have sex is different from going to a hotel with mom and dad's permission and credit cards.

laceemouse
01-23-2010, 10:58 AM
Also, all girls or boys and girls? BIG difference!

laceemouse
01-23-2010, 10:59 AM
Will anyone even rent to children/young adults that age? For most hotels, you have to be 21 or older.

YEP! Guess the rules are different in Jersey?

mjkacmom
01-23-2010, 11:42 AM
The legal drinking age is now 21 EVERYWHERE!

Do people in Europe know this? Because they seem to think their limit is 18. :confused3 And I'd not only let my 18 year go off for a night (provided he/she is responsible, and hangs out with responsible kids), I'd let him/her stay at the shore for the summer, if he/she got a job. It's time to grow up - 3 months later, off to college, where there REALLY isn't that much supervision (again, because these are adults). The sheltered kids really seem to party way more than those who were slowly given some independence.

Zeebs
01-23-2010, 01:22 PM
The legal drinking age is now 21 EVERYWHERE!

Do people in Europe know this? Because they seem to think their limit is 18. :confused3 And I'd not only let my 18 year go off for a night (provided he/she is responsible, and hangs out with responsible kids), I'd let him/her stay at the shore for the summer, if he/she got a job. It's time to grow up - 3 months later, off to college, where there REALLY isn't that much supervision (again, because these are adults). The sheltered kids really seem to party way more than those who were slowly given some independence.

Actually the legal drinking age is not 21 everywhere. Europe, Australia and New Zealand it is 18, I think America is in the minority of 21.

In Australia a lot of kids when they graduate from school before heading away to university etc go away for a week for Schoolies week. They are not normally accompanied by adults. Yes there are some that go mad but many that do not. They are messy though I use to do housekeeping for Club Med in Australia clearing up their rooms I am hoping they weren't that messy at home LOL.

Kirsten

KateMW
01-23-2010, 02:28 PM
The legal drinking age is now 21 EVERYWHERE!

Ummm...no it isn't. It's 21 everywhere in this country, but it is certainly not 21 everywhere in the world.

alisonlee3
01-23-2010, 05:15 PM
I am from northern NJ and went to seaside for prom weekend. Yes there was alcohol involved but I had also went to a few parties in high school where alcohol was involved. We all had a great time, nothing bad happened. If you trust your child then I think you should let her go.

frndshpcptn
01-23-2010, 06:20 PM
And my follow up would be- what happened in Seaside while you were there?


The same things that happened at parties in town.

Except we had the beach as a backdrop

disneyandme
01-24-2010, 02:27 PM
I'm surprised by how many people are saying that since kids will party at home what's the difference with a party at the beach. In town- kids would have a finite amount of time before they have to be home (useless you let your kids come and go as they please), they would face parents if they came home high or drunk, and talk would get around. At the beach, kids are unsupervised, have an unlimited amount of time and are free to do as they please all day and night. I understand that they are about to head off to college- but again there is a some checks and balances they are restricted to- they have classes to attend, work to complete, etc. I'm sure some kids will not attend class and just party all the time- but for most kids they have to balance between classes, school work, and having fun- it's not total freedom.

mjkacmom
01-24-2010, 02:48 PM
I understand that they are about to head off to college- but again there is a some checks and balances they are restricted to- they have classes to attend, work to complete, etc. I'm sure some kids will not attend class and just party all the time- but for most kids they have to balance between classes, school work, and having fun- it's not total freedom.

These HS gets to to classes, do homework, etc. - we're only talking 1 night. College students get WAY more freedom than HS students who are only away from home 1 night.

roscoepc1
01-24-2010, 03:59 PM
Over my dead body, unless there were also parents whom I trusted there. Period.

Hannathy
01-24-2010, 04:42 PM
Over my dead body, unless there were also parents whom I trusted there. Period.

Not trying to be mean but what difference is 3 months going to make? You do realize that August of that year they will be able to do this every weekend with out you even knowing don't you? By Graduation they either know how to act or they don't 3 months isn't going to do a thing.

disneyandme
01-25-2010, 11:28 AM
So, have you decided about letting her go?

frndshpcptn
01-25-2010, 01:09 PM
I'm surprised by how many people are saying that since kids will party at home what's the difference with a party at the beach. In town- kids would have a finite amount of time before they have to be home (useless you let your kids come and go as they please), they would face parents if they came home high or drunk, and talk would get around. At the beach, kids are unsupervised, have an unlimited amount of time and are free to do as they please all day and night. I understand that they are about to head off to college- but again there is a some checks and balances they are restricted to- they have classes to attend, work to complete, etc. I'm sure some kids will not attend class and just party all the time- but for most kids they have to balance between classes, school work, and having fun- it's not total freedom.

Well, for me at least, quite a few people I knew in high school were either high or drunk on weekends when we were home - so not much difference there.

It's only a weekend - and it was less than 3 months until we all left for college (graduated at the end of June, left for college mid-August). At this point, what are you really afraid would happen that either already hadn't or wouldn't once you were further away from home and the constraints of high school friends?

dolfinjuls
01-25-2010, 06:13 PM
I'm in S. Jersey and this is a big thing that most seniors do after prom for a long time! I graduated almost 10 yrs ago now and it's been going on long before I graduated. What my group of friends did was all stayed at my friend's house that Fri night and spent the full next day at the beach/boardwalk. But more recently, my coworker's son went two years ago for his senior prom wkend. And the cops busted their house and found alcohol. Some of the kids were taken down to the station and others were fined. Seems they did this to every house around that was known as renting to high school students.

DCbride
01-25-2010, 09:53 PM
dolphinjuls you make excellent points!

First, if she was going to a friend's house I would have zero problems with it. In fact she has been going to LBI since 6th grade to stay with friends and their families.

Second, there are few houses that rent to the under 25 crowd, if the kids can find those houses I am pretty sure the police know which houses there are and watch pretty closely.

She is still on the fence. A senior from her high school died in a 1 car accident this weekend and the whole "teens are not invincible" kind of hit close to home.

fortheluvofpooh
01-25-2010, 11:09 PM
I know when I graduated from Cardinal Dougherty, that was the thing to do, Senior week at the Jersey shore. Wildwood was full of teenagers running amuck. I know you are scared for her safety but sometimes we just have to have faith and let them go. Good Luck on your decision.