..........................

[C.Ann]

:sad2:

[minniecarousel]

uhhhh..C.Ann - you better speak up & admit that you're probably not going to be able to manage at home with him. Of course, the alternative is a convalescent hospital & that may not be the place for him either. Is there anyone who can help you on a regular basis? Caretakers of the ill get burned out quickly unless they have good support. I don't blame you for being scared & upset. I hope you can figure this out. Continued prayers for you, dear.

[tc]

C. Ann, I was just getting ready to log off and go to bed when I saw this post. I don't have any advice, and I can understand how you can be so frightened. I will pray that you have guidance to do this, or courage to tell someone you can't. I am so sorry you are going through this right now. Prays and pd have not stopped from out west.

[KaraKW]

{{{HUGS}}} I can't imagine the stress you must be under. :( Just know that I will keep you and your family in my prayers...

Here are some more {{{HUGS}}}

[Joe Cool]

Oh, my god...hearing this just makes all the other posts about big brother and stuff seem, well, trivial. Thank you for taking the time through all your emotional turmoil to post about your husband. I really feel for you...we almost went through something like that with my mom in '96, and her father just a year and a half ago. Thank god that grandpa was honored enough in ww2 by the air force that he could get free nursing home care...but...the phenomenal strength that you have going through this is inspiring. Best of luck to you and your husband. You've got prayers and PD coming your way from me and my family.

JC

[DixieDreamer]

You need some help. Please sit down with the rest of your family and explain how this is shaping up and your concerns. Surely they will help you to explore alternatives and find a solution that you can manage. At the least, they can help you in some manner and give you some support.

Deep calming breaths. One thing at a time.


Hugs.

[Buckalew]

Isn't he in a unit?
How could you possibly take care of him. I'd feel overwhelmed with that also.
{{{hugs}}} to you. My prayers are with you. Healthcare these days!! UGH!

[Serena]

C. Ann, don't panic. Get something to eat, soup, crackers something. Then go to sleep.


I would call that great SIL and talk with him about it. He won't leave you in the lurch to deal with this alone.

The hospital won't or shouldn't send him home until they are sure that you know what to do and how to do it.
I wish I could help you with your furniture.

C. Ann, you can handle the responsibilty of helping him. You have taken care of so many other things and people, you can do this.
It's scary and confusing right now, but you will be able to handle it.
Have the doctor not only explain to you every step, but make sure to have a written copy to take home with you.

Take a deep breath, get some sleep, and know that you are a capable person.

{{{hugs}}} and prayers for you and your dh.

I wanted to add, that you are also smart enough to let them know if you can't handle something. Some other arrangements would have to be made.
{{hugs}} again.

[PamOKW]

Serena has good advice. Stay here to unwind if you like but don't get sucked in to the boards. What you need is something to nibble on and rest.

I hate when they just dump things on you without any real guidance. I think talking to your SIL is an excellent idea. You need someone to help figure this all out. You need to know what is happening. If you are bringing him home to make him comfortable, then possibly you can get some assistance through a hospice group. If it's that he needs time to get built up for some possible surgery, treatment, etc., then maybe some time in a convalescent hospital is the way to go. In any case, you can't possibly take care of him by yourself. You need family or paid help or both. But, that is something that can be figured out tomorrow. Rest now.

[kejoda]

oh C.Ann I wish I could be more help to you. I understand your fears all too well. We went through the same thing with our Mom. If you feel like you can't handle taking care of your DH you might be right. I think it might be harder for you to bring him home and then have to move him again. Please look at some care homes for him. Maybe after awhile when the shock has worn off and you can sleep better you might be able to handle it.

Talk to your family members. I hope his witch of a dd isn't giving you a hard time.

Big hugs for you C.Ann. As always you are in my Prayers.

[Deb in IA]

Go to sleep NOW. You must get some rest.

TOMORROW, ask to speak to the social worker at the hospital. Tell him or her that your fears and anxieties. Ask them to help you find any services that may be able to help you at home.

Call your health insurance company. Sometimes private health insurance or Medicare WILL pay for in-home nursing care.

Talk to your local medical supply vendor. They can help you with setting up his room, and securing and installing the equipment that will be needed.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. That's the only way people will know what you are feeling.


Take care . . .

[browneyes]

Will Hospice be coming out to help?

[mrsv98]

C. Ann, the first thing you need to do is sleep . You can't make any decisions in the state you are in. Take some good old benedryl if you have to. Tomorrow morning, find a doc or RN that you like or at least trust and explain the situation and your fears. Then get in touch with either the local VNA or hospice depending on your husband's condition. Since your DH is obviously a vet, talk to the people at the VA hospital. There should be some kind of social worker who can help you through this process.

I don't know where you live, so I can't be more specific thus here is the web site of the National Visiting Nurses Association.

http://www.vnaa.org/FVDefault.htm

From a quick read of the site, I think it can give you good info on their services. Even if you think you can't afford it, call them and explain the situation and see what they can do or suggest.

I also found this site which is the National Hospice Care web site.

http://www.nhpco.org/


Keep strong, know that we are here for you and that we care. God Bless

[Rajah]

The others have already said what I was going to say, which was sleep, rest, talk to your son-in-law, talk to the staff, see about getting some in-home help, and that you *can* do this if you have to.

More prayers heading your way.

*HUGS*

[Pin Wizard]

(((((((((((((C.Ann))))))))))))))

You can try talking to someone in social services or case management at the hospital. They may know of other sources that could help you also.

[Kama89]

There's nothing I can add here...you're getting wonderful advice C.Ann. I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you, and wish we could all somehow take some of this burden from you. As everyone else has already said....please go get some sleep... and in the morning take some of the excellent advice you've received here, and begin to tackle these issues, one at a time. Put your foot down when you need to... don't let them send him home until you're ready... and there's simply got to be some agencies out there that can help you... no one should be expected to take on this kind of burden all alone!!

God Bless you!

[renessa]

All of my best wishes for you and your family in these difficult times. You have got to be a strong woman to be holding together so well. Try to get some sleep and take care of yourself. Hugs! Renessa

[Dan Murphy]

Wonderful advice here, C.Ann. I can continue to give my prayers and best wishes, you will do well here, you always have. {Hugs}, C.Ann.

[EROS]

C.ANN...........this treatment plan makes NO sense to me. You're NOT equipped to provide 24 hour nursing care at home. I think that you would BOTH be best served by his transfer first to a step-down unit, either at the hopital or off-site, where he can be stabilized. I'm all for the care of sick patients in their homes; they're often much more at peace there and have important access to loved ones. However, if your DH is in significant congestive failure, he's NOT ready to come home just yet.

Best of Luck,

[kbeverina]

C. Ann, I remember that feeling well (and hear it all the time from other parents of diabetic kids) from when my son was diagnosed. As much as you hate the hospital, when they tell you it's time to go home it's terrifying. I wish you had better support there.:(

[KimRaye]

C.Ann, everyone here, especially Deb in IA, said it all!

Continued prayers for you & DH! {{HUGS}} and Please, eat something and get some rest!

[catsrule]

C.Ann....I don't know what to say to you during this difficult time. You are under soooo much stress. Could they have a nurse come out and help you? Some kind of at home nursing care? Just want to wish the best for you and your DH. Please take care, wish you could get some help at home and some support at home.

[Laurabearz]

(((((((((((((((C.Ann)))))))))))))))

Your in my thoughts and prayers.

[epcotfan]

C.Ann please take the advice of the other posters. Also you need to eat something...anything, rest and get some much needed sleep.
Another giant ((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))

[Pixie Power!]

Im so sorry your having to though all this C.Ann, my prayers are with you and your family.

Emma

[WDWfanatic288]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I've been praying for you for the last few days!!
and I will continue

[dianeschlicht]

All of the suggestions I was going to make have been suggested Be sure to check out ALL your options. The social workers and hospital staff will/should help you with that. I don't think you should attempt to do this on your own! Medicare, insurance or hospice should all be resources you can access. Of course, hospice would depend on what his diagnosis is.

(((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) and prayers for both of you.

[yepod]

It's been said already!

You need to ask for help.

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} C.Ann.

I can only hope this improves real soon.

[mickey65]

My continued thoughts and prayers for you

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

[snoopy]

Enveloping you in HUGE cyber hugs, C. Ann.

I don't know what else to say. Follow some of the advice you got here. My heart aches for you, and you will remain in my prayers.

[Big V]

I'm still keeping you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers. I will also pray that someone comes to help you out, you cannot do this alone!

[Lars624]

I know that I don't know you but I've been following your story and I really feeel for you. I just wish that there was something thta could be said or done to relieve some of the pressures on you right now. As far as your living room furniture goes couldn't your SIL move it to one of those storage unit things if no one has room to keep it? I'm not sure the cost for one but my sister had to use one for 1 year while building her new house so they can't be too expensive.
There should be someone available to you either through the hospital or possibly your community that can assist & advise you in caring for your DH. They can't expect that you just know what to do w/o any help. I'm sending all good thoughts and prayers for you & your DH. Take care of yourself too, or you won't be able to help him.

[Dizzy-Disney4]

C. Ann, I'm so sorry. I haven't been paying attention to your situation and I just went back to read all of your past posts from this week.
I have no advice, but wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your DH.{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[helenabear]

C.Ann, so much good advice has already been given. If you can't do it ask for help!! As all of this is going on, don't forget to take care of yourself as well. Prayers for you and your DH {{{{hugs}}}}

[Mamu]

CAnn I do not know what to say every word you've typed I've lived. I know how overwhelming all this can be. From Your post it doesn't sound like you have a supportive family, this is very sad, I do not know what I would have done without mine. I'm praying that the family can overcome it's differences and come together, you are going to need all the support and help you can get. There are agencies that help, seek them out you cannot do this alone.

Be strong, dig deep the strength is there, you are all in my prayers. If you need to talk PM me.

[amid chaos]

{{{hugs}}}}.

I'm with eros on this one...how can they send him from ICU home. There has to be an alternative, a temporary one, but an alternative just the same. Hoping today you get some answers.

[Breezy_Carol]

C. Ann, {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you.

I work in home health care and agree with Deb in IA and Eros. A social worker at the hospital should be making the discharge arrangements and plan for you. That is their job. And when I worked in a hospital the joke was that no one goes home from ICU. They always "stepped down" before leaving. Your DH sounds like he should be receiving home health services. He is exactly the kind of patient we serve.

Good luck to you.

(Where in the country do you live?)

[ripleysmom]

C. Ann, hopefully after a good night's sleep you're feeling better.

It sounds like DH has taken a turn for the worst. I am so sorry :(

Sending a hug your way!!

[CarolG]

C.Ann, I don't have anything to add to the suggestions that have already been posted. I just wanted you to know that I'm keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Many, many {{{hugs}}}.

[DopeyRN]

Ann, I would be very surprised if they did not start you off with home health when you first get home. They will teach you all you need to know and I suspect it will not be as difficult as you are fearing now.

I am a little confused about his diagnosis/prognosis. Are they saying he has heart failure? Is he a candidate for a transplant? Or are they saying there is nothing more they can do for him?

Ann you continue to be in my prayers.

[poohbears5]

C Ann so sorry you are dealing with so much ((hugs)) with both my parent's a social worker from the hospital meet with me before discharge date to set up hospice and they were a god send they were just great to talk and help out when I got over whelmed .

[meeshi]

C. Ann , I haven't read through all the posts yet, so I hope I'm not repeating anything, but talk to the social worker at the hospital. Tell him or her your concerns. They should be able to help you, maybe they could arrange visiting nurses to come and help you. That's who arranged everything for DD when they sent her home on IV. I was scared to death having to do all that, but they sent nurses to help until I was comfortable doing things on my own. Then they came out a couple of times a week, but would have more often if I needed them to.

You and your DH have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Pam]

C.Ann,
Well, I'm all for you throwing a fit that's about 1,000+ the meltdown you had with the rude clerk when returning the empty answering machine box!!

It sounds as though the VA Hospital is trying to find an empty bed - and it's the one your DH is occupying. Ask them for a reasonable explanation as to why they would discharge such a sick man. And if you don't get it, ask them if you should contact the media and see if they can find the answer as to why one of America's brave soldiers is being turned out in his hour of need.

If your DH does come home, you will need help and lots of it! Are his daughters willing to take time to stay at the house on a rotating basis to lend a hand? And I would definitely check into hospice care.

I'm still praying and I wish I could do something for you!
Pam

[luvwinnie]

I agree that you should speak with a social worker. You shouldn't have to do this alone...there must be some sort of nursing care I would thing. Is he a candidate for hospice? I'm not really sure of all the medical details. I am so sorry.

[TeresaNJ]

Unfortunately, in today's insurance driven health care industry, going home from ICU happens all too often. C.Ann, if the docs are telling you there is nothing more they can do for your husband to help him get better, then please think about hospice and comfort care, especially is DH seems to still be having great difficulty with breathing. The hospital can't make you take DH home if you are not prepared. At the very least, they should have set up home health care, a visiting nurse, and a nurse's aide. You are right in the fact that your living room will look like a hospital room. Right now, it seems like your DH requires 24 hour care. You cannot do t his by yourself. Forget about the slippers, it's the last thing he needs right now. Look, do things in this order: 1. Get some sleep
2. Eat something
3. Tell the ICU staff and the ICU manager that you will
not be bringing DH home until you feel comfortable
that you will be able to manage him there
4. Insist on speaking the the social worker and the CASE
MANAGER!! Where is that person?? That is who
should be managing everything and be in direct
contact with you about the discharge planning for your
husband
5. What about the nutritionist on staff? Is your DH being
fed? How do they plan on him taking nutrition? That
issue also needs to be addressed before you take him
home.
6. Insist on being told the absolute truth about the
condition your DH is in, ask what his ejection fraction is
and then tell them to explain to you what that means
in terms of his prognosis.


C.Ann, please, it is very hard for family members to know what to ask the docs and nurses, so alot of times they don't, and end up making uninformed decisions. Ask for a family conference with the docs, social worker, nutritionist, and case manager. This way they have to sit down and talk to you and explain everything clearly, and tell you what your options are, so that at least you feel like you have a choice, and can make the correct decision for you and your family.

[Beanie]

I don't have anything to add to what the others have already said, but just wanted to offer {{{Hugs}}} and prayers to you and your DH...I am so sorry you have to go through this...

[Blondie]

I just want to offer my {{{hugs}} and prayers.....

[Briar Rose 7457]

you've gotten a lot of good advice here. you don't need to go this alone.

and we're all here if you need to talk.

[binny]

((((Ann)))))

I cant really add anything other than my support! Im so very sorry for all you are going through!!


If you bring dh home make sure you have Hospice helping they are INCREDIBLE when my Uncle got sick a few months ago they came and helped my Aunt like you wouldnt believe!

You are in my prayers!

[Towncrier]

I am so sorry to hear that your "real world" friends are not stepping up to the plate to give you a hand in your time of crisis. I know that if someone in our community called on our church for help, that there would be someone there to give support. And that someone would not have to be a member of our congregation. I know that I've said it before, but I'll say it one more time and then I'll shut up. Phone a local church. Explain your situation. That you need a helping hand (and not a handout). I wish that I could lend a hand to you and do more than give you my prayers and my advice. Take care and please let us know if we can help.

[Figment and I]

More Hugs and prayers!!! You may want to check into
home health care. Check and see if the hospital has a
support group, sometimes those folks can help you network
and get threw the red tape.

[Denine]

First off, take a deep breath!
The hospital will not send him home until you know how to work his equipment. Even though it sounds difficult, oxygen is not. The equipment looks scary, but mostly you will jus need to make sure it is attached and at the right setting. They will show you how to do that. I am sure they will send a home health nurse. She/he will make sure everything is adjusted properly and show you again how to use everything. She will probably come to your home 2-3 times per week. They will also send an aide to help wit his care 2-3 times per week.
I wish you all the best!

[fkj2]

The hospital has to discharge patients to a safe environment. If you're not prepared to care for him properly at home, I don't see how they legally can discharge him there.

However, you may have to send him to an extended care facility in the interim. The insurances demand that if there is little being done in the way of testing, patients have to go somewhere else even if it is directly from the unit. The insurances simply won't pay. They all follow what Medicare does and when Medicare says, "Discharge" that's it unless you want to be responsible for the bill going forward. That is an option albeit an expensive one. I had to bring my mom home in a sorry state in May and I thought I might as well because her care was sh** in the hospital. She might as well die clean in my house and she's still with me, being well-cared for.

Is your husband eligible for Medicare? If so, they cover about 120 days of "skilled nursing care" in a facility. Or, they provide home health visitations, but they are just that, visitations. No around the clock care/assistance. And don't let them end the visits early. These home health companies get paid a blanket amount and it behooves them to terminate the visits as soon as they can, at least that's what the nurse told me. It doesn't sound to me as though you have the necessary knowledge to care for him at home at this point. Hospice may be the best answer. He will require not only nursing care, but frequent turning, attention to blood pressure, probably urinary/bowel care, nutritional support, etc. It's a lot for those of us with nursing backgrounds let alone someone who doesn't have it.

Call your local AREA AGENCY ON AGING or whatever they call it in your state. Ohio has what is called PASSPORT for lower income families in our state. Also, as another poster noted, contact a local PASTOR. Sometimes they can offer advice or know of someone who does home health care. Certainly they can offer you support.

We sometimes have to bear what seems unbearable. Just remember to concentrate on doing what's best for your hubby and to take care of yourself because you can't do the first without doing the second.

[nativetxn]

I'm not going to offer advice, you have received some great advice already.

I just want to offer my support, {{{HUGS}}} and prayers.

Katholyn

[POLLY ANN]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, C. Ann, to make the right decision for both you and your dh.

[minniecarousel]

Still sending good thoughts your way, C.Ann.

[Kermit]

{{{Hugs}}} Your family is continuously in my prayers. I appreciate the updates, since it helps to know what specifically I should ask for.

I agree that you need to use whatever strength you have left to stand your ground so that you can get the help you need and so that he won't come home until you feel you're ready. Insurance should pay for home health, and Hospice should be very helpful.

Take care of yourself. I know I keep saying that, but I'm worried about you.

[pajamommy]

{{{HUGS}}}, C. Ann, you're handling everything so great! Hang in there, and we're still here for you!:D

[newmousecateer]

C.Ann

You have gotton a lot of great advice from lots of wonderful people here.

I will echo some of their suggestions: sleep, eat, talk with the family and let them help you out with the options. If you are not able to handle taking care of him at home yet, then possibly a rehab hospital for a while.

Is there any improvement?

Still praying. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Boots]

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} I will be keeping you and him in my prayers. Want you to know that we are all here for you! Remember we are DIS family!!! Please keep us posted.

[suevee]

C. Ann

I just read your post. I am so sorry. I don't know the specifics of your case. But please rest, try to clear your mind, and make sure you have all the information you need before making any decisions. Do not make any decisions in haste or allow anyone to push you into making a hasty decision.

I think that an extended care facility may be an option for you IF your husband goes to the extended care facility straight from the hospital. The insurance companies will usually pay for a transfer from one facility to another. However, if you bring him home first then decide to send him to an extended care facility afterwards, most insurance companies won't cover the expenses. Please check this out with your insurance company and your social worker. I may be wrong or the rules may have changed.

Please remember that you are in the prayers of a lot of people and you are not alone.

[Kitty 34]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you, C.Ann!

[tigercat]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are carrying a heavy burden and need to also take care of yourself.
tigercat

[zurgswife]

C.Ann...Great advice from all the above posters.....all I can offer is lots of

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} }



Prayers and PD....................................

[Planogirl]

You've definitely had some wonderful advice and all I can do is offer you my continued support and prayers. And urge you to eat something no matter how bizarre it may be. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

[Mom2Em]

C. Ann, I just said another prayer for you and DH... God will give you strength but don't be afraid to ask for it...

[Krisu]

I know others may have addressed this but have the hospital social workers talked to you? This seems like a big step for someone unprepared and by yourself. You need someone to intervene and see what your insurance will pay for. There may be a lot of services out there you aren't aware of. Don't be pressured into doing anything you feel uncomfortable with. good luck:D

[TinkerPixie]

C. Anne: I am dealing with this right now, My Mother is completly bedridden and has to have constant care. Dont let the hospital push you into doing anything quickly. We tried doing the care ourselves and it is so hard, I know that you want to care for your DH and be sure that he is in good hands, but you will need help. Having someone come in to sit or care for him a few hours a day will save your sanity, trust me on this, I'm going through it right now. We haved hired someone to live in, which is pretty expensive, but necessary. We called a local womens shelter, and found a wonderful caring woman that we trust with Mom, she is such a blessing. We couldn't manage without her! Be strong, but consider that wearing yourself out wont do DH any good at all. Take the time to plan for his welfare and yours before you make any quick decisions. Honey, we care about you so much...take care of yourself! Keeping you all in our prayers.......

[Pooh93]

I have been out of touch this week and have not been able to respond to any of your previous posts, although I have been reading and sending many good thoughts your way. I'm so sorry for all your DH is going through and many {{Hugs}} for you. One step at a time and take care of yourself.

[robinb]

I just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you and your DH. {{hugs}}

[Serena]

{{{hugs}}}

[torismom]

I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and your husband. I remember when my grandmother did this with my grandfather 15 years ago. The same scenario you describe. You will find a strength you never knew you had. It will mean a lot to the both of you that he is at home. If you need help , ask for it. There are many people who are praying for you.

My father has brain cacner and I know one day I will be dealing with this again.

I am very sorry you are going through so much. I have read your post in the past and wanted to reply but the words just werent there. I hope I have said the right things now. My heart goes out to you.