I need a shot of courage- how do you do this?

[safetymom]

My best friend that lives in Pittsburgh is dying with cancer. (This isn't my sister in law) The doctors have given her less than a month. She refuses to believe she is as sick as she is.

She lived alone and she ended up in a long term facility in November. She always believed she would be going home.

One of her friends gave me her phone number to call. She hasn't been able to take calls up till now.

This is going to be a tough phone call. I am not very good at hiding my emotions.

Trust me when I say I have lots of experience with cancer in the family but when it gets down to where I can't do anything I just don't know what to do.

Please keep Beverlee in your prayers. Thanks for listening.

[IWISHFORDISNEY]

Kathy I have found over the years both personally and professionally the best thing to do is listen. Let them sound off. Some get mad (my dad), some cry and some have total acceptance and just need to talk (my mom). It is hard for you too and it is ok that she knows that. ((HUGS)) it is never easy and they are my only words of wisdom. Can you possibly go up and visit before her time comes?

[slapwhitey]

This is a tough situation Kathy and I'm probably the last person that could give you advice on this as I am terrible in this type of scenario. I don't do well with illness, hospitals, death....you name it. All I can do is offer my thoughts and prayers for Beverlee and yourself. I think I know you well enough that I know you'll figure it out and hopefully you can enjoy at least one more conversation with your dear friend. You have a ton of friends here on the DIS that can offer support and advice. This is a fantastic community in that regards.

Take care,

Chris

[exwdwcm]

Huge hugs Kathy. I guess all you can do is get on the phone and offer your support and love. I always am so awkward in these situations, i never know what to say, it seems like nothing I want to say will express the love I have in my heart. big hugs and prayers for your friend. :hug:

[dalt01]

she is your best friend!!!!! that is what the conversation should be about. the same as it was over many years. tell the disease to go to hell.

[corky441]

Kathy - I'm sending you all the "virtual" courage I can. I can't begin to put myself into your position.

I hope you and Beverlee have a good talk and if necessary - a few shared tears too.

You both will be in my thoughts and prayers :hug::hug:

[DSNY4ever]

:hug: No matter what you manage to say, I am sure she will know you care for her.

[UrsulasShadow]

Call and tell her you love her. That's all you need to say. Let her lead the rest of the conversation.

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I think I'd concentrate on the fact that she's your best friend, do some gossiping together, ask her how she is doing and let her vent if she needs to, tell her how much you love her and treasure the time you have together. Then let her know that you want to be there for her and it's ok for her to talk with you about anything.

Have a box of kleenex handy and don't worry if you cry. She'll love that you called her and are there to support her as much as you can.

Hugs and Prayers for you and your friend.

[howlongtillsummer?]

We just lost my hubby's Mum after 15 months declared terminal with cancer. She wasn't supposed to see the first Christmas but almost managed two.

Some weeks she wanted to be practical - sorting things out etc.
Other weeks she wanted to hear about us - she listened and pondered.
She rarely talked about her - we only ever heard "I am not too bad." right to the end.
She loved the news, soaps and reality TV right to the end and loved taking about things like that which took her mind off it.
Occassionally she wouldn't talk at all, just looked away when we tried to say anything.

We just went with the flow - let her be our guide.

I am not going to lie, it was a dreadful time, especially at the end. We needed to be strong for her but it was hard, hard, hard. Think of her but think of yourself and family too - you will do her more good that way.

Wishing you every strength and any help I can give.

[safetymom]

I have tried the number to the nurses station twice now and no one answers. I am waiting to hear if she has a direct line. I tried to get to an operator but got stuck in the endless loop of voice prompts.

[simonkodousek]

Good luck reaching her Kathy! I too have a lot of experience with sick/dying friends and family members; I know how hard it is to make those call and express emotions you never felt as if you had to before.

You are in my thoughts and prayers! :)

[OKW Lover]

I'd agree with Mindy. Just letting her know that you are thinking of her will help both of you. Don't be afraid to mention some particularly fun time you had with her.

Its not an easy call, but its one that best friends make.

[*NikkiBell*]

Hugs and our positive thoughts to you, Kathy.

[AnneR]

Hugs Kathy!

This is just one of those very hard things we do. It is harder thinking about it than actually calling and talking with someone who has been part of your life.

Just listen, the conversation will come.

Thinking of you.

[Applemomma]

You're still in my prayers Kathy. And I agree with the others - just say "Hi. I was thinking of you" and let her take the lead. :hug:

[DebºoºS]

{{Hugs}} Kathy, Hope all is well with you and you're able to connect with her.
You both are in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:

[Disneybridein2k3]

I agree with Mindy as well. Sending a :hug:, hope you are able to get through soon.

[Cyrano]

Kathy wish I could offer words of wisdom but I have little experience of this situation. You are in my thoughts :grouphug: and I know you will get plenty of support from others :hug:

[cslittle999]

Like the others I have no words of wisdom to offer you. I'll keep you and Bev in my thoughts and prayers.

[Bornteach]

Kathy-

Just tell her what your heart says. Don't hide the emotion, she is probably wondering why people are on eggshells around her. Say what you would want her to say to you....

Hope that helps....

Kristin

[DisnyMama]

Kathy, I too agree with what Mindy said. The most important thing is to just be there for her and make the call which you have been trying to do.

Prayers and :hug: are going out to both of you.

Shannon

[drakethib]

My best friend that lives in Pittsburgh is dying with cancer. (This isn't my sister in law) The doctors have given her less than a month. She refuses to believe she is as sick as she is.

She lived alone and she ended up in a long term facility in November. She always believed she would be going home.

One of her friends gave me her phone number to call. She hasn't been able to take calls up till now.

This is going to be a tough phone call. I am not very good at hiding my emotions.

Trust me when I say I have lots of experience with cancer in the family but when it gets down to where I can't do anything I just don't know what to do.

Please keep Beverlee in your prayers. Thanks for listening.

I was there a few months ago.

It is never easy, but if you don't make the call you will never forgive yourself.

Our prayers are with your friend in her time of need.

Be strong.

[Mouse Skywalker]

I don't have any answers Kathy, but I just wanted to lend my support, encouragement, and best wishes. All my best to your friend and her family.

[pal-mickey]

As many others have said, just being there for your friend and telling her how much she means to you is all you can do. There are certainly no magic words to say. Sending prayers to you and your friend.

[cdotla]

Hugs Kathy!:grouphug:

Honestly just your voice will work wonders!:hug:

[SamSam]

Kathy, my thoughts, prayers and support go out to you. IMH, calling and letting her know that you love her, that you're there for her, and recalling some of your favorite times together, will be good for her.....but probably very emotional (which can be good).
Hugs to you.

[katscradle]

I agree with Mindy, just tell her how much you love her.
This is a rare chance, as none of us know when we will go. The thing I hear alot from people who have lost a loved ne is that they never got the chance to say, I Love You!
I hope you get through to her. :hug::hug::hug::hug:

[adsrtw]

I'm sorry Kathy! That is a very tough call. Let us know if you need help finding a number. I have some search engines at work and I might be able to squeeze an extra in under the table.

[daneenm]

I hope you get through Kathy. Having just lost someone unexpectedly on Friday, I would give a lot just to be able to say goodbye.

Thinking of you!

[farmergirl]

Sorry to hear about your friend Kathy. I will say a little prayer for Beverlee. I hope you get a chance to have a nice conversation with your friend. What a hard thing to have to do. One never knows just what to say in such situations.:grouphug:

[FireDancer]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend Kathy. I don't think there is a way to make it easier but as for the how, just pick up the phone and dial. I hope that the power that comes from the knowledge you are doing what you can to make a friend's day better while they are facing something so terrible overpowers the sadness and fear.

From some of the stories you have told on the podcast you seem like a very strong person who can do it, I wouldn't bet against you. :thumbsup2

[Halbleib1]

I agree with the others. The most important thing you can do at this time is to listen and let her know you are there for her. Let her take the lead and go from there. It is a difficult situation to be in but you can do it. Good luck getting through. Sorry you are so far away and can not be with her.

[Yvet]

:hug::hug::hug:

When you make the call and get her on the phone just tell her how much you love her.
Then the conversation is started and you will see that when you hang up the phone that it was a tough call to make but that it has been a good call to make.

It's never easy but it doesn't matter what you say and how you say it.
It matters that you have called and spoke to her......

[bcvdreamer]

Kathy, I'll keep Beverlee in my prayers. I hope you had the opportunity to talk to her. Don't worry about what you say, she knows that you love her.

[safetymom]

Thank you everyone for the moral support and prayers. I talked with her this morning. We had a good conversation. It was like old times.
We didn't talk long but I am so glad I finally got to talk with her.

[SamSam]

Thank you everyone for the moral support and prayers. I talked with her this morning. We had a good conversation. It was like old times.
We didn't talk long but I am so glad I finally got to talk with her.

Kathy, I am so glad you were able to get through to her. :grouphug:

[parrotheadlois]

I hope you get a chance to visit her, the years will melt away and you'll both be happy to see each other - glad you got the chance to talk to her!!

[rtobe]

Kathy

Like others, I do not have answers. I do know that just having a friend to talk to means a lot. The hardest part is getting the first call made. Do what you heart says. You will find the courage and the words. :hug: We're here for you!

[SamIAm21]

I'm sure that phone call meant the world to her. It was a very hard thing for you to do, but it was invaluable to her and that makes it all worth it. A lot of people wouldn't be able to summon up that courage.

[Madi100]

Thank you everyone for the moral support and prayers. I talked with her this morning. We had a good conversation. It was like old times.
We didn't talk long but I am so glad I finally got to talk with her.

Kathy, I'm glad the talk went well. I will keep her and you in my prayers.

[BriarRosie]

Call and tell her you love her. That's all you need to say. Let her lead the rest of the conversation.

I agree with your advice, Mindy. :thumbsup2

[Cyrano]

Kathy please to know that you had a chance to talk together :hug:

[Minnie Lor]

Thank you everyone for the moral support and prayers. I talked with her this morning. We had a good conversation. It was like old times.
We didn't talk long but I am so glad I finally got to talk with her.

That is excellent news. I'm sure you brightened her day immensely. :grouphug:

[3DisneyKids]

So nice that you were able to talk. For BOTH of you.

[TXYankee]

Kathy,

My heart goes out to your friend. I am so glad you called her and had a nice conversation. I am sure it ment alot to her to know that you love her. So many people don't pick up the phone and call a very sick friend because they don't know what say. I am sure your friend found comfort in whatever you talked about. She knew from your call that you love her and she is not alone.

[dpic]

Call and tell her you love her. That's all you need to say. Let her lead the rest of the conversation.
Exactly what I was going to say. Nothing more to add.